fe274a No.16316901
Congratulations /v/! You've won the Twisted Metal contest! As you well know, any prize you request will be yours.
474e57 No.16316905
c504fd No.16316906
>any prize you request will be yours
futa furry gf plse
ab7c94 No.16316908
>>16316901
Give me Bloody Roar 5.
fe274a No.16316920
>>16316908
Why of course anon, you're wish is granted… But the game is a commercial failure getting terrible reviews becoming rare in the next ten years to find, going for over $300 online!
969d35 No.16316926
>>16316906
>futa
Way to ruin it.
267bdc No.16316931
>>16316901
I want a new age of mythology game that is good with absolutely no consequences.
c504fd No.16316933
>>16316926
aint a full meal with just buns
fe274a No.16316934
>>16316906
Too bad your new futa furry gf went rabid anon, it's hard to enjoy them when they've ripped you to sheds!
969d35 No.16316940
>>16316933
What are you a woman?
989549 No.16316943
>>16316901
Please, Calypso!
Give me the body of a 20 year old!
c504fd No.16316948
>>16316934
>implying collaring her, caging her, forcing her to submit, roughing it out isn't way hotter
166a35 No.16316952
>>16316901
i want attatürk to be alive again and lead turkey to greatness
1ad86f No.16316968
>>16316901
I wish to be an immortal loli
6ca9d5 No.16316972
I want all of the reddit, 4chan, twitter, and discord spic crossposters ( Brought in by Frederick Brennan, Mark, 8chanmania, the THQ debacle, and the NZ event )
9daad6 No.16316975
fe274a No.16316992
>>16316975
Why of course, I'll give you $25… In Zimbabwean dollars!
2bcb31 No.16317007
I would like one real life Albedo please
1ad645 No.16317014
>>16316901
All that I have ever wanted was to be left alone and play video games. What will it take Calypso?
75a28c No.16317018
>>16317014
Ooo you’re about to get blasted into space clutching an Ouya
577d2b No.16317025
>>16317007
You don't even need a monkey paw to ruin this one
fe274a No.16317026
>>16317014
All it will take anon is one wish… Then you can play video games for the rest of time, you get what you ask for after all…
2bcb31 No.16317030
>>16317025
REEE I DONT CARE I'LL REPROGRAM HER
1ad645 No.16317033
>>16317026
Fuck it.
I WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES!
267bdc No.16317038
>>16317033
Haha, anon is stuck playing no man' sky till the end of time.
254002 No.16317042
My wish is for you to get on your knees and blow me
2bcb31 No.16317044
>>16317042
You're about to get a hurricane to the testicles
c51470 No.16317047
>>16317038
>playing No Man's Sky
He said he wanted to play a video game, anon.
3c287f No.16317049
I want a perfectly functional gun with a magazine fit for that specific gun. I wonder how it can be fucked
254002 No.16317052
>>16317042
wait no LET ME REPHRASE T
53801e No.16317056
>>16316972
What do you want of them? Or do you want them like a woman would want a man? homo
267bdc No.16317061
>>16317052
Too late anon. He'll probably get on his knees, and blow so hard you'll get propelled into a concrete wall at roughly 170 kilometers an hour.
fe274a No.16317067
>>16317033
You wish is granted anon! But you're all alone in a desert planet with what seemed to have oxygen… with one lonesome TV in font of you, the console? A 3DO… With only one game… Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, a shame that you didn't ask for what game to play!
6407ec No.16317081
>>16316901
I want a betta 'un
32c933 No.16317082
>>16317049
That gun uses a one of a kind ammo that can not be made on earth. Also the magazine is not loaded.
1ad645 No.16317087
>>16317067
I said GAMES, Calypso, you lying nigger! Plural! I won't let you jew me the way that the kikes have jewed me out of my future! Give me another one!
989549 No.16317106
>>16317049
The weapon materialized in Anon's hands. A delicately crafted weapon, and ammunition for it just as they had requested!
But unfortunately, when they attempted to use it, the gun wouldn't fire. "What gives!?" they asked. "I told you to give me a working gun!"
Then, as if fate itself had twisted, I watched as right before my eyes, he dropped dead!
The weapon they wished for ever so elegantly had did it's job flawlessly!
I would say they could come back next year and wish for a manual to go with it, but it seems they've gone beyond this mortal coil!
e21f65 No.16317109
>>16316967
I've never understood this. Like, okay, sure, old head bla bla bla, but he's ripped as fuck, nothing a little make up can't fix.
Really, Calypso could've given him the body of a twenty years old woman or a fat virgin loser, but he was nice enough to give him a big package as well. Guy's nice.
825d83 No.16317110
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>16316901
Twisted Metal's Lost Endings were way better
>Calypso's omnipotent but not invincible
>he's more interested in vehicular carnage and entertainment than cruelty or ironic punishment
>perfect cast of characters
>great acting
>that kino VHS b-movie horror/wrestling promo aesthetic
>>16316906
she rips your dick off and fucks your mom and kills you
6c651c No.16317121
>>16317081
You had to go faster than me. Fuck you.
Am I the only one who thinks Twisted Metal's story is unironically good?
9e8693 No.16317144
>>16316968
Where the fuck is my wish granting you demonic jew
fe274a No.16317229
>>16316968
>>16317144
So sorry anon, I forgot about your wish, sure you become an immortal loil, too bad ugly bastard falls right behind the tag…
>>16317087
My apologizes anon, I'll throw in DOOM for 3DO while I'm at it.
fe274a No.16317240
>>16317230
Your wish is granted! Too bad after being so rich no one has money anymore! Which means no one is working! Making money usless!
02626c No.16317260
>>16316901
i wish for digits
bafa50 No.16317279
I want to have sex with you
267bdc No.16317309
>>16316952
Your wish is granted anon. attatürk rises form the grave to lead the turkeys to replace humanity as the dominate species on the globe. My name is Calypso, and than you for playing twisted metal.
a7a2e3 No.16317311
I wish for everyone to be cute lolis capable of reproduction via handholding
5a7c6b No.16317314
>>16317240
If you can't afford anything with money, then you aren't rich. You haven't granted any wish, thus you have to suck gay poz cock in the nearest gay bar toilet for all eternity.
Checkmate, retardtheists.
825d83 No.16317338
>>16317240
cant believe calypso is #yanggang
de9678 No.16317681
>>16316905
without the takeover of Palestine the jews settled for the next best thing, America, welcome to JEWMERICA…. alyhoug you cant realy tell because here Los Angeles is pretty much the same THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL!!!
ac7991 No.16317688
I want to be your friend, Calypso!
de9678 No.16317703
>>16317049
you get a block of cheese with a serial number along with a copy of this months Food & Wine, the ATF bursts into your house and shoots your dog and you because the cheese has more than 2 holes in it because it is Swiss cheese
de9678 No.16317902
>>16317014
>>16317033
>you awake in your dimly lit mothers basment in a daze
>groggy, you get up and notice the light emanating from a TV
> you wander over to the TV and place yourself on the quiant dated couch where you notice a controller
> you pick it up and notice the pause screen to an unknown game
> you unpause and begin to play
> you slowly begin to realize all youre doing is wandering around
>you slowly start to wonder to yourself, "could this be… a walking simulator?"
>as soon as the though crosses your mind you notice a stack of plastic cases next to the TV
> you spring up desiring to change games sooner rather than later
>you examine the top game case with rather sacharine and trite boxart
>you notice a retangular emblem in the corner opposite the game rating
>"Sarkesian Studios"
>you drop the game on the ground in shock and look back to the stack of games
>you anxiously grab the next game and serch the cover art, panicked you turn it over and reveal "Narcissa Interactive"
>you immediately toss it and check the next box, it reads "Bioware"
>you begin to hyperventilate
>you reach for the stack of games and in your panicked state you knock them over
>you start to become lightheaded and sick to your stomach you back up from the traumatizing pile of plastic cases
>you buckle as you back up into the musty couch and flop down
>you feel something under neath you and you reach and pull it from under you
>in the dim TV lit room you can only see the edges reflecting off the TV "10 out of 10 gamesradar, 5 stars from the UN gaming council, Ken Levine's absolute masterpeice"
>the TV blanks into white noise, then flashes color bar transition
>a man with silk white long hair appears
>"hello anon, Calypso here, hope youre enjoying your video games"
>"oh, how could I forget, you said you wanted to be left alone, heheheheheh,"
>a bright flash emanates from the basement window
>you look over out the window at the dusk ridden sky and see a mushroom cloud
>you slink off the couch onto your knees and in your despair howl "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,"
>THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL
10f642 No.16317909
10f642 No.16317925
I wish to Release You From Your Human Bonds
de9678 No.16317970
>>16316901
interstate76 > edgy Korn video with monkeys paw gambit
0d25cb No.16317974
>>16316901
Thanks,dude.
I don't really have a request though.
076973 No.16317980
Give me a check for the wish that I can redeem later. That way I can pawn it off and some other fag gets jewed by you.
The worst way you could twist this is saying that giving me the check accomplished my wish, or some other form of retard logic renders it null, and I just get nothing.
What now fag?
4eb696 No.16317983
>>16316901
havent played twisted metal in years, are calypso's wishes monkey paw tier wishes? if yes then what's the point in wishing?
10f642 No.16317989
>>16317980
the other fags wish is for you to become his personal fuck toy
>>16317983
Everyone in the game is a shellfish dumbass expect for a few
076973 No.16318004
>>16317989
>he gets jewed because calypso
b5d7d5 No.16318015
>>16317983
Calypso is obligated to grant you a wish, he can decide how the wish turns out from your wording. You have a high chance to be screwed but sometimes he'll just give you plane tickets when you thought he'd literally make you fly.
e27393 No.16318105
>>16316901
I wish for the Smash Bros. series to finally have a good game.
b6b637 No.16318181
>>16316901
CALYPSO, FUCK ISRAEL JUST REMOVE ALL JEWS FROM THE EARTH, TURN THEM ALL INTO ASH. GET RID OF THEM ACCORDING TO NUREMBERG LAWS. And then turn them to ash
4854ab No.16318186
267bdc No.16318187
>>16318181
>UK
I thought all you bongs were kicked off the internet forever.
b6b637 No.16318206
>>16318187
>>16318186
Huh? Do you fags see a flag or something? I don't see shit on my screen.
>I thought all you bongs were kicked off the internet forever.
Nah but we're probably catching up with Germany on who can cuck the most. Still far off from Sweden though. Things have been orwellian for years, but getting locked up for random internet offences is a bit of a meme; extremely rare. France are unironically the saviours of Europe because of the yellow vests.
de9678 No.16318212
>>16318181
OI, WHERES YOUR SHITPOSTING LOICENSE?
267bdc No.16318213
abb306 No.16318239
Calypso please laugh at my flag
b6b637 No.16318291
>>16318213
Oh shit.. Why do we have fucking flags again? It results in nothing but flag-posting and everyone knows it.
>>16318212
It alongside your DNA test results mutt :^)
267bdc No.16318293
>>16318291
>why do we have flags
Mark put them up for just a few minutes. He said he would have them up for an hour, but that was a jewish lie. Again.
b6b637 No.16318298
>>16318293
>Deliberately shitting up his own board
What the fuck was he up to this time? Something to do with April Fools?
267bdc No.16318338
>>16318298
>something to do with april fools
Yes of course. Bongs, canadians, and mexicans got bullied.
b6b637 No.16318345
>>16318338
>Bongs, canadians, and mexicans got bullied.
As usual.
c4ba87 No.16318365
Did the twisted metal that come out in 2012 fail or was it a success?
Its a shame it was a console exclusive. Should have gone to pc. Looked fun.
65b51b No.16319200
Give me a cute loyal virgin gf.
ba26ea No.16319272
>>16317240
the best punishment for this is to grant them so much money that they become hounded by the media, but also that every depraved hobo who wants dosh will be trying to kill him
ba26ea No.16319274
>>16319200
it's a shame you didn't specify SPECIES, anon
04ffbf No.16319301
546584 No.16319317
I wish Sweet Tooth took your job again and I want a date with your daughter
ba26ea No.16319323
>>16318015
>>16317983
Basically, if you're up for stuff that will promote his tournament or otherwise work in his favor, he'll happily grant it, but if it's frivolous or stupid, he may or may not grant it the way you want it, depending if he thinks the outcome will be funny.
65b51b No.16319364
02626c No.16319410
I wish for more games as a service
34fff1 No.16319428
a rocket league style twisted metal would be pretty neat. Especially since the roguelike gimmick shit is fairly popular now. just boost all over with a bunch of powerups that chain off each other to do ridic stuff. Guess itd be hard to balance tho
18d217 No.16319454
I wish there was a good Twisted Metal game again.
>>16317983
As
>>16318015 and >>16319323
said, Calypso can interpret the wish any way he likes.
Sometimes he will give you exactly what you want, sometimes he will fuck you over, sometimes he will even give you something better than what you asked if he's feeling generous.
However, he cannot outright refuse to grant a wish, so you can still get what you want if you word your shit carefully.
Might as well post the comic.
18d217 No.16319461
>>16319458
>Get sent to hell
>Shit all over the demon that was in charge of tormenting you
>Satan is so impressed that he gives you that demon's powers and lets you go back to earth
6c651c No.16319570
>>16319461
Is this comic canon? because I thought Calisto was just a little nobody living a happy family life before the carcrash that killed his wife and daughter, obsessing to get power to resurrect them from that point.
18d217 No.16319585
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>16319570
100% Canon, at least as far as Twisted Metal 2 is concerned.
f014f9 No.16320029
>>16316906
Your furry gf gives you a horrible STD that gives you incredible pain on your genitals for the rest of your life.
3dc06a No.16320654
>>16316952
this but unironically
555ad2 No.16321065
I wish my dick was as big as the Eiffel Tower, so I can fuck the world for 72 hours
326dc9 No.16321102
>>16320654
ah a fellow turk what do you think about chp fucking the akp ? we got istanbul do you think we shall bring turkey back to the state attatürk wants once again ?
a698d0 No.16321152
>>16316901
I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard. And I don't want any zombie turkey, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself and I don't want any other weird surprises.
You got it, Calypso?
fe274a No.16321203
>>16321152
Why of course you can have that, but too bad the turkey… Is a little bit dry…
6ead16 No.16321261
I want Twisted Metal Black 2.
GRANT ME THE WISH NOW CALYPSO!
92bfe3 No.16321524
10f642 No.16321559
>>16321065
He hands you an eiffle tower that is exactly the size of your dick and a camera with a live feed for a public broadcast network that will return to normal programing after 72 hours when the government finds your dumb ass and arrests you for pirate tv
8c529e No.16321572
I wish for the eradication of all niggers
73e57c No.16321673
>>16316943
Wish granted. You now have the dead body of a 20 year old person and are the prime suspect for their murder.
a12794 No.16321688
>>16316901
I wish I could love you for who you are.
7b5bbf No.16322332
CALYPSO
I JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR CONTEST AGAIN NEXT YEAR
c1e6c1 No.16322352
How do you defeat the monkey paw
239491 No.16322393
>>16322352
Wish granter is a bad example. It is never going to fulfill your wish, because it's just bait to get more people turned into Monolith soldiers.
d9f0b4 No.16322400
>>16316901
If you are still here Calypso, I want to claim my prize. This prize is better than all the other worthless begging in this tournament.
I want the Twisted Metal series to be good again.
239491 No.16322410
>>16322400
He'll probably grant your wish, but then it'll be owned by TenCent.
d9f0b4 No.16322423
>>16322410
But it will be good. Thats all that matters.
c1e6c1 No.16322436
>>16322393
What if you wished to become a monolith soldier?
d95dfb No.16322444
>>16322423
Enjoy installing Chinese spyware on your PC to play it and buying in-game fuel with microtransactions so you don't run out of gas mid-fight.
0f7cd8 No.16322595
>>16322444
Nice digits, but
>what's piracy?
37546e No.16322686
>>16322595
but anon, it's only available to stream on Stadia.
6c651c No.16322696
9415141520
20891411
208919
919185112
ba26ea No.16323109
>>16322696
I never knew the codex for translating those messages nor did I know how to find out. Sites only ever had the answers but not how to decode it.
A similar thing happened with the Regi's messages in Pokemon ruby/sapphire. All the guides said "here is the answer", none of them said "Oh, the hints are in Braille and the first underwater room here has the alphabet so you can know what each symbol means."
it pissed me off so much that no one informed me of that.
reminder that TM Black is just a dream and never really happened
01fd99 No.16323125
>>16322436
Then you get your wish, retard.
c45c85 No.16323197
>>16316931
>absolutely no consequences
the game exists, but it's invisible, incorporeal, unobservable and uninteractable, so it actually has no consequences on the physical world, positive or otherwise.
71f8aa No.16323231
>>16316908
Sure anon, a new bloody roar game but its made by capcom.
577d2b No.16324410
>>16322352
First you wish for two wishes
Then you wish for a wish previewer
Then, after tweaking your wish until it comes out right in the previewer, you ask it
c1e6c1 No.16324440
43bddc No.16324805
>>16317681
So the world is about the same but without Israel. I'd say that's a win. >>16324410
The wish previewer is corrupted.
32c933 No.16324835
>>16324410
Small issue. You wishing for two wishes can be misinterpreted to where your first wish is used for the two wishes wish. So you would get the wish previewer but you would have no wishes left to use it on.
c39118 No.16324977
>>16324835
Win the contest again
223836 No.16324981
>>16324977
the wish previewer is just this thread
c39118 No.16325029
>>16324981
Okay three wishes
b8c792 No.16325033
>>16322352
You write a 10k word essay on your wish
c39118 No.16325102
>>16325033
>uses arial instead of times new roman
<0%, F
65b51b No.16325126
>>16325102
>not writing it all with jokerman just for shits and giggles
a4d670 No.16325584
>>16323109
It's literally just A1Z26 cipher. A = 1, B = 2, etc.
a4d670 No.16328717
>Playing through Black for the second time ever as Darkside on medium
>Can't get past the suburbs, landing the ram is laser-accurate and hard as shit, get blasted to hell when I go off to pick up weapons
>Keep forgetting that braking and powersliding are two different buttons instead of one who the fuck thought of that
So this is how it feels to get old.
f1e12e No.16329273
>>16316901
I wish to undo the events that caused you to go insane, and ensure that it doesn't happen again.
b3e605 No.16329293
>>16316901
i wish to undo this no-fun fag's wish >>16329273
fffc8d No.16329316
I want you to pay me 1000000 US dollars, as of the february 2019 exchange rate.
aacfdb No.16329325
>>16329316
Paid, for services rendered, of sucking my dick, one dollar at a time.
696b5f No.16329414
>>16319274
While the z axis range is massively sub-optimal the rest of the requested requirements will do.