/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

From how you described him, it sounds like you’re better off without him. Also the fact you had to dig stuff up shows he was untrustworthy to begin with. The man whose gonna be your husband is a man who should be able to be 100 percent honest at all times with you, even when it hurts your feelings or makes you look bad.

I’ll pray for you sister, that you find someone whose way better in due time. Right now, try to distance yourself from this. It’s all in the past.

>>731586

*makes him look bad

>>731580

>Was it okay for me to go through his stuff in order to uncover these things?

What do you need to convince you, really?

You've heard of your friends and family, but that didn't move you. According to the bible, the next step is to ask a Priest.

>>731599

Except she did nothing wrong.

If she is being lied to she has a right to know. Anyone who denies this, is an enemy of truth.

Besides, once you're together with someone, "muh privacy" basically translates to "I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing".

>>731580

It's normal to seek support when the entire world is telling you that doing the right thing is wrong.

Take comfort in John 15:18-27

18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.

22 If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloak for their sin.

23 He that hateth me hateth my Father also.

You did the right thing, and don't even question that. You saw something wrong, you tracked it down, exposed it, and dealt with it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are not lukewarm, like the people who'd just sit by and do nothing, or worse, let something terrible happen to you.

>>731601

If she's doing nothing wrong, then the priest can clear out the problems she is having with her Family. "I asked the Priest and he told me it was okay, why do you keep bothering about it to me?"

I see this as a win-win response.

>>731580

There were plenty of red flags but you seemed to just brush them off. If you actually felt the need to start going through all of his things without his permission then there wasn't any trust or respect in the relationship and thus, no love.

Did you think that you could "fix" him? Your post has pride written all over it.

>he abused my trust

>he broke my heart

You let him. You lied to yourself about who he was and wasted all this time on a loser because you chose to not set proper standards for yourself. Judging a man by his age? Really? You need to learn how to discern a man's CHARACTER before you even think about dating.

Sorry if I come off harsh, but I see nice young ladies make the mistake of shacking up with losers all the time and it's such a shame how they sell themselves short. You deserve better.

>>731612

>You let him.

Let's not get into absolving the abuser of his behaviour. Yes, she let him. Trust is letting someone else hurt you. To be open with your vulnerabilities.

>Your post has pride written all over it.

>he abused my trust

>he broke my heart

Don't confuse pain with pride.

Both of those statements are true. And she was hurt in her dignity.

> Judging a man by his age? Really?

I can't blame her. It's a tragedy of our age that we have an abundance of 30+ year old men playing videogames, but the younger generations aren't that much better either. Finding a good man is about as hard as finding a good woman.

> You deserve better.

Agreed.

>>731580

Your friends and family sound like they want to see you get hitched at all costs for some reason. Such are problems that have long been affecting women. Such is also probably spoken about by feminists.

>>731586

Thanks anon I appreciate your kind words.

>>731599

I just feel alone and abandoned. My mom raised me to be righteous and never back down and everything will be fine if I believe in God. And then she turns on me like that.

>>731605

Thank you so much.

>>731612

>red flags

Yeah I know. I kept telling myself that I should be understanding because Im not perfect either, but he kept going deeper and deeper into areas of immorality I was unwilling to follow. And yeah, looking back I can easily tell that he was putting on a show for me. He isn't the guy he presented himself as and I just struggled against accepting that.

>>731638

>And then she turns on me like that.

Look, I've been tempted to attack people physically over things that are wrong, but In the end I have to admit I am not the one who should carry over justice.

People telling you that you are wrong aren't turning on you. Even if you say the "I was wrong" words one year or even ten years after this happened, they'll still forgive you, it would be the right thing to do at least.

>>731654

>forgive you

Or accept you back rather.

Your mother has nothing to "forgive you" for.

Rest of post still stands.

I have heard it said before that there is no privacy in a relationship.

>>731654

>I am not the one who should carry over justice

This attitude is exactly why the world is going to shit.

Christian teachings give us everything we need to exact justice in it's proper form, turning away from this responsibility is cowardice, and the exact lukewarm attitude that Jesus warns us about. It's not wrong to exercise justice, even if you do it for yourself.

Don't listen to this guy OP, he's a moral relativist, and has no spine.

>>731677

>This whole post

Give me your phone.

>>731687

>Trust is an integral component of love: if you cannot trust, you are crippling your ability to truly be free in love. A poor life will you live.

If her bf trusted him, wouldn't he have told her the things he was doing? I mean, trust is a two way street. He didn't exactly give her much reason to trust him based on the OP.

>>731580

>Over this time, I caught him being unfaithful several times, because he was registered on dating sites, chatting up several different people on instagram and other platforms, and even had sexchat with some of them, exchanging nudes and all that stuff on Skype.

It sounds like this behaviour had visible flags all over their relationship, which prompted OP to investigate, and if it didn't, OP would be in great trouble. This thread makes me question the value of trust in a relationship. I mean, if you trust the wrong person, you will get #rekt pretty bad.

At the same time, if your gf/bf trusts you, he/she has no reason to hide anything. So any defensive reaction on their part would be an instant marker of something fishy.

So how do we interpret trust?

It seems that there are 2 directly opposed definitions of trust here.

1. Blind trust

"Just believe that I would never ever hurt you and never question me or investigate me, because that means that you don't trust me."

2. Open trust

"I am not afraid of being who I truly am with you, because I know that you love me so much that even if I'm flawed you will not treat me in an unkind manner."

What I see here, is that Blind trust is DEMANDED from ANOTHER, while Open trust is being voluntarily OFFERED TO ANOTHER.

I think number 2. Open trust is the way to go. If someone demands your trust or insinuates that they are trustworthy, they better back it up with actual proof.

>>731580

Also, OP, you did nothing wrong.

When two people decide that they are together, the two of them together become ONE private sphere. There is no "individual privacy" in a relationship, let alone a marriage. This guy maybe thought he wants a relationship, but what he really wanted is probably attention and adoration. When he had his thrill with you he turned to the easy and cheap source that is social media, and he quite possibly never loved you. You are better off without him, and even though this is hard to believe at this point, if you learn your lessons from this relationship and stick to your principles, you'll probably find a good man.

>>731687

> free in love

Where did this meme come from?

Love is not freedom, love is acting selflessly for another. Love is bonding.

It has nothing to do with freedom.

If you seek freedom in love, you seek freedom from love. To love someone is to dedicate yourself to her. Love comes with attachment.

Freedom and love don't mix.

>>731580

You are winnie the pooh right. Get away from that dude. He deserves no woman. A winnie the pooh grown up man watching porn and winnie the pooh with other women while in a relation is a terrible person. Stay away from him. You wouldn't want a man like that as the father of your children.

And yes you were right searching his stuff. In a relationship there can be no such secrets. You were just trying to find out if he was cheating you. Now if you were searching his phone for another reason like snooping on his conversations with his parents or friends that would be a bad thing.

>He even called me mentally ill because I have a "obsession with good morality".

Just proves he is a winnie the pooh faggot. I wonder if he would allow his daughters to winnie the pooh anyone they wanted.

Ironically those people want their daughters to be obsessed with good morality, but they don't expect that from their wives.

>even finding a new girlfriend (one of his coworkers) and rubbing it in my face, how worthless me and my values are

Just proves how much of a beta faggot he his. He must be a spoiled brat.

>I even prayed to god for vengeance, but I regret that now.

Don't waste your prayers girl on a retard.

>Even my own mom thinks he was in the right

This behaviour is unacceptable for a mom to defend such a miserable faggot that hurted her daughter very much no offence meant.

Don't think about him anymore.

If God wants you to marry a nice man will appear in your life.

>>731782

The only time I've ever heard anyone use "Winnie the Pooh" to describe anyone is in here and it is probably you everytime. I'm even from the city that's soldiers looked after the real one and have a monument dedicated to the irl Winnie. Good post nonetheless.

>>731782

>This behaviour is unacceptable for a mom to defend such a miserable faggot that hurted her daughter very much no offence meant.

This.

This is garbage tier behaviour.

Is your mom a contrarian or a feminist OP?

>>731842

Hope this is a troll but Winnie the Pooh is a word filter on this board. Certain swear words are automatically replaced with Winnie the Pooh.

>>731580

>a 32 old man is mature

Damn…

Porn AND video games?

Is he fat too?

Don't answer that, he could be ripped af, and he'd still be garbage. Also, if he ever mocks you or openly talks shit about you, don't be afraid to slap him accross the face. He clearly deserves it, and no-one will take his side. You just calm down and avoid him, pray to God for peace and forgiveness, and focus on your relationship with Jesus.

Your ex needs a wake-up call, but maybe nothing would be loud enough for him.

Good on you for getting out of that abusive relationship. YOU GO GIRL!

>>731580

>Was it okay for me to go through his stuff in order to uncover these things?

Yeah it was.

There is no such thing as privacy in a relationship.

>>731580

How did you got around his security?>>731580

>>731580

Your first mistake was allowing yourself to be courted by someone with a porn problem. Your next was allowing it to go on for 1.5 years. If the man hasn't made up his mind to propose by 3 to 6 months then he is effeminate and shouldn't be wasted time on.

This guy is obviously a sodomite. Find someone who isn't a sodomite

>>732660

I can't say I disagree with >>731713.

None of those seem crazy to me.

Whenever you mix love and freedom the results seem to be catastrophic with lots of people hurt.

>I was more concerned with her future behaviour.

Well she has to develop a better way to select men, that's for sure. I can't say I'm bothered by her stalkish behaviour tbh, after all the governments already have all our info. If some non-personaly govermnent entity is allowed to see out dirty laundry and use it as blackmail material when needed, why shouldn't our loved ones have access? This makes no sense to me at all.

But maybe that's because I don't have anything to hide.

>>732671

>If some non-personaly govermnent entity is allowed to see out dirty laundry and use it as blackmail material when needed, why shouldn't our loved ones have access?

>But maybe that's because I don't have anything to hide.

I can't tell if this is sarcasm.

In case it isn't, you just took several logical leaps which barely make sense. Like this one: "If some non-personaly govermnent entity is allowed to see out dirty laundry"– It isn't? It can, but that doesn't mean its morally allowed to.

>>731580

You did nothing wrong. Going through his phone when you have legitimate doubts about him cheating on you/indulging in porn/sex chats is justified so you know what he's up to. The only instance I would consider it to be bad would be you thinking he's cheating, you going through all his messages and him being innocent at the same time. But you would apologize for that.

As for your boyfriend - if what you write here is true, then you're better off without him. Anime gamers that masturbate to porn and have sex calls are going to be poor fathers unless they change their ways.

That being said - 26 is not an ideal age for a woman to be looking for a partner, it is better to be on your way forward marriage but nothing is lost. Pray for a good guy that has his stuff together. Seriously - if 32 years old guy does this, he's no way prepared to be a father of your children.

>>732736

I think in this case it was morally allowed to go through his stuff because he had history of being a reckless faggot and there were signs he's being a reckless faggot again.

>>732740

>The only instance I would consider it to be bad would be you thinking he's cheating, you going through all his messages and him being innocent at the same time.

But that's insane, a action can't become sinful based on information you only know after you commit it.

>>732742

Finding the truth is never sinful.

Not to mention that everyone has the right to make decisions based on the full knowledge of all truth concerning him/her.

So if he willfully kept information from her, he was the one sinning. That is such a great sin in fact, that it's grounds for annulment.

Just imagine what would happen if he kept one of hist STDs a secret. Privacy ends where it might cause harm to others.

>>731580

> I even prayed to god for vengeance

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

>>732742

I did not say anything about it being a sin. A nice strawman there mate.

>getting truth is a sin

lol

So I hate to break it to you but there is no Final Fantasy on Xbox.

This says right away that you only half listen and half care.

It sounds like you are trying to boast that a man with options showed any interest in you at all and you are beating yourself up that you missed an opportunity. 26 and still haven't found someone. There is clearly more to the picture that hasn't been revealed about yourself, and there is clearly more to this man than the negative way you describe him, or did you love him purely out of pity?

The fact that you fail to disclose everything about the story is a sort of privacy you are selfishly granting yourself.

Yes, he was in the wrong. However, so were you. How about instead of being destructive and destroying your relationship, you forgive him and make something creative? And perhaps ask for forgiveness for not showing him trust and faith. Trust and faith is not sneaking around for vindication. It's not either/or, either he is wrong and you are right, or he is right and you are wrong. You are BOTH wrong. You have both sinned and should both forgive each other to be productive.

PS: Sorry to hear you got dumped. Hope everything works out. I'm praying everything gets better for everybody.

>>733112

>So I hate to break it to you but there is no Final Fantasy on Xbox.

I went out of my way to go and look if this is true. A simple google search proves you wrong.

But it also proves that you went out of your way to get OP on a technicality.

The rest of your post is basically personal attacks and an attempted pity party against OP.

You accuse her of not disclosing more details without asking for them, you try to rub salt into her wounds by saying " Sorry to hear you got dumped." Just casually throwing it in there as if it doesn't matter at all.

>Yes, he was in the wrong. However, so were you

No she wasn't. Prove that she was wrong in any way whatsoever.

> How about instead of being destructive and destroying your relationship

Now this is some top quality pilpul right here, lol.

>And perhaps ask for forgiveness for not showing him trust and faith.

This is bait. It has to be.

> It's not either/or, either he is wrong and you are right, or he is right and you are wrong.

Moral relativism enters the picture. Good job.

>You have both sinned and should both forgive each other to be productive.

More moral relativism.

I hope you're just a troll because if you are serious about this you are a garbage human being.

OP did the right thing. She doesn't have to apologize, she only has to forgive, and even that is up to her.

PS: Sorry that you are morally retarded, but luckily for OP, we have some good people here to make up for your shortcomings.

>>733112

>And perhaps ask for forgiveness for not showing him trust and faith.

Matthew 7:6

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine,

lest they trample them under their feet,

and turn again and rend you.

OP did everything right. Good on you for dumping that jerk.

>>733112

>So I hate to break it to you but there is no Final Fantasy on Xbox.

Oh, hey there, condescending anon, let me just take the wind out of your sails:

https://news.xbox.com/en-us/2018/09/13/discover-the-legacy-of-final-fantasy-on-xbox-one/

#REKT

Thanks for all the support in this thread. After days of prayer I came to understand that this was never meant to be. He is a fake person who needs healing but keeps refusing help and I remained with him out of pity because I felt a sense of dedication and duty towards him

I was also attached to him because he told me I was important to him and that he loved me. Both lies, but I still believed because it felt good to belong to someone.

I did everything to find the truth and to protect myself from further lies, as such I have no regrets. I thank God that he delivered me from that painful state and I will pray for my ex when I no longer do it out of vanity.

Thank you all and may God bless you all.

You were right, he was wrong. You uncovered already existing problem that would have ruinous effect in your and others lives in the future the end.

I don't get all the fuss about video games, but that's besides the point

We have all sinned.

This is a tragic world of suffering.

Each person has their private struggles.

We all must forgive each other and make things work.

It is tragic you two won't grow up and make a relationship work.

We must not take each other for granted.

We must respect each other's dignity.

>>734893

Its not a struggle because the dude happily embraces degeneracy.

I would pity the dude if he tried to chance but apparently he did not.

OP did well.

>>734893

>We have all sinned.

Yeah, and that somehow means that everything and everyone is the same somehow? Does that mean that justice doesn't exist and shouldn't be pursued?

>It is tragic you two won't grow up and make a relationship work.

She did grow up. That is why she left. And he didn't grow up because he is a 32 year old gamer.

Such a sad story.

It disturbed me that few of you all see a problem with dating someone who would want you to have no privacy. It's a slippery slope, and its relationship poison.

I mean in this girls case it worked, because her bf was a slimeball abusing her trust and she caught him. But her bridge was burnt before it ever got to that point. (This is why they tell us to give it a year before marrying. Who would want kids with such a creep!.)

But this is not a good habit to be in. To

a normal guy, a girl who demands to constantly monitor all of your stuff is a control freak/monster. If you meet someone who casually expects to do this to you it's as much of a red flag as the porn and the gaming were for OP.

I say this because I know so many people who dated cheaters and wound up paranoiacs thereafter. They went on to do the kind of things you ask are slapping OP on the back about, and the next people they dated ran for the hills.

My own spouse was made a fool of in this way by a previous GF. It took ages to gain his trust. I can look back now and laugh about some things, but it was rough early on. Particularly the fight we had when I tried to plan a surprise party!

TL:DR don't encourage a snoop. If you have to snoop, it's already too late.

>>735119

I fully disagree with you.

The cure for paranoia is complete and full openness and trust.

When someone was betrayed so badly, the only cure for them is to find someone they can trust and learn to trust again.

I would unironically date OP. She could go through my phone, I don't care. If she's afraid I'm going to cheat on her when I go out with my friends she is welcome to come with me to see that everything is fine.

>If you have to snoop, it's already too late.

If your privacy enjoys priority over your spouse there is something wrong with you.

It wouldn't even be snooping. she would have my full consent.

But there is one thing to learn from this: If someone desperately protects his privacy while claiming that he trusts you? Get out of there as fast as you can.

>>735119

You're misrepresenting me.

I started "snooping" when I realized that he was a liar.

He broke my trust and I would have had to be stupid to let him string me along. The stories he told me didn't add up and no matter how many times I talked to him he just kept deflecting. One time he started shouting at me that this is all my fault and it's because I'm weak and can't handle trust. I calmly told him that trust means that he can tell me what is really going on and even though I caught him in an obvious lie I am still there and I still love him. He couldn't say anything to that he started shouting at me again and just ran out of the room. To this day he didn't admit that he lied to me, nor did he apologize. He told me that he was going to meet up with one of his friends on the weekend. It turns out that it was his ex he was meeting up with. His ex was under the impression that he was still single by the way. He came home drunk, past midnight.

Refused to talk about the meeting kept deflecting from the topic constantly.

That is when I started "snooping" and found a bucketload of

lies as indecencies.

I don't feel guilty at all anymore. I did what I had to in order to get to the root of things.

And I had good reason to suspect him. I am not a paranoiac, I just notice when people lie to me and inconsistencies stick out like a sore thumb.

>>735130

>But there is one thing to learn from this: If someone desperately protects his privacy while claiming that he trusts you? Get out of there as fast as you can.

Amen I say to this.

>She could go through my phone, I don't care. If she's afraid I'm going to cheat on her when I go out with my friends she is welcome to come with me to see that everything is fine.

This is what a healthy reasonable person would do, I think. But for the sake of discussion, I maintain that it's red flag territory when your date demands this sort of thing out of you, as a general rule. More often than not it's the mark of a cheater with a guilty conscience, and unfortunately I've known more than one victim of a cheater who made themselves look this way to the next person they got involved with. I repeat. Relationship poison. If you think you need to ask this of someone, you probably know this person can't be trusted already.

Example:

>>735134

>He told me that he was going to meet up with one of his friends on the weekend. It turns out that it was his ex he was meeting up with. His ex was under the impression that he was still single by the way. He came home drunk, past midnight. Refused to talk about the meeting kept deflecting from the topic constantly. That is when I started "snooping"

Was OP wrong to look? Me I'd say no, but let's be honest here. OP was not examining her relationship she was conducting an autopsy. For OP nothing of value was lost but if you think you can do this in a normal situation to someone who is on the up and up, they will generally run for the hills.

>>735159

I am OP.

And I refuse the slanderous assertion that I didn't examine the relationship. If I didn't I would still be in there. The autopsy was necessary for me to understand the kind of cancer I was dealing with.

Also >>735134 is me too.