I need help, I am a young Christian who loves God.
Because of my age I am ashamed to ask this in my congregation and I feel confident here because of anonymity.
I have one year of having left my country of origin, before I left I met a beautiful woman I was not sexually attracted to, however I see her very beautiful. It was not a matter of taste, but it never caught my attention, but because of the Christian life after 4 years without being friends, even though I lived on the same street, I started going to church with her.
My feelings are pure, a strange force that I do not understand, something has made me love her and much I know that she is not the most beautiful woman on the planet but for me yes. She knew about my taste for me but never wanted anything.
She didn't have a boyfriend and I was the first one who gave her a lot of attention, that I was a detailer with her. She was a little heavy for the same reason the boys didn't want her.
Now I live here in the U.S. and she is 2,000 miles away and I still love her, I pray to my lord to take me into account for her daughter. It's not an obsession. I don't kill myself every day because I can't see her, but my heart can't see another woman.
I feel that something inside me drives me to move forward even though she never assured me of anything and told me that I am just a friend. But I don't insist on being engaged because I know we couldn't, but I always talk to her almost every day, although not much, since we are both busy, but I feel that one day I will be with her and at the Lord's time I will be with her.
Note. I have a status in the United States that prevents me from returning to my home country for another 4 years.
This is what kills and torments me, I want a good future but with her.
Something else. I haven't seen her for a year but I haven't lost my love for her.
I don't want his body, his kisses or anything like that. I need his clear presence many things come with the courtship but I am not motivated by carnal things or anything like that.
There is something in my heart that keeps me from giving up and motivates me to keep going even though I don't know how it can happen.
Thank you for reading me and I hope you can help me.