No.1039561
Come and hear the good news of Superman and his one true pal Jimmy Olsen!
No.1039563
>>1039561
Our service begins with Superman accidentally turning Jimmy invisible while attempting to give him super-powers for his birthday. In different comic, this would be something amazing, but in the world of Superman, this is just another day.
No.1039564
>>1039563
The good people of Metropolis just take it in stride that Jimmy is now invisible.
Of course, Superman didn't make a mistake at all. He intentionally robbed Jimmy of visibility and made it look like an accident. He needed to find the radium some crooks stashed away to save lives in hospitals, and turning Jimmy invisible was the only way he could do it.
What really disturbs me is that Superman needed to lie about it to Jimmy because criminals have gotten wise to his super-thinking.
No.1039565
>>1039564
>tfw you'll never be pen-pals with Jimmy
Our next story is Jimmy Olsen and Supergirl going on a date! Well not really. Jimmy Olsen is temporarily blinded and completely refuses to believe Supergirl exists, despite Supergirl's best efforts. Oh Supergirl, you're such an adorable dork.
Anyone who doesn't ship JimmyxSupergirl is a soulless husk of a human being
No.1039566
>>1039565
Jimmy you idiot. Not only do you manage to blind yourself, but you let a girl slip right by you for stupid reasons.
Superman raised you better than this, Jimmy.
No.1039567
>>1039566
Yeah, Superman comes back and exposes the fake carnival acts, but little does Jimmy know he's lost where it matters most.
So what's next for Jimmy Olsen? Becoming a Goddamn juvenile delinquent!
No.1039568
>>1039567
This raises an uncomfortable question: Does Jimmy go to school? Has he gone to school? If he doesn't go, then isn't he already a delinquent?
As Jimmy enacts Perry White's plan to expose teenage gangs, Jimmy can't see the larger issue: Why do they rebel? Why do they fight against the establishment? How we can help the youth of tomorrow?
Superman shows up and says "screw that".
No.1039569
>>1039568
So end's Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #40.
GET /fit/, /co/!
No.1039636
>Jimmy Olsen gets shot in the face by an African warlord in Batman v Superman without Superman giving a single fuck
No.1039662
>>1039636
men being friends is racist and sexist goy, and if you have any close male friends you are probably a faggot (by the way there is nothing wrong with being gay)
No.1039682
There is no man but Super, and Jimmy is his pal.
No.1039686
>>1039682
THERE IS ONLY ONE SUPERMAN AND JIMMY IS HIS PAL
No.1039797
No.1039888
>>1039884
Lol, like how Superman actually saved hundreds of people in the fight with Zod, we just never saw any of it?
No.1040449
>>1039888
Dont you mean the world *wink*
No.1040624
No.1041000
It's Sunday once again and gather around to hear the gospel of Superman!
Today we're going to find out how Jimmy became Superman's pal, but first, Superman does a racist impersonation of a beaner to free a nation from tyranny.
No.1041003
>>1041000
Superman's idea to make himself seem Mexican is to lay on a thick Frito Bandito accent.
His heart's in the right place though.
No.1041004
>>1041003
The Hombre of Steel brings freedom to Peccador, and we get a "Brotherhood Quotient" Test. Give your likes and dislikes for things like "cabbage" and "the jews".
In our next story, we're introduced to Lucy Lane, Lois Lane's sister, and the biggest fucking bitch to ever produced by Silver Age comics.
No.1041007
>>1041004
Just look at her. Jimmy can do nothing to impress her or please her. Jimmy has TRAVELED THROUGH TIME, VISITED OTHER PLANETS, AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH SUPERMAN and that bitch barely gives him the time of day.
No.1041011
>>1041007
Superman is a Super-Wingman, helping Jimmy out to get that tail. Too bad Lucy is a massive bitch.
At long last, we finally find out how Jimmy Olsen became Superman's pal! Hint:It involves time travel.
No.1041013
>>1041011
Oops, I'm ahead. Regardless, the origin of Superman and Jimmy's friendship is pure Jimmy Olsen: Jimmy Olsen volunteers to be a time travel guinea pig, travels back to Krypton before it exploded, and baby-sat Superman. Superman remembers Jimmy in the present and wants to be friends with him.
And amazing stuff like that is why every movie adaptation of Superman will suck.
No.1041015
>>1041013
So ends Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #36, with the origin of the greatest friendship in comics revealed and the introduction of the biggest bitch of the Silver Age.
GET /fit/, /co/!
No.1043027
What resolutions do you have for next year and why is it being more like Jimmy Olsen?
No.1043030
>>1043029
In Metropolis, you constantly run the risk of being menaced by beard enthusiasts.
No.1043033
>>1043030
Yeah, hipsters like beards, but are they dedicated enough to facial hair to commit acts of terrorism to bring it back into style?
Also a reminder that Superman doesn't need hair cuts or to shave. His hair cannot grow under the light of a yellow sun.
No.1043050
>>1043044
So ends Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #23.
GET /fit/ FOR NEXT YEAR, /co/!
No.1043071
No.1043286
>>1043033
Then how did he grow long hair after Doomsday killed him?
No.1043299
>>1043286
Whoa buddy, that's Post-Crisis, and Post-Crisis is a fucking mess.
No.1043303
>>1043299
Post-Crisis he was using a chunk of his little spaceship to reflect his heat vision to shave.
I think a better question is how the hell did his Super-mullet bangs reach far enough for a ponytail as Clark Kent?
And where do Wolverine's muttonchops go when he puts his mask on?
No.1043365
>>1043303
Delicate ponytail folds.
No.1043489
>>1043303
Maybe Wolvie shaves his muttonchops every time he puts his mask on, and his healing factor regrows them by the time he takes it off.
No.1043495
>>1043489
I think they're retractable, like his claws.
No.1044026
How are you going to be more like Jimmy this year?
No.1044032
>>1044031
>Superman will never gas-light you to protect his secret identity
No.1044033
>>1044032
The end of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #13.
GET /tinydogs/,/co/!
No.1044041
>>1044033
Nah, small dogs are usually mean little shits.
No.1044059
>>1039561
I miss the good ol' days when Superman would just say "Fuck you" to the laws of physics and fuck over whatever got in his way.
>Orphanage destroyed by Luthor? Fuck you, you salty bald cunt! Imma build a new one at superspeed!
>Metallo has a kryptonite ray gun? Fuck that shit! Use superventriloquism to lure him into a car crusher!
>Jimmy Olson wants me to be his dad? Nuh uh, hell naw. Use Superman robot dressed like Bizzarro to lightly beat him in a ylrehtaf until he lets that shit go.
No.1044063
>>1044059
Superman used to think like a god-damn Superman. Worried about leaving finger-prints on restaurant salt-shakers? Eat the fucking thing. Someone snuck up behind you while you're changing into Superman? Fly right through the fucking wall in front of you so they can't see your face. Criminals planning to ambush you with Kryptonite? Fashion a giant pair of tongs and plunge the fucking thing right through their roof, grab the rock, and throw it into the fucking ocean.
All this Silver Age shit might seem silly to us, but that's only because we don't have Superman's powers.
No.1044070
>>1044063
It's clear that Superman is on a whole other level than us. Casually and constantly doing mad stuff.
No.1044077
>>1044063
I remember once in that odd pre-crisis period in the 80's, when he was a newscaster, he was expanded to giant size, and to preserve his identity he built an entire TV studio to scale with his giant body on a landfill, complete with giant desk and coffee cup, so he could read the news on TV as Clark Kent.
No.1044229
>>1044070
Pre or post crisis?
No.1045196
GATHER 'ROUND AND HEAR THE GOOD NEWS OF SUPERMAN!
Today I'm going to story-time my favorite "only appeared twice" characters in Silver Age Superman, Jimmy's private monster. Created by Jerry Siegel, they first appeared in Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #43.
But before we get to them, Jimmy attempts to start a new fad, or a "viral meme" as we'd call it today, and it nearly gets him killed by gangsters.
No.1045198
>>1045196
Jimmy attempts to start a coin-flipping fad and gangsters start coming out of the wood-work flipping coins at him. Big men in dark suits and fedoras, goons disguised as ambulance drivers, descend upon Superman's pal like cats to the sound of a tuna can lid, all flipping coins in the air.
Then one of them pulls out a gun and nearly puts a slug in Jimmy.
COMICS!
No.1045208
>>1045198
There's a gang of shop-lifters and Jimmy's going to crack the story wide-open!
Though from the looks of things, what was considered "shop-lifting" is what we would call "pick-pocketing".
No.1045209
>>1045208
Superman disguises himself as a murderous gangster to teach Jimmy a valuable lesson in "don't fuck around with criminals".
No.1045217
>>1045209
Finally, we have Jimmy's Private Monster. Due to signal watch hyjinx, Jimmy finds himself dogged by a horrible looking alien creature.
No.1045221
>>1045217
Jimmy Olsen #43 ends with the alien creature agreeing to leave Jimmy alone under one condition: he travel with him and spend two hours on his homeworld. Why? Because they think Jimmy is so indescribably loathsome that a horror film with him in will be an instant block-buster! And they lay the sass on him hard.
These fucking aliens, man. They crossed interplanetary distances just to call Jimmy ugly and film him to make big bucks back home. God I love the Silver Age.
BUILD MODELS, /co/!
No.1045225
>>1045221
Here's some reaction images to use as you will.
No.1045226
>>1045221
>>1045217
Thanks, i remember really enjoying this story too the first time i read it.
No.1045257
>>1045225
I love these aliens, their design is even more adorable than Null-O the mopey cosmic vacuum cleaner from the future.
No.1045268
>>1045225
What if it turned out that these aliens don't think that all humans are ugly, they just really hate Jimmy Olsen?
No.1045312
No.1045324
What happened to the storytime of the return of the funky aliens that hate Jimmy? I swear it was just here, now it's gone.
No.1045329
>>1045268
Oh no, they think all humans are ugly. I know this because they come back in Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #47!
But first, Jimmy decides it's a really good idea to impersonate a known escaped felon. While Superman is off-world. And not telling anyone what you're going to be doing. Oh Jimmy, it's like you have a death wish or something.
No.1045330
>>1045329
>>1045329
You know, last issue we had a whole story about Superman teaching Jimmy that disguising himself as a known criminal could get him killed. Good to see Jimmy has learned nothing from that experience.
No.1045332
>>1045330
Jimmy decides he's had enough of this "cub reporter" shit. He's ready to be a BIG MAN! An adult!
And Professor Potter has the hook-up, because he's insane like that.He's also Lana Lang's uncle, so both Lana and Lois have some serious crazy running their family.
No.1045333
>>1045332
Jimmy learns that being an adult ain't what it's all cracked up to be, and that Lucy Lane is a fucking slut.
No.1045335
>>1045333
Finally, our alien friends return! Their film did gang-busters and now they need to churn out a sequel. However, with the space "gate" closed, they need a robot Jimmy Olsen to take his place. Their special effects guys meet the challenge despite them finding the process so disgusting that they need to take frequent breaks to regain their composure.
Of course, that Jimmy Olsen robot is fully sentient and wants to escape his fate of being sold as scrap to recoup production costs. Also, that robot has brain powers.
No.1045337
>>1045335
Now on earth, the Jimmy Olsen robot plans to take Jimmy's place. Take his job. Take his friends. Take his entire life! Unfortunately for the robot, Jimmy is smarter than he thinks and manages to tip Superman off. So Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #47 ends with Superman fucking BRUTALIZING that robot! Look at that punch there. It's fucking beautiful.
BUY DINOSAURS, /co/!
No.1046041
COME HEAR THE GOOD NEWS OF SUPERMAN!
For a change of pace, we're going to be reading from Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #35. Lois gets a hold of a computer that can deduce anything.
Seeing as it was built by Professor Potter, the device is aptly named MANIAC.
No.1046043
>>1046041
Of course, Lois and Lana being Lois and Lana, they eventually break the fucking thing trying to bed Superman.
Bitches be crazy.
No.1046046
>>1046043
Lois is so fucking awful that she convinces Professor Potter to utterly scrap the MANIAC because mankind isn't ready for it. Lois is so crazy that she actually sets back human progress.
In our next story, Lois dyes her hair and promptly gets amnesia.
No.1046047
>>1046046
Superman decides that, to free Lois from her bitchy amnesia, he needs to give her a shock to her system. So he reveals to her that he is Clark Kent. The revelation is so mind-blowing that Lois instantly regains her memories (except for Superman being Clark Kent).
That's right. The idea that mild-mannered Clark Kent is Superman is literally beyond normal comprehension.
No.1046048
>>1046047
Our final story has Lois dealing with cursed wigs.
Well, not all of them can be winners, but at least some guy accidentally kills himself on the second page.
No.1046049
>>1046048
Turns out that it was a plot to kill off Lois Lane before she could expose a gang of charity swindlers. Hey, Supergirl's in this story!
No.1046050
>>1046049
LEARN TO DRAW, /co/!
No.1046986
IT'S SUPER-SUNDAY! TIME FOR THE WORD OF SUPERMAN!
Today's reading is from Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #50. Our first story tells us that Lois Lane is completely willing to jeopardize the time-space continuum in her war against Lana Lang for Superman's affection.
It also tells us that Professor Potter needs some kind of oversight, because he's just giving away Do-It-Yourself Time Travel kits to whoever wants them, no questions asked.
No.1046987
>>1046986
I can't determine which is more petty: Luthor going back in time to try and bang Superman's mom Superman #170 or Lois going back in time to her rival's childhood to prevent her from falling in love with Superman.
What I can determine is that Lois Lane is almost as big of a threat to Superman as Luthor is.
No.1046988
>>1046987
Lois Lane has a fan-club. This is troubling, as Lois should be nobody's role-model.
Also we get a bit of lore about the pearl earrings Lois wears in nearly every single appearance. They were a gift from Superman and contain incredibly life-like pictures of the Legion of Superheroes. Neat.
No.1046989
>>1046988
Lois helped out by the Legion of Superheroes in disguised, making it the luckiest day of her life, only for Lois to fucking kick their asses out of the Lois Lane Fan-Club for not reporting on the luckiest day of her life. Lois you bitch.
Well don't worry. Lois is stupid enough to believe in talking, fortune telling birds.
No.1046990
>>1046989
Lois is either crazy or stupid. There really is no in-between with her.
No.1046992
>>1046990
Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #50 ends with Lois Lane getting owned by a fucking bird.
DON'T MESS WITH TIME-TRAVEL, /co/!
No.1047834
SUPER-SUNDAY HAS COME AGAIN! COME AND HEAR THE GOOD NEWS OF SUPERMAN!
Continuing our current trend, today's reading comes from Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #60. However, before you start complaining about the lack of Jimmy, Jimmy is featured in this issue! AS A RIVAL FOR SUPERMAN'S AFFECTIONS! THE PAL VS. THE GIRLFRIEND! THE BRO VS. THE HOE! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
No.1047835
>>1047834
Not cool, Jimmy. Why you gotta be such a cock-block?
No.1047836
>>1047835
Well good thing this was all just an imaginary story. I'd imagine that a real war between Lois and Jimmy would result in a "Crises" event that would completely rewrite the DC Universe.
Anyway, in our next story, Lois Lane drinks dangerous, experimental chemicals because she thinks it'll make a great story. Also, the criminal underworld of Metropolis apparently hands out wanted posters of Superman and his friends to it's members, encouraging them to kill them for a fat bounty.
No.1047837
>>1047836
Oh man, these goons. They figure out that Lois needs to be doused in liquids due to the chemicals, so they go out of their way to make sure she can't get any. Buying all of an entire stock of pop just to smash it all. Cementing over a public water fountain. Shooting holes in a plane's drinking water tank.
These cold-ass gangsters are killing her by degrees.
No.1047838
>>1047837
Lois Lane gets her face dyed blue and Superman thinks that's a good thing.
In our final story, Lois Lane and Lana Lang get so tired of Superman that they freeze themselves.
We also get Lois and Lana in sexy maid outfits.
No.1047839
>>1047838
Superman is straight up done with this annoying bitches trying to ride his super-cock. He's a man with things to do, he ain't got time for their foolishness!
Of course, this leads to Lois and Lana freezing themselves when they get to Superman's Fortress of Solitude, which sounds like something they would do. They're crazy like that.
No.1047840
>>1047839
The art for this story was drawn by Kurt Schaffenberger and just look at the despair he has Superman express. The man needs more recognition.
Well thank God, it all turned out to be a trick pulled by Lois and Lana. I would call them bitches for it, but seeing as Superman does the same thing all the time, I'll let it pass.
BUILD MODELS, /co/!
No.1048657
WAKE-UP IT'S TIME FOR SUPERMAN!
We're back to Jimmy, and further confirmation that Metropolis is the weirdest place on earth.
No.1048659
>>1048658
Seriously, what the fuck?
In our next story reminded that Jimmy Olsen is irresistible to all women, be they from earth or other planets.
No.1048664
>>1048662
Just look how fucking mad Professor Potter is that his chemical didn't burn Jimmy to death.
No.1048665
>>1048664
BUY BB GUNS, /co/!