7d3603 No.13813981
https://archive.fo/o7ler
nu-males are now begging so they don't have to git gud at video games.
352c28 No.13814019
I want every jew sliding down a pike with their own weight.
c732fd No.13814050
45d1d7 No.13814052
>>13813981
>@pubegoldberg
He almost looks like Trotsky.
45942c No.13814064
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH
I'VE HAD FUCKING ENOUGH OF THIS ETERNAL MAD FUCKING IRRATIONAL INDUSTRY AND IT'S FUCKING CONSUMERS
GAME DEVELOPERS AND PUBLISHERS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU DO NOT OWE THEM FUCKING NOTHING
WHY DO PEOPLE ACCEPT THESE MANIACAL FUCKING DISGUSTING BUSINESS PRACTICES???!! WAKE UP PLEASE DO WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP FROM THIS FUCKING ENDLESS HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE YOU POOR PEOPLE!
YOU MUST NEVER ACCEPT UNFINISHED CONTENT AND MICROTRANSACTIONS. NEVER.
THESE PUBLISHERS ARE LAUGHING AT YOU AND AT YOUR STUPID FUCKING TOLERANCE OF THEIR INHUMANE BUSINESS
DEMAND AND ACCEPT ONLY THE HIGHEST QUALITY OF CONTENT AND ONLY AT ACCEPTABLE PRICES. SCREAM AND SPIT AT THE DEVELOPERS WHO TRY AND DECEIVE YOU THROUGH PRE-ORDER BONUSES AND DLC!!!!
BE ANGRY AT COMPANIES WHO RELEASE CONSOLE EXCLUSIVES. YOU NEED TO DEMAND GAMES TO BE RELEASED ON ALL PLATFORMS AND TO ALWAYS BE MADE WITH PC IN MIND.
DON'T BE CUCKS, DON'T LET THE GAME JEW TRICK YOU ANYMORE
8c41c3 No.13814065
Classic case of bitter cunts with a journalism degree purposefully ruining a hobby they don't care about because they're assblasted about not getting a more prestigious job.
63c27e No.13814074
>>13813981
>babby's first clickbait
I've never heard of Dorky.com and it should have stayed that way.
>>13814065
>they're assblasted about not getting a more prestigious job
More like they're desperate for a pay check and will say anything for clicks.
45d1d7 No.13814078
>Dear Nintendo, Please Add Microtransactions To Mario Odyssey
>give me some kind of microtransaction bullshit for Mario Odyssey
What did he mean by this?
7692f7 No.13814080
I told you this industry REQUIRES other competitors to enter microtransaction market for microtransaction market to become truly profitable. If everyone will be doing microtransactions, nobody will criticize any company specifically. Everyone will just blame the industry. But this doesn't mean everyone will stop buying video games all of the sudden.
The truly evil plan of ESA is for everyone to become like EA.
Also mario odyssey already has microtransactions, its called Amiibos, they even help searching for moons and unlock costumes. And there's also mario run.
d994c2 No.13814095
>>13813981
Yeah I wish they'd add microtransactions to mario odyssey too. That way we can support the company beyond our initial purchase.
d70418 No.13814131
>>13814078
Nothing. His article is basically a self-flagellating rant. Probably wants you to believe that (((fellow White people))) like him can't into kids' games or something.
9f3fe6 No.13814137
I support microtransactions for all future Nintendo games. Praise Iwata.
ecb7b3 No.13814163
>>13813981
…didn't nintendo put in an EZ gaming journalist mode in the game? what are they complaining about?
8342ac No.13814177
>>13814163
They did, but that only guides you to the moons, doesn't actually give them to you for free at least I think, I never tried it out because I'm not an incompetent monkey.
45d1d7 No.13814188
>>13814131
> Probably wants you to believe that (((fellow White people))) like him can't into kids' games or something.
Yeah I would already agree on you at the (((fellow white people))) part but the first time I have seen his image he looks like Trotsky, not even hiding it all. On second thought, either he got paid for writing such weird article or it is some sort of a kike psychology at play.
>just accept the micro transaction goy its a industry standard already.
7d3603 No.13814308
>>13814163
they're bitching about a jump challenge where you have to jump rope 100 times. The ez journalist mode gives you giant glowing arrows telling you where to go.
08ade3 No.13814372
I don't even understand how games """journalism""" is a thing. Who the fuck reads articles online about video games? I've literally never met someone in my fucking life who unironically browses a game "news" site to read reviews about video games. Not a single fucking person.
It's such an unbelievably foreign concept to me. There surely can't be a large enough audience for this shit that it's prevalent to the point where they have legitimate influence.
59a2d3 No.13814382
>>13813981
>Dorkly
Are they still doing parodies and satire or have they gone full retard?
fb7fd2 No.13814411
>>13814308
>they're bitching about a jump challenge where you have to jump rope 100 times
it is a dumb fucking challenge, but why the fuck would they bitch about that?
it isn't fucking necessary, there are a fuck-ton of other moons and its piss easy to get the minimum number of them ANYWHERE, fuck you can even BUY a bunch if you want
what kind of psychopath wants the game to treat them like a down syndrome toddler BUT ALSO wants to 100% the game?
9a21de No.13814417
Your board owner is a kike, why are you bitching about kikes now?
8342ac No.13814426
>>13814417
At least ours doesn't literally gag on cocks.
Not on video, at least.
091d5b No.13814434
Remember cheat codes? Those things used to be in games, you'd have to enter passwords or secret button combos to access them. They're still there, but now you have to enter your credit card info and there are some people retarded enough to prefer this method.
They are literally asking if they can pay for cheats. Not just if they can have cheats, but if they can have them and have to pay money for them.
I didn't think I could hate games "journalists" any more than I already do.
9a21de No.13814437
>>13814426
It was probably Marks cock.
ca7d03 No.13814448
Calm down, autismo, it's just a joke.
bb30e6 No.13814453
Why would you even play it? If you're willing to buy the moon why even try to get it? This makes no sense. Just don't get the moon you stupid fucking kike.
328f11 No.13814465
I literally got that Moon on my third try, and I suck at vidya. Holy shit that faggot needs to get gud.
4a3732 No.13814469
>>13814448
I too was thinking horse armor was just a joke. And paid mods were just a joke. And paying for on disk dlcs was a joke. And more than $120 for a game with all dlcs is a joke. And your micropenis just a joke.
9d32ce No.13814493
>>13813981
>muh too challenging
>muh battered mangina
>muh no other medium requires effort
Every fucking medium from reading to watching movies requires effort.
Books require you to know how to read. Even more difficult books require you to know even more complex english words.
Movies require you to be able to read peoples faces on a complex level. A movie does not tell you, nor should it, what emotion every fucker on the screen has. Fuck all these bullshit excuses for intentionally making a person incompetent in life. How about, as an intelligent person, just demand cheat codes to exist again? Fucking cucks.
352c28 No.13814499
>>13814488
>FPS: only 200something for something so simple
I shiggly diddly that was running on a duron with a geforce mx 440.
d5cdf2 No.13814526
eb26ec No.13814529
>game has a pathetically easy mode for game journos and quadriplegic children
>game journos complain it's still not enough enough
>beg for microtransactions so they can avoid gitting gud
Please be fucking satire. This is just way too pathetic even for a numale cuck.
f8b329 No.13814535
>>13814081
Is there a version with the spoilers highlighted?
7d3603 No.13814730
>>13814382
no clue, I never go there. Any website with "dork" or "geek" in the name is going to end up a shithole because only faggots market themselves that way, so I wouldn't be surprised if they're a trainwreck.
d86b7a No.13814792
>thought it was satire at first
>nothing in the way it's written indicates this
>they're honestly asking for more microtransactions in games
>microtransactions that let them skip gameplay
>he wants to pay to NOT PLAY the game he paid for
b70b11 No.13814805
Waluigi would be the only acceptable DLC
328f11 No.13814825
>>13814805
You can already get a Waluigi costume.
fed799 No.13814863
>>13813981
>your standard affair mario platformer with some fairly nice but slightly broad level design
>ooh too confusing, the hint system and the "pay 50 coins to have a toad tell you where the fuck Moons are" arent specific enough; let me buy my way through the game
You know, why not? If these assholes really cant do something I'm pretty sure someone in grade 8 would find barely challenging. Why not? Its not like anyone else is going to use it in a game with fairly lax punishment for death and linear challenges where some basic exploring can net you moons fairly easy.
a73dd5 No.13814869
what's wrong with wanting to support your favorite developers even more while simultaneously bypassing the worst part of video games (working through the actual gameplay)?
24fe2e No.13814902
Guys, game development is SOOOOOO expensive. Every company NEEDS to include microtransactions and loot boxes or else they will DIE. How else will they pay for those multiplayer modes that everyone is asking for? Those online subscriptions you pay for servers isn't enough. I don'r have any experience in game development whatsoever but I'm pretty sure having those extra polygons on character models cost a fuck ton.
d86b7a No.13814917
>>13814863
>X years ago
>"Horse armor? You know, why not? Let idiots waste their money. It doesn't change the game."
>now
>games are released literally half finished so that publishers can charge you for the rest
Everyone keeps saying "LOL SLIPPERY SLOPE." No, it's called cause and effect. Give them an inch, they take the galaxy.
cc91e5 No.13815324
>>13814065
Remember that one article about some guy who went invited to a Rock Band party and the only thing he wanted to do was discuss foreign politics instead of playing the fucking game?
007543 No.13815336
>>13814308
There's another moon at 100? I died at 41 and I was already jumping continuously.
8b23dc No.13815344
>>13813981
Honestly, reading this article, it sounds more like he's cursing his own shittiness at video games and acknowledging this kind of casualry is what permits microtransactions to thrive. At no point does he imply they should be in because it's a good thing.
217470 No.13815374
>>13813981
i think it's ironic?
eeca11 No.13815376
>wants to pay money to nintendo to unlock moons
>tfw he could hire a /v/irgin and get a similar result
Where were you when videogaming mercenaries became a thing?
3e0b7c No.13815379
>>13815374
Grown men shouldn't use irony. Grown men should speak their minds.
3e0b7c No.13815387
>>13815376
It's called a lets play
Watch all 56 parts and you can say you played it
eeca11 No.13815396
>>13815387
But that takes away from the most important aspect of gaming: paying.
e4bf34 No.13815406
>>13815396
>paying
missing an L in that word.
b11559 No.13815412
>>13815406
I think that's intentional.
3e0b7c No.13815414
>>13815396
Read that as playing and thought you were being serious for a second
e4bf34 No.13815420
>>13815412
I'm still going to point it out.
eeca11 No.13815424
b11559 No.13815426
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
To be honest vinesauce did a good one on that game.
35a6e6 No.13815431
>>13814078
It means that all SHs and publishers have to fuck up so that, once the industry crashes, the Jew can buy it all. Same old story, now that hollywood is rotten and gone, it's time for these maggots to consume an other corpse.
7d39d3 No.13815442
you can buy fucking moons with coins unlimited after you beat the game
e4bf34 No.13815484
eeca11 No.13815504
>>13815484
What do you mean anon?
The world is full of beautiful videogames, and i wanna pay them all!
e4bf34 No.13815543
>>13815504
then play* them.
52bf28 No.13815598
>>13815442
>beat the game
There's the problem.
993b6d No.13815661
>>13815324
He wanted to talk about politics in the Philippines. What the hell was going on in the Philippines?
cc91e5 No.13815699
>>13815661
Maybe he wanted Hotwheels deported to the US or something, I think that article was out during the GG days.
fd46b5 No.13815722
>>13814917
Fair. Nintendo doesnt also have a could track record with dlc and amiibos in particular. I could imagine maybe Nintendo offering unique costume dlc. Harmless at best. If they did add dlc kingdoms then they better be worth it.
cbbc4c No.13816080
>>13813981
At a certain point you have to suspect that people like this work for the company in question in some oblique fashion and are trying to fuck everyone over for their pay-cheque.
cbbc4c No.13816118
>>13813981
Why does this nigger want microtransactions for something he could look up on-line?
cc91e5 No.13816121
>>13816118
Because he would need to play the game to get it anyway.
5234f8 No.13816167
Wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo paid this fag to do this. They obviously see that kikes are making a killing on microtransactions and want a piece of the pie.
e704ae No.13816228
>>13814437
It was cut, but the guy wasn't nearly big enough to be Mark
5234f8 No.13816292
>>13816228
How would you know, are a fag who has seen Mark's dick?
9027f9 No.13816307
>>13816292
Everyone here knows about Mark's dick
5234f8 No.13816330
>>13816307
Guess I'm lucky that I don't know
c0bd10 No.13816339
>>13816307
Tell me about mark's dick
b79119 No.13816396
>>13814372
because in the 90s we had good gaming magazines that revolved around developer interviews, reviews, and they started to transcend their medium and things like e3 started coming about. It was all going very smoothly and was organic until (((BIG MONIES))) became a part of the game. Now it's all whores now so most journalists just fit right in with gaming news.
29a640 No.13816457
e4bf34 No.13816470
d31d4c No.13816539
>>13814902
Meanwhile, the most expensive game to develop ever, made triple the cost of production in three days.
c771f1 No.13816606
>He can't beat the jumprope challenge
>He can't even get a friend to do it for him
Either a) He has no friends or b) All his friends are also games journalists.
For his sake, I hope it's a).
382827 No.13816621
it's nu-male ""comedy"" you retards
62aa8e No.13816630
>>13816606
>can't do the jump rope challenge.
That's pretty bad when DSP did that so easily. When journos are worst than DSP at playing games, you know the whole community is shit.
a743da No.13816645
>>13816630
I genuinely consider DSP subhuman. I have no idea what to classify game journalists, other than to assume they're a community of individuals suffering from cerebral palsy and mild retardation that somehow banded together to review games.
d2888d No.13816702
>>13815376
No. Excuse me, you've missed the point.
He doesn't want to pay to unlock moons. He doesn't want moons. He doesn't want to play. He wants YOU to pay to unlock moons.
Jewish trick. Pro-tip: always assume they are lying.
2264bc No.13816708
What do you expect from a man who would pay money to watch another man fuck his wife?
cbbc4c No.13816951
>>13816621
>""comedy""
Ah but if it's not funny it's not comedy, much like the Big Bang Theory.
9a7261 No.13817003
>>13814064
you know what to do anon, all you need is his address and a couple of "tools" to get the job done.
now go
- not fbi.
81c7f5 No.13817738
>>13814917
>Everyone keeps saying "LOL SLIPPERY SLOPE."
Slippery Slope is a real thing. And it's not a "fallacy".
>>13816630
>>13816645
>le ebin DSP meme XD
Did you know he not only did gamergate before gamergate was a thing by pointing out paid off journalists boosting ODST's ratings despite it being a shit expansion pack/DLC in a $60 package, but was also an example of fake news before that was a thing? You claim to be enlightened enough to know not to get played by journalists except when they're so bad at cuphead you buy the game yourself, playing right into the viral marketing ploy fucking nimrods, but fall for literal goons making autistic 3 hour montages of out-of-context clips, 7 hour podcasts they try to get Jim to join with disinformation about a (((conveniently suddenly canceled))) debate, and screech about "racist" things in his videos.
2112c3 No.13817773
>>13813981
>I understand you have certain brand values you would not want to compromise - your approach to DLC thus far has been equitable and fair. Always lots of extra content, never feeling like it was anything that was cut from the original vision of the game, and always fairly priced. I understand you don't want to follow in the less-reputable footsteps of EA or mobile game devs, but I will lick your asshole clean if you just let me pay someone $5 so I never have to think about this stupid jump rope Power Moon ever again for the rest of my fucking life.
>The alternative is not something I want to consider - having to hone my skills and reaction-time to master the challenge on my strengths as a gamer alone. Simply put, that's never going to happen. Every day I get older - and with that, my reaction speed gets worse, my hands grow wearier, and my ability to spend 10 hours a day playing Mario games wanes. If I have to rely on my own wits, I'm doomed. Yes, I've tried timing it based on when the women say "hey!" or when the rope hits the dirt. I've tried using the little scooter. I've tried everything.
I'm almost certain this isn't serious. I think it's mocking the idea that microtransactions can replace the actual accomplishment of completing an in-game goal yourself.
Dorkly's clickbait, sure, but I don't think they're that far beyond the pale.
351b2c No.13818028
>all these niggers taking pubegoldberg seriouslt
>when it is very clearly a pun on rube goldberg
4f6e0d No.13818122
>>13814081
>someone saved my rant
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>>13814700
Fuck if I remember what those spoilers were, but well memed, friend.
>mfw
cfa608 No.13818140
The gaming journo is immunized against all dangers: one may call him an industry bootlicker, hack, parasite, shill, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat.
But call him a casual and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”
83d3cb No.13818151
>>13813981
This is why god doesn't talk to us anymore.
4f6e0d No.13818180
>>13817738
>DSP
You know, you're right. DSP, as shitty as he is as a person, was one of the earliest people to point out a lot of the ridiculous corporate bullshit that people are just now publicly talking about. He had to deal with Sega DMCA'ing his Shining Force 3 videos for dubious purposes, and he made a massive deal out of it; as much as I laugh at his fat ass for being a terrible human being, he was absolutely in the fucking right there.
It's sad, too, because if he was generally well-respected and a decent human being, the shady shit he pointed out would have echoed a lot louder than it did. Then again, you have to admit that some of those montages are pretty fucking hilarious, though I think I'd rather shoot myself than watch him play a fuckin' fighting game again.
682475 No.13818288
>>13814081
Anon fails to understand the problem. These are people who mostly can't actually get better, hence why their entire lives revolve around making everything easier. There are people who are born inferior and have no hope of improving, it isn't just a choice for them, and they should be identified early and left to die of exposure.
c01998 No.13818690
>>13813981
I never thought i'd see the day were I saw someone actually beg a company to pay to skip gameplay.
d7bdf2 No.13818813
>not having a friend that's good at vidya
When I was a kid I used to do a challenging level on Ratchet and Clank for a friend, save it to the memory card and give it back.
I gave my games to another friend any time there was a water level involved.
9249f0 No.13818832
>The alternative is not something I want to consider - having to hone my skills and reaction-time to master the challenge on my strengths as a gamer alone.
Why even bother playing games then?
d09161 No.13818871
You inbread mongoloids Dorkly is a satire website and the article is clearly a joke. Holy shit.
177a8c No.13818888
>>13813981
As a gamer, i'd just like to say that it is a real shame that Nintendo is not giving us gamers the microtransactions we demand. Nintendo should be ashamed of themselves. #demandjustice #nintendogate
14ae51 No.13818890
>oOOOOoooooOOOOyyYYYyyY VVVVEEEYY IDS JUSD SIDDAIRE GOY XDDDDDDD
9249f0 No.13818900
>>13818871
>implying people can at this point tell the difference between satire and reality
The two overlap very often nowadays.
2380ab No.13818923
>>13818888
Don't joke about that; it may happen.
60060f No.13818940
>>13818871
>implying anyone reads
86b107 No.13818965
>>13813981
tipical jew, sucks at life so he wants a way to go around the obstacles using money
i bet this is the kind of guy who think themselves smart for beating point and click adventure games by following step by step walkthroughs
78e23a No.13819288
>>13818288
>These are people who mostly can't actually get better, hence why their entire lives revolve around making everything easier
>implying ANYONE should cater to those mouthbreathers
Usury and kikes were a mistake.
a743da No.13819371
>>13818288
I understand there are some games that have a skill ceiling so high most people will give up long before finish, but those games are rare. You can progress through most games, no matter the difficulty, with a combination of perseverance, blind luck and cheesing, and if all else fails cheat your way out of a difficult part. There is no fucking excuse for being unable to finish a game made past 2000 since most have been made retard proof.
ff841e No.13819394
The article is written tongue in cheek with the author acknowledging his shitty video game skills and the absurdity of his request everywhere. I'm actually a little surprised you were all too autistic to notice.
b2c0d0 No.13820106
>>13814469
All that stuff is just a joke, though.
It's just that anybody willing to buy into this shit and defend it is the punchline.
e6739e No.13820125
>>13819288
>mistake
No, anon, you misunderstand. It's all clearly intentional.
a64f41 No.13820155
>>13814064
Just stop pirating.
e90b10 No.13820186
>>13819394
>it's just a joke
Kill yourself kike.
35c17f No.13820420
>>13817738
>except when they're so bad at cuphead you buy the game yourself, playing right into the viral marketing ploy fucking nimrods
>implying most didn't pirate it
acf3ff No.13827356
>>13819394
You're just optimistic.
c59f8e No.13827540
>>13813981
Anyone who writes out "fucking" for emphasis is usually a pussy in my experience.
5d924d No.13827568
>>13820420
>implying I didn't pirate it to make up my own mind about it then buy it because it's a worthwhile product
d83af7 No.13827581
This would be a decent joke if it were a youtube comment or a funny picture or even a shitpost here. But even despite being a joke, doing it as a full-fledged relatively long article makes me sick.
bdca34 No.13827590
>>13813981
He must be destroyed
608fff No.13827617
>>13818965
you reminded me of an ex-jewish friend that spent all his childhood playing point and click adventure games but he was pretty awful playing anything that required skill. You may be onto something
edf93c No.13836512
>>13814792
Of course, the fool and his money soon go their separate ways
e38ae2 No.13836798
>>13819288
>>13820125
It's the DSP conundrum. Is he retarded, or devious?
7e2f5e No.13840115
>>13836798
dsp is comedy genius
2b0e39 No.13840186
>>13836798
>ywn be DSP
feels bad, man.