/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

Salamader mercenary writefag here.

Due to exams and fucking laziness for which I have no excuse to be honest, there hasn't been an update in some time.

There will be one at some point, but the aforementioned exams are still a factor at the moment.

Anyway, just want to let you fags know that the story isn't dead yet.

>>250274

I was wondering where you went. I'm glad you're still thinking of the story. I liked it a lot.

>>244591

More comfy orc incoming!

http://pastebin.com/kfzgTmBT

(The Pushy Orc part 3)

Lately, I've been thinking of writing another oni story. I'll probably get around doing it once I finish this orc one, but I was thinking about making it long running: starting with a coming of age sort of thing and ending the two growing old together. Writing these stories really help clear my mind, so I think it would be a fun thing to try out when I get around to it.

So, some dude writing a particularly violent work that won't be done for a while because he's an autistwants to do his work all the way through before posting it to make sure there's no plot holes or is unable to keep up with schedule and miss update days (i.e. not be on a timer) here.

How jarring would you say it'd be if the death of a monstergirl was really treated with no more importance than the death of a man? In that the focus it gets depends on the character's importance to the plot. Like both a man and a wan important to the story gets a lot of fanfare and sympathy when they die but not much of a fuck is given if a minor human man bandit or an oni priate get shot down. I'll probably do it anyways but I wonder how odd people may find it the narration mentions a dragonwoman getting cut down in the middle of the action with no real extra drama than would be expected for an enemy grunt. Also, for the record, both man and mamono can be found on both sides of the conflict.

>>250787

If it's a battle, casualties are expected.

May Reitia have her blessing on this thread

>>250793

Right, it's just that I'm trying to make sure my work doesn't fall from "grim, violent, but metal/legit cool and hopeful" to outright edgy. I'm probably worrying too much.

>>250787

just keep in mind that the edgier and more violent it is the harder it is to sell as the light-hearted fantasy that it ultimately is.

I'm having the same problem. So I know your pain. I'm actually over 50K words into my novel. But I don't want to post it until I'm done.

>>250787

>>250799

Depends on your setting. You'll probably be fine.

>>250819

Actually I might as well post this question as well. Since the salamerc story has been progressing, I'm trying to be mindful of making sure it doesn't transition from a monstergirl story that happens to be in a low-fantasy setting to a low-fantasy story that happens to have monstergirls in it. What's a good way of doing that while still trying to retain the grittiness of the setting? or does it not matter

>>250832

>Low fantasy with MonsterGirls

What's wrong with that? So long as they feature prominently is anyone really going to be able to tell the difference? I've seen plenty of High-Fantasy-With-MonsterGirls that works just fine.

>>251248

You could always go for a bittersweet ending, IE, he acquires a waifu but still sees the faces of all the girls he killed in the war in the eyes of his wife, that kind of thing.

>Stripping all vets of their benefits

How to make a Revolution, Step 1: Train a generation of men to kill and proceed to treat them like dogshit

>>251025

Never. What, aren't you a good goy?

No but seriously, they don't delete unless you tell them to, however they to keep that option for the future. Pro Members will be exempt if that happens.

>>251249

Meh, the worst America got out of it was a couple of nuts trying to LARP as Rambo in First Blood.

>>251248

Full tragedy, leading to the opening salvos of a civil war.

>>251721

Really enjoyed that. Great setting and premise. As long as it keeps up with the more serious tone and doesn't dissolve completely into your average lich meets boy story I'd really like to read more.

Keep it up brotendo

>>250832

I'm not really getting a huge problem from your story. Many of the main actors are MGs, and I'm sure more of their unique qualities will show up further into the fight.

>>251632

I hope Three Ravens wasn't foreshadowing the end of the story. I like the tension. I would have been disappointed if they just won right there.

Please rate this autism I've written after a long hiatus here

>>251037

>>250780

I love this story, wish you would write more into each chapter!

http://touchfluffytail.org/?story=twilight-of-the-gods-reitia-1

Time continues its stately march, and Corvus, Son of Maou and Tyris is acclaimed as Raven of the North, Saviour of all that lives, and Penultimate Lord of the World. Through the century and more since the War of the Angels, His Echidna Wife, Lyssa, has been annointed as Nagarani of the triune city-state of Hamunapt, Heliopolis and Memphis, effectively making her an Empress in her own right, and her empire waits with baited breath for the birth of their first child. Yet as is its wont, Reality itself rumbles with the beginnings of potentially catastrophic change. The question is, can the fledgling utopia so hard won survive its shift?

(Another entry in the continuing story begun in ‘Chronicles of the Pax’ and ‘Tales of the Walker’. I would recommend reading those first.)

If I haven't written in a while, where's a better place to start again? Greentexts? CYOAs?

>>252031

Always Greentext

Here with an update on Monster World Story: There are going to be three more chapters (of which the first is near finished), plus a short epilogue. What I want to know is, do you (that is, the people who have followed it for all this time, if there still are any of you) want me to finish the three chapters and then post them all at once, or post them as they're finished? Either way is fine by me. It shouldn't be much longer now, even if I do wind up finishing them all before posting them. I'm sorry for the long wait, but I felt it would be best to take a break before the final push.

How does one write a CYOA well?

>>252033

Checked and appreciate the enthusiasm.

>>252157

I won't succumb to the hubris of saying I do CYOA 'well', but I'm pretty sure I've managed 'not terrible' and all it is is listening to your readers and making sure shit stays relatively consistent.

(Also re-read your shit. You will never re-read your shit too much in a CYOA. Trust me on this.)

>>252144

I'd like to get the last chapters all at once, I think that would work well, considering where you last left off.

>>252179

Alright, that's what I'll do then. I'd like to say that I can have that done sometime around the start of February but I'm leery of that since promising new chapters by a certain times hasn't exactly worked out for me in the past.

>>252020

God damn it's been too long, so happy to see this continued. Your stories always kept me engaged.

[spoiler]are we going to start seeing Kylie show up later on? And is Sam becoming something different, like he's going to become something not human[/spoiler{

>>252020

>>252033

just actually read the thing, and fuck yeah Jessie had a daughter :^)

kinda lost on some of the other stuff though since it's been a while since i've read Chronicles Of The Pax and Tales Of The Walker, might have to go back and re-read them

>>252460

Jessie had like four not including Seti. Seti never had any children though so the Imperial line passed to his ward after a brief stint where Empress Jessica (One of his little sisters) kinda ballsed a few things up, weakening the Westerlandian Empire rather significantly from the 'Holy fuck we're all screwed' military Powerhouse Seti had constructed. (Why Magisterium's still ostensibly the Global Capitol not Caladon)

The Current 'Hathor' is ostensibly of the same bloodline, but it's not official if she's Jessie's direct descendant or one of Melissa's (fucking numerous) progeny. Likewise 'Horus' is not necessarily Charles's direct relation, but does share the bloodline.

>>252403

>Kylie

Yes, her and Sam's relationship will factor later, I'm still working out exactly how though.

>And is Sam becoming something different, like he's going to become something not human

Mnemosyne/The Logos has to make a LOT of changes to his brain in order to understand her 'Creators' language. Guess you'll just have to see.

>>252503

well first confirmed daughter as far as i can remember

last time i read Chronicles and Walker was when they came out, so i dont remember a lot of the small details

>The Current 'Hathor' is ostensibly of the same bloodline, but it's not official if she's Jessie's direct descendant or one of Melissa's (fucking numerous) progeny. Likewise 'Horus' is not necessarily Charles's direct relation, but does share the bloodline.

so does that mean that the jessie and charles that were hathor and horus respectively aren't anymore in this new arc? and if so, are they completely dead or just stepped down from their position for whatever reason?

sometimes the changing viewpoints and multiple story arcs within the overall piece confuse me, i'm sure it'll get better once the other parts come out (and i go and re-read the previous two stories)

>>252578

>jessie and charles that were hathor and horus respectively aren't anymore in this new arc?

Correct. They have gone, yea, unto the place which Ammit has made for them, good and faithful servants, etcetera, so on and so forth.

It's 400 years since 'Pax' and Ammit ain't a fan of immortality, remember?

>>252588

>etcetera, so on and so forth

i assume that includes a big, soft fluffy bed for lots and lots of lovin' :^)

>It's 400 years since 'Pax' and Ammit ain't a fan of immortality, remember?

like i said, i need to re-read both stories to remember everything

but at least best girl got a happy ending

>>252588

>Not a fan of immortality

Surprised she puts up with Samuel then.

>>252808

Sam's not immortal, just uses resonant hax he learned off Bruce to extend his lifespan past the standard threescore and ten most other Humans enjoy. Initially it was for Yumi, then it was for Corvus, now? Well, we'll see.

>>253859

I write herrhound 黑鬼 story prease rate.

>>253764

That was cute. I liked that.

http://pastebin.com/Bt56J4y9

A little story about a hikikimori and his gyaru robot.

Looking for feedback and possibly some proofreading since I'm going to bed.

>>254188

I liked it, gyarubot is very cute. I couldn't really find anything I dislike though. Just fix up "afriad" on line 59, and various ".." whereas ellipses contain three dots.

I thought it was nice, though. I don't read a lot of present-tense, but I know you write that quite a bit. Do you find it more comfortable than past-tense prose?

>>254237

>ellipses with three dots

I use those on purpose because I feel the pause with 3 dots is way too fucking long for a reasonable conversation and they aren't trailing off. Maybe I'll name it something and find a convention.

>afriad

Fixed

>Do you find it more comfortable than past-tense prose?

I think it makes more sense. The issue I see with writers and *bleeding cough* Roleplayers alike is that they use a past-tense in a situation that isn't a memory. It's a personal thing, I think that if something is happening and as the reader you're in the moment, it ought to be in present-tense. Past-tense is just, nonsensical to my autism. "She was blonde" triggers me too, as it implies a change. So I just tend to write very action-based, in the moment with a lot of fluidity.

>I liked it

Glad to hear, it's been slow progress.

I forced myself to write, so I'm not sure about how this is, but I at least got something out.

http://pastebin.com/vUarPYh3

It's about a surprisingly girly Oni, her Kobold friend, and a guy. And cute dogs. Hope someone enjoys it.

How do you get the motivation to write without just giving up?

What do you do if your creativity has largely declined?

How do you start without worrying about your work being shit and giving up before you start or shortly after?

>>254847

Keep going basically. If I get worried about my creativity or quality I read some fiction books. You read enough and you'll get familiar with different ways to write. I also like to imagine if it was a conversation that could happen irlexcluding some fantasy or sci-fi settings if it seems too fantasticalor outlandish then I generally dont go with it

>>254847

Start with something smaller - a shorter story or even a greentext style thing. Don't try anything longer that might be multiple installments/chapters until you have some experience and feel motivated and confident, otherwise you might wind up posting several chapters before you lose interest and abandon it. Also, like >>254849 said, read stuff and get familiar with different writing styles. It helps a lot.

Remember that in the end you're writing free fiction for an extremely specific audience to forget their loneliness and other troubles for a little while. It doesn't have to be the greatest, and even if it's slightly shit no one's going to hold it against you as long as you have a desire to improve. Just do your best!

Has anyone ever made a pastebin collection for all the greentext and stories /monster/ has made?

>>255542

I don't know but I'd also be interested in mega dump if anyone has one

>>255729

What might be best is setting up something on pbworks since we know that our content is allowed there (it technically isn't supposed to be on pastebin, even though no one's stuff has gotten taken down yet).

You can also direct host images there which would be good for screencaps of greentexts.

>>255732

why isn't it allowed on pastebin?

>>255738

Pornographic content is against pastebin's rules. Like I said, they clearly don't really enforce it, but its something to keep in mind. Also I seem to remember someone saying that pages are eventually deleted if they're inactive (i.e. no one looks at them) for long enough.

>>255739

>pornographic content

>words

that doesn't make any sense to me but whatever. I guess if you see a story you like save it, just to be save. plus I didn't think what we did was pornographic. I thought it was more anthropological.

>>255742

From their terms of use page:

>Do NOT post:

>- email lists

>- login details

>- stolen source code

>- hacked data

>- copyrighted information / data

>- password lists

>- banking / creditcard / financial information / data

>- personal information / data

>- pornographic information / data

>- spam links (this includes promoting your own site)

>>255747

Why not make a repository over on GitGud.io?

That would have the added bonus of allowing us to manage the stories with separate directories and files.

>>255739

>>255747

Pastebin is fine for erotica, they just don't want people linking torrents to shady pornos.

>>255747

>>255841

He's right, this has been argued before. They're trying to avoid legality issues from the looks of it. Bad monstergirl autism isn't going to get so much as a glance.

>>255748

Aside from the pastebin terms, which I don't find concerning, does anyone have links to GitGud repositories for literature?

I'd be interested in using it, if not only for the directories. I just wanna see how it looks like.

>>255920

Well, don't expect it to be a perfect platform for literature, since it's intended for programming. Then again, so is Pastebin.

While you technically could use GitGud as a host for .pdf files, I don't think that's a good idea because I'm not sure how much space you get per repository and binary files like PDFs get really big really fast. However, GitGud can handle .md (markdown) files, which definitively are a step up from greentexts and Pastebin. They are text files that allow for limited formatting. You can add links to other files (and websites), use various levels of headers, add tables, lists, images and quotes, use bold, italic, etc. styles and it doesn't use monospace fonts unlike Pastebin, which is a plus (although you can still use them, if you want to).

Have a look at the #gg repository that some /v/ fag maintains. It doesn't use all of the features, but you can see some.

https://gitgud.io/gamergate/gamergateop/tree/master

Here's an in-depth markdown tutorial that shows how powerful it is:

https://gitgud.io/help/user/markdown.md

I had always intended on writing little short stories or longer little background stories on certain characters from the Wizardquest setting, but never really did. I had the extreme urge to do this for some reason while driving home from out of town today. After three hours of jittering about driving, I had to put this on digital paper.

So here's the first of the Tales from Deleor. "The Wanderer's Guest"

Hopefully I'll do more.

http://pastebin.com/8L6G5B6B

>>256556

>Tales from Deleor

(cinematic universe intensifies)

But seriously, I enjoyed this. I always like it when side characters are fleshed out a bit more like this.

Poor Tabitha. It's good to see she has a quest, though.

Well, it's done. Monster World Story is finished. I want to thank everyone and anyone who remained invested all these months. It goes without saying, but without you, I wouldn't have kept working on it. With that, here's the last three chapters, and the epilogue.

http://fishuheadsu.pbworks.com/w/page/115083523/Monster%20World%20Story%20Chapter%2020

http://fishuheadsu.pbworks.com/w/page/115083604/Monster%20World%20Story%20Chapter%2021

http://fishuheadsu.pbworks.com/w/page/115083646/Monster%20World%20Story%20Chapter%2022

http://fishuheadsu.pbworks.com/w/page/115083676/Monster%20World%20Story%20Epilogue

With that done, my next project is going to involve a pizza delivery boy and a lonely manticore. I want to have that done for valentines, but who knows, given my punctuality, or lack thereof. We'll see.

I don't have anything to add, but there's only a post every day or two now. Where'd everyone go?

>>258252

I'm not sure. I've been busy doing shit but I had a dystopian femdom hellhound story idea I was thinking of posting (the femdom hellhound isn't the dystopian part).

>>257950

Finally had a chance to sit down and read all that in one go.

The part with the Ascendant threw me a bit. That section felt a like it was almost stepping into another story, or genre, given that the rest of the setting is played dead straight. I didn't dislike it, but it was a bit jarring.

Overall though, I enjoyed the work as a whole a great deal, and I'm looking forward to reading your next work as well.

Bit of a repeat of shit I've posted before, but I fleshed out my Shoggoth-story prologue. Working on it slowly, I promise.

http://pastebin.com/hubBzBcf

First chapter of a dystopia w/ Hellhound light femdom romance. Gonna be two chapters before she gets introduced I think. This is mostly setup of the MC.

http://pastebin.com/9bYAcrd3

>>258548

Seems pretty interesting. Proceed.

>>258889

Pretty cool caste system you got going on. I haven't read much dystopian fiction though.

>>258506

I understand.

Earlier on the Ascendant was going to be a human woman who was exiled from one of the shelters, and managed to convince a tribe of monsters that she was a god. I changed her to be something else entirely in the end because I felt that it would make her unimposing after the reveal and I didn't really like the HUMANS R DA REAL MONSTERS undertones it had, but maybe in hindsight that would have been better (or at least hinting at the supernatural stuff more throughout the story).

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.

To any writefags willing to: A guy with depression gets out of rape by convincing monster girls that they can do better than him.

I get off to depressing shit

>>259173

>Robot posting

>>>/out/

>>259173

>getting off to depressing shit

Just go to literotica and search for femdom. You'll have all the fap material you need.

I suck at writing so hopefully one of you guys can make something good out of this idea. Underground fight club: Guys vs MGs if the guy wins he leaves with cash, if the girl wins she leaves with a new boyfriend/husband

>>259236

We sort of had a CYOA a while ago about that.

http://pastebin.com/NyHFEjKh

>SETTING(?):"this is basically a punk (monsterpunk) setting. A dystopian future, in which monster girls have dominated human civilization.

>Humans a second class citizens and have very few rights in the eyes of the monster-biased law. Poverty and crime is rampant.

>Our friend, Mac, is one such victim of this system. He turned to fighting in the underground because its and other version of organized crime are some of the other options for advancement for humans.

>As for the organizers of the underground MMA fights, they are mostly lower class monster races. Yes that's right, even in the world of monsters, a divide between rich and poor exists.

>Most of the organizers of crime in the human world are the scum of the monster world, who by extension are also just trying to make a living."

>"What separates the rich and the poor, the powerful and the powerless, in the monster world? The answer is magic. The possession of it, and the ability to control it.

>Magic is able to do very powerful and devastating things in this world, so those who cannot use magic are ruled over by those who can.

>Succubi and other races of demons stand at the top of the monster hierarchy. Onis, Orcs, Amazons, Ushi-Oni, and other physical-only monster races are near the bottom since they cannot use magic and don't have wealthy families to fall back on. (vampires have scraped by with middle class rank because many of them come from extreme wealth combined with average magic usage)."

>>259248

Not that Anon but I'd prefer a much more comfy setting for the fight club story, Mister mac in that gets crippled.

>>259236

>>259250

Yeah, I'm not too fond of hard femdom/maledom either way.

I could probably try a comfier version of this. A lot different than the CYOA's style. Any MG in particular, or just a stronk one?

>>259324

Jinko… Jinko all the way. The basic idea I had was

>Guy enters fight because he needs cash

>Opponent can totally kick his ass

>Oh shit…

>Try's his best but gets knocked the fuck out

>wakes up with his wounds taped up and girl snuggling up to him

>>259173

http://touchfluffytail.org/?story=bump-in-the-night

Here. Not quite what you were looking for, but it sort of fits. Not exactly by best work but it was during that weird period where nothing came out quite right to me.

someone posted a story that someone wrote from here on facebook and everyone loved it

>>259357

Well gee, that's swell billy, but can you tell us more?

>>259363

see

>>259364

>>259324

Okay, I wrote down a bit for the new request(s) of the fight club. Tell me what you think, because this is kind of fun to write, so I probably missed a bunch of stuff.

http://pastebin.com/6wMKjCY0

>>259339

I gotcha. No Jinko in yet, though. It always takes me so long just to put out simple exposition. I wish I could be a bit better at that.

>>259555

I personally would like to read about a guy who went to the mountains to train with a kung fu master and to his surprise, the master turns out to be a Jinko.

>>259555

Regardless, this is really good! I'm not exaggerating when I say this is everything I hoped for and then some. I can't wait for the rest of this!

>>259555

You've got about three stories floating around now. 4 if you counted that earlier one. Still losing interest on longer stories? That being said, a classic fightclub story is usually one that looks fun to write. Can always make a lot of interesting characters and reasons why they are fighting. Hope to see how it goes.

>>259568

>>259582

Thanks for the words m8s.

>>259584

>Still losing interest on longer stories?

Pretty much. Well, I never lost interest in long stories, and all the ideas floating in my head are too long to mash into one-shots. That being said, I've always wrote myself into a corner, and not been able to work on something I find satisfactory in all cases. Two that I've got going (Wight tender femdom + Salamander adventurous stuff) are pretty much dead in terms of interest. Like, I'd still salvage whatever ideas I threw into them, but they wouldn't be the same stories.

I want to continue the Yeti romance which started as that guy's birthday present from a year ago, but at this point I might as well just scrap it and rewrite the whole thing. Out of those three, it's the one I want to continue the most. Just that I'm not sure if anyone's still reading. Still upset that it took 10k words until it got heated.

Hopefully this better prepares me for not shafting my multi-part stories. Sorry for walls of text. Thanks bro.

>>258889

So I'm thinking of swapping out the Hellhound romance for another MG, in the spirit of using a less common one. Open to suggestions: is there one people would like to see in a dystopian setting?

>>259803

Here's a handful that might work and you don't generally see: Girtablilu, Gargoyle, Hornet, Minotaur (people usually use Holstaurs in stories instead), and Ogre (Though I can see why, since their basically a green Oni without an alcohol problem).

>>259803

I have a couple of ideas too, but I have to read the first chapter first to see if they fit. Will report back tomorrow.

>>259807

Thanks for the suggestions! Gargoyle is intruging.

>>259808

Probably best to consider it a mix of dystopia and post-apocalypse. The monstergirls aren't the dystopian part really.

Second part of the fight club story! I had fun writing it. Would appreciate continued reads.

http://pastebin.com/qkPhGwhe

First chapter got just a few more lines, a bit for p'orc, and some more set-up for electric chicken. Nothing big though.

Excited to continue this thing though, hopefully I don't trip up and stop.

>>259654

I'm also retarded, since those aren't walls of text. The paragraphs look bigger if you don't resize the quick-reply window.

>>259803

Any more calculating doms (since you said tender femdom)? I think that might work based on the chapter you wrote. The guy who mentioned Girtablilu is probably right. I think that'd be pretty cool.

>>259814

Definitely interested in future updates. It's quite good. I wonder what the Jinko's deal is. Just based on that she claimed she knew him, I'm curious how.

>calculating femdom

I'll check through some monster entries. Thanks!

>The guy who mentioned Girtablilu is probably right.

That was a good suggestion.

>>259814

Yep this is still a joy to read! I like the direction this is heading

New chapter of the fight club story is up! Took me a shitload of time to finish, since I kept scrapping portions.

http://pastebin.com/vftvsKd9

Hope people enjoy it. I feel comfortable writing this kind of stuff. Enough room to add in a generic conflict-of-the-day if I ever get stuck. I'm probably still going to find a way to write myself in a corner, though.

>>259901

>>259829

Thanks guys. Hopefully I can maintain this pace. Fastest I've been writing for /monster/. I actually thought Girtablilu would be pretty intelligent and calculating herself. It's not part of her description, but I feel she would be. Pretty cute too.

>>260447

Damn this is getting good! Thanks again for writing this. I've got quite a few ideas for story's if you'd like to hear them (after this is finished of course)

>>260447

Ayyyyyyy, look at you pumping out content. If you ever find yourself getting stuck, you can always come back here for some ideas if you need. I'm not sure if you'll need it seeing how you've already got good momentum in the story. Only question is how long you want it to go.

>>260447

Really looking forward to the next part :)

>Girtablilu

I think that's what I'm going to go with. I got a few ideas and I think it will work well.

>>259829

I have to hand it to you Spideranon, you understand this board's culture perfectly with your Bea saga, but still do a good job with the edgy stuff.

That is a very convincing Paladyke dystopia.

And well done on your rewrite for your Victorian story. The only thing I would say is the era feels more Napoleonic/Romantic than Victorian. In burgerland we associate the era with industrialization, steam technology and bourgeois politics.

>>259972

just make a guest pastebin. I am not going to fight my phone to read this, and I am sure others feel the same way.

>>261160

Thanks. :-) I'm very eager to get cracking on the Girtablilu dystopia. It's going to be a great fit I think.

>The only thing I would say is the era feels more Napoleonic/Romantic than Victorian. In burgerland we associate the era with industrialization, steam technology and bourgeois politics.

I kind of oscillated on the timeline - sometimes they are doing things from the 1890s and other times they act like 1760. My initial goal was to monsterize Pride & Prejudice with a bit of Lovecraft thrown in.

I do still want to rewrite the last part of the series to be more goblin-y. I have a thing mapped out but I just gotta write it.

Shorter, boring-ass exposition/interlude/char-development chapter for Fight Club writefaggotry.

http://pastebin.com/YwqEgWVe

>>260661

Sure. Are they requests, or do you want to bounce off ideas to write something?

>>260994

Thx mang.

>>260808

Yeah, 2k+ words a day is even faster than a NaNiWriMo pace that some guys do. I'm not sure if anyone here does that stuff.

I need some help though.

Is Chapter 4 Jinko too angsty? And is there not enough going on in this chapter? I'm not sure how easy it is for someone to slog through 2.3k worth of emotional shit with nothing going on. Probably why I had trouble with the Yeti story.

Original main conflict was supposed to be a mega-racist human fighter, superior to sledgey-kun. His character was completely unbelievable and ridiculous in practice, though, so I scrapped it. I also wanted to write a "rumors destroy Sledge's reputation", possibly by a similar antagonist. These concepts were both supposed to be introduced by Chapter 3. Motivations for the rumor villain would be simple, but his credibility (getting anyone to trust him over the much more charismatic MC) and whatever kind of rumor eludes me.

Would like some help with that, if it's possible.

>>261230

>I need some help though.

She didn't seem too angsty to me. From her perspective she's at fault for running away from her father's death, and for running away from Mason in the process, even if he understands the need to get away after her father's passing. It felt like the right amount of angst to me. It also didn't feel like it dragged on, or that there wasn't enough happening. The hospital section and Judith's exposition both fit well into the chapter, and it seemed like a good stopping point, with their first real chance to talk being the end.

>>261230

I'm not feeling like anything was over the line in that chapter. They had a discussion outlining what happened, her reasons and they resolved it to a fair degree. As for the spoiler, I'm not sure why you'd go for a villain at this point. It just feels a bit out of left field. You can use a goal to reach the top, or if you really want to stick with the idea of an antagonist, you could go with that manticore. Don't make her entirely evil, but rather make her as a fighter that likes to show she's top mon. Nothing wrong with an antagonist that isn't evil. She can still be cold or stuck up outside of the ring, but still be normal and believable. The other path would be to make the relationship the focus. As for right now, you created two conflicts and you wrapped one up. The only remaining conflict would be Mason's feeling's for Judith and hers for him (including how protective she is of him). Mason will need help getting back into shape when he can actually exercise, so you can get her to help him and use that as a means to get them closer. Maybe have some nostalgic sparring reignite old flames. Either path is fine. Once again, I'm not sure if you want a longer story or a small one and keep it simple. That doesn't mean you can't do continuations in the future if you think of anything, either.

>>261257

>>261230

Forgot to mention that for the manticore fight, you can have either Mason or Judith fight her and have them help each other as time goes to further the relationship. The difference in the two things I suggested would be that one would be a more tame story where as the other one would more focus on the fight club itself. There's also no reason to not do both. Sorry for double post and walls of shit.

>>261230

This was a good chapter, I'm really impressed that you've been able to do one a day!

>Sure. Are they requests, or do you want to bounce off ideas to write something?

Requests, anyone can take a crack at these if they want (I love comfy, sappy/mushy stuff)

1. Hellhound returns home after long business trip to her husband and 3 pups

2. Guy returns home after business trip to find out that his Yeti wife had trouble sleeping without him

3. Guy befriends a Jinko while running one day. They become exercise partners and fall in love

4. Guy moves into a new apartment and feels like he's being watched. Eventually finds out its the Cheshire next door who has a crush on him

5. Guy is alone at a bar "celebrating" his ex-girlfriend moving the last of her stuff out of his place. Meets a nice Ushi-Oni who listens to him talk about what's on his mind

6. Guy gets set up on a blind date with a Ren Xiongmao by his Ryu boss

>>261160

Someone else archive >>259972 story in new thread arready.

http://pastebin.com/yCnN0XV2

>>249994

My first real storytiem attempt, more later.

http://pastebin.com/UkgKDgpe

Advice would be welcome~

>>261375

>storytiem

>welcome~

>that title

>all these grammar mistakes

>a space in between every sentence

>survicor changing to servicor for whatever reason

I feel like I'm looking at bait and I can't tell anymore. Your first sentence starts with an adverbial phrase, and it doesn't have a comma after it. I also feel that your first sentence is best split at where you put the comma, because the newly formed sentence after that starts with another adverbial phrase. You might have known this as it is capitalized, but just make sure your read it over twice to catch any mistakes. "Because" is a word that can be used as a conjunction, preposition and an adverb, so it's a little weird. You should be able to hear the pause in actual speech, though. "Because of ——-, (a small but distinct pause) the-" Sometimes you can hear where a comma would go. Starting with time elements and other things that give context to independent clauses generally require a comma separating them. Make sure to put periods at the end of your sentences, because basic mistakes tend to drive me up a fucking wall. Once or twice is fine, but it happens a lot in the first paragraph, which is my first impression of you as a writer.

There's also some things in the writing not related to grammar. I don't understand why one would put "Chapter 1" in their pastebin entry itself, because that is what a title at the top is for. Your opening paragraph could use a bit of work. I feel line 4 and 5 should be switched and that line 6 should be after 2. It's weird to mention the islands, skip over it, and then mention it again 3 sentences later. Try to organize ideas. I also find it weird that you touched on these "primordial microbes" but didn't talk about any theory behind them or what this meant for the wildlife in anyway. You just mentioned it and left it at that. No shame in describing it later, but it does feel a bit out of place and a bit random. Your first paragraph also stops abruptly. This is your first paragraph and thus the first thing we have to form an opinion on. Add some intrigue or speculation to end it on and keep us in it.

You definitely need practice, but that's what this thread is for. Try not to get too discouraged.

>>261464

>Are you telling me to add spaces or That there are too many spaces?

Look at your first paragraph and then look a this: http://pastebin.com/DcecibQ5

It's a good idea to separate lines of dialogue from different people to keep things from getting confusing, but in your first paragraph you went down a line for every single sentence. It's not a huge point, but doing that is just unnecessary.

>yeah i'm not sure what to go with..

Might as well go with "servicor", because it was a servant that was "corrected" to not be unruly. Don't change it midway, because that will get confusing. I don't like pastebin either as it doesn't allow you to format your text, but that's not what it was meant for anyway. Can't really help you on the grammar program. I don't mind too much as long as commas aren't abused and are used somewhat correctly, capitalization at the start of sentences and proper nouns, and periods are included at the end of sentences. This isn't a scholarly paper, so I don't mind small things. Not that I wont point it out anyway.

>>261259

Thanks for all the help. Yeah, I'm not too big on 100% evil antagonists, or those with no redeemable traits. Kind of why I can't find a way to write in the guy. Queen might be a bit easier if she needs to be an antagonist. The main reason I want to think of something like that, is because I'm running out of direction. I'd like some tangible source of external conflict. There's enough internal conflict with Judith being the way she is, but I'd like something to give an illusion of progress, if that makes any sense.

>>261303

Those are some pretty neat ideas. I wanted to write something similar to the second, but didn't. It was about an Oni who's actually a big softie and slept with a stuffed animal. Once she started sleeping with her boyfriend/husband, she didn't need it anymore. Then when he leaves for a few nights, she can't find it. Tough girl shenanigans ensue. That might be another similar suggestion, if anyone wants to write it.

>>261464

I wrote a bunch of stuff and then deleted it. Try kwrite, by the way. It's simple and lightweight, and efficient for literature. Not as good at programming as Notepad++ might be, but it still has various syntax highlight elements if you need them. Use hunspell or aspell if no dictionaries are available.

>Are you telling me to add spaces or That there are too many spaces?

He's referring to the line-breaks/newlines. If you don't organize your writing into paragraph, it reads like a greentext. Use two line-breaks to separate paragraphs (non-digital literary works use only 1 to conserve ink/paper), and avoid having multiple speakers in the same paragraph.

I'd highly recommend saving the expo-dumping from the first six lines and distributing them later in the story when it becomes relevant. For now, you need a ton more exposition on the scene going on in the chapter. I found it hard a bit hard to follow. Some more vivid description would also be appreciated. You don't have to delve into some disgusting purple prose, but it'd certainly help to add some elements of visualization, if only to make the scene a bit clearer.

>>261491

>>261478

Oh i see what you mean with the spacing..

I might actuallly just use wordpad, it has what i want.. Bold/italic, centered text, colored text.

Also thinking about putting it all into flash along with some bg pics.. I might be overreaching but i want to put in different arcs depedant on reader choice, not a vn just some variation on what kind of mg to end up with.

My next question is does 8ch disallow .swf and/or do people feel uncomfortable with opening .swf for some reason?

Thanks for help so far~

>>261501

>My next question is does 8ch disallow .swf and/or do people feel uncomfortable with opening .swf for some reason?

Don't do something weird; just copy your story into pastebin when it's done. We'll read pastebin links. I won't download a file from here.

>>261509

I can't put pictures in with pastebin.. Isn't there some site where i could upload the .swf so people can view it directly?

>>261511

It's more a matter of people being wary of the security risk that downloading a file like that represents.

If you're posting here, you could add some pictures when you post the pastebin link, if you wanted to do it that way.

Ayyy more fight club. Already five chapters in at this point.

http://pastebin.com/6wgzevVC

Had a very hard time keeping Queen balanced. There's so much elements to keep in check, like smugness, edginess, power, and admiration for Judith. Might still be a bit too edgy.

I thought it was just Edith, but I think I might be hooked on smugness. If someone's gonna write smug cuddles, then tell me because I like both of those things.

>>261619

I'm not feeling the edge in her. She seem's fairly normal as she tries to uphold her character. The only odd thing is that she tells Mason to make Judith quit. If somebody is proud and they admire somebody for their fighting prowess, wouldn't they want to fight that person? She also knows that a match between them would bring in a lot of people, which would make her more popular and help to assert dominance. The only thing I'm thinking is that she might want to stay in top shape until championship round. I'm not seeing a reason for her to not be excited for a fight. Other than that, I like the character. If you want to write smug, you can always write about how a manticore, faggot cat, maybe a gremlin, and a hellhound dick around in their younger years. Write about their stupid, smug adventures. I wouldn't know what you'd write about, but that's more than enough smug if you want it out of your system.

>>261372

Since no one with any real rep or skill will give you any feedback, I'll give it a shot. Mind you, I have no eye for fastidious grammar and I will probably make a few editors here cringe.

Firstly you are a man of fine tastes:

Hellhounds, face-sitting, harem of sisters = My Nigga!

I really liked the narration of the lewd scenes

However you need to work on pacing and consistency of mood.

First of all the Negoes, hellhounds and Cadillacs plotline, gave an unwanted comedic tone every time it is mentioned.

Greentext is too short a medium to gracefully transition the changes in mood and character you describe.

MC goes from grim super soldier exposition to getting a blowjob by the heroine in only a couple of pages. Then he switches sides, gets another bj and then the action happens

I can guess that you figured on a board so overloaded with erotica, that hardcore action would be a better hook. Unfortunately because of the previous issues I never could be immersed enough to feel tension.

Lack of tension made it more obvious the best lewds happen far too early in the story.

Usually in erotic fiction,if the reader blows his load 1/3 of the way through the story, then so has the writer. Most monstergirl stories, you keep the reader blue-balled a bit until the climax.

But hey ,your greentext got more feedback then mine have ever had so feel free to ignore anything I have said.

>>261590

Its not as if actionscript can affect your browser or anything outside of it..

Anyhow, think i'll upload it on .pomf, so people can directly view the file without having to download.

>>261375

I tried to apply the suggestions people posted here also added some more story.

http://pastebin.com/c8MaWG14

I have a general question, is there such a thing as a Monster girl language?

For the setting in my story seems a little odd that mgs would know how to speak english, i want to make initial interaction more realistic.

If no existing language, i could try to create some kind of egyptian-esque language.(because ammit.)

>>261619

This has been pretty great so far! I honestly just expected a simple one shot, again thanks for doing this my friend. Take it in what ever direction you feel like, I'll be happy [spoiler]as long as this series ends with sledge getting big cuddly bear hugs from Judith… I demand post-coital snuggling and other comfy stuff that is inherent to fluffy girls[spoiler]

>>261704

So take writing more seriousry then, and it be ok? Rike, no greentext and put 交往 with 黑鬼 at very end then. I write nighound stories sometimes because I think they're funny, and a certain board owner made of porcelain from a different board thinks their funny too and asks me to do them. Plus, it's good practice.

More Fight Club stuff. Chapter 6 already.

http://pastebin.com/Sh8pweBH

>>261641

Yeah, you caught that awkwardness too. I had a number of different routes I wanted to take, so I ended up settling on this one in Ch-6. Sits in better with the conversation in the previous chapter than my other ideas.

I thought I didn't back myself too far into a corner though. Every chapter seems to get harder and more complex to write.

>>261933

Thanks guy, it's Judith is indeed cuddly. And yes, not a one-shot, but it's definitely the longest I've gone so far without quitting. And hopefully I don't quit since that's been the trend with my other works for /monster/. Would be nice to actually finish this without realizing "this won't work".

>>262172

>That last line

Hype! You're now tied with Colder Nights at this point. I hope you're enjoying writing these as much as I do reading.

>>261943

Never let some random, nameless autist stop you from creating in any medium; especially greentext. I swear /MGT/'s REEEflex has stopped more promising authors than carpal tunnel syndrome. Don't let my autism stop you, or your oc.

When I think a story is great, the consensus agrees. That is the definition of pleb taste.

Plebs don't make up book award juries. However we make up quite a few mobs, so keeping us happy can be important.

Spideranon's current work cuz I love what he does with his penis a good example:

>>258889 Dystopia (dramatic and foreboding)

>>259299 Azaroth Quest(batshit funny action)

Both are well done, but like maledom and femdom threads, he keeps the absurd and dramatic far apart. The point is consistency of tone.

Your work reminds me of http://pastebin.com/rQe2iEht

If it had ended at the fourth chapter, it would easily be on my top 3 Hellhound tales.

MC's relationship with gangta hellhound was well paced and hard won. Narration was spot on for the character, even the jokes worked.

And then Shrek showed up.

>>262265

>Detroit Hellhound

I think he also had an elf story that had some potential, but one day he decided to stop writing. It's a shame he doesn't do anything anymore. He might still be around, though.

I'm trying to get into writefagging.

Please take a look- it's really short.

http://pastebin.com/GUZ8WiH7

Sorry if it's got some grammatical issues. Haven't had much English in the past few years, I'm afraid.

>>262331

Fuck, now that I had my coffee, I probably should have re-read it more carefully. Sorry for some of the more retarded mistakes.

>>262263

Yeah, getting to the comfy parts around now. And yeah, I do like writing it, otherwise I'd be going a lot slower. And Colder Nights is almost going to have been a year old from the start. Ouch.

>>262331

Hey, that's cool. Just fix up "absolute no hesitation". Many lines have punctuation marks both before and after a quotation mark. The majority of punctuation comes in before a quotation ends. If you're defining a quote with a verb of speech like "I said" or "I shouted" and use a comma, keeping the capitalization of the current sentence consistent.

Line 31 has a question, followed by "I demanded', which is quite contradictory given the context that he certainly isn't pressuring her into an answer. It also contains "my resolve resolute," which is redundant outside of any stylistic choice of speech, much like saying "lewd lewdness." Your English is good enough though. Clearly readable.

As for the story itself (and the characters within), I'd need a bit more to come to any sort of conclusion. MC seems to be on the artistic side of things. Seems cute to me though.

Other than that, it's cool. I like the large amount of whitespace you left, makes it it seem a lot more slow paced. Is this part of something bigger you want to write, or some sort of flash-ficton?

>>262351

Thanks for the suggestion.

Well, no, I'm really bored and I figured it's prolly a better idea to write short shit first before delving into a fuckhueg novel.

>>262379

Hey, salamander merc dude. College still fucking you up?

>>262366

It's not bad. Initially it was a bit confusing what was going on, but the reader can piece together what happened

>>262389

More or less. I'm working on the plot for the next installment but it might be a while before I get it out

>>262172

Yay! Romantic development, can't wait for the next chapter

>>262366

The writing seemed fine to me. It flowed well and there weren't any points where I feel like it tripped me up.

Chapter 7 of Fight Club things.

http://pastebin.com/DGeYyH0R

If anyone's interested, the movie they watch was from an idea I wanted to write. It's just as it goes in the movie, badass bodyguard dude and princess-y damsel in distress Thunderbird, but their personalities outside of the set are reversed. And of course they fall for one another outside of the set as well.

Might be a cool idea if someone wants to try it out. Since I sure as hell know nothing about acting as a business.

>>262671

Good shit, man. I'm trying to figure out what has Judith so worked up about the Queen fight though. My hopeful theory for the plot is that whoever wins their fight gets to claim Mason, but whatever it is, it'll probs be good.

>>262694

If anything, I'd think queen is taunting her over the relationship to try and make it more personal. Toy with her and all that.

Eighth and final Fight Club chapter is finished! It's a long chapter. Enjoy.

http://pastebin.com/aU04Cx3M

And the first chapter is here if you want to read from the start and get in on this fighty drama shit. >>259555

Thanks for reading dudes. I appreciate the help I needed partway through and the feedback. Didn't think the story would last so long when I first started. So now I can stop shitting up this thread. Until next time.

>>263066

Oh of course the manticore won cant have the board favorite losing now can we?

Liked the story though just manticores being mary sues in stories they show up in irks me a bit

>>263066

Thus marks your first completed story. Good stuff and was a good read to the end. I kind of knew that the manticore would win. Just had a Rocky moment feeling in there. That and poison is bullshit.

>>263066

That was a comfy ending. Thanks for writing, it was a good time.

>>263066

One final time thank you for writing this! This was a really enjoyable story until next time write friend

>>263074

>>263089

>>263136

>>263201

Thanks people. I thought Queen was alright, but I guess that's fair enough. Poison is pretty hard to balance out rather than just punching stuff like the other characters.

Was fun though. It'll suck to have to get rid of the characters I wanted to write more on.

>>263314

>It'll suck to have to get rid of the characters I wanted to write more on.

You don't have to if you want to do something like a short bonus. Maybe something that'll put Queen more into perspective. You can always come back to it if you want. It's your story.

This is my first attempt at writefagging.

Decided to do some Nureonago

http://pastebin.com/gMdteCW6

>>263393

Let me start out with something positive by saying that I like the lack of an exposition dump at the start and you just get to the story and bring out the world via dialogue. Your grammar is also fine for the most part. I would like if the lines, paragraphs and dialogue were more neatly organized and separated. Refer to the pastebin link in here for an example: >>261478

It's less of an eyesore and seems much more neat. It also makes it easy to keep track. As for the story itself, I'm not sure what to say. They had some magic connection and I guess shit just worked out? He goes from being scared to death to fairly attracted to her form, which felt fine. Next, she goes down into what must have been a fucking huge pothole that she, as a slime made of water in the pouring rain, could not climb out of, and then he sees her and they suddenly have this magical, unspoken connection where she could feel what he's been through? If you brought up the idea that the tears itself would be absorbed into her and thus giving her that glimpse into his life, then I'd actually accept that and it seems that might have been the case, but there's no allusion to it, so it could have just been magic for all I know. It's also weird that he even cried at all. The ending felt out of nowhere and had the feeling of "I've got to find someway to bring them together and end this." I guess the psychiatrist line told us that he's fucked in some way in some ways with emotions and that's what brought it on, but I've honestly had to read from lines 92 to the end about four times thinking I missed a few lines somewhere. While I'm nitpicking, line 68 should end with a period and I believe nureonago clothing is actually their slime, so her taking off her sandals wouldn't make sense if she was still going into the house as an amorphous blob.

>>263314

I'd love to read a lazy day chapter with Mason and Judith! Do what ever you feel like brother. You created these characters so you can keep writing about them if you want

Anyone have any feels stories that they can share? I personally find them interesting, especially if it ends up all good. But by no means exclude depressing ones.

>>263521

http://pastebin.com/BBtCkd6i

>>263523

Ayy thanks bruh, it was a good read.

>>261303

Did #1 on your list. Linking to my pastebin because fuck it, someone was going to figure it out eventually.

http://pastebin.com/CPjXEEhp

>>263500

>>263567

Running Laps' pastebin upload is here if people want to read it:

http://pastebin.com/A5V24NtH

It's indeed feely.

>>263981

Thanks. You wouldn't also happen to have the ara neighbors kitsune greentext, would you? Been looking for that.

I redid the last part of my final Victorian story finally. This was to correct the non-Goblin solution of the Challenge. People eager to see a manticore lose will probably like this Hopefully this new version is more satisfying.

Challenge De Coeur pt 3 (Redux)

http://pastebin.com/KRcsQVj9

For reference the first too parts of the story. Note: it was quite femdom.

Part 1

http://pastebin.com/dwZxDdL6

Part 2

http://pastebin.com/TkwnjNfb

I'm going to start work on the dystopian scorpion-girl story next. Hopefully I can crank something out this weekend on that.

>>264110

I put Spidernon in the email field. Heh.

>>264110

>>264111

Gfd. Linked the wrong part 2. I give up.

Proper link is below:

http://pastebin.com/W8HJMkAu

>>264110

I kind of like the fact that mother came in for the KO given her history. I don't think her joining in was even remotely fair, especially with her doing everything, but if it was fair, then it wouldn't be fitting for a goblin. Jewing the rules also feels more in character for a goblin than before, so I do like it more than the previous one. My biggest problem from the previous ending was just that it was entirely out of nowhere, and it's remedied in this one. If you read the one before, you'd know that Deena has a connection to mother, and that Deena pretty much said she connected Aggie. It all makes sense.

This is my second attempt at trying to writefag with a 'mean while in /human/' style story with a hint of a cyoa as the main character takes advice from the 'monsters' and humans that use the board. English isn't my first language so there maybe something I missed here and there. http://pastebin.com/DRPqTpmy

>>264125

I'm glad this one works better. I figured having challenges be slated toward smaller monsters and Aggie figuring this out would work better. I would have needed to do a PoV shift to make the other ending work I think."

Why do some people who write greentexts not put their protagonist's quotes in quotation marks? I find it very annoying that there is no differentiation between the main character's actions, thoughts and speech and can be confusing at times

Is there any reversed gender role stories?

>>263876

Shieet Nigga!

If you had done this in the beginning I would have seen http://pastebin.com/CPjXEEhp and http://pastebin.com/xADzMF8v.

I wouldn't have have wasted that wall of text thinking you couldn't keep a consistent mood. You kept the black humor heh story funny and the comfy lewd story comfy.

>>264161

Honestly I would start from 10 and break up the infodump of 1-9 and put them as a sentence in relevant scenes.

The infodump is particularly unneeded since you do a good job of mentioning his past in the following paragraphs.

In 10-12 you establish that the MC: works at a auto shop, is a paladin, has a friend jimmy, and is awkward with monsters.

tuba wear container yeah auto correct can be a bitch.

>>264175

Dammit spider can you get any less egotistical, and any more professional, when it comes to responding to criticism and refining ? Someone may start paying you to write. and then you will have to stop posting here =(

Wondering if I might get some thoughts from some anons on a story I've been formulating recently.

Basically, this young Human ends up getting taken hostage by Dwarves. You see, he's the son of the local nobleman, and he's kidnapped of the orders of the Dwarf king. Why? Because his father has been in near war with the Dwarves over the mines in the hills/mountains bordering their realms. The King has the idea that if the young man marries one of his daughters, then they'll be peace between the two sides.

That's the basic plot as of right now, what say you all?

>>264803

>thicc shortstacks

go on…

>>264685

I imagine that this would work: http://pastebin.com/yJqbYH7e. I'm sure there are much more out there, but the topic never really interested me.

>>263117

My heart…

>>264768

> Someone may start paying you to write

tbh I see little reason to go that route nowadays vs self publishing. Publishing through a big house (not that they're beating my door down) gives you a slight marketing advantage but they don't waste time on you. If your first book doesn't fly off shelves quickly they won't publish a second book. The old adage is that a second book is harder to publish than a first. In exchange for that they get most of the profits and creative control. There are enough people who want to be authors that they don't need to give second chances or fair contracts.

Incidentally as an unsolicited piece of advice for people, if you truly want to make money at writing, be an editor or cover designer. The real money to be had is getting people who want to be authors to pay you. At lot of rookies will pay top dollar for editing, illustration, etc, and not see a dime of it come back to them. Don't ask how I know this.

Since nobody read this last time, I've posted it into a pastebin

http://pastebin.com/vLemHWBr

>>264807

Not so much "thicc" as "swole". Dwarf princessess are still Dwarves. Anyway, here's the intro so far.

It was near midnight on a late autumn night, and Tanner Goodwyn was drunk, tired and cold. In fact, the only thing keeping his spirits up was that he was fifty silver pieces richer than he had been when the night began.

He had spent the night playing cards at the home of Sir Alec, a young knight in his fathers service, and something of a wastrel. His father didn't approve of him spending so much time with him claiming he'd lead Tanner into trouble. Deep down, Tanner agreed, but Alec was the only man his age for many miles that Tanner could freely associate with. After all, the son of a duke could hardly drink ale with the local farmers in the local ale house, could he?

>>264847

The MC is certainly a different character tyoe than most MCs here, so that's interesting. I'm curious to see where you go with it.

>>264899

It's a strong start but it's only a few paragraphs. More would be nice :)

>>264899

Not much to go on, but what's there looks good.

>>264847

Interesting little character study. But I have to ask this guy, is it all worth it? He's climbing the corporate ladder and all that, he's rich as hell and could have any woman he pleases.

But he doesn't. He rides around in his fancy convertible, knows all the top buisness talent in the area, all the best spots, all the best lays.

But does it make him happy?

When does he realize that he doesn't have anyone, when he's crushed half a dozen hearts on the way to the top and caused a lot of grief. He's not a sociopath, he knows wha he's doing is wrong. Will he hit some glass ceiling, be forced to realize you have to have some degree of skill to get to the top aside from ruthlessness? How would he react to the frustration? Would he think about all the things he's done, the people he's hurt?

Or worse, would some Mamono he's met come stalking after him? Would he come home one day to find a trap laid for him, an angry lover spurned? Would she end his quest for the top or would he find a way to get rid of her?

Or would she make him realize after all these years of being "patient" he's become far more lonely than successful?

Interesting idea anon, gave me a lot to think about. I kind of hope you choose to do more with it.

>>264847

Your spacing is all fucked. Sometimes one sentence, sometimes two, and some even have a full paragraph in there. Some of it is for the effect, but the rest just seems random. I'm going to reference it a third time: >>261478. Be consistent with that shit. Starting off, it's a bit weird to start with a negative of "I'm am not a good person" and then have the positive of "always will be" in the next line. It's "for my quest" and not "question," right? Not sure what the question would be. That's really tiny, though. I'd read a story about a dude who tried to whore himself to the top. It's obvious it won't work out too well for him, but I'd like to read the adventure.

>>258889

Next chapter of Girtablilu femdom romance in post-apocalyptic dystopia

http://pastebin.com/NGPCK87w

>>265287

Pretty cool to see this new chapter. I liked the Teutoberg Forest metaphor you threw in, thought that was a clever comparison.

I'd recommend toning down on the use of ellipses. They're quite applicable to March's speech, but not so much in the narration. There are 41 ellipses in this chapter alone. That being said, it's nowhere near as big of a deal as the overuse of exclamation marks. Just something you might want to look into.

Might wanna see if you can replace several mentions of the "melodic voice" (7 times) with something else. For example, you can use the positioning of the voices to gauge how March perceives who is talking. You can also try speech patterns (though it's not as pronounced in this case), and of course the reader can have some idea of who's speaking just through line spacing. A bit of actions and what March feels, then followed up with some dialogue will probably make that part more seamless and immersive.

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice though. It's just stuff I thought would help.

Very cool though. Looking forward to scorpion hugs and whatever's next.

>>265369

>I'm not sure if you're looking for advice though. It's just stuff I thought would help.

Comments are always welcome. I tightened up the end section a bit to remove the 'melodic voice' down to two mentions. If it was distracting it's best to avoid such a thing.

>>265033

>>265042

Thanks, I won't past too much on here, as this will be a full length story I hope to get some money from. I will post teasers from time to time tho.

>>265511

Updated intro fam.

It was near midnight on a late autumn night, and Tanner Goodwyn was drunk, tired and cold. His mood however was buoyed by the fact that he was fifty silver pieces richer than he had been when the night began.

He had spent the night playing cards at the home of Sir Alec, a young knight in his fathers service, and something of a wastrel. His father didn't approve of him spending so much time with him claiming he'd lead Tanner into trouble. Deep down, Tanner agreed, but Alec was the only man his age for many miles that Tanner could freely associate with. After all, the son of a duke could hardly drink ale with the local farmers in the local ale house, could he?

He sang as he rode home 'And the the maid said to the lord…'

A pine cone dropped to the forest floor and rolled in front of his horse. Before he could react, his horse reared up in panic, and threw him end over end before bolting. After catching his breath, Tanner managed to prop himself up one one knee before he felt something hit him in the back and he was enveloped in a glowing cloud.

'What?' he murmured before his tongue grew heavy, and his vision dimmed

The last thing he saw before passing out was three short, stocky figures approaching him.

>>265672

I'd add a bit more description to the bit where he's thrown off the horse, at least adding something about knocking the breath out of him when he hits the ground. The way it's written now, we don't know it's happened until he's already recovering. That's the way I'm reading it, at least.

The part with the pine cone as well. There's no mention of being in a forest before that part, and no description of the trees, or whether they're overhanging the road or whatnot, so I've got no idea if the pine cone dropping down is supposed to be out of place.

Still, looks interesting, and I think you've got an interesting premise for your story.

>>265729

Thanks, I often have to go back and add stuff because I tend to get chunks of dialogue/exposition that need pulling together into a whole.

Rough story outline offered up for anyone interested to be inspired/blatantly steal.

Kitsune girl crushes on dashing traveller, Indiana Jones/S&W Lawrence type.

After one night stand he isn't interested in her any more.

Kitsune uses disguise magic to seduce him again, one night stand/moving on cycle repeats, no matter how lewd she gets he won't commit to her.

He wises up to the repeating gambit due to her new shape knowing too much mid-action, and goes limp.

He was cursed by jealous mon to never be able to get aroused by the same girl twice, Kitsune was circumventing him with deception.

Kitsune gets around problem by arranging threesomes with other mons.

>>265134

>>265033

I'm not sure where to take him. Should I

A) Reveal to us the purgatory he's dug himself into?

B) Get his retribution from some dominant monster(S)?

Or C) Show him in a battle of wits with a new hire?

>>265154

I will keep this in mind.

>>266188

i vote for purgatory first

>>265287

Something to watch out for is repetitive sentence starters. In the beginning, especially with line 5, you started with "He" so often and it makes the sentences boring. It makes me feel like I'm reading off bullet points instead of reading a paragraph. I realize you want this part to be of his daily life and mundane as can be, but it's taxing to read. I might be one of the few with this issue, though. I'm fairly excited for what's next. The world is interesting even if it's PD.

>>266318

>repetitive sentences starters

I'm going to check for this from now on (or try to). Thanks for the feedback!

>>266708

Not a writer but I really like ideas 2 and 4! Write friends take notice of this guys ideas! (also preferably a Yeti for #2… Yeti hugs heal all)

Where is comfy orc anon? greenskin master race and all that…

>>266708

2 sounds like manticore purification, with the difference being that the manticore is trying to heal old wounds and actually get her love without the help of her poison. The update is coming never

>>266708

>Member of artic exploration team gets lost and is saved by a penguin harpy.

Penguins are antarctic, but yeah I get you. Might even do this if my brain decides to wake up. Or polar bears for something arctic. Or an arctic wolfgirl pack? So many possibilities. That's a good idea you posted.

>>266997

>Penguins are antarctic, but yeah I get you.

I actually think arctic works better.

>"Well, one of us is really lost"

>>266817

>The update is coming never

Don't say that, Anon.

>>267040

Change all the "them"s at the end to "him"s, and it's perfect.

>>267043

Until the awoo rapes someone it needs to be "them" … then I can see there a case for changing it to "him".

>>267044

Yes, that's why I said "at the end".

>Awoo! I raped a human man! I will keep raping, Ammit-san!

>And I will rape them for my race. And I will rape them in your grace!

>>267045

Shit, you're right. That kind of does look like it's implying plurality. That wasn't intended.

>>267045

I can't into reading tonight. I'm going to an hero now.

>>266030

If the guy was a chef and the writer was to lazy to keep going that was me. If you want I can try again.

I wrote another "Tales from Deleor" short story. This time it focuses on Patricia and is titled, "Long Wolf"

http://pastebin.com/3aK4zws3

>>267085

Lone Wolf*

What the fuck happened there.

>>267085

>There is alreayd not one, but two extra short stories.

I need to catch up to your other work, haven't read anything after the Ghoul mini series.

>>267085

Are all the stories set in the wizard quest universe?

I hunger for lore!

>>267130

Only Wizardquest, Illusionistquest, and these two Tales from Deleor stories are set in that universe. Everything else beyond Code Wight and Gone Ghoul are one offs

>>267130

>>267123

Although,is there any particular character you're interested in seeing more on?

>>267013

There was this >>266194. That gives a bit of hope.

>>267132

Harmony AKA best girl.

>>267132

No non at the moment not till we're further into warrior quest at least tou and the writeman are doing a great job building the universe though

Also how would you feel if wizard quest got turned into a manga?

Sneak peek at the new National Geographic documentary about the DOTR.

>During the Day of the Rape, monster girls aren't the only predators.

>In fact, what should be their victims can also be their doom.

>Here we see a specimen of a human subspecies, a /monster/ anon, out of his natural habitat.

>Most of his time, he would stay at home, or go to work with other humans, or even socialize, like any other human.

>But on this faithful day, the /monster/ anon, which doesn't have any mate, slowly walks in the streets, and sneak around.

>They can come in many sizes and forms, just like a human.

>But upon the DOTR, their senses are improved and are able to detect any mamono in a diameter of 250 meters.

>Despite this specimen's relatively lean stature, he is now an agile runner, sometimes hiding in the shadows and waiting for a mate who matches his preferences.

>On this faithful day, the /monster/ anon is a predator, a loving predator.

>Even queen dragons or greater demons aren't immune from an ambush.

>A hellhound is patrolling the area, possibly looking for humans to mate with forcibly.

>She came as the hunter, but she is now the hunted.

>Looking intensely at his prey, the anon slowly walks out of his hiding spot, taunting the hellhound into his trap.

>The unsuspecting monster, without questioning the human's strange behavior, will pounce on this "poor" anon to rape him.

>The anon launches his arms towards him and gently takes the hellhounds hands, rubbing his fingers with hers.

>The monster, unable to resist the sudden stimulation, is completely confused.

>She attempts to break free from his grasp, but the /monster/ anon as another skill to subdue his victim.

>He now pats the head of his prey, stimulating the hellhound even harder, while constricting her in a loving embrace.

>The monster cannot keep up, figuratively transformed into mush with this much bliss.

>It is time to deal the finishing blow. When the monster is at this state, the anon will gently talk to his prey's ear, asking her to be his wife.

>The hellhound cannot do anyhting. She ended up being this human's only mate, and will keep holding hands during all their travel back to the human's habitat, where she will lovingly mate with her new husband, and become a loving housewife that cares for her family.

>>267137

I'm actually the author. Not promising anything, but I'll see that I continue writing later today or tomorrow.

>>267156

This is relevant to my interests

>>267158

No pressure, so take as long as you like. I just see somebody mention it every now and then and wonder what happened to it.

>>267227

"I will post these new threads. Try and stop me, you jew!

Two threads, and I call them Rabbit and Awoo!

These threads are our culture, you miserable shit!"

Then on the first page came Awoo and Rabbit.

And they were so damn cute! They said, "Good luck will come!

Be sure to say 'rabbit' if you want to get some!"

My penis and I did not know what to do.

Should we beat ourselves off to Rabbit and Awoo?

We gave it some thought, but the fags said "Mods! Mods!

These threads must be banned from this board! They stole quads!

We must purge them now lest they corrupt us all!

DEUS VULT! DEUS VULT!" Said the fags as they bawl.

"Settle down, nigger shit," Said the Cat with the Tats.

"These threads have cute girls." And she gave them a pat.

"They are pure. Oh so pure! They don't upset the Lord.

They will give some new life to this dead, dead, dead board!"

"Now here are the things they will post," said the Cat.

They post some cute mons!" said the Cat with the Tats.

"REEEE! Get off my board!" said the fags in a fit.

"They cannot post this on our board! It's furshit!

Oh, the porn they will dump! Oh, the shit they will yell!

Oh, these furfags should all be yiffing in hell!"

My penis and I saw them gain some more posts.

We saw those two threads bump until they had most!

Bump! Sage! Sage! Bump! All through most of the posts!

Rabbit and Awoo! They wear blooms! They wear spats!

Some drawfags made OC of wans getting headpats!

Their heads getting pats because they are good girls.

With great big smiles, it made their fuzzy ears curl!

Then those threads got bigger with bumps, dumps and pics.

And with hats and big Trumps, and dank memes in the mix.

And I said "Babe, maybe you're taking this too far.

If you're trying this hard then have a gold star!"

Then the fags said "Mods!" "Mods!" And the fags were amazed.

"The admin has come back online! Like we prayed!

Oh, soon he will purge this board! Soon they will flee!

Oh, I still can't believe he does it for free!"

"So, run while you can!" said the fags.

"In the chat. The admin! The admin is here!

"So, enjoy your ban, there's nothing left to do!

The admin is coming, and he'll gas all you jews!"

So, as fast as I could, I archived the threads.

And I said "These threads can be read after we've fled!

These threads will be read even if they are dead!"

Then I captured the threads just before they would drop!

And I saved them! At last! The threads came to a stop!

Then I said to the cat, "Is this really okay?

For our dank threads, is there no other way?"

"Oh dear," said the Cat. "It was not all in vain!"

"Oh dear, post again! Post again! Post again!"

Then she saved some more pics on her drive, deep within.

And the Cat went offline with a shit-eating grin.

"About time!" said the fags. "She has gone away! Wew!

And your ban will be next! Your ass is gassed, you jew!

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find some place you fit.

There are plenty more boards to be found at reddit!"

And then! Who was back on the board? Why, the Cat!

"I think not, you shit fag," said the Cat with the Tats.

"I bought the admin's account for only ten bucks…

I'll make this board great again, you miserable fucks!"

Then we saw her ban all the fags from the threads!

She banned all faggots, all cuckolds, all hotheads.

All harems, all beaters, all templars, all maledoms

All Cait Sith, all Skeetos, all Hump Eggs, all condoms.

She banned them forever, and said "That is that!"

Then she gave me paizuri with her fat cat tats.

Then our mother came in, and she said to us two,

"What the fuck? Anon, who is this woman? WHO?!"

My penis and I did not know what to say.

Should we tell her the things that went on here today?

Should we tell her about it? Now, what should we do?

Well… What would you do if your mother asked you?

>>267292

I had a few things in mind:

The Sneetches, but with tits instead of stars.

The Very Thirsty Manticore

Pat the Bunny. Pat the fucking bunny!

Rape, Wan. Rape!

>"Do you like my hat?"

>"I am going to rape you."

>"Goodbye!"

>"GET BACK HERE!"

I'm not actually gonna do any of these, but I do have another entry coming up. It's a pretty obvious one: How Danuki Stole Khenmaat

>>267227

Fug, that was much better than my gay Lorax spoof.

>>267132

Hey ace

How about some history/lore on the dwarves maybe work with writeman on it, since Patricia has been asked to look up lore on them

>>267195

Just keep mentioning it, because every time somebody does, I feel bad. And that puts pressure on me.

>>267227

>>267228

Absolutely beautiful.

Girtablilu post-apocalyptic Femdom story part 3 - this time with girtablilu!

Two notes -

1) I did this before the latest KC Gremlin stuff came out, so my Gremlins are like toothy Goblin shortstacks with more tech-saavy.

2) I'm kinda punchy right now. Let me know if there are any abrupt paragraph shifts. I just won't have much time for writing this week.

http://pastebin.com/QHYpKaky

>>268646

Thought the caste system from the last two chapters was pretty generalized and standard as far as dystopian settings go, but with the older alpha/beta/epsilon stuff, do you like a lot of the stuff from Brave New World, or does it influence a bit of the story? Just curious.

Nice stuff too, I like Penelope for thighs.

>>268646

Love this story… I know it is pretty generalized but still feels like a logical conclusion in a world where the fucking SJWs win

>>268795

Alpha/Beta is a pretty common internet breakdown nowadays between men, which is what I was going for, but I did go with Epsilons rather than Gammas as a hat tip to Brave New World. It's a good story. In general people overlook the dystopian nature of it in favor of 1984, which is more overtly violent. That makes the Brave New World dystopia more likely.

I also like Penny's thighs.

>>268651

>>268799

Thanks:)

>>267138

Here's another Tales from Deleor, because it's good to keep writing, even if it slows down my painting projects. Besides, you asked for Harmony, right? I'd sort of wanted to explore her past a little anyway

So anyway, here's Tales from Deleor: Revenant Memories With 100% more Harmony!

http://pastebin.com/8Qa0EiFs

Any prompts people want to read? I'm thinking of a kuudere Automaton story, but it's a bit too complex for me. Also fight club bonus chapter, but I've scrapped that so far because it doesn't really seem that readable to me. I just wanna write again.

>>268809

Yeah, BNW is a good book. Even with me being wholly unfamiliar with dystopian novels. But it's cool to see it in your story as I'm thinking, "Hey, I know this stuff."

>>268878

Do what appeals to you.

>kuudere Automaton story, but it's a bit too complex for me

What's your worry? A complex task is sometimes worth doing.

>>269181

I cleaned up line 883. I had meant it to be March saying it but I see it was unclear. I also added in the missing word. Thanks for bringing these up!

>>269571

You want long stories you say?

Well there's always a board favorite, Wizardquest: https://archive.is/eBiCg

(There's a mildly edited version on TFT that's more legible in the first few chapters, but half the charm is the threads themselves)

The related Barbarianquest:

http://archive.is/yYKIi

Both of these stories have sequels (Barbarianquest's sequel is running right now!) but this is plenty of reading for now.

This is totally not Ace

>>269571

There was a very different, novella length story about a paladin/guard which featured a kobold friend. I recall it was pretty long and well written but didn't get a ton of attention.

I recall it being posted in I think Writefag thread 3 but I can't find the link. Anybody know the one?

>>265729

>>265959

Me again, he's a bit I just wrote:

'You shall be my honoured guest until the spring, and you shall get to know my daughter. Shall I introduce you to her?'

'I should like that very much your Grace.'

'Good, good!' came the reply as he patted Tanners shoulders 'Saffir, come forward my dear!'

At his command three dwarf women came forward. The one to the left was clearly a warrior, with raven black hair, and rippling muscles. The second was what for a dwarf might be considered petite. She had blonde hair and gentle features. Both were beautiful in their own way, but the woman in the centre, and clearly the princess outshone them. She had the bluest eyes Tanner had ever seen, set in an expressive face with pale skin speckled with freckles, mostly across her small button nose, all framed by vivid red hair.

>>269595

I'd throw in a few more descriptive bits for the other two, since basically all they got was ripped and petite. Like the first one is a warrior, so you could mention some scars maybe, or just a more soldierly bearing, or gear. Other than that, I don't have a frame of reference as to what these dwarves are supposed to look like, but I'm guessing that's because the basic description of them would come earlier than this bit so we'd have some idea what to expect at this point.

>>269707

There's more description after this bit, I wanted to share the bit where the MC sees the princess for the first time.

>>269588

Sure its not

:^)

Wish authors of stories would upload their shit in .txt format somewhere, at this rate it will eventually be lost.

>>269819

i still have all of my word docs of the stories i've written, and i know you can save TFT stories as pdfs

>>268847

I am a bit late to the party but god damn, DAT LORE.

Been wondering what the status is with Twilight of the gods?

>>270179

I'm smacking at it. Somewhat limited in time/PC access at the moment due to work but it's still in the works. Sorry about the delay.

I think I need to write something, but I dunno what. I'm coming up with less and less reasons not to just start up another CYOA.

But if anyone had any non-lewd requests of either continuing something I've done before, or otherwise, I'll look into it.

>>269914

Thanks friendo. A little dry I know, but I think it did the job. These are small things anyway.

>>270420

Weresheep helping out an insomniac dude that evolves into lewd headpats and tender cuddling

>>270420

Like that one story on tft except they know eachother or something before hand. Go more in depth on it and give credit to the writer to prevent fags screeching "PLAGERISM"

>>270420

I know you've been writing the Tales from Delor side stories, and if you're interested in in writing another one of those, I'm curious to know what Chaika has been up to. How does she fill her time when she's not wandering around playing enforcer?

>>270425

Sorry, what story? The only story I can think of that I plagiarized beyond memes was Yeti Hugs and Sam and that was a Green Eggs and Ham spoof.

>>270428

http://touchfluffytail.org/?story=woolly-embrace

Good shit

>>270429

Dear Ammit that is some awful grammar.

>>270431

>not looking past grammar and seeing the potential for an interesting story

>>270432

>Defending poor grammar

>In a writefag thread

1800-come-on-now

I have an idea where a guy turns the tables on a danuki by getting into a relationship with one then blackmailing her with whatever shit he finds. Less lewd more JUSTICE but eh.

>>270451

>not knowing the whole picture

>it's his only story he posted on tft

Don't put virgin writefags down if the story they posted is the first one. That's how you get people to stop and our pool of writefags to stagnate and dry out when they leave. Also he might not be a native English speaker.

>>270453

I'd read it.

I actually have a bunch of ideas if you want to hear them. I dream of being a writefag in various mediums but I fear failiure and I don't trust myself to not fuck it up.

>>270469

Go ahead and name them.

>>270469

First: guy catches the eye of a manticore and she tries to use her venom but somehow he is immune to it and too fence to understand she tried to rape him. To get him she has to go at it the old fashioned way

Two: guy falls in love with the electric weasel after she saved his life via fluffy defibrillator

Three: variation on above mentioned danuki but the guy owns a small town business and one tried to help him only to get rejected because no one trusts them (for good reason mind you) and she has to prove herself.

Four: soldier from pre-demon lord time gets put into magical suspended animation and wakes up in a calm peace time with monster girls. To spice it up he's like a super soldier who was enhanced to hunt monsters and aid in wars, the price of this enchantment could me summed up with Not!buchers nails as they turn him and his friends into berserkers. He tries to keep a sense of humor and is actually a really nice guy. Flashbacks can flesh him out. came up with this after reading Horus Hersey: Betrayer novel thought it would be a cool CYOA but again, I'm afraid of fucking it up.

I come up with these all the time and after I found this board I started coming up with monster girls.

>>270476

Also phone posting this and auto correct makes me want to die

it's dense not fence in the first

>>270455

You seem to be missing the point, friend. Criticism here will always be on the harsh side. /monster/ is not a hugbox. If you don't want brutal honesty, this is not the place for you.

HOWEVER

In my experience, people here will never say 'stop'. Not once will someone be told 'you're just awful, never write again.' (Unless they continually post heresy, that is, in which case they're politely asked to shill their degeneracy elsewhere)

We want our writefags to git gud, and one does not do that with kid gloves and cotton wool.

>>270489

I understand the harsh treatment and find it the best way to make good writefags, but some small grammar problems can be looked over and constructive criticism>insults when it comes to help.

>>270489

I've not been her too long and I have experience with communities dying content wise because they rejected new blood from entering into the circle. I'd rather not watch a good community die again for stupid reasons.

>>270495

lurk more and stop taking things personally.

>>270510

>stop taking things personally

What

I just saying I've seen what happens to communities that alienate newfags too hard and I don't want to to happen here.

>>270511

you keep mistaking this place with /co/. Its not it will never be.

We're not them, you need to adapt, anyone who is new is going to have to adapt. And if giving a shit about newfags always ends up in disaster we already have 4chan's /a/current decline to prove that.

>>270513

>it can't and won't happen

Famous last words anon. But I see your point.

>>270426

I am seconding this too.

Looking for a pastern about a vampire that went into a boy's bedroom in his village, slept with him and took him back to be lord of the castle with her.

Looking for a pastebin about a vampire to goes into a boy's room in his village, sleeps with him and takes him to be lord of her castle. It's a few years old by now.

http://pastebin.com/0ZBk48jF so here's something I wrote because Nier traumatized me, about traumatized androids being taken care of.

>>272160

Well damn, that was a pleasure to read.

>>272160

adorable

>>272160

Screw you!

Now I want more.

Heeeeeeeeeeeey

>>270426

It sort of fits what you asked for, sorry it took so long. Painting up a Yncarne and then Nier ate up my free time.

Who am I kidding, shitposting killed my freetime

This story isn't exactly what she does in her free time, but it's kind of close. It's also going to mean something when I start Wizardquest 2 since this will take place ohhh a day or two before that starts.

Maybe I'll start next month. Let's hope I don't fuck it up.

>>272659

>tfw you forget the link

http://pastebin.com/s0ESP7BW

Fug. Anyway, it's called "A Matter of Faith"

>>272661

Ace, I'm already hyped as fuck for Wizardquest 2, you don't need to tease me with habbenings.

I did really like the story, though.

>>272659

Nice.

Not what I expected, but I enjoyed it a lot. I always felt like Chaika was a character that changed a great deal during the story, but hadn't really come into her own at the end of it, so I liked seeing how she'd grown in this one. Thanks for writing it.

Someone have a link to that one hellhound femdom story where a virgin mercenary gets captured by one? It had face sitting and foot worship.

>>272907

Good to see an update. Was wondering how you were going to go about a rescue and I like it so far. The only thing that's weird is that the Dauntless Hand are in one spot at the end, especially with small John getting his ass handed to him before. Did the bandits even know they were all among the same group or something? I can write it off for convenience as it's not really a story shattering thing. Just something I found weird. I'm honestly just happy to have more.

>>272907

You should drop all these awesome chapters onto touchfluffytail or Archiveofourown so they're all in one place.

>>273671

Good idea, I'll do that once the story's finished.

On a related note, did the plan to create some sort of proper /monster/ archive ever get off the ground?

Doing a new Hell's Kitchen Sink book. First chapter's up.

https://hellskitchensink.com/book-5-a-stranger-in-paradise/

>>272974

It's not a huge issue. It's just how I read it and it made me think they were the only ones in there, which lead me to think there was another holding area with the centaur's brother other prisoners and all that. It could just be my autism.

“It’s Bella.”

Chapter 2 of A Stranger in Paradise: Never Again a Flood

Available here: https://hellskitchensink.com/2017/03/29/never-again-a-flood/#more-607

Hey guys, I'm an inspiring writefag and I was thinking about doing a CYOA, something that combines my two favorite things. Monstergirls and Borderlands. How well would a borderlands themed MG CYOA go?

>>275207

Sky's the limit m8, I'm sure some will like it.

>>275207

>Boredomlands

As long as you avoid excessive use of memes, poorly written characters and lore/story that contradicts itself in-universe.

>>275207

>Inspiring writefag

Have you done anything else? I usually would recommend a short story or two before jumping to a CYOA. Getting the attention of your audience is very important, so I wouldn't make it a first time thing. It's not too uncommon for CYOA's to die in one post. That being said, I think you'll do fine as long as your grammar isn't total shit and you aren't a cunt to those who are participating. I like the idea of a foreign, lawless land and a goal of getting treasure. I liked the idea of the original borderlands where your characters had no real moral reason to do what they were doing. They just wanted the vault. Don't burch your plot, and you'll probably be fine.

>>275316

This. IMO do some writefaggotry stories first, maybe in-universe, then move on to the CYOA.

>Don't burch

This advice is the best ever given, not just on /monster/.

"Baron. You're hungover." "No, worse. I'm sober."

Chapter 4 of A Stranger in Paradise: Threescore and Ten

Available here: https://hellskitchensink.com/2017/04/04/chapter-4-threescore-and-ten/#more-642

>>249994

D

>>275793

O

>>275852

C

>>275907

not bad. short though. good prose, not overly clunky. time skip was handled rather awkwardly.

>>275852

T

>>275963

>time skip was handled rather awkwardly.

I thought about using a training montage, but couldn't figure out what to do with it, so I just scraped it. Probably should have expanded it.

glad you enjoyed it though

>>275907

Nice short story. There is a tense shift right at the beginning which I think you might want to tweak (was…was to is…is). Otherwise I liked it.

>>276397

Fix some spelling (minor mistakes like fir instead of for) and quotation marks don't need to be spaced before and after.

>>276533

(checked)

I edited it, hope it looks and reads better now.

>>277317

It does, good work so far.

Twenty Years has passed since the Apophean Eclipse, where the world once again was thrown into chaos by a confluence of realities. Locked in an interminable stand-off, Gods, Humans, and Mamono can do little more than hold the tenuous balance of the cold war which has gripped the known world since the Fall of The Raven and murder of Nagarani Lyssa, and the assumption of the Thrones of Hamunapt, Heliopolis and Memphis by Apophis, now styling herself as God-Queen, the Serpent of Midnight. In Caladon, the Taurean Jelena, only daughter of Horus and Hathor prepares to undergo the rites which will anoint her as a Handmaiden in service to her mother, making her a Priestess of Ammit in her own right. And amongst it all, still as inscrutiable as ever, the mysterious form of the girl Reitia drifts, orphaned daughter of Lyssa and Corvus, now ward of the leaders of the Ammitian faith. But peace so tenuously won cannot last forever, and the Agents of Apophis stand ready to strike. But even their guile must wait upon the Will of Ammit, who holds the very keys of death in her taloned hand, and history shows that she is not shy about unleashing the teeming dead when an irritant becomes too annoying…

http://touchfluffytail.org/?story=twilight-of-the-gods-handmaiden-2

Yes, I know, it's been fucking forever…

>>278739

oh boy, cant wait for reitia to totally have to die to make the big bad go away

>>278917

This series already got it's heroic sacrifice and his name is Bruce, m80. :^)

Seriously I'm not stupid enough to knock off one of /monster/'s mascot deities for cheap pathos, the bully would never end.

>>278739

Worth the wait. Kind of curious about Kylie If cheshires really are special mamono and can hop between different realities, will she be the one to save Corvus? And I'm shocked it's been over 20 years and Sam is still not done yet with learning everything.

>>278972

>Ayy lmaos who can SCIENCE into existence sentient rocks which have the power to tie reality into pretty little bows.

>"What do you mean the post-ELE human hasn't learned all their shit in 20 years?"

C'mon now… :^)

https://pastebin.com/2KWNeEJh

This is my story with my own totally original character. She is a Lilim and she's totally not like the other Lilim and if you steal her I'm going to be made, but you ask me you can maybe use her, except for you Tim Ashby from Class C.Fuck you.

But seriously it's a half shitpost half serious attempt at looking at an aspect of Monsterization and such.

>>279200 (checked)

>"And what if my greatest pleasure is being the way I am now?"

That line completely destroyed any empathy I had for Felicia. You gotta be a special kind of imbecile or sociopath to actually BELIEVE the 'I'm perfect just as I am.' shtick. There's a reason we feed that to five year olds.

Love the thought exercise Ace, but I think the philosophy would have been more believably delivered say, by her father who was having a moment of introspection, contemplating the possibility that he has lost his humanity after hearing about his daughter's exploits.

Either way, still definitely readable, gg m8.

>>279248

It wasn't meant to be taken in that context, as it clearly wasn't meant like that, but I guess I can see how it could be seen that way.

Poo. At least I triggered one lilimfag elsewhere.

>>279332

Why do good stories always go unfinished

Is a manticore getting called on her shit just too much to ask for?

>>279332

I hadn't given up. Should I?

>>279334

>>279343

I will finish it one day, I promise. I have to. The problem is that I'm just not capable of writing anything with a happy ending for the time being.

You have to understand that I'm actually an /agdg/ fag who's working on his first game and MP is me practicing my writing. I never wrote anything before (as in: anything whatsoever) and I'm not a native English speaker either. MP and the other stories I have in mind are about making sure that I have at least some experience when I start writing the story for my game. So it's important to me, not only because I don't want to disappoint you guys, but also because it's integral to a much more important project; at least one that's much more important to myself. I will come back to it, but I'll need some time.

For the past two days I've just been sitting in my room thinking, because I lack the strength to do anything more involved than that.

>>279356

Well… if you're worried about us not liking anything but a happy ending you would be wrong. Happy endings get boring after several stories and having one end on a bittersweet note would be interesting.

>>279389

I do have something that's bitter-sweet planned already. In fact, its ending is already written in a text-file named "guaranteed-replies.txt". But one thing after another.

What I meant to say was that I'm completely unable to do any work whatsoever right now. I'm simply devastated. I never felt like this before.

>>279393

I'll prove you wrong. Also thanks.

>>279448

Why the fuck does my ID change all the time? I don't remember that happening in the past.

>>279452

The bittersweet one is a different story altogether. Also, what you're describing isn't what I would consider bittersweet, but that may just be the German inside me speaking. I won't let you off the hook that lightly.

>>279456

I expected a low, soft ""bittersweet"". If you're actually going to try and fuck some of my shit up, I'd be down for that

>>279452

Nah man, it's cool. The story made /mgg/ mildly butt rustled so it all worked out in the end. I was mostly 'avin a giggle there with the sadness. Thanks m8

Also it turns out it's Ilassa and not Llassa. Learn something new every day.

>>279356

Story or not, Anon, I hope things work out for you.

>>279006

What about Kylie though? How critical of a role will she play when she does show up?