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a7f4c9 No.253660[Last 50 Posts]
prove me wrong.
ProTip: you cant
____________________________
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a7f4c9 No.253661
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a7f4c9 No.253662
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This chick is a TOTAL SMOKESHOW !!!!!!
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a7f4c9 No.253663
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Elvis was THE BIGGEST MUSIC LIGHTNING BOLT in history, so Hollywood wanted to see if it translated to film.
This is his audition reel for MGM
He's simply lip syncing to his own song
with a broken toy guitar
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a7f4c9 No.253664
in case you didn't realize it, Elvis was THE BOMB
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a7f4c9 No.253665
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a7f4c9 No.253666
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Elvis is STILL listed as "the man who had MORE SEX than any other human"
because he had a pattern
35 women at a time
all day long
for 20 years
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a7f4c9 No.253667
Jesus never actually existed…. sorry
elvis was the 'jesus' figure
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a53e84 No.253668
Hitler and Elvis were both drug addicts who committed suicide
except Elvis was born with BOTH testicles, and wasn't a homosexual
(both Hitler and Elvis had Jewish blood, too)
Hitler = Solomon
Elvis = Mansell
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a53e84 No.253669
also :
Unlike Hitler, Elvis was INTELLIGENT funny & cool
and heterosexual
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a53e84 No.253670
Hitler had every reason to be angry and frustrated
And Elvis had every reason to be happy
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a53e84 No.253671
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Sorry if that offends you.. but it's true.. Hitler was basically a bipolar midget with a tiny little penis and he was born with a very rare congenital anomaly, ONLY ONE TESTICLE
Little man syndrome with only half a nut sack
Half a man……
Which explains why he was always sexually attracted to other men… He was only half a man, but half a woman….
He was a solomon.. a Jew…
And he spent his life hating himself
Which is totally understandable
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a53e84 No.253672
HOW MANY DOORS ELVIS OPENED FOR ME :
Countless.
there's no way I can possibly remember them all.
When I was 12 years old I painted an Elvis portrait for Jerry Lee Lewis who was playing the great Southeastern Music Hall in Atlanta Georgia.
I painted a beautiful portrait of Elvis and went to the venue right before the concert began, which was perfect timing, because I happen to bump into Jerry Lee Lewis in the front parking lot… Jerry Lee loved the painting and walked me into the great southeastern music hall, and I had a front row seat IN A BAR, BY MYSELF, AT AGE 12…
A couple days later, my mother woke me up about 2:30 in the morning telling me there was a strange man on the phone asking for me…
It was Jerry Lee Lewis… (I put my name address and phone number on the back of each of my Elvis paintings)
Jerry Lee Lewis called me almost every night for about 2 weeks, waking my mother up…
"It's Jerry Lee Lewis on the phone for you again wake up wake up!!"
Jerry Lee was obviously high as fuck during these phone calls, (he used to inject Percocet directly into his stomach) and he was slurring his words and the conversations were absolutely insane and unpredictable…
Then, after a couple weeks, these twilight phone calls stopped as suddenly as they had begun…
I lived in Atlanta, which is a major market, so every concert tour stopped through town…. Over the next couple decades I literally got to pick and choose any band I wanted to go see and hang out backstage with…
There's no way I can possibly remember the list.
I used to have it written down on paper, but there was so many celebrities names on the list that I can't possibly begin to remember them these days
Keep in mind this was in the late '70s and throughout the 80s and 90s
So a lot of the bands and celebrities might not ring a bell for you….
But I'll give you a brief nutshell:
By painting Elvis, and appearing at the backstage entrance during sound checks before concerts, I got to meet and hang out with tons of celebrities, including but not limited to :
Paul McCartney
The Rolling Stones
Andy Kaufman
Jay Leno
Hank Williams Jr
Chuck Berry
Billy idol
Duran Duran (interesting story about Duran Duran)
Adam ant
Motley Crue (my German girlfriend liked them)
Did I mention motley Crue suck balls?
Dave Edmunds
Nick Lowe
Robert Goulet
David Letterman
Johnny lydon public image limited
Mick Jones Big audio Dynamite
Superstar DJ keoki
U2
Chrissy Hines and The pretenders
Run DMC
Carl Perkins
Roy Orbison
ZZ Top (who hired me)
God damn it God damn it God damn it !!
When you get older your memory begins to fade
And there are dozens of other bands I can't even remember right now !!
Oh…. Lessee….
INXS
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
John prine
DEVO
The Ramones
God dammit my mind just went blank again
I swear to God you'll see one of these days
When you get older your memory starts to slip
There's nothing you can do about it
It's just like your eyesight
You'll see.. I promise you'll see when you get older
Hmmmm….
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT !!
There are literally dozens and dozens of other bands, and single entertainers, but my brain isn't working right now and I can't remember them
FUCK FUCK FUCK !!
I wish my buddy Cap'n America was here
He had the list memorized
Because I would take him in All My Friends backstage
Rock stars are continually barraged with the never-ending series of fans who have painted amateur artwork of their latest album cover
What I did was different
I never asked for a goddamn autograph in my life
I would show up with badass paintings of Elvis
I was there to celebrate ELVIS, not the band on your
and not surprisingly, ALL OF THEM WERE HUGE ELVIS FANS !!!
There was a special common interest
They would invite me backstage
And we would sit and talk about Elvis
They would tell me all their favorite Elvis stories
Tell me how Elvis was the inspiration
That made them want to be famous in the first place
GOD DAMMIT !! I'm literally forgetting dozens of famous bands and celebrities
SHIT SHIT SHIT !!!!
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dba8d1 No.253673
>>253660
I think Elvis was a pretty cool guy and brought a lot of light to good black music, I just wish he had the balls to stand up to his label/agent and give more credit to his roots.
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33304a No.253674
>>253673
Two comments :
-it was a different era and Elvis was raised to be extremely polite and the entire lightning bolt event happened so fast that he wasn't even aware how big it had become
-back then black music was called RACE MUSIC
And there was no way a black person could ever open the door for race music, so IT HAD TO BE OPENED BY A WHITE GUY, and the universe shows the perfect lightning bolt to do it
it HAD TO be a white person
Elvis wasn't stealing from the blacks
Elvis was a product of poverty
He grew up in shake rag, the ghetto of tupelo
That's what he grew up with
He wasn't stealing anything
It was actually all Pentecostal holy roller Church stuff
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33304a No.253675
>>253673
Glad you mentioned COOL
because before Elvis
Things were "GEE, SWELL !"
(they literally said "gee swell")
the night Elvis hit the TV set,
COOL HAD BEEN BORN
and people started saying "COOL"
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33304a No.253676
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Speaking of which
THIS WAS IT
THIS WAS HIS FIRST TELEVISION APPEARANCE
the birth of COOL quite literally
He looked dangerous as fuck
he looked like the Devil
(but he was actually THE most polite innocent kid you can imagine)
No alcohol no cigarettes no drugs no cussing
Yes ma'am no sure thankyou very much
But he terrified parents
Understandably
The next morning
EVERY GIRL wanted to fuck him and
EVERY MAN wanted to BE him
The first time can only happen ONCE
Everything subsequent is but an echo
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33304a No.253677
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33304a No.253678
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This sums it up perfectly…..
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c5047c No.253679
ngl he's The King for a reason
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c5047c No.253680
>>253676
and that's without even using the bottom half of his body. Let that sink in.
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459d2e No.253681
Elvis was a fascinating dichotomy
a transitional duality
When he was young HE SEEMED DANGEROUS
but in reality he was SUPER INNOCENT
He would NEVER do anything that offended his mother
later, after his mother died…. It all changed
Hollywood 'toned him down'
homogenized him
He looked SQUARE….
INNOCENT
but that's when he became DANGEROUS
VICIOUS
he became abusive, mean, evil
self destructive
and dangerous to others
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459d2e No.253682
>>253680
After an Ed sullivan performance
parents raised SO MUCH HELL
about his leg
so the decision was made
WAIST UP ONLY
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459d2e No.253683
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Steve Allen thought this was cute
IT PISSED ELVIS OFF….. BAAAAD
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c5047c No.253684
The facts don't lie:
1977 they kill Elvis
1978 Michael Jackson records "Off the Wall"
Connect the dots people!
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c5047c No.253685
>>253682
and did that stop him? no
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459d2e No.253686
>>253684
ELVIS COMMITTED SUICIDE
ON THE ANNIVERSARY
OF HIS MOTHERS DEATH
AT THE SAME AGE AS HIS MOM
he was a numerologist
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459d2e No.253687
COL. TOM PARKER : THE MAN WHO 'KILLED' ELVIS
metaphorically
He was actually an illegal Dutch Immigrant
named Andreas Cornelis (Dries) van Kuijk;
the US Govt discovered he was
an illegal immigrant
SO HE SOLD ELVIS INTO THE ARMY
AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS CAREER
to stay in America
For every dollar Elvis made,
Col. Tom made $36
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459d2e No.253688
Tom Hanks is wrapping up a film in Australia
he's playing Col. Tom
Austin Butler is playing Elvis
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c5047c No.253689
Elvis was a disciple of Master Rhee and a 33rd degree blackbelt in all forms of martial arts
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459d2e No.253690
Col. Tom was a CARNEY
a hack
His background included scams like :
charging ppl 25¢ to go into a circus tent
to see "dancing chickens"
(Chickens on a HOT PLATE)
and while the people watched the chickens
Col. Tom had Donkey Shit shoveled
Into the tent exit
And he charged $1 each
to ride a donkey out of the tent
or you could walk through feces
ELVIS WAS HIS NEXT "DANCING CHICKEN"
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459d2e No.253691
>>253689
TRUE :
he was also a huge drug addict, out of shape, and couldn't do martial arts worth a shit
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c5047c No.253692
most of you millenials and zoomers are too young to know this but Elvis was not only the greatest musician of all time but also the most prolific actor, with more screen credits than any other living human.
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459d2e No.253693
>>253689
and I FUCKING LOVE ELVIS
enough to be honest
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c5047c No.253694
Elvis was so dangerous to the powers that be that the CIA hired Theodore Adorno to create the Beatles, and even they could not dethrone the King.
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459d2e No.253695
>>253692
he COULD'VE been bigger than james dean
But Hollywood decided to keep him trapped in bad formula movies
This discouraged him
and added to his desire
To KILL HIMSELF
which he did
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459d2e No.253696
>>253694
ELVIS created the beatles
He inspired them
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c5047c No.253697
>>253691
It's sad that in 2021 these malicious conspiracy theories are still circulating.
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459d2e No.253698
Elvis was a DEVOTED actor
he would memorize EVERYBODYS LINES
not just his own lines
The first three films were AMAZING
but then the formula pattern began
Thanks to Col. Tom
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459d2e No.253699
>>253697
LAST YEARRUINED CONSPIRACY THEORIES
I used to be a conspiracy buff
Not anymore
Q ruined it
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c5047c No.253700
reminder that Elvis Presley created pop culture.
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459d2e No.253701
I'm originally from Memphis
Many years ago, I married a beautiful blonde SWEDISH GIRL and we moved to Neptune Beach, Florida
that's where I got a call from Todd Morgan
entertainment director at Graceland
He flew me into Memphis to be Gracrland's Art Director…. I turned the job down
I knew Todd Morgan VERY WELL….
and I know 'insider secrets' most Elvis fanatics will never know
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459d2e No.253702
>>253700
Three things that have NOTHING to do with elvis
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c5047c No.253703
>>253701
Very interesting. I used to party with Joe Esposito. I bet we could swap some stories (but not here obviously)
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c5047c No.253704
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>>253702
except they wouldn't have existed without him
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459d2e No.253705
>>253703
Joe Esposito was COOL
but he was also Col. Tom's "inside man"
to snitch on Elvis
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459d2e No.253706
>>253704
TRUE…..
yet they were twisted misinterpretations of 'cool'
all fashion, no substance
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459d2e No.253707
>>253703
and YES……
for hours and hours…. I'm quite certain
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c5047c No.253708
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459d2e No.253709
EVERYBODY THINKS THIS IS A MUGSHOT
it'sNOT
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c5047c No.253710
>>253709
His mugshots are even sexier (no homo)
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459d2e No.253711
Notice how he's wearing the exact same clothes?
The most requested photograph of all time from the US national archives
Eldest went unannounced to the White House and demanded Nixon make him a special federal dangerous narcotics agent…
He and his bodyguards carried firearms into the oval office
AND NIXON MADE HIM A SPECIAL FEDERAL AGENT
the "mugshot" was his federal agent badge photograph
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459d2e No.253712
>>253710
I'm the farthest thing from homo
But I'm simply honest
He was prettier than any woman
He was the most handsome human being in history
it's almost as if they modeled the Roman statues after him even though he hadn't been born yet
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459d2e No.253713
Most people don't know Elvis was a LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER IN EVERY CITY IN AMERICA
his bodyguards carried a briefcase with all of his badges, and he could go to any city in America and be a licensed law enforcement officer for that jurisdiction
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459d2e No.253714
HOW ELVIS "DIED" :
Col. Tom sold him out
sold him to the US Govt
into the Army
For NO REASON
other than to prevent being reported
Elvis's mother died while he was in the Army
and he spent the rest of his life torturing himself and everybody else
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459d2e No.253715
Elvis was like a little child riding a roller coaster
He had all the money to live out all of his childhood fantasies
Like playing cops and robbers….
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459d2e No.253716
DEPORTED*
god damn autocorrect
DEPORTED
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459d2e No.253717
AFTER ELVIS' MOTHER DIED :
he wentcompletely INSANE
he let his health and beauty die
he began being CRUEL AS FUCK
torturing himself
torturing everybody
He'd go to friend's funerals dressed like THIand say MEAN HORRIBLE THINGS
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459d2e No.253718
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459d2e No.253719
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459d2e No.253720
He didn't know how to heal from the anguish of losing his mother
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459d2e No.253721
When Elvis LOOKED DANGEROUS he was TOTALLY INNOCENT
If you said "dammit" you would be banned from his house forever
Absolutely no drinking no smoking no cussing no anything
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459d2e No.253722
But later when Elvis looked tame and safe
HE WAS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS
That's when he was one of the most dangerous humans to be around
He would fuck your wife and break a guitar over your head and stand up in front of all your friends and describe how your wife sucked his dick and humiliate you and torture you
And he did this to his best friends and most loyal bodyguards
He had gone completely insane
He was tortured and his mind snapped
But on the surface he appeared to be very tame and conservative
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459d2e No.253723
THE SECRET :
Elvis was molested by his piece of shit father
(Vernon Elvis Presley)
When ELVIS' mother Gladys found out
SHE ATTACKED HIM WITH AN IRON SKILLET
in fact, they thought she killed him
Elvis & Gladys DANCED around Vernon's lifeless body in their one-room tupelo house
…….until Vernon woke up
AND HE NEVER TOUCHED ELVIS AGAIN !!!
GLADYS SAVED HER SON FROM MOLESTATION
And when he became the world's lightning bolt
He devoted every minute to repaying his mother
And now you understand the weird connection between Elvis and his mother
it's 100% true
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459d2e No.253724
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459d2e No.253725
when Elvis lost his mother…..
he lost everything
he lost HIMSELF
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b6af59 No.253726
Well it's safe to say after not being here for over a day I didn't miss much, did I?
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c5047c No.253727
>>253720
just like someone else we know
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459d2e No.253729
>>253726
Pretty sure you missed deez nuts
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459d2e No.253730
Elvis had BIPOLAR DISORDER
so did his mother…… (Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder don't appear out of the blue… They are organic psychiatric, genetic in nature, and always handed down from one of the parents)
Elvis' mother seemed to be a sweet, quiet simple easy-going Little country lady
Nothing could be farther from the truth
Gladys would go into manic episodes staying awake for days drinking alcohol and taking amphetamine pep pills… She would go into bouts of insanity.. behind the Walls of Graceland, quiet simple demure Gladys Presley wood flip out and smash all the furniture and break windows and destroy things…
When her son grew up he behaved much the same way
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459d2e No.253732
>>253726
Just like Jay Leno used to say I'm the Lay's potato chip commercial "nobody can eat just one"
Except Hitler's boyfriend of course
He didn't have much of a choice
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459d2e No.253733
ON* the Lay's potato chip commercial
I'm in the kitchen making a veggie sandwich with Korean hot and sweet sauce
And yes.. Hitler was born with only one testicle
That's a medical fact
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459d2e No.253734
It seems like somebody would have already figured out how to perfect speech to text
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459d2e No.253737
Elvis was torn between his generosity and good-natured heart… And his dark tortured soul and desire to punish the world….
He would torture people, then reward them with lavish gifts
He'd gather all his bodyguards to sit in a circle around him, and one by one, he'd give details about fucking each of their wives…
then he'd give all of them cars and trucks and houses and jewelry
he used to have blue police lights on his BMW
and he'd pull people over in Memphis
for running stop signs
he'd point loaded pistols in their faces
And YELL AT THEM
"We don't run stop signs in Memphis!!"
Then he'd give them a $50,000 bracelet
and jump back in his BMW
and do it to somebody else
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459d2e No.253738
The citizens of Memphis who reported being pulled over by Elvis Presley for running stop signs and having pistols put in their faces all reported that he was wearing a bizarre turban with a big gemstone on it….
HERE IT IS
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459d2e No.253739
It was actually a costume prop from the movie HARUM
remember :
He had gone completely INSANE
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459d2e No.253740
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459d2e No.253742
He would always carry 3 cases :
-his PDR & Drugs
-all of his federal, state & local law enforcement badges
-and a box filled with expensive jewelry to give away
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459d2e No.253745
a germaphobe, Elvis always drank from DIRECTLY OVER THE HANDLE of a coffee cup, because nobody else ever put their mouth there
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459d2e No.253746
A : NOBODY
Q : who got more pussy than Elvis?
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459d2e No.253747
Of course………
EVERY woman wanted to fuck him…
desperately
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459d2e No.253748
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459d2e No.253750
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459d2e No.253752
And just like Hitler, Elvis was PART JEWISH
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459d2e No.253753
Priscilla was 14 when she moved into Graceland
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459d2e No.253754
(nobody wants already been chewed bubble gum)
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459d2e No.253755
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459d2e No.253756
FACT :
more humans know the name ELVIS PRESLEY than know the name JESUS CHRIST
100%TRUE……………………………………
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dba8d1 No.253759
>>253674
>>253675
I know. I ain't arguin'. I just wish it would've happened. Perhaps if he were still alive, maybe.
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535062 No.253760
there are areas of this planet where people still have NEVER heard of "jesus christ"….
but if you said "ELVIS", they'd instant go "OH, ELVIS !!! YES!!" and they'd curl their lip and pretend to turn up their collar
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535062 No.253762
>>253759
He had been diagnosed with bone cancer
and he had DESTROYED his body's ability to heal
EVERYBODY KNOWS ELVIS DIED SITTING ON THE TOILET READING THE BIBLE
Even though that's not true…
he intentionally committed suicide sitting in a barber chair right next to the toilet, and he was reading the KAMASUTRA
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535062 No.253763
>>253759
nor am I arguing
I have a tendency to seem like I'm being argumentative, so forgive me if I came across that way
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535062 No.253764
>>253759
My problem ?….
CONFRONTATIONALISM
that's my curse
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535062 No.253765
>>253759
I'm actually OVERLY polite…..
I was raised to be courteous and empathic
But I've got a duality, myself
If you and I hung out in real life, we'd laugh and hit it off splendidly….
But as soon as somebody said something I didn't agree with I BECOME CONFRONTATIONAL
it's a problem I've been working on for 57 years
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dba8d1 No.253766
>>253765
>If you and I hung out in real life, we'd laugh and hit it off splendidly
This is actually true.
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535062 No.253768
I've simply been on thisabusement park rideSO MANY TIMES that I've seen patterns ad nauseum
And when I see bullshit
I CALL IT OUT
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535062 No.253769
>>253766
Backing Down isn't my specialty
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535062 No.253770
These guys in here hate me….
that's okay
I tell them what they NEED TO KNOW
not what they WANT TO HEAR
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535062 No.253771
honestly?
Their fathers should've told them
not me
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535062 No.253772
BitI DO NOT HATE THEM
I don't even dislike them
I actually admire them
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535062 No.253774
yeah, by age 42 Elvis had studied ALL RELIGIONS EXTENSIVELY
all of them…….
a quest……. a thirst for knowledge
By age 42 he had disavowed christianity
and become a hardcore numerologist
his mother died at age 42
On Aug 14th
from liver damage
FROM DRUGS & ALCOHOL
on August 14th, 1977
Elvis was going to kill himself
but he chickened out
a common event for the suicidal
On August 15th HE DID IT
(it was the morning of August 16th, but to Elvis, day and night overlapped)
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535062 No.253775
he saw it as a "portal" to his mother
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535062 No.253776
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535062 No.253777
feels good to get that off my chest
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b3472d No.253778
>>253777
Now check out some real news: >>253773
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535062 No.253779
Ginger Alden was his "girlfriend" at the time
she didn't belong
She didn't even like him
she was a piece of shit
She found Elvis dead
And called her mother
And they both called THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER
they arranged a $116,000 deal
to let The National Enquirer have the story
to take a photo of Elvis in the coffin
by the time she called downstairs
and said "I just woke up and found Elvis dead"
SHE HAD HER HAIR & MAKEUP DONE
the photo of Elvis in the casket ?
GINGER TOOK THAT PHOTO
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535062 No.253780
>>253778
no offense, but news has no value to me
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535062 No.253781
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
I made this video
it shows ELVIS' bedroom
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535062 No.253783
END OF THREAD 08.05.321 1:37 PM EST
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b3472d No.253784
>>253780
It will.
https://www.rt.com/usa/531062-st-louis-couple-pardoned/
Thank God I live in a great State! PS: word is already out the couple bought more guns, good for them. They should up their gate security too, and install some entry-point fortification.
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535062 No.253799
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535062 No.253819
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c5047c No.253829
>>253738
They also described it as a mystical experience even more powerful than pure nirvana
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c5047c No.253830
>>253756
more people know of Elvis than who?
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c5047c No.253832
Okay real talk. Elvis faked his death so that he could single-handedly destroy the Soviet Union and end the cold war. The only reason it took so long was that people kept spotting him. That's why they created Elvis impersonators as a thing as a cover story.
He died peacefully of natural causes in his penthouse quadraplex above the Bellagio in Las Vegas at the age of 75.
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535062 No.253876
>>253829
exactly….
EGG ZACK LEE™
>>253830
LMMFGDAO that's was classic
>>253832
it's not surprising how his fans DESPERATELY WANTED him to still be alive….
GAIL BREWER GIORGIO :
the insane woman who started the 'elvis is alive' phenomenon
I have a very good (and true) story about Gail Brewer Giorgio……
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535062 No.253877
FIRSTLY :
it's important to know that Gail Brewer Giorgio wrote a book called ORION in 1978, the year after Elvis died
(She lies and says she wrote it BEFORE Elvis died)
It's the story of ORION
(elvis)
and he takes his death
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535062 No.253882
damn autocorrect or speech to text typos
he FAKED* his death…..
In her book, the "world's most famous entertainer" fakes his death, to "be with his daughter"
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535062 No.253883
OKAY…. NOW…. HOW I GOT INVOLVED…
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535062 No.253884
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535062 No.253885
Gail Brewer Giorgio lived near atlanta, in Morrow, Georgia….
she heard I painted Elvis
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535062 No.253886
Back then, my BEST BUDDY was a creepy little genius who called himselfCap'n America
he was a sawed off, short, UGLY, creepy guy
WITH THE COOLEST FUNNIEST PERSONALITY
and that's why Cap'n got TONS OF PUSSY!!!
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535062 No.253887
Cap'n is JEWISH…….
And he's ugly as fuck, and only 5' 4" tall
AND HE GOT ALMOST AS MUCH PUSSY AS I DID, WHICH I HAD NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN BEFORE
If I was a girl I would never fuck him
But you wouldn't believe how the girls would throw themselves at him… The best looking girls.. tons of super hot girls fucked him incessantly
It's because he was COOL
If you're not cool you don't stand a chance
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535062 No.253888
ANYWAY…..
Gail Brewer Giorgio reached out to me through a friend at an ad agency, and told me she wanted me to illustrate the cover of a new book she was writing about Elvis….
She told me it was top secret and she couldn't discuss it on the phone
She said I had to come out there and discuss it in person…
So Cap'n America and I drove out to her house in his black 1960 Fleetwood Limousine with the big fins
and YES, Cap'n drove a goddamn 1960 Fleetwood limousine in mint condition….
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535062 No.253889
We went to her house, and she was DRUNK AS FUCK !!!
SLOPPY FUCKING DRUNK !!!
She was wearing a wig, but she had it on wrong, so it was turned at a 3/4 angle instead of being lined up down the center…
She looked absurd…
and she SOUNDED even worse
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535062 No.253890
GAIL BREWER GIORGIO sat us down, and explained how "ELVIS CALLED HER FRIEND RECENTLY"!!!!
'AND SHE HAD THE PHONE CALL RECORDED ON A CASSETTE TAPE !!!
so I said "let's hear it, by all means"
(she knew I painted Elvis, but she didn't know thatI LIVED AND BREATHED ELVIS)
she also didn't realize I AM AN ASSHOLE
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535062 No.253891
She played the cassette tape for us.
Cap'n was also a HUGE, HUGE GIGANTIC ELVIS FANATIC just like me….
(that's an understatement…. I worship Elvis)
we sat politely, not saying a word, listening intently to the tape….
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535062 No.253892
THE ELVIS PHONE CALL CASSETTE TAPE :
The first thing I need to explain is this was a phone call from Elvis Presley, and what made this phone call unique was the topics being discussed.
Elvis mentions Ronald Reagan being shot by John Hinckley Jr, which happened on March 30, 1981, almost 4 years after Elvis "faked his death"….
In the phone call, Elvis discusses faking his death, and spending time with Lisa Marie, etc etc etc
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535062 No.253893
Cap'n and I let the entire tape play til the end ..
The entire time, he and I were staring at her bizarre off-kilter wig, as she guzzled another gigantic cocktail… She was one of those bitches that took a paper towel and folded it into a triangle, and wrapped it around her gigantic cocktail glass
A professional lush….
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535062 No.253894
She explained that she was about to release a tell-all book, that explained all of the secret details about how Elvis faked his death…
These details were going to be coming straight from Elvis himself….
She was going to include a copy of the cassette tape with each book…
And she wanted me to illustrate the cover of the book, which she was going to call IS ELVIS ALIVE?
She popped the cassette tape out of the tape recorder, and asked us, "wasn't that fascinating? So what did you think?
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535062 No.253895
I told her that I had listened very carefully to the voice on the recording, and while the man on the tape did a slightly BETTER JOB than most people trying to impersonate Elvis (the average amateur Elvis impersonation consists of hackneyed predictable 'thankyuverimuch, baby' forced predictable imitation of what people THINK Elvis sounded like, even though he didn't talk like that at all) andhe had actually studied Elvis' speaking voiceenough to realize there was a CADENCE to his speech pattern, generally starting statements with a higher pitch and tempo, and gradually dropping lower and slower and more depressed sounding by the end of the sentence…
that although the man did a noble job, IT WAS NOT ELVIS SPEAKING….
(And at this point, I could tell that Cap'n America was starting to get wound up and pissed off)
So I figured "here we go"
Cap'n and I knew each other better than we knew ourselves, and I could tell we were about to crank things up, and put this bitch in her spot…
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535062 No.253898
When I told her that it DEFINITELY WAS NOT ELVIS TALKING ON THE TAPE, she looked at me with the stupidest drunk expression….
Like she never expected anybody to question whether or not the tape was legitimate…
Like she was so fucking stupid, she never expected anybody to be able to tell it wasn't Elvis…
Cap'n stood up from his chair, and grabbed the keys to his Fleetwood…
So I stood up and told Gail Brewer Giorgio that there was one other little problem with the tape :
IT WAS NOT RECORDED ON A TELEPHONE !!!
She didn't realize I'm an audio engineer who produces music, and she didn't realize the landline telephones back then only allowed certain frequencies…
Back then, andline phones had a limited frequency range of 300 to 3,400 hertz, a standard based on Bell Labs studies of the requirements for intelligible speech
IT'S COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS TELEPHONE HIGH PASS FILTER FREQUENCY
And it's unmistakable… Any recorded analog landline phone call has an unmistakable limited frequency range…
This alleged phone call from Elvis Presley was recorded in a ROOM… Like somebody's living room…
You could actually hear the frequencies of ambient air pressure, just like if you and I were sitting in your living room and I recorded it with a cassette tape player…
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535062 No.253899
LOL that's when I could see my buddy Cap'n clenching his fists and grinding his teeth…
And it was on !!
Cap'n l walked over towards her sitting in her stupid drunk chair, and literally SCREAMED in her face :
"FUCK YOU !!! YOU STUPID DRUNK PIECE OF SHIT UGLY BITCH FUCK YOURSELF !!!"
And I almost fell on her living room floor laughing my ass off….
Cap'n got RIGHT UP IN HER FACE and kept screaming :
"YOU STUPID UGLY FAT DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOURSELF !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID TAPE !! FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID GOD DAMN BOOK !! ELVIS WOULD HATE YOUR GUTS !!
And she started crying….
So I joined in, and I yelled at her "YOU STUPID PATHETIC SNIVELING SACK OF SHIT DRUNK ASS PIG !!! YOU CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK !! PUT DOWN THE DRINK AND SUCK MY FUCKING DICK YOU NASTY FUCKING SKANK !!!"
And as we stormed out of her house, Cap'n actually hocked up a disgusting grayish green loogie (chainsmoker) and spit it on her wall next to her front door….
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535062 No.253900
By the way every single word of this is 100% true
If Cap'n was here with us right now he would verify every single word…
And he would actually fill in some details I'm sure I have forgotten
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535062 No.253902
She ended up releasing the garbage book, and if I'm not mistaken I think she got some financial backing from The National enquirer.. something like that.. I think she had a tabloid help fund the project…
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535062 No.253904
By releasing her pathetic idiotic book, she fed upon the hopes and desperate desires of loyal Elvis fans worldwide…
She's the one that started the entire idiotic I SAW ELVIS AT BURGER KING bullshit…
That wasn't doing any Elvis fans a favor….
ELVIS INTENTIONALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF AUGUST 16TH 1977 UPSTAIRS IN HIS BATHROOM AT GRACELAND, AFTER PLAYING RACQUETBALL AND QUITTING 15 MINUTES LATER AFTER INJURING HIS LEG…
Elvis took himself out of the picture…
If she wanted to help Elvis fans, she could have explained WHY he killed himself, why he earned the right to kill himself, and why it was okay to accept the fact that their idol had entered eternity
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535062 No.253906
She was also partially responsible for tricking Elvis fans into believing Elvis was still alive and performing under the name ORION…
Obviously this was not Elvis…
It was a loser named Jimmy Ellis, who I must admit is probably the best singing Elvis impersonator I've ever heard…
But that's all he was… an impersonator
Based on her previous book ORION, she tried to cash in with this ugly loser wearing a ridiculous Harlequin mask….
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535062 No.253907
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
They even went as far as to arrange for Jerry Lee Lewis to record an album featuring ORION (Jimmy Ellis) and release it as if it was old outtakes from the 50s…
But it was recorded after Elvis' death…
Listen to this. Jimmy Ellis is definitely the best Elvis imitator…..
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535062 No.253908
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
To avoid being sued they never mentioned the name Elvis anywhere on the album
They just called it Jerry Lee AND FRIENDS
but DAMMIT it sounds just like Elvis
almost
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535062 No.253910
HERE'S THE PUNCHLINE : (get ready for it)
After Cap'n & I screamed in her face, Gail Brewer Giorgio ASKED ME TO ILLUSTRATE THE COVER OF HER NEXT BOOK !!!!
hahahaha!! I swear to god !!!
SHE WANTED ME TO DO THE COVER OF HER NEXT BOOK "ELVIS: THE FBI FILES"
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535062 No.253911
OOOPS sorry not FBI
it was called "THE ELVIS FILES"
and it was about the FBI's files on Elvis
now, she had added a bunch of new bullshit to her story…. Mafia Hit Men… Etc Etc Etc
she's a piece of shit, so I never even returned her calls
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535062 No.253912
These days, that stupid bitch has people believing Elvis is a white haired & bearded preacher….
It's quite insane
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535062 No.253914
Elvis knew he was extremely allergic to codeine
it would send him into full blown anaphylaxis
he could NOT take it
he was SO determined to commit suicide, that he saved up 3 days worth of his 'attack waves' (each days narcotics divided into 3 individual packets to prevent accidental overdose) and THEN he drove to a dentist's house and woke him up and took a bottle of 120 Tylenol 3s (containing codeine)
when they found Elvis dead in front of the barber chair, he was in rigor mortis with full lividity.
the entire bathroom floor was covered in dozens of syringes, prescription bottles, including the empty codeine bottle.
there was NOTHING accidental about it
Joe Esposito and another bodyguard ran in and rolled Elvis over…
He had bitten his tongue off….
the bodyguard tried to pry Elvis' jaw open, but it was locked from rigor mortis…
so… in desperation… the bodyguard punched Elvis' teeth out trying to get his fingers in his mouth to pry Elvis' jaw open.
8 year old Lisa Marie walked in AND SAW THIS…
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535062 No.253915
so, whenever somebody tells me "Elvis is alive and blah blah blah" I simply roll my eyes….
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b41411 No.253916
LOL !!! I actually managed to remember some (but not all) of the other bands I painted Elvis for :
Pink Floyd, REM, The Cars, INXS, Talk Talk, ELO, Van Halen, The Psychedelic Furs, Love and Rockets, Echo and The Bunny men, Talking Heads, the B52s, Depeche Mode, Blondie, Patti Smith, Eurythmics, David Bowie, Tears For Fears, The Fat Boys, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, The Thompson Twins, Faster Pussycat, and ROBERT GOULET
and guess what ?…
they were ALL huge Elvis fans… ALL of them.
I've got a TON of great insider stories, like how Mick Jagger using the name "Elvis Presley" to check into hotels on their Steel Wheels Your, etc etc etc etc etc Michael Hutchence's first time hearing Elvis and realizing he was going to be a singer, David Gilmore explaining that he never paid much attention to Elvis (and me telling David "that's okay, because Elvis didn't know who the fuck you were either") Annie Lennox almost having me arrested at the Sheraton Hotel after her Road manager sent me up to her room with the painting,
The only two bands who didn't like Elvis were:
THE GO-GOs and Wall Of Voodoo
Belinda Carlisle looked at the Elvis portrait, and said "what the fuck is THIS ? I don't like Elvis!"
so I ripped my painting out of her hands, and TORE IT IN HALF and yelled "FUCK YOU!! I HATE YOUR MUSIC!! MY GIRLFRIEND WANTED TO SEE YOUR BULLSHIT SHOW !!"
Wall Of Voodoo SUCKED BALLS (again my gf wanted to meet them) Stan Ridgway was a polesmoker, and after he took my painting, he the ld their road manager to give us all access passes
as he walked into the dressing room I heard him say "fuck elvis"
so after their first song (which sucked) I used my all access pass to go into their dressing room and steal my painting back…
But yeah……
I'm kind of a fan
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b41411 No.253917
Oh I almost forgot :
I told Belinda Carlisle she was a FAT PIG
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b41411 No.253918
END OF THREAD - 08-04-21 9:46 PM EST
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c5047c No.253932
>>253890
all elements of this story check out
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db012b No.254000
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dba8d1 No.271431
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