>>803603
First post is fine, I'll just give my own perspective as well.
>Is it possible for me to become a proper good Christian? Regardless of all the messed up stuff I have done? Does He forgive ANY sin?
Absolutely. If you let Him do it, Christ will lift any debt you have, and even carry your sufferings with you. It is a wonderful mystery. Why is God so kind and gentle that He would forgive us our transgressions and purify us of our evil, even if we only just begin to have a little repentance? Not even the most righteous man could deserve such love, and yet God gives it even to the most disfigured sinner.
>If I can become a good Christian what is the best way to go about doing so?
Personally I recommend reading the 4 gospels first (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John), then read some catechetical material so you know what it is you just read. For English speakers, I recommend those (I'm Orthodox so all of this is Orthodox content - someone else can recommend something else, I'm not telling you you must only read Orthodox books):
- The Living God (2 parts) (an Orthodox catechism that goes over the events in the gospels: the birth of Jesus, His baptism, His transfiguration, His teachings, His death, His resurrection, the era of the Church, and Jesus' second coming)
- The Incarnate God (2 parts) (an Orthodox catechism that goes over the feast days of the liturgical year)
- The Orthodox Church (by Met Kallistos Ware; an overview of Eastern Orthodoxy, first with its history then with its faith & worship)
- The Orthodox Way (by Met Kallistos Ware; essentially a testimony of the experience of God within the Orthodox Church, framed as "signposts" on the way to the Kingdom of God)
- The Jesus Prayer (Fr Lev Gillet; a book on the history, meaning, practice, etc. of the Jesus Prayer, which goes: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner")
Then after all this, you should be properly equipped to dive into the Bible. You should read "cover to cover", from Genesis to Revelation. If you have a Catholic or Orthodox Bible, I recommend reading in the intended order, but if you have a Protestant Bible, I personally think the order of the Old Testament books in the Jewish canon better fits the genres of the books. I'm talking about this because Christian tradition divides the Old Testament into the Pentateuch (or the Law), the Historical books, the Wisdom books, and the Prophetic books, while Jewish tradition divides them into the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings, but the Protestant Old Testament canon is identical to the Jewish Old Testament canon, so…
I also think that the New Testament epistles are too difficult to understand if one does not know the Old Testament. Romans and Hebrews in particular are nightmarish.
With all this being said, Christianity is a dynamic religion, animated by the Holy Spirit. You shouldn't "read yourself" into Christianity. So, while you read these books, you should also focus on praying (the Orthodox books I've listed above all talk about prayer, so that may help you), almsgiving, and just following the 10 commandments to the degree you manage to, overall. At the same time, if you ever get a chance to go to a church on a Sunday, don't hesitate, even if that church isn't Orthodox but is Catholic or Protestant (avoid Mormons and Jehova's Witnesses, they're too far gone and most would classify them as other religions entirely).
As the first anon said, with all this you should be properly equipped to do some reseach on your own about "who is right" and "who is wrong". Until then, seek Christ with all your heart and pray to Him that He leads you where He needs you to be.