Hello Christanons,
I'm a 20 year old Catholic who is discerning priesthood. My discernment has only lasted for a couple of months in any serious fashion, though I was attracted to the idea prior to then. I really want to serve the Church with my life, due in part to the fact that I think it'd be fulfilling for me to be able to spend my life managing and assisting a local community of parishioners and locals in their own struggles, as well as a personal revelation I believe I received in response to my prayer for how to achieve holiness.
In opposition to that though, I have a few issues that I've come upon in my own person that I don't either know or have a good reason to "fix". Those reasons are as follows:
1. I recently attempted to date a women just so that I could clear the idea of marriage from my list of potential vocations.As I predicted, it didn't pan out, but we're still best friends. After a short time, I have attempted to put that thought behind me, but part of my mind and heart clings to that irrational hope.
2. Other than this, I tend to have sociopathic tendencies and easily and frequently suppress my own emotions and have limited reactions to the emotions of others. I began doing this as a self-defense mechanism and it's become a part of my daily instinctual living pattern.
3. I'm a cynical person in regards to the world at large and its interactions with me. I'm very optimistic when the objects in questions are two independent parties, but as soon as I become an object in the discussion, my perception shifts to pessimism and brooding. This viewpoint of mine as, by and large, been accurate to reality for the majority of my life and as such, I feel no reason to alter that part of myself.
Considering these three things, not to mention my own habitual sins which I'm sure we're all familiar with, is it still worth striving for the priesthood, or have I fallen victim to wishful thinking?