>>551601
>and I know that if I ever admitted any of it that they'd basically never speak to me again
As someone who came clean about their horrendous porn and sex addiction to my friends an family over the past few months, let me tell you you're almost certainly wrong about thinking they'd never talk to you again. For me it got to a point where I'd fantasised about opening up to them for a couple of years, but could never find the guts to do it. It got to the point where I was self desctructing and simply had no other option other than to be honest with them. Similarly I feared there reaction immensely too and what they'd think. But honestly, while it may depend on the specific lies you've told and the consequences of the truth of particular lies being told, if you go in there to tel them with a sincere heart making clear how heavy this has been weighing on you and how desperate you are to change, i gurantee they will appreciate your honesty and, if they're your friends, want to help you. Keeping it locked away is Satan's tactic working in you, he wants you to hold it in and for it to destroy you. Sharing this with your best buds will break the chains you've managed to put yourself in and eliminate the shame which is holding your honesty back and open up the opportunity to move forward together.
You may not stop lying right away, but once you've confessed initially you have to keep the honesty up. Everytime you slip and find yourself having told a lie you have to be honest with them and allow them to hold you accountable and be repentant. It sounds scary but it's the only way. I implore you to do it. Even if the consequences mean you do loose your friends, you will know you've done the right thing and you've carried out God's will. It's your relationship with Him that matters most, at the end of the day.
I pray God provides you the opportunity to open up to them, a blatant chance, where you have no other option but to tell them, as he thankfully did with me. God bless anon.
>>551617
I lol'd