[–]▶ No.50928[Watch Thread][Show All Posts]
Why are Nue fanboys so obnoxious?
Because they're Nue-males!
____________________________
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▶ No.50929
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▶ No.50931
During lunch break in Miss Keine's class, Wriggle, Flandre, and Cirno complain about their sandwich toppings.
"Strawberry Jam!", cries Wriggle. "If I get a sandwich with a jam topping one more time, I'm gonna kill myself!"
"Blood Type A!", cries Flandre. "If I get another sandwich covered in blood type A, I'm also gonna kill myself!"
"Frog paste!", cries Cirno. "If I get just one more sandwich with that yucky stuff, I'll kill myself as well!"
Needless to say, all three get their respective toppings and promptly proceed to kill themselves. Not long after, three grieving caretakers meet up at the funeral.
"I don't understand it", moans Yuuka. "Wriggle always loved strawberry jam!"
"I don't understand it either", sobs Sakuya. "Type A always was the lady's favorite!"
"I don't understand it at all", says Dayousei. "Cirno made her own sandwiches."
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▶ No.53873
What is Sanae's idea of safe sex?
Locked door.
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▶ No.53876 >>53880
What is best thing you can say to Reimu?
I donated to your shrine.
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▶ No.53880
>>53876
Why doesn't Reimu use modern medicine?
Cause it tells her to use it after a meal.
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▶ No.53925 >>58352
What Marisa won't ever steal from you?
Your virginity.
How to get Sakuya angry?
Tell her to bring pads.
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▶ No.54051
Alice went down to the Human Village in order to perform a puppet show. Once the children had gathered, she started performing ventriloquism through one of her dolls, leading up to a classic "Dumb Fairy" joke.
As it turns out, Cirno was in the audience and took offense. With an angry outburst, she stood up and began to harangue the stage with how she, as a fairy, had to work three times as hard to recieve even a sliver of the recognition her efforts deserved, and that nobody understood how hard it was to be a fairy in this world.
Ashamed, Alice began to apologize: "Cirno, I'm sor-" but was cut off by the fairy. "Shut up, Alice!" she exclaimed, and pointed at the doll. "This is between me and the little girl!"
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▶ No.54054
I was told this would be a funny thing to say.
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▶ No.54064 >>54079
Choujuu Gigaku would be holding a concert in a week and a ticket cost 1 sen. Nue, who wanted to attend the concert, went to go borrow money from Mamizou.
When the tanuki heard her request, she reacted with shock. "1 entire sen? What would you need 9 rin for? You honestly expect me to hand over 8 rin just because you asked? Do you know how much 7 rin could buy? Why should I give you 6 rin? Here, take this 1/2 sen, and leave me alone. And don't forget to bring back the change!"
The Hakurei miko was sweeping the grounds of her shrine when Tenshi landed in front of her. The Celestial strode up to her and declared "I want to make a bet with you." Intrigued, the miko motioned for her to continue. "I bet you 100 sen", Tenshi said, "That I can throw my keystone perfectly through your shrine five times in a row, without breaking a single wall."
Naturally, the miko took the bet. After all, 100 sen was a lot of money. With that, Tenshi raised her palm to summon her keystone, and with a grand flourish sent it hurtling into the shrine. Wood splintered, rice screens tore, and dust clouds billowed as the boulder tore through the structure. Once it landed on the other side, gouging out a trench in the earth, Tenshi jumped over to it and repeated the process until the keystone had been flung five times through the shrine.
The building was a sad pile of rubble; no pillar had gone untouched, no furniture was spared the destruction, aside from the miko's donation box. And it was atop this box that the miko laughed and danced in celebration. "100 sen, here I come!" she cheered.
Tenshi laughed along with her, drawing a curious look from the shamaness. "Why are you happy? You lost the bet!" The Celestial wiped a tear of mirth from her eye. "I bet the black and white witch 300 sen that I could tear your shrine down right in front of you, and you would celebrate in response!"
How was copper wire invented?
Someone dropped a 1-rin coin on the ground and two tanuki fought over it.
I actually had to research what sort of coinage would be in existence in Gensokyo based on the time of its sealing to make these jokes accurate.
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▶ No.54079 >>54186
>>54064
It's (((jew))) jokes gensokyo edition.
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▶ No.54186 >>54189
Keine was teaching a class on animal husbandry to the children of the village. She held up a picture of a chicken. "What does this animal give us?" The children replied "Eggs!" She held up a picture of a pig. "And how about this animal?" The children replied "Bacon!" Finally, she held up a picture of a cow. "What about this one?" The children replied "Homework!"
>>54079
There's nothing wrong with that.
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▶ No.54187 >>54188 >>54189 >>54190 >>54201 >>54202 >>58349 >>69906
https://discord.gg/4cwtEP Touhou-posting numale girl wannabes join NOW
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▶ No.54188 >>69906
>>54187
Kill yourself my man
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▶ No.54189
>>54186
Nice one.
>>54187
Where is joke?
Unless discord itself is a joke.
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▶ No.54190
>>54187
Discord a shit! SHIT!
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▶ No.54195 >>54213 >>54215 >>58352
Futo was playing with matches when she accidentally managed to burn all the hair off her scalp. Unperturbed, she found Tojiko, and proclaimed "Look, I'm a Buddhist!" Tojiko slapped her across the face and told her "Go find Miko and tell her what you just said!" Futo went to Miko, and declared "Look, I'm a Buddhist!" The prince grabbed Futo by the ears, pulled her across her lap, and administered a severe admonishment to Futo's rear with her shaku. Standing the smaller girl back up, Miko said "Now what do you have to say for yourself?" Wincing, Futo replied "I've only been a Buddhist for five minutes and I already hate you Taoists!"
There was a human villager who made it a point to run over every youkai he saw on the road with his horse cart. One day, he saw the Hakurei miko on the side of the road and thought "For all the sins I've committed, let me give this priestess a ride." After picking up the miko, he spotted a youkai in the middle of the path. "I know," he decided, "I'll pretend to fall asleep then steer my cart towards her, then the miko will think it's an accident." With that, he angled the cart towards the youkai and closed his eyes. Seconds later, there was a loud thump. "What happened?" questioned the villager, as he opened his eyes. The Hakurei replied "You missed the youkai, but don't worry, I got her with my gohei."
A night sparrow, cat shikigami, and ice fairy got lost in the Forest of Magic one night. They soon came across a gap, from which a hag popped out. "I will grant each of you a single request." declared the hag. The night sparrow went first. "I want to go back to my food cart." A gap opened up under her, and the night sparrow was safely deposited in front of her cart. Next was the shikigami. "I want to go home to my mommy!" she pleaded. A gap quickly dropped her into the soft lap of her mother, who hugged her with her arms and tails in relief. Last was the ice fairy. She looked around the empty clearing, then said "I want my friends to come back."
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▶ No.54201
>>54187
>shilling discord
What are you gay?
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▶ No.54202
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▶ No.54213 >>54221
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▶ No.54214
What is least favourite vampire drink?
Tomato juice.
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▶ No.54215 >>54221 >>54788 >>58352
>>54195
And people wonder why the fairy is for bully.
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▶ No.54221 >>58352
>>54213
>>54215
Just for you guys ;)
Cirno decided to disguise herself as a human to trick the human villagers. Hiding her wings, she took a walk to the outskirts of the village's farms, where she came across a shephard driving his flock along the path.
"Hey, boy!" she called out. "If I can guess how many sheep are here woth you, I get to keep one of them!" The shephard, a bit surprised by the sudden statement, agrees.
"There are 99 sheep!" the fairy-in-disguise proclaims. Shocked by the accurate guess, the shephard reluctantly allows Cirno to select one of his sheep for ownership. "I'll take this one," she smugly declares, "because it's the cutest."
"Hey, girl," the shephard replied "if I guess your true species, will you give me my dog back?"
An earth rabbit, a nue, and an ice fairy are fleeing from the miko for terrorizing innocent travelers with pranks. They run into a barn, and quickly hide themselves in three sacks contained within.
The miko enters the barn, and kicks the first sack with the rabbit. "Squeak, squeak!" she says. The miko thinks it's just a rat, and leaves it alone.
She goes up to the second sack with the nue, and kicks it too. The nue says "Meow, meow!" in response. The miko thinks it's just a cat and moves on.
Finally, she comes to the last sack, and gives it a good kick. So the ice fairy says "Rice, rice!"...
Having become sick and tired of all the "Dumb Cirno" jokes, Cirno decided to commit brb gensokyo. As she froze the door of her igloo shut to keep everyone out, she yelled at the gathering audience of other fairies "I'm going to hang myself because of all these jokes about me being dumb!" Daiyousei quickly broke down the door, only to find Cirno tying a rope around her waist. Confused, she asked "If you're going to hang yourself, why aren't you tying the rope around your neck?" Cirno rolled her eyes. "Duh, because if I tie the rope around my neck, I can't breathe!"
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▶ No.54766
What is greatest oxymoron?
Atheist God.
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▶ No.54782
Why Marisa is so high?
She ate wrong mushrooms.
Which fairy is most edgy?
Lily White during winter.
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▶ No.54788
>>54215
Cirno is for eating ice cream with not for bully
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▶ No.54791 >>54848
One day Cirno and the rest of team ⑨ were sitting around a bonfire on the edge of the misty lake, drinking and having a good time when the topic turned to fears.
While everybody else shared something they were afraid of, Cirno loudly boasted that nothing in the world could scare her.
The others didn't believe this however and started pressuring Cirno to admit to what she was actually afraid of.
"Alright fine. I'm afraid of manju."
"Huh? You mean those sweet bread things?"
"I know it's foolish but I can't even look at them. The mere thought of them is making me ill please don't talk about manju anymore."
Later, the others decided to play a trick on Cirno and bought a variety of manju from the candy store and set a plate piled high with manju next to Cirno's bed while she slept.
When they woke her up with a knock on the door there was a blood curdling scream followed only by silence.
Fearing that maybe their trick was too harsh, they rushed into the room to see Cirno happily eating manju.
Wriggle pointed a finger at Cirno and yelled.
"You liar, tell us what you're really afraid of!"
Cirno looked thoughtful for a moment and said.
"I'd be really scared of a nice, hot cup of tea."
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▶ No.54848 >>54855 >>58352
>>54791
thats too smart for Cirno
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▶ No.54855
>>54848
She has her moments anon
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▶ No.58349 >>69906
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▶ No.58351
Here's one I cooked up in 5 seconds:
A blinding flash of light was seen from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. "Godsdamnit, Reiuji! I meant reheat the takeout!"
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▶ No.58352
>>53925
Sakuya is for bully since she pads her chest.
>>54221
>>54195
>>54215
>>54848
Don't bully the cirno!
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▶ No.58356 >>58385
How many yokai does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, they don't exist in gensokyo.
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▶ No.58385
>>58356
There are youkai in Gensokyo ⑨.
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▶ No.69906
>>54188
>>58349
>>54187
These are not good posts.
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