It was a bright, sunny day in New York. The birds were singing, the cabs were yelling, and Kanaeda rode his moped down the street. He was late for his pizza delivery! He would have to ride fast to ensure that didn't happen. He was instilled with a strong sense of justice and work ethic from his hard-working parents; his mother (Karen) was a career woman from San Fransisco that worked in science and had recently dyed her hair purple, and his father (Steve) suffered much prejudice for being a former Somalian refugee. As his father before him, he would put his head down and work hard for his minimum wage. Of course, that didn't stop him from being a rebellious teen some times.
"Goodness gracious!" he cried to himself, remembering to help keep that PG-13 rating, "Whatever will I do? This traffic is going far too slowly, and my job states that after 30 minutes the pizza is free!" It was just then that he heard a cry from Central Park, which is visible and accessible from every part of the city.
"Help! My gender-neutral handbag!" came the cry. A lovely women with a 5 o'clock shadow was reaching sadly after a white man with a bag clutched in his hand and a Nazi frog on his shirt.
Kanaeda's teeth clenched. "Why do these scumbags always have to ruin this beautiful city for everyone?" Without hesitation, Kanaeda revved his moped with the sound of a swarm of furious feral mosquitoes and drove straight out of the traffic and onto the sidewalk. "Oh! Pardon me! Heh, sorry! Nice hat!" he called out cheekily to the people on the sidewalk as he passed them, causing some surprise and no small amount of indignation from some of the city's older residents. [audience laughs uproariously]
The dastardly criminal made his way through the park and it was all Kanaeda's moped would do to keep up with the nasty fellow, who was making things markedly harder by tipping over international balloon stands and halal cotton candy carts to slow Kanaeda's progress down further. Our poor protagonist saw the man was approaching a body of water, where the moped could not follow, and he began to feel despair. It was then that a kindly hotdog stand owner, his teeth very visible next to his dark skin, decided he may as well help and follow fashion by pushing his hot dog cart into the path of the criminal, causing the purse snatcher to crash into the cart and send buns and condiments flying.
"Thanks!" cried Kanaeda a few minutes later when his moped finally caught up.
"Aw shucks, son, no problem at all. Couldn't let a criminal sully up our beautiful city," the man chuckled, then a sad expression crept over his features. "It is a shame, though. That cart is all I have; it's a business I grew from scratch, and I was going to need it to give out hot dogs at the next park event raising money for starving children with cancer and disabilities in Africa."
"Gosh mister," said Kanaeda, picking up the handbag on the ground (the criminal had long since fled and been forgotten). "I'll help you with that charity drive, if you'd like. I gotta finish my delivery first, though."
"Bless you, son," the hot dog man beamed, fixing the dented Chinese-made cart that the studio was too cheap to splurge on, and checked his stock of hot dogs that looked very similar to the ones being served in the theater lobby.
"Oh no! My delivery!" Kanaeda glanced down at his Disney® Mickey Mouse® wristwatch to check the time and nodded with approval. Dominoes® 30-Minutes-or-Less Policy® was still in full effect, and he had been tearing up the road from the beginning. Including that 8-minute chase, he had been riding his moped for about 3 hours. That would make the pizza at least 6x free. Just the way we like things in America. God bless this country. A migrating bald eagle cried overhead. Magnificent.
It took some time to deliver the pizza yet, which went to a family of starving immigrants for free, and Kanaeda went home to his beautiful girlfriend. They were in an open relationship, so he got to greet little white Tetsuo on the way in. Kanaeda was lucky enough to be the bull in the trio, and after all that free American justice he was hyped for some pre-marital sex while Tetsuo watched. He just hoped that Ky would tie her penis out of the way this time.