I think I came up with /ck/'s official meal.
Appetizer: Mini bacon rolls: Butter up some strips of bacon and wrap it around a vegetarian sausage.
Main dish: Steak prepared by chopping and mixing vegetarian ground meat and filet mignon, then leaving it on the grill and forgetting about it until it's nice and burnt. Then top it with cheese whiz and slather it in ketchup.
Side: Stale Doritos coated in cheeto dust.
Drink: The cocktail of regret - A mixture of mountain dew and pabst blue ribbon. Both must be flat and shaken together very well.
Dessert: Salted caramel bacon. Remember that the salt is the best part, so add LOADS of salt.