My grandfather died today after I prayed to God last night/early morning hours to rebuke and punish me for my sins that I am currently in but to not forget me. Do you think this is His justice? My grandfather did not believe in God. Do you think God would let your own grandfather die as a punishment for not following his will?
More to the point of the thread, I think misery in my experience has brought me closer to God than anything else, most of the times I've felt "happy" in my life were not based on pure things but instead fellowship with the faithless, sexual passions being stroked and social mischief that served my own ego. And when I fall into sins now, all I think about is how God could strike me down at any moment for my evil. What is wrong with me?