/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

OP here. Ranty context as promised.

God has been guiding me towards something for at least a decade. It's been a process to get here – a process with plenty of frustration, disbelief at times (in many ways – not to mention attempting to ignore God's guidance a few years ago because "it keeps going back to a dead end"), and learning through it all. However, a few months ago, an event happened that made this process much more … trying. It seemed very contradictory to all that God had guided me through and towards. Within minutes, I prayed asking things along the lines of "If this is the case, what did all of the guidance mean?" Well, shortly after, God audibly spoke to me with a voice that resonated with my entire being and was echoed by every voice of my own: "KEEP FAITH." Immediately, all of my confusion and anxieties went away for at least a couple of hours.

Quite honestly, without that message (especially done in such a way), I probably would have convinced myself that I've been following noise in the world for the past decade and just "somehow" managed to keep going through some of the lowest probability events possible on this path (not to mention a solid questioning of my own mental health). But because of that message, I keep doing my best to be patient, to continue to hope for what I've thought God has been guiding me towards for such a chunk of my life, and to keep faith. It's been quite a challenge doing this, though, because everything that my eyes can see in this world suggests the opposite will happen (somewhat soon) of what God has been guiding me towards. Real pain, man! The only real thing from outside of me that continues to point in this God-guided direction is God … continuing to put fingerprints and guidance in a certain direction. My present endurance is not my own.

I regularly have fallen into a poor state of mind, asking "When? How much longer? What is going to happen here?" due to the intense turmoil that all of this has brought into my life recently. I don't think I'm waiting correctly, but I don't know how else to wait. I trust God and I know that God can cause "beyond literally anything"; God has caused some of the most surreal things to happen in front of my eyes in the past. Then, ya know, there's similar things happening in the Bible. I can also see that God has been growing me and forming me quite a bit in just the past few months alone. If God told me explicitly that something will happen – even if it seems impossible – I know that it will happen; this wouldn't be such a trial. That being said, I'm not sure that God has ever told me explicitly that what I'm hoping for will happen – even though God has apparently been guiding me in the direction of my hopes. (Which came first?)

The point:

How can one know that he is waiting for and hoping for the right thing? How can one survive waiting for something that God is doing when the deceptive things of this world point in the opposite direction? Certainly the "knowledge" of how God does things does not satisfy where the "understanding" of how God does things is necessary … I appear to be lacking the latter at the time. How can one be patient when his being is set ablaze? How can one make a waiting/patience/growing period, like this, be less painful? (I have an autoimmune that, when active, literally shreds my organs. The pain of this waiting period at times over the past decade – including now – is far worse than the pain from my autoimmune when it's active.)

—

If you read my rant-ish context, thanks for reading and believing. It was hard enough finding anyone that understood about God guiding before everything in the past few months took place. I guess that's what I get for growing up Methodist – they're too busy hanging LGBT flags in their sanctuaries to talk about God's doings. That's why this board seems to be the next best bet…

Blessings to you, friends!

If it's in God's word then you have been told explicitly that it will happen and/or that it has happened. This is how God has chosen to speak to us, he is infinitely wise, and therefore it should be sufficient to all our needs. The details of this are often a mystery to us limited beings unless the word specifically tells us those details. But we can rest in the knowledge that if we needed those details we would have received them in his word.

Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.

The waiting can be frustrating. Trust me. I haven't known it as long, but I am there. I prayed for people and saw them healed and I desperately want to be healed of a kidney issue. I desperately want to. I've had to go to the hospital like 5 times this year over it. The last time I nearly cried. My body feels like it's falling apart. For the first time in my life I want to exercise and I can't, that's what sent me to the hospital. I am literally allergic to exercise. My body flushes out potassium and magnesium when I exercise, along with sodium.

I've been on mission trips around the world. I've seen miracles upon miracles. I get sick at each place it seems, or injured. And yet, God told me when I'd be healed and it feels infinitely close, yet so far away.

I don't cry much in regards to pain or pity, but I remember two times very vividly, when I went to the hospital last and when I wasn't healed. But God told me when and it made me feel better. And now I feel like I'm there, but not quite. Last night he gave me dreams showing there's more at play than I realized.

But I keep on. My dream is nothing more than to abandon America, go to Africa and simply live a missionary life. That's what I want and I strive for it because, while I still want these things and have these issues holding me back, I know God is good and worth my all. The best I can say is, keep on fighting. Remember why you do and if you find yourself stagnant, tell God and ask him for vision because without vision we perish. Talk to God whenever really.