/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

first

Reminder to write a spooky story for halloween!

>>317709

kys

>>317711

doubledubs confirm

Manticore Purification when?

>>317715

Why would a manticore need to be purified?

>>317717

Same reasons as a blowfish, I guess.

sage for offtopic.

>>317806

>Anyway, I have been thinking: Is it wrong of me to have such high standards in women, despite putting so little effort into myself?

Absolutely not! Think of the situation you're in as a marriage marketplace where you're trying to negotiate the best deal for yourself. Openly having high standards is just one tactic you may use, either it works or it doesn't and I see no moral valence attached to it. Same with putting little effort into yourself, you can choose to keep that or change it depending on how little you can get away with. Directing your affection to a /monster/ waifu or similar also raises your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) because even if nothing works out with 3DPD you're emotionally at a higher baseline. Better BATNA = negotiation advantage.

t. autist with libertarian tendencies

I think most of the modern malaise of women is because men are undervaluing themselves tremendously. Men give out their attention freely and women find that convenient while not respecting them. Analogous to how sluts give out sex freely, which is convenient for meeting our sexual needs, but it will never lead us to respect them.

>be into wild girls

>go to school where all the monsters are meek, docile types

>district I live in almost all the same

>aggressive monsters around already picked their prey

>start class one day

>new student transfered to the school

>it's a salamander, this ought to be fun

>gives a polite greeting

>probably just faking it to lower someone's gaurd

>I plan on challenging her

>cucked school doesn't allow fighting on campus

>catch her after classes and ask her to meet at the park in an hour

>reluctantly agrees

>hint that I'll give her a good fight

>she blushes and runs home

>I do the same, gotta get my gear ready

>with practice sword at my side, I go to the park, ready for a fight

>see salamander there with a unicorn

>doesn't have her weapon with her for some reason

>call out to her

>points me out to the unicorn

>introductions happen

>unicorn is her (adoptive) mother

>salamander thinks I was planning on proposing to her

>now I gotta go through her mother's trials for her hand in marriage

>salamander turns out to be much more calm than any other girl in school

>also a huge prude

Might expand on this later, just wanted to get this in text incase I forget.

>>317861

I would pay to make this a movie. This sounds great

>>317873

Saving because I forgot to type up the rest of my post.

Would anyone be interested in a CYOA set somewhere around the late medieval era of a world split between man and monster stuck in conflict? The MC will likely be a minor character in the grand scheme of things at the starttheres obviously more to it I plan to build and expand upon but that will be for when it gets going

Are there any writings about “Frankenstein’s Monster” girls?

>>317806

> Is it wrong of me to have such high standards in women

No

>Is putting so little effort into myself wrong?

Probably, sounds like numale behaviour to me

>>317806

>despite putting so little effort into myself

Become the man your waifu will heartpupil over.

>>317991

Put it on a pastebin and dont clog up this thread.

>>317997

you know what i mean you dumb motherfucker.

>>317861

>>317873

Why not? I'll give writing a script a shot.

https://pastebin.com/WJpTVWB3

>>317710

I liked it! Characters were good, the interactions were cute, it gave me an appreciation for a monster that I've not really given a shit about. I'm terrible at giving reviews, but I wanted to give you a (you) since you obviously put a lot of work into that story!

>>318046

Thanks! Your response is definitely appreciated. And re: the time & effort involved, my god you don't even KNOW. The damn thing took me just over a month to complete; I was working on it every moment I could spare just to get it finished.

>>318043

Not bad. Seems like a great idea for a comedy. Though the unicorn with a knife seems a bit out of character. Otherwise I liked it

>>318134

It's always the quiet ones

https://pastebin.com/2vEerc7k

I was wondering if I could have a few people read over my story and tell me what needs improvement, I meant to do this awhile ago, but life happened and I had to focus elsewhere.

Just let me know what could use changing, no matter how minor. From punctuation and small grammatical details to something like a characters motivation.

>>317715

I promise it'll happen before the end of the year.

For Halloween I'll write a short story. I hope that finishing something gives me a motivational boost. The story is already laid out, so I just need to write it down.

>>318191

Good over all I believe it has good pace however keep writing more into your story so that way people can see where this is going. So far I'm getting a star gate feel with that anime GATE. I am monitoring said story and I demands update.

>>318191

personally, I can't read present tense stories. Can't stand them. Don't like first person stories either. So sorry, but didn't make it very far

>>318199

Neat. I've been looking forward to it since I read the first part.

anyone have the link to the monster girls genetics txt doc?

Unrelated, does anyone has the full story of the manticore and her husband that got almost raped at a Christmas party?

>>318316

it's in the manticore thread

I hate how slow these threads are now.

I'll like to request a similar story to https://pastebin.com/K2Tk5fnp (Blind anon gets a guide puppy) but with a deaf anon entering a high school setting, meeting a novice Mu-Onna sign language interpreter and taking part in her experiments to communicate via telepathy (hearing her via telepathy). I'm thinking of throwing in a shy mindflayer student meeting him and asks to try having her tentacles go in his ears to see if they can communicate.

If it's too much detail and takes time to write down, it's fine. I should consider taking up writing it myself. I'm just wondering how to start there, let alone write the dialogue and everything else.

>>318227

So you have never read a detective story?

>>318043

Updated with a couple scenes at Anon's house. I feel like I'm having an issue setting a good pace for this. Does it seem alright to anyone?

>>318384

>"… I just have to ask. How did the unicorn find where we lived?"

>The whole table stops eating for a moment as nobody can answer that question.

Well that ratcheted up from comedic misunderstanding to "Jesus Christ how terrifying" real quick. I actually like the scary unicorn though.

>>317710

>>318046

Put it up on AO3 -- if it's good enough for Spartan047, it's good enough for me. Plus Pastebin kind of stripped out my text formatting, so I got to put it back in.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12125667

>>318043

Interested to see where this goes next.

Empire?

https://pastebin.com/WJpTVWB3

Another scene, meant to do two this morning but trying to edit pastebin on my phone is a bitch. Keeps freezing every 10 characters.

>>318701

Why isn't this getting localization over shitty Power Ranjews? Come on Saban, get your fucking shit together.

>>318860

that was bretty gud. interesting take on modern magic

>>318860

wait a minute, you're that guy that did Silent Knight

I was never able to keep up with that but it was super tite for the handful of chapters I read

did it ever get finished or did it come to die like many other stories on this board?

>>318915

It's not dead, but if I keep writing the same thing constantly I get burned out. It's still running, slowly, but in between dealing with shit I do side stories like this to branch out a bit and learn in between reading as well. Stuff from I learn from the sides I take back to SK. Just a constant learning process.

Also Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2 eats time as well. Gotta rep Baiken and Leo.

>>318787

Ok, second scene of the day added.

>>318961

keep it up, I'm interested in where this is going

> Live in MGC.

>Corrupt courts, politician puppets, rapist dark elf police.

>Desire to prevent extinction of humanity.

> Join the humanist militia.

>Mostly human women. Angry human women. Mostly ex-Old Catladys by the looks of their terrible haircuts.

>They have turned their hatred of man into the desire to protect them from their new enemy.

>We hunt rapists in the act.

>We march in the streets with our weapons over shoulders.

>They fire darts loaded with Manticore antivenom.

>Extremely painful to Mamono.

>Shoots with enough power to penetrate anything but wurm skin.

>Our bayonets? They're dildoes.

>Pristine and gently lubricated.

>With Icy Hot.

>I can still hear the screams of the lamia we caught putting her blood in a foodstuff meant to be served to a young man.

>COLD! COLD! IT BURNS!!

can people post stories with wurms?

>>319009

https://pastebin.com/vyk9NWDY

Here ya go (not my OC, obviously)

>>319091

Get back to writing, writeslave.

>using super glue on models

>not using plastic glue like a normal person

its his fault.

>>319096

Reeeeee. I wrote today already

>Using Plastic Glue

>Never wanting the models to ever come undone for any reason

>Never thinking ahead

Makes the story more interesting anyway

>>319048

What kind of person doesn't have acetone nearby whenever using superglue?!

Unless I'm the weird one

I hope everyone knows to put your superglue in the freezer to keep it from solidifying once it's open.

>>319172

I think I know that one. Was the story held in a cold snowy place? Did the tsun guy have a bad leg? Were they both students attending a nearby college? I don't have that one, but I've been looking for it too.

>>319220

Yeah that one exactly! Ive got so many pastebins in my history I can't find it, doesn't help I can't remember what it was called for the life of me.

>resonantdrunk will never finish chapter 3

It hurts to live

https://pastebin.com/WJpTVWB3

New update. Also, I've started another story focusing on Christina mostly. This won't be updated as often as I'm trying to focus on the first story.

https://pastebin.com/HkArJviP

>>319265

By chapter three I meant for Twilight Of The Gods

>>319406

>>319265

I had to trash a big chunk of it because it led somewhere shit. It's still in the pipes but I've had fuck-all free time in the last 6 months or so. I'm still on it! I promise!

>>319429

Glad to hear you haven't abandoned it. Hopefully the wait will be more than worth it in the end.

im looking for a specific story about a lonely wurm that lives in a cave and one day is about to capture a mate. anyone know it?

>>319805

you mean one like this?

https://pastebin.com/f1bqcfsW

Anything cutesy with a Dragon? I always wanted a story that was pretty damn comfy with one.

>>319833

You might like this https://pastebin.com/sFjkJcva

Its about a Dragon teacher who is VERY strict at school, but then you find out she's secretly an otaku.

>>319838

Dialogue is pretty weak in that story, but I like the plot and it get brownie points from me because dragongirls will always be number 1

>>319827

thats what i was looking for. thanks

Lads, listen. There's this story I'm looking for. it's called "I am a rock". It was on pastebin till recently. It involves a hermit and a cherub, or houri I think. It's one of my favorite stories, and I can't find it anymore. If anyone has it somewhere else, I'd love that.

>>319935

Afraid you're out of luck, from what I heard the author had a hissy fit and deleted all his stories.

>>319935

Courtesy of some dude last thread:

https://web.archive.org/web/20170311082423/http://pastebin.com:80/u/Silent_II

https://web.archive.org/web/20160930050632/http://pastebin.com:80/vnPjL12H

Is it even possible to utilize necromancy in a story without it getting too edgy? I really like the concept and utility, but the problem is that necromancy requires corpses, and the corpses have to come from somewhere. There was this one writefag from a few years ago who wrote a few chapters of a story about a camp of necromancers working for a lich, and I can't remember his name for the life of me. I think he used a war against Order-controlled human civilization as a pretext, but despite that the whole thing was pretty funny and didn't feel all that edgy.

So basically can necromancy be done tastefully in a /monster/ setting or should it be relegated to /tg/?

>>319955

There's nothing wrong with having some edge in your story. It is pretty well implied in MGE itself just how the order deals monstergirls. Just don't go "kill every main character but the protagonist." I'm pretty sure just having dead people in the background or as details for a resurrection isn't even edgy itself and moreso implied in every single story.

>>319955

Morrowind style ancestral worship?

>>319940

But why?

>>319985

It reads pretty well but the extremely short sentences make it somewhat jagged

The MC comes across as very timid and young for a fighter pilot, perhaps there is something to that?

>>320000

HOLY MOLY CHECK ME OUT

>>320042

Shut the fuck up, nobody cares.

>>320042

Checking your own dubs is morally wrong, anon.

>>320288

I enjoy aquatic mamano, and I've tried writing a couple little stories regarding them. But it's hard getting the stories to work well.

I had the same thought regarding them staying in the water. It's one of the reasons that my ideas for water-dweller mamano stories don't pan out.

And I hope others are writing as well. I have some writing blocks with my two bigger stories so I was writing short ones under that one dice roll thread.

Here actually >>318556

In case anyone's curious, here's my current monster girl themed queue without titles since I can't come up with any:

1-Redcap short story for dice roll thread

2-Story about a marrying a mothgirl (writer's block - outline done, 27ish pages written)

3-Merc saving hellhound (writer's block - working on outline)

I'll probably update my pastebin with the short stories once I finish one of the bigger ones.

>>320316

Aquatic monstergirls are hard to work into a story because you'll always have this The Little Mermaid problem where they can't live up here, and we can't live down there. You can push it in either direction with some kind of bullshit magic but I never find that to be good enough. Probably my best luck has been with a shipwreck or plane crash kind of story where a guy gets trapped on an island and shelters on the beach where he meets a nice mershark or something, but you can only do that so many different ways before it gets stale.

I decided to pick up a short story I started and realized I ran into some stype problems.

I started it in basic greentext back then wich I don' like looking back so I wanted to write things out a bit more, still staying in greentext, but i quickly realized that since it's written in first person, way too many sentences start with "I".

Any tips for that? Or should I just switch to a regular format instead of greentext? Not sure how well that would work though, english isn't m,y first language

>>320324

Greentext stories are just a way to keep writing through my writer's block. It's not the story itself that's important, but that you keep writing regardless.

>I would not want to poo poo anyone's OC

I laughed a little too hard at this for whatever reason. But you're right, it's harder to take greentext seriously as a story, especially when you can read the entire story in under two minutes.

>>320357

The great annoying I problem. I haven't been able to find a way around it, so I attempt to add more conversations to break it up as much as I can. If you're writing a first person story, there will be a lot of: I did this, I opened that, I headbutted that person in their sternum etc. Sometimes there's no escaping it though.

>>318701

kind of but not you know using the delusional love of a japanese autist

>>319955

Late answer, but I'd like to share these pieces of advice:

Option 1. Focus on the not creepy uses of necromancy:

The easy inspiration being the "mediums" or "spirit guides", bringing back the souls of the departed to help the living, make it short and heartfelt for easy tragedy ("Hearken, ô poor widow, I shall summon the ghost of your husband so that your child may see the man who gave his life to save his family, live on in happiness and know that you were and will always be his most beloved"), make it light and trivialized for comedy ("Dear village chief, I am overjoyed to read that my skeletal army is fulfilling its purpose of helping during the harvest. Now, if the problem of the Ghoul trying to hump you persist, just throw the girl a bone, get it?").

Option 2. Justify your characters actions:

You are a mage, you can learn any trade of sorery there is, so then, why Necromancy?

What are your character's reasons to walk the path of the un-life? Almost any answer can be a good justification, if given the right context and nuances, just avoid the classical edgy duo of "Revenge on life" and "I brought back a girl that didn't love me as an abomination to teach that bitch a lesson". Or do it, but do it well, twist it in original and unexpected ways.

Option 3. The most convenient form of Necromancy:

The idea of bringing the dead back to false life is disturbing because of 2 main factors,

The 1st is that rotting flesh (and bones, to a lesser extent) are programmed in our instincts to be sickening (as corpses are carriers of infections), forcing us to avoid them as much as possible.

As such, the easy solution is to erase any mentions of decomposition in your story ("I can bring back the dead! But only their spirit, their physical vessel stays in the casket and that's final" or "Look at this Vampire, ladies and gentlemen! See how healthy she looks? You too can enjoy eternal life looking forever beautiful! Just call Gerhart, the friendliest fiend! 111-222-necro!")

The second is a more phylosophical question, in the large majority of cultures and beliefs, the afterlife is pretty nice, and when it isn't, the dead cannot remain in the land of the living for long, prompting the inevitable "I don't want to go back!" one way or another, which is easily countered by putting strangely convenient rules on the use of necromancy ("It sure is a good thing that I can only summon the spirit of those who want to come back, heh?")

I hope these explorations of well known ideas help you or anyone else find interesting ways of approaching problems in their writing, take care all and have a good one.

>>320359

Well damm, my scenario doesn't even include conversations unless i start greentextng monologe.

I'll find a way I suppose

>>319404

I'm interested to see where this is going.

>>320914

Working on something inspired by that "shadow spawn from beyond the stars gf" image, it's coming along.

>>320914

I've got a tiny story about an underused undead girl coming

>>320914

I'm getting some writing done as well, although I'm beginning to realize that I probably need a proofreader to start improving my structure and flow.

>>320914

I'm moving soon so I haven't had time to really sit down and focus writing like I'd like to. I need to flush out my story board some to give myself a better writing outline.

I already have a good idea what I'm going to write it's just a matter of focusing on it.

>>320941

>letting someone view your degenerate monstergirl works

Unless you're allowing a fellow anon to proofread it for you I don't think I'd want any Normalfags laying eyes on my work. Partially because my writing isn't the best and also because of the built in cringe of this explicit endeavor.

>>320914

>Halloween

Well exams will be over soon so I should have more time to work with and I've got some spicy ideas for trick or treat

So for my first /monster/ themed story, I plan to do a futuristic slice of life with ayys. There are some things I would like some input/caution on before I post it.

Waifu is the ayy, 75% human, exotic nose, but no snout. Her species is culturally promiscuous- the idea is inspired by the bonobo chimpanzees but sex carries very little actual value as an exchange medium. monetary bribery is a vastly more serious crime than sexual, and the idea of a sex offender list is silly and pointless to them. violent acts and gore on the other hand are punished much more harshly, gore porn is the worst kind of illegal pornography for them.

Ayyfu is not promiscuous due to her job as a nurse- sexual healing does more harm than good to wounded patients. The idea is to have a waifu who was raised around sexually freedom, to contrast the protagonist who was raised with prudes.

What is your opnion /monster/?

>>321134

Sure, let's have it.

>>321280

Not bad. Got any more?

>>321291

thanks, I felt she deserved more love

>>321299

I'm not sure what you're asking, if it's more of this I didn't really plan on it. If it's more stories in general you can click the name and everything from lewdamander and up should be somewhat decent

Are there any good Satyros stories that capture their profile? The ones I can find on the wiki are all crap.

https://pastebin.com/tyZLGLum

So I took a little inspiration from a crappy EAS thing to write a short story for Halloween. Two days early but who cares it's the week of.

anyone has pastebin of slavanon story? paranoid slav after MG takes over

>>321570

the greek understood romance and tragedy are the same thing and make you feel the same ways. romantic comedy is for bitch.

>>321564

What's this about?

>>321576

Anon picks up a stalker, she takes it too far and it gets dealt with in a way that's realistic and sad

>>321578

>>321576

sage unrelated shit

иди нахуй пидар

>>321567

Nema na chemu

>>321576

Light-hearted Shimoneta adventure set in an unspecified Balkan country meets Saya no Uta as explained by another anon about 1.5 years ago in the highschool thread.

>>321616

I still owe you the epilogue.

>>321618

there's GONNA be an epilogue, some day

>>321617

It's been a year and a half anon, you don't owe us anything anymore.

>>321564

Now this is a story I remember. I felt a great many things. Despair, happiness, satisfaction then despair again. But the end gave me hope

>>321544

>Meh. An otherwise decent story ruined by real-world religious crap.

>>321634

I owe it to myself then, because I promised myself I was gonna do it eventually.

>>321648

Stop tipping your fedora so hard. You can incorporate "real world religious crap" into your writing for precisely the same reason we usually shove Illias into most stories: it's fiction. And a very well thought out fiction that acts as a good foundation for stories which need an element of the supernatural. Every good story which uses magic or something needs a proper mythos behind it so the reader can suspend their disbelief and get into the story; why not use a conveniently built one that most people recognize?

>>321650

>tipping your fedora

Kek. It reads like some bad satanist shit. If you want to use real-world religion, at least have the decency to stay true to it.

I'm struggling to even come up with an analogy for this. You've essentially taken a concept that should read like Dante's Inferno and said "but actually waifus".

>>321648

>>321653

trying to hard, nobody cares, go back to reddit bitch.

>>321653

It's all made up anyway, what difference does it make?. Staying "true" to the Christian pantheon is a pretty tough thing to do, considering we have a whole load of different systems constantly bickering over one another. And for the record, succubi/demons of lust are included in the pantheon as a circle of hell, so you can fuck right off with that m80.

>>321653

take the stick out of your ass fedora

>>321653

I've never been a fan of these either. It just reads wrong. I'd rather just stay in the fictional world.

>>321659

>>321653

>should read like Dante's Inferno and said "but actually waifus"

That's exactly it. I keep waiting for the fire and brimstone. What I don't understand is why they bother using it. Cherry pick the lust demon out and ignore the fiery hell.

>>321662

why are you replying to yourself? are you pretending to be retarded?

>>321662

I agree. It seems sort of silly.

>>321665

I mean, I'm not the one jumping down anyone's throat because someone dared criticize me.

>>321668

you kinda showed everyone that you're a newfaggot for quoting yourself and pretending to be other anons.

>>321669

Fair enough, but I realized that my first point seemed retarded without clarification. I couldn't think how to put it in words earlier, and thought I'd come across as less of an idiot if I samefagged rather than amend it. Bit me in the ass, but hey.

>>321671

At least you're honest. I think you had a point though. If you want to use elements of the real world you should just go through with it.

>>321671

but yeaaaah dont expect fire and brimstone in an mg story, i think the best thing you could of done was to outline on what you would do first to make the story better.

most anons say why its bad without explaining it. Outlines will save your life.

>>321675

Okay, let me try.

>dont expect fire and brimstone

Why wouldn't I expect it, the story went out of its way to touch on Armageddon and such. As I said earlier, it seems silly to cut and paste MGE demons into a "setting" where demons coming to our realm would involve a lot more pain and hellfire than cuddling. What exactly is going on and why is the devil handing out waifus? Is satan supposed to be some misunderstood bro who just wants everyone to feel loved?

>what you would do first to make the story better

Either justify why the story is selectively drawing from real-world religion and modifying it so heavily or use MGE religion. Literally nothing else would need to be changed.

>>321676

you do know that mge sort of gets monstergirls from some real world religions and myths?

I really dont see your point other than a subjective topic such as the validity of someone using reference material from other places. why do this is a mystery to the rest of the board.

>>321679

Yes, I am very aware of that. But my point is:

>What exactly is going on and why is the devil handing out waifus? Is satan supposed to be some misunderstood bro who just wants everyone to feel loved?

Either I'm arguing a bad point or you're being obtuse, because I don't see what it is you don't understand. I'll just chalk this up as a mutual failure to communicate and end it here.

>>321683

I kind of interpreted it as there being a lot of demons out there, and MC being just lucky he got a semen demon with a fetish for monogamy and handholding, given how she mentioned there were a lot worse fates than shacking up with her.

Besides, if I remember Revalations right, the devil isn't supposed to lead an army against humanity, but against God, and even that's not supposed to happen until he's ruled over Earth for several years. Down here, especially immediately after the rapture, he's more likely to set his demons loose among humanity with no instructions beyond "go nuts"

>>321685

I suppose that's a reasonable interpretation. I guess it just seems strange to me to use such a serious/grim scenario but throw in a MG.

>>321280

That monster needs more stories. Absolutely adorable.

>>321544

>Turning creepy stuff into smut

This is exactly why I'm having trouble watching horror movies in any serious fashion.

>>321606

Welp, I was gonna buy a kindle anyway I suppose

>>321793

Thanks m8, glad you liked it

>>321888

>digits observed

That was a pretty good one. Would've liked to see a little more character development for Dahlia but it was a very immersive setting otherwise. Keep up the good work m8

I saw people talking about Halloween stories on a discord so on a whim I whipped up this little smut story with a Succubus for the occasion. "Tricked."

https://pastebin.com/iMp3vhfz

>>322023

>Feedback is, as always, appreciated.

Use pastebin.

>>322023

did you do this in TeX?

Happy Halloween! I decided to write a story for the day, but it's not so much about Halloween and more inspired by the spooky/unsettling aspects of it. Enjoy!

https://pastebin.com/qYvhKG84

>>322103

I'm not usually a fan of hellhounds, but yours was pretty well written, thanks for the story

>>321564

Holy shit… How has this has been around since January 2016? I mean, why haven't I found this sooner?

I normally abhor sad stories and quit reading when it looks like it's only going to get darker, but damn it all if I couldn't stop. And I'm REALLY glad I finished it too.

>>321617

>>321625

>>321649

Nice! I'll be looking forward to it!

And I have to thank you for broadening my horizon.

Blame it on my ADHD, but I've gotten a few unrelated ideas to work through my writer blocks.

>>322103

This was really well done. I particularly liked the mysticism that you built around the hellhound.

>>321564

MY HEART

it was a really good trip

Finally got around to working on the outline for my story I've had bouncing around in my head. I can already tell this is going to like a novel more than a short story. But oh well I'm finally going to write one of my story ideas than to not do anything other than forget about it.

Just realized I posted this in the plot bunny thread by mistake rather than this one. Any critique or suggestion to improve something is appreciated.

https://pastebin.com/c6zz1f0k

>>322171

>How has this has been around since January 2016? I mean, why haven't I found this sooner?

I don't really shill my writefaggotry.

Glad you enjoyed it.

>>323100

Glad you enjoyed it too.

I have two questions, one open-ended and one narrow.

First question is, for the writefags who make their own characters/settings/whatever, how much do you do in advance? By that I mean, do you have a profile sheet of your characters to refer to, or do you write come up with stuff as you go? The biggest problem I have is getting started, and I'm trying to figure out the best option to force myself to start writing.

The second question is that if I write a story, would it be better to make a pastebin and put it here, or make its own thread?

Sage because I'm not sure if this is entirely on topic or not, sorry.

>>323908

I almost always write characters basic skeletons in my head first, but the rest of it is in a "as I go on" basis.

As for the second, I do both, make a pastebin and post here.

>>323908

Your post is in the writeheh thread, and since your second question is easier to answer it'd probably be better to make a pastebin and post here than to make an entirely new thread. Granted there a couple threads for a single story but those are near novel length at this point I think.

As to your first question. What I do at first is think up a story and get a general idea for the plot. Then I get the character, their names and a short little description of them so I remember what direction I was taking them. Then when I have a general setting and characters given a basic identity, I'll write a general summary of the story and begin to outline individual chapters. As I'm going along I flesh out characters and the setting and lore more. Every chapter or two I'll go back and look to see if there are any edits or revisions I feel should be made. Dialogue is a weakness of mine for example so I'm always looking at how I can improve that. I look over the actions of the character and compare it to what I've got their personality as to see if it fits what the character would do. For example a sadistic psychopathic character isn't likely to be particularly merciful to the MC simply because he's the MC. That's just plot armor and plot armor is cheap. Hope that helps you out.

Though what works for me may not work for you, if you think something works better for you then try it and you'll find what works best for you

Currently using Evernote as my main tool of writing. Been cleaning all day, and I've been sick the last two days with strepp throat.

I'm starting to revise an old story I wrote when I first got settled in on /Monster/ have a basic summary in greentext:

> Protagonist wakes up in a hibernation pod on an interstellar vehicle, hes then reassured all is well by a bubbly Shoggoth maid.

> As he rouses they arrive at a massive port-o-call: aptly named the HUB Protagonist is a VIP arrival

> He's whisked away to on a moving rotational walkway through a receiving port, to an "office".

> Then two mamonos give him the rundown about the privileges hes granted being a VIP and that they are now his caretakers.

> Using the same massive rotational walkway they arrive at the departure wing of the Hub. They are then prepped about the new destination. The VIP receives both a resort on a wintery moon, and all access to the neighboring world, and the HUB.

> The scene fades out as our protagonist gets comfy in the shuttle with his two mamonos.

The two mamonos throughout this sci-fi tale, are an Owl Harpy, and a Hakutaku.

Let me know what you all think. Back to reading the Monster Encyclopedia with a snifter of a barrel-aged stout.

Small update, I just needed something better to work off of as the end of that scene so I can actually get going again. Hopefully this will help give me a jump start

https://pastebin.com/WJpTVWB3

>>323954

good to see you're still updating, I was wondering if this was ever coming back

>>323908

I prefer to plan out the entire story in short bullet-point form before actually getting into the meat of it - that tends to allow character and setting detail to emerge naturally. Then, when I actually get down to writing, I usually make changes based on what feels better or what seems more reasonable within the story to make sure that the characters stay believable (or, at least, I hope so).

And yeah, make a pastebin for your story and link it here.

>>323957

I'm still around, I just had a pretty big piece of writer's block at that spot. Not entirely sure if this is THE thing that will get me over it, but it's a start.

>>323954

Bretty gud keep it up. I do think the pacing is a tad bit fast. IE the whole sister bit I feel that is something that should have been covered maybe down the line from say the father or the mother as to what happened.

Keep it up though anon I will keep my eyes on it.

>>323943

>>323939

>>323986

One more question than, before I get to writing. Do you think /monster/ would want to read a cute story or a serious one first? Neither are lewd

>>324019

Whichever you prefer.

I got in a good smut writing mood over in the Interruption Hijinks thread (>>324004) and ended up with this. Let me know what you think.

https://pastebin.com/n94pQzTg

>>323954

Another small update, figuring out progression at this point is proving a bit harder than anticipated.

>>324008

>he whole sister bit I feel that is something that should have been covered maybe down the line

Actual spoilers, sorta I did have a plan for that where it actually did kind of necessitate the school to know but the more I thought about it and how I wanted to build the world with this story, the less sense it actually made for things to go the way I originally meant. I've been thinking of ways to make it fit since I really would hate to just drop it and leave that plot hole. The ideas are forming but still need refinement so you are absolutely right to point that out. I need to plan somethings better.

>>323690

Here's the next chapter https://pastebin.com/Gz7sENDy

Though I feel I may have gone a bit too dark or too edgy. I always have trouble getting the balance just right. But I think I went too far with the edge

>>324350

A little more grimdark than what I usually read, but done well. For best results, I'd say take care not to go too much further with the edge and remember to include parts that are less dark.

Is a story like "a boy transfers to an all girl's school" cliché?

>>324350

Seems it fits in with the first story of where your going with it. Charge on in and don't look back.

, I would be taken back if it wasn't grimdark from what the intro was.

>>324457

A bit, but being cliche doesn't necessarily make something bad, as long as the characters are interesting and there's a decent story to be told beyond the setup.

>>324474

That's a story idea I'm working on where I requested advice earlier in the thread. I got one based on some real-life stuff that's pretty interesting/depressing to look into. I'll save the details for later, unless anyone wants me to say a bit of it to see what they think.

>>324383

>>324464

>>324474

I was a bit nervous about it since this is my first real attempt at writing but I'm glad you guys are liking it so far, I'm happy I'm not quite as terrible as I thought I would be. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out within the next couple of days or Friday by the latest.

https://pastebin.com/2vEerc7k

I finally managed to update my story some, not as much as I wanted, but ive been under alot of stress lately so I tried to get down as much as possible. Let me know what y'all think!

>>324626

I read "silver chevrolet" as "silver chariot" and now I have to rewatch stardust crusaders.

>>324457

Somewhat but go for it, things are often cliche because people like them.

Anyone have the story where the guy builds his own robot girl

>>324669

You mean this one?

https://pastebin.com/cFsDVLFW

>>324626

I look forwards to your next update man, good shit.

>my ISP has decided to block several websites

>pastebin include

>I cannot update my story or access half the internet

This sucks

>>324716

Yeah thats it thanks

>>324894

You live in China or what?

>>324474

>We don't get enough stories that label MGs as the bad guy here despite MGE monster girls being made out to be semi-sociopathic nymphos.

Or, you know,

<turning thriving human lands into demon realms which are guaranteed to monsterize or incubize any human inhabitants that remain.

<transforming human women into mamono, more than likely against their will.

<being complicit in the slow motion extinction of humanity (because no males can be born from mamono), which will then result in the eventual extinction of their own race (because no more humans to supply new mamono with spirit energy)

There's really a lot of room for stories where the paladins are fighting a noble, even if misunderstood or even maligned, crusade to preserve their race against a beguiling, maybe even ostensibly and/or genuinely benevolent, yet very real threat.

I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't flip the eventual fate of humanity and every paladindu the middle finger to be with my waifu and daughterus, though.

>>325011

Never seen the show, but that's pretty much a slice-of-life show about some guy working at kindergarten and interacting with the kids, right? What sort of monster lolis would you like to see in that sort of story?

I'm this guy >>321606 so I've written about monster lolis already. Might be fun to try something lighter in tone with a different cast.

>>325092

I prefer stories with a even playing field between MGs and order.

A personal cannon for a setting I have is that places that have seen heavy bloodshed (battle sites, sieges, etc.) and the places in the vicinity cannot be turned into demon realms.

Haven't figured and exact why yet but probably has something to do with hatred being the antithesis to mamono mana. As well, paladins with true hate aren't effected by mamono mana, and with enough they act like 40k blanks to psykers.

Obviously not all MGs are effected, but demons and undead can be killed by simply touching or being near one.

another thing that would definitely help with the slow-mo genocide would be that if everything became demon realm, you could say goodbye to meats of every kind and most likely good farmland replaced with aphrodisiac stuff.

Here is chapter 2 https://pastebin.com/FCNwVbPJ

Same person as >>324894 if IP is different

If y'all have any criticism for me go ahead and let me hear it. Only way I'll get better is if I correct my mistakes.

>>325111

All will be revealed in due timemy friend. But I'm glad you like it. My biggest worry is that my character development is weak but I'm excited to write this for y'all.

>>325093

>Never seen the show, but that's pretty much a slice-of-life show about some guy working at kindergarten and interacting with the kids, right?

just watched the first two episodes on crunchyroll, you mostly have the premise, except they seem give more screen time to one of his students who (and this seems very MGE appropriate) has a crush on him, and her failed attempts at courting him are a source of comedy.

Writing my story, have a question.

Can cyborgs be considered monster girls?

>>325226

Yes look towards the robot thread in the catalog.

>>325148

That sounds adorable. Could work well with a sort of monster girl whose species has a lot of romantic legends like a yuki-onna or maybe even a loli succubus. Lolibus's instincts manifest early in the form of childish infatuation.

>>325502

>How goes your writing fellow degenerates?

Well, I just finished part 1 of something I've had in mind for a while now, an epistolary story about a young man who becomes a mail-order husbando for a lonely monster girl. It's my first time writefagging for /monster/, so encouragement would be…encouraging. Hell, even telling me that it's terrible would be good to know.

https://pastebin.com/Jvq0HFGQ

>>325503

That sounds like a terrible premise. I'll read it anyway since you graciously blessed me with a (you).

Reminds me of the premise of "absolute boyfriend"

>>325502

After reskimming it at the library I just can't follow through with the purchase. It's just too lewd. I don't want to sound like a prude but that monstergirl encyclopedia is too degenerate. There's no way I could explain it to anyone veiwing my collection without sounding like a weirdo.

On an unrelated note can harpies have talons for their hands and feet or should I rewrite her to just use her feet for all of ber dexterity based tasks?

Is there any thread or place for discussing MG story ideas for things that could use some brainstorming on key parts before they are ready to be published?

On the same note, I have a couple of ideas for MG stories floating around in my head, but all I really have are incomplete pieces that I doubt I have the skill to fashion together into a good story. Is there anywhere for people with ideas like that to either throw them out there in case they inspire someone else or collaborate a little to fill in the gaps?

>>325540

you're in the right thread bucko. Ask away. I think pretty highly of myself (but I'm also a gigantic faggot so take what I say with a grain of salt) but there's probably a few people here better qualified to answer your questions than me. Right now I'm reading >>325503's work.

So far I'm not enjoying it but he did give me a (you) so I feel somewhat obligated to see it through. I'll post a review of his work here shortly.

>>325503

One thing I noticed right away was that you've not seperated your paragraphs correctly. Not the end of the world, just makes it a little hard to read.

As for the actual story, I have to say I think you established the setting and the premise very well. I instantly felt like all the characters you introduced were real and believable. One thing that did strike me as slightly odd was that, since this part of the story took the form of a letter, the phrasing you used was so lavish and descriptive. Sentences like

>"Those intricately-wrought iron wards which encrust the outside of the carriages and give them such an overpoweringly Gothic air are duplicated on the interior, where the dark cherrywood and walnut panelling has more wards carved into it."

Are excellent description of the character's surroundings, but (in my opinion) if I were writing this letter I'd probably try to be a bit more concise and not go into such fine detail unless I specifically wanted to comment on the wards. Which, maybe your character did. It's up to you.

Overall, it was definitely enough to pique my interest. I'd read some more if you wrote it.

>>325541

Well, here goes. I'll probably need two posts for my ideas:

1) This is my least developed idea and one I don't know if I could write myself. All I have is an outline with several gaps.

>Standard MGE-style fantasy realm.

>MC is an Order paladin, around 25-30 years of age. Either somewhat poor, or comes from a somewhat well established family with a history and tradition of Order military service and a very strong hatred of mamonos. I'm leaning toward the latter.

>In his early training/career (age 18-20 or so), he wound up getting mildly injured and met a lovely Order nurse or medic about his age who tended to him as he recovered.

>The two of them fell in love, but maintained a chaste relationship. The plan was for him to spend time serving as a paladin, build up some money, rank, and prestige so as to bring the family honor, and then the two of them would marry and start a family together.

>That _was_ the plan, until some sort of accidental injury or disease robbed him of the use of his legs, leaving him completely wheelchair-bound.

<I have no idea what the actual circumstance that crippled him should be.

<I don't know if it should be a training accident or some injury during a battle or some debilitating illness.

<If it happened during a skirmish with mamonos, I feel like it should be some kind of semi-self-inflicted injury, like retreating and falling off a cliff or something less silly. The point is, even in MGE settings, mamono proactively date but generally do not do real physical harm (unless making mamono violent makes the story better somehow).

<I don't know if I want him paralyzed or to have his legs amputated or wasted away, to a degree or whatever, but the point is, whatever happens, he will never walk again, and there is nothing the Order's medicine or magic can do for him.

>After the incident, the paladin has to give up being a soldier and is assigned clerical (paper-pushing, not heal-tanking) work.

>The medic he was in love with arranges to be his housekeeper and assistant for a while, but eventually the sight of him slowly losing his spark and hope due to his disability drives her to set out to find a way to heal him.

>She makes other arrangements to ensure he is taken care of, then leaves with a promise that she will return one day, and he will walk again. >She is gone for a few years, but she always writes letters back to him, at least once a month, sending him encouragement and reports on her progress. No matter how far she travels or how much she searches, there seems to be no medicine, no doctor, no magic that can heal him.

>Then one day, something strange happens.

>The paladin receives a letter from her with that is oddly different from her previous letters.

>In it, she confesses and reaffirms both her promise and her love for him, but there is a strange and ominous uncertainty pervading the letter.

>The tone strikes the paladin as the sort a soldier might take on the eve of a great battle, reassuring a fellow soldier that both of them are going to see their families again when they both know that neither are likely to see the next sunrise.

>It has been over a year since he received that letter, and there have been none since.

If I go any farther, I'll start really spoiling things, but feel free to critique what I have, offer suggestions on the red text, and tell me how easy the next part of the story is to guess. I may post where I intend the story to go from there, but there are at least a couple of gaps in the rest of it that I could use some ideas on.

>>325552

I don't want to sound like a NASTY NIGGER but I that's a little information rich. I don't even know what to pick out to poke at. Everything is running together. Help me to help you.

Summarize what you want me to poke at and be more concise. Add some spacing and separate your thoughts.

>>325541

My second idea, more developed (around 800 lines of greentext so far… I might try rewriting it as prose). Shameless copy/pasted from another writing thread where I didn't any replies.

>The setting is a more or less modern day civilization, but with mamonos and magic as well as technology.

> Story primarily takes place in a snowy mountain town adjacent to a larger city in a region implied to be a version of Zipangu.

> Mountain town's biggest draw is a very nice inn and resort. Fine dining and accomodations, hot springs, spas, nature trails, etc. etc.

> Between the tourism from all over and the easy travel (trains, roads, etc.) connecting the mountain town and the city, the mountain town is a little quaint and cozy, but not really "out in the sticks".

> The overall flavor is some MGE, a nod or two to MonMusu, and a little head cannon, particularly whenever I feel like sanding off rough edges from the MGE world to suit my tastes.

> I haven't developed the world much beyond the initial setting, but the region, being based on Zipangu, is obviously mamono-friendly territory. Between that and the tourism, human/mamono relations are mostly relaxed there, though other areas of the world might be more neutral or even hostile to mamonos.

> Local mamono may flirt with or try to seduce single men, but full on rape is bad for business, so it's not very dangerous for single guys (even though the constant solicitations might get annoying fast). Stay away from the really remote mountain areas where you might encounter an Ushi-Oni and you'll be fine.

> It's mostly slice of life and interactions between characters, so I don't really have an "end" to it, though I have developed one arc in which the MC learns magic.

Here are a few pieces I could use some brainstorming help with, though.

< Any worldbuilding around the inn and resort would be helpful. For example, what mamono types might work there and what jobs might they do? What sort of attractions might the inn and resort complex offer? The town (due to the resort) and the city is cosmopolitan enough that the mamonos don't need to be exclusively from Zipangu or snowy regions as long as they can bear the climate. Examples I have though of so far:

Inari - owner and manager

Ryu and/or Shirohebi - works at local shrine if the town or inn has one.

White Horn - works at inn as trail guide, park ranger, and emergency first responder

Yeti - works at inn, still trying to figure out a good job. Cooks in the restaurant or cafe? Also a volunteer first responder when needed.

That's all I've got so far.

< Need ideas for a scenario in which MC, while staying at the resort, finds himself outdoors and, through injury, weather, and/or terrain, winds up stuck out in the woods/mountainside/trail/etc. Found by someone, but conditions (blizzard? way back impassable? etc.) force them to hole up as best they can for a night or two until they can safely make it back to the inn (or until more help can arrive if MC is too injured to walk back)

< Later down the line, I could use suggestions for a mamono type to use for a deranged serial killer. Stalks couples, kills the mamono, drains and kills the man, rinse and repeat. Something that would be legitimately dangerous, but also something that could concievably be stopped by, say, two thoroughly ticked off onis. I could go with an ogre, but am open to other ideas. (I know that mamono never actually kill. I'm thinking this one is abnormally psychopathic and an escaped convict) Ok, I'll be honest, I'm really just looking for a chance for MC to show off his magic training a little. I get a little tired of MG stories where the humans are basically helpless. I hope I don't Mary Sue this MC too much (he will have weaknesses and things that can rock-paper-scissors him unless he gets clever), but I want him to grow into being able to take care of himself and hold his own, even among mamono.

<That said, the way I have written it so far, he gets married before he starts learning magic. Learning magic for self defense makes more sense as a single guy, I guess, but the story works better as I have written it if his wife is there to support him during a couple of points in his training.

>>325555

mainly the red text. I can't figure out how to actually cripple the poor guy in a way that makes sense, is believable enough, and has a plausible explanation for why fantasy medicine and magic can't fix him. I'm looking for ideas on that.

>>325552

Let's deconstruct the problem, shall we?

You need a crippling wound that cannot heal, even in a setting with magic.

So first off, what are the limits of "common magic"?

What can magic do in your world? What is it unable to do? Why? Who can use magic?

With that, you'll give us some ground to work on and a ceiling we know we can't go over.

Other than that, just use the most bullshit curse in the whole wide fantasy world: petrification.

How did he get a petrified knee (or 2)? Quite a few monsters have such powers, our hero might have earned the ire of the wrong creature.

>>325556

Successful business in this sector usually belong to 2 categories: Modern buildings with modern equipment, or houses with a long history of quality. Pick the one you like best.

Mountain resorts have their peak season in winter, allowing snow related sports, in summer they're almost empty, save specific locations which boast other advantages, important exemples in Japanese inspired settings are Hot Springs and Shrines.

Also, think of all the roles one would need in a resort and remember that there are usually more than one team in those establishment.

Scenario: Why is the MC in this resort? Few people travel alone during their holidays, what's his reason to do so? Business or pleasure?

Killer: Any Mamono can become a killing machine, given the "right reasons" but you need to find the "mood" you want to work with.

A mystery inspired mood would push the more humanoid-shaped monsters forward, a horror ambience will need a frightening antagonist and a gore-theme will require someone truly violent.

Also, pick your poison: if it's like a detective story, you need to surprise us, but also give us the tools to find who's the killer, otherwise, go for the thriller route, introduce the murderer early, make her as insane as you're comfortable with, all the challenge will be to make us believe that she can and will kill whoever she pleases.

>>324626

I like the premise, but it definitely needs refinement. The best way to put it is it reads rather awkwardly; a lot of run on sentences here, then odd and short sentences there. Let's take a look at your opening for an example:

>I groan as I hear the loud repeated beeping of my alarm clock, it forces me up and out of my bed before I walk across the room and smash down the snooze button.

>"Another day, another dollar…" I mumble as I head into my bathroom. Relieving myself as I wait for my shower water to get to the correct temperature before I step in and wash myself off. Getting all the previous day's dirt and grime off of my brown tinted skin. After I finish my bathroom routines I head to my closet, pulling out a black business suit and then a small white plastic tag with my name on it. "Matthew Scott." It read.

The best piece of advice I can give is to try reading what you write out loud. If it sounds strange, unnatural, or just "off", it probably is and just needs some fine-tuning. Remember, following the natural flow of language and conversation will help keep your readers immersed in the story.

Anyway, don't let my criticism bog you down, keep working and writing!

>>325713

I'm still working on the injured paladin story, so I'll leave it aside for now. I'll probably need to think more about the limitations of magic in my setting, because the idea is that practically every kind of treatment known to the Order is sought out and determined ineffective. I guess I might be able to go with petrification or something else that leads to amputation. I have some other decisions to make about some logistics and how the MC reacts to a couple of events later on, but I think I just need to spend more time thinking it over. I can't really ask for help here without spoiling most of the story.

As for the resort story, I don't really intend for it to be a mystery story. I know I'm not good enough to write something like that. It's more a story about a human moving from an area where mamono are few and far between to a area with a large mamono population. The plot right now is kind of meandering an episodic, but it traces his start from someone neutral to but kind of uncomfortable around mamono to a happily married husband with a small group of mamono friends and strong enough to hold his own and protect his wife, if need be.

The killer episode is really just a way to show off his increase in power. I was thinking about a situation where he and his wife get jumped in an isolated area, the wife gets overpowered, and the MC has to use his magic to save both of them.

The inn parts mostly function to tell how the MC met his waifu. I have him traveling there alone for a week of downtime and relaxation after the stress of his job and a long time spent dodging aggressive mamono advances have worn him down. The biggest problem I have there is that I need some kind of situation where the MC needs to be rescued out in the nature trails, mountains, etc. near the resort. I'm trying to find some kind of trouble he can get into in an area as safe as the resort. But at the same time, the MC is the cautious sort, so doing anything too stupid or dangerous would be out of character for him. He's not going to be skiing into a tree because he probably wouldn't go skiing in the first place.

>>325617

I enjoyed it so far, keep it up. As for worrying about riding on Monster Musume too much it doesn't feel too similar.

>>325896

Writing? Exemplary. Damn good I say.

Story? Forgettable. The bog standard "hero inherits reaponsibility and fucks up and gets waifued" that's a dime a dozen.

Why can't humans just win every once in a while?

>>325896

>"In the end, it wasn't an enemy that had taken him, but time itself."

nice turn of phrase

But then you have dialogue like this.

>"Anyways, You're gonna be the hero of this place and I want you to take that knife your father left behind."

From here on I figured the story was comedic in nature and viewed it through that lens.

>"It was planted in a clearing in the nearby forest the day he vanished."

planted made me think it was buried which begot the question how was it found? I would reword that to be like "It was found in the clearing. It protruded from the earth/ground" or something like that.

Then we get into the diatribe about the guy being the chosen one or whatever. Feels cliché. Also, using the word hero so freely pulls me out of the world. Use anything else but a hero. Savior, guardian, protector anything but "hero". Feels juvenile.

In the same way, I don't like "hero" being used that way I also don't care for the use of "those things" when referring to monsters. At least not more than once. I wouldn't say use "monsters" but that would be an acceptable replacement for the most part. Maybe if there was some army they belonged to you could fold them under that descriptor. Even if the villagers don't know what army they belong to it would be better to refer to them as some contingent force. You use "beasts" later. Maybe go back and fill in "things" with "beasts" unless beasts is a separate category of enemy. You could also go the FF10 route and call them fiends maybe?

>"I felt something stir through me as I wielded it. I didn't feel any different"

lolwut. I'm not sure why but I wasn't sure about the follow-up sentence. I think I get what you mean but you may want to reword it.

Then there was the centaur encounter which felt a bit odd but not wholly unbelievable. When I got to the monster village interactions it became harder for me to read cringe wise as well as believe story wise.

Overall it feels like it's more doujin fodder than a story. This isn't necessarily bad but if you're just wanting to craft a lewd tale you can shorten the exposition and have a green text style story. Most people who enjoy reading a good story will enjoy lewd sections but not if the story leading up to them isn't engaging. If I'm not invested in the characters I don't care if they live, die, fuck, or get fucked. As a writer you want your reader to care about what happens to the characters. You can still have lewd portions in the story but if I feel like it's designed to be smut I'll feel less engaged.

By the time it got to the fighting part it had a real "no john, you are the demons" feel story wise if not writing-wise. I was struggling through cringe and disinterest from as early as halfway through.

>>325908

I think this guy pretty much shares my sentiments. It's nice to get right to the action but the "hero" needs more development. I don't feel like I've spent enough time to care about anything he does or thinks or anything that happens to him.

That or just focus on the smut and cut out all the ancillary hero stuff.

>>325908

>>325937

Thanks for the feedback, one thing I want to note is this is just the first chapter of the story I'm planning to write

>Story? Forgettable. The bog standard "hero inherits reaponsibility and fucks up and gets waifued" that's a dime a dozen.

There's going to be more than just dude getting waifu'd I assure you

>I wouldn't say use "monsters…You use "beasts" later

In hindsight I should have explained this better. This story takes place ~25 years after monsters turn into monstergirls in mge canon. The term monster is mostly used for their new forms and beast is used for their old forms and why Welsh uses it so much

>>325955

I don't want to tell you to throw everything out. I'm sure you could salvage good portions here and there but you either need a better introduction to the action or a wholesale chapter/section dedicated to developing the protagonist.

Is he a strategist? A pervert? a bigamist? Egoist? Is he very intelligent or dim-witted? What are his strengths and weaknesses? By the time the fighting started I still didn't have a firm grasp on what kind of head the guy had on his shoulders.

All I knew was that he was "the Hero" and embodied typical "heroic" traits.

>his story takes place ~25 years after monsters turn into monster girls in mge canon.

This is all well and good but if the reader in question hasn't played or beaten that game the supplemental plot will be lost on them. Again this falls more into the realm of green text stories where you don't have to worry about exposition. I won't tell you to not use the established canon, just know that if you do that you shouldn't take your reader's knowledge of that cannon for granted.

>>325955

Your current story is a good jumping point, but I'd say you should go at it a bit differently.

How about instead of him losing literally in the first chapter, the story actually takes place with him defending the town. Make the MC something other than a fuck up who ruins everything. Like damn that was disappointing.

It had no conflict, instantly it was:

>hero leaves town

>town gets fucked

>kid shows up late

>kid loses

Don't be afraid to get edgy in bits, shit dude no one likes stories that are just happy sunshine man gets waifu. Dark bits in stories is what makes the happy stuff all the better, and people who call out everything as "edgy" are fucking tards who don't understand dynamics.

Have the kid win, have him be a good protector, don't be afraid to make monsters act like shitty people its not hard, most KC cannon MGs are already. and be actual villains for once.

But that's just my two cents.

>>325617

I might prefer smaller chapters myself to keep all the information in order, but that's probably just my own stupid preference, so don't cater to me if what you're doing now is working well for you

Also, well done. I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far

Ok, I'm back with another question that might be more generally helpful to people here rather than specific to one story:

How do you tend to think about and write about the Order, if you include it in your stories? Most of the mamono fiction I have found so far usually takes place in a setting that is either mamono-neutral or mamono-friendly, and whatever anti-mamono factions that exist are either mostly contained in some other region or amount to little more than a (possibly violent) protest group of sorts.

If anyone can point to stories that take a good look at a real, miltant "Order" or "Ilias" faction, it might be helpful.

Specifically, what do you envision battles between the Order and mamonos looking like? From the source material, it seems like the overall state of the world is a stalemate. On the one hand, the average Order soldier is no match for the average mamono. On the other hand, mamono tend to have no interest in harming humans, view Order raids as "husband delivery service," and are probably not nearly as organized as the Order most of the time. On top of that, you have chosen "heroes" blessed by the new Chief God within the Order who can easily stand toe to toe with mamonos.

So what does a skirmish look like? Paladindus struggle valiantly and maybe bring down a few mamono before many of them are carried off to be someone's groom? How do the mamono view the humans of the Order, and particularly the paladins (who may or may not have killed other mamono) they capture on the battlefield?

I just have a hard time viewing any violent conflict between the Order and mamono as anything but this silly situation where one side can't win and the other side doesn't care to really fight.

>>326470

I kinda think of the order as done in 3 different ways, either most but the high ranking believe mamano are still trying to kill humanity, they just hate them, or they view them as a danger to humanity since they could lead them to extinction(no son canon) . I've heard losenis's "All's fair in love and war" portrays them somewhat realistically.

As far as battles go, they kinda depend. head to head battles paladins just go down. paladins find a lone mamano they chase her away instead of outright kill. one on one kinda depends on species. personally I'm not a fan of the Mamano just straight up outclassing humans and think if a human is trained they can match one.

I'm actually hoping to explore them and their motivations a little bit in a story I'm doing

>>326470

Well for myself I tend to imagine that there is hesitation between individuals as men are conditioned by evolution and society to protect women, monster girls are protective of men and their husbands especially. So there's a mutual uneasiness with killing each other since monster girls register as female to men.

On a larger scale such as between bands of skirmishes and armies that hesitation is overcome by the fear of dying so all contenders fight to the best of their ability to survive. I've always imagined Humans having the number advantage and monsters, while generally better physically or mentally than mankind depending on the race, are fewer in number. Whether it's because of lower fertility rates or longer gestastion period is besides the point. What is important is that in war a nation will send the baled bodied and those of age to fight.

Mankind deals with this detail better than the monsters. Give a man a few weeks leave and he can probably get his wife pregnant before he returns to the front to fight. Humanity willeventuallybe able to replace their losses with the sons of those who fell in the field.

Monsters on the other hand send those who should be birthing the next generation to war. If they get pregnant they can't fight because of their pregnancy. And if they're away from he front for the duration of their pregnancy that is a warrior their army is down until she gives birth. Then there is the matter of who will care for the child when she returns to the front and a whole slew of other issues that arise from this that could take up a book on its own.

Alternatively the monsters could consist of those who already have children or are past that age. The issue with this is that the old generally are not as good at soldiering than the young. They'd likely still have the physical advantage but less than the young adults. If they cant have human sons, They wont send any men to fight, if they can then any order faction will likely see mixed army compositions that will offset the orders number advantage.

Even If the monsters can reproduce as quickly as humans they would still suffer from the fact they're sending their young women off to fight at some point.

tl;dr:any war the monsters fight will have to be ended quickly if they are to avoid large scale depopulation.

>>326472

Treat monsters like barbarians, one on one they're better warriors but a bunch of them against an organized army (think romans vs. barbarians of Britton) they get out played.

And in just straight sieges they always lose because "Charge!" is literally the worst thing you can do against a fortified position with defenders armed with bows/crossbows/rocks/pitch/oil.

>>326488

This is probably the most believable way to explain how physically inferior humans could defeat stronger races. Organization and Discipline allow army to be far more effective than it's headcount would seem to indicate. You could also adjust the setting by giving humans number parity or even advantage. Living in dense agriculture-based societies as opposed to monstergirls that are tribal/nomadic or even feral, humans would gain numerous advantages. Not only they would have more population to recruit from, but superior capacity to equip and maintain them.

>>327083

I have an idea for a nice noble bright setting for you writefags.

The current demon lord of the world is the weakest one in history, her influence has a very hard time spreading and as a result most monsters are still monsterous. MGs are few and far between outside of the main demon realm and are content with staying.

Every once in a while some aspiring champion tries to lead an expedition outside of the main demon realm for conquest, glory, and husbands. Generally they're not really treated differently from humans unless overtly hostile and willing to raid villages. By far out classed by human militaries by factor of cohesion, training, and numbers.

The order dosen't really care about MGs because of how few in numbers they are and because monsterous monsters still like eating people. However, if they hear about a band of MGs going around raiding villages they'll send an army to fuck them up.

The general state of affairs for humans is the same as it always has been, most people in the core empire never see a MG in person. The only real interaction is the occasional expedition and diplomas that would follow in the case of a raid.

This way, the threat of slow-mo genocide is implausible and the order are actually good guys. Everyone's happy except hard-core femdom fags but no one really likes them anyways.

>>326472

I think there’s an approach that could work well with the Order and best portray it in a somewhat positive light, is that the Order relies on monsters to exist in first place to create a steady income of wealth, materials and quality men. Now that monsters became monstergirls, the line has become blurry and the steady income has gone non-existent (originally, men could hunt down monsters for their hides or scales to use, now the monstergirls hunt down men for their love - and could happily share themselves with their husbands, driving the prices of said materials down) and the quality of men is diminishing as they might not be tempted to become stronger as the monstergirls no longer wants to harm them and simply want to bear children with them, suggesting an eventually out-of-control growing population -- quantity over quality, and not necessarily encourage men to become the best they can be. (Unless they want to the best for their mamano wives, that’s an whole different story.)

I think the problem with my approach is that it doesn’t necessarily make the Order a good thing, and that the actions the Order takes (regarding monstergirls) might not justify their actions nor their reasons.

>>327083

>I'm not a fan of the Mamano just straight up outclassing humans

Yeah well, the way I see it there are many different tiers of monsters, some even being weaker than humans, you could just make the stronger ones rarer.

Or you could give the order some alchemically-enhanced super soldiers.

>>326470

>>327124

It's not that hard to imagine the Order as well-intentionned extremists.

In the "not too distant" past, the Order was the only thing protecting humanity from the malevolent OverLord and his seemingly endless swarm of monsters.

Now, the Order is experiencing its biggest identity crisis.

Early Age of MGs: the vast majority of Monsters are still Feral creatures, few know that these strange women are pacifists, most believers still think that non-humans are threats to civilization, they were fed stories of frightening alien creatures and it is all but a bad case of paranoia mixed with memories of a too long conflict (one could work on the idea of the higher-ups of the Church willingly witholding information on these new monsters, perhaps not out of evil intent, but because of sheer confusion).

Mid Age of MGs: MGs are becoming more and more common while Feral Monsters are almost extinct, settlements known for their peaceful non-humans communities (elves, dwarves, mermaids) are slowly integrating these new species among them, it isn't smooth sailing, but it's clearly an improvement from the bloodath before, historians set this date on day of the first printed edition of the MG Encyclopedia. The Order is still as confused, some believe it to be the most ambitious and insiduous plot to infiltrate Order lands only to destroy it from inside, more progressive factions think their duty lies in making sure these new races learn to become useful parts of civilization.

Late Age of MGs: the Order has lost most of its reson to exist. Only zealots still fight against "the OverLord's forces", they are more like a potentially dangerous sect than anything. Temples and churches are places of worship to a new religion: the Alliance between the Hero and the Maou.

>>327083

Big thanks to you, really enjoyed reading it.

https://pastebin.com/cxcuvBPe

Only the raiju will act like she does, don't worry.

>>327386

I didn't even think of that. Lucky me, I'm early enough in the story to change anything awkward, if I need to.

>>327387

Please don't

>Adad was a historian. No, not just *a* historian, but the Grand Historian of the House of Wisdom. Wizened by age, he was an intelligent man who had devoted his entire life to scholarship. He took his high position in the highest center of learning in Mesopotamia with equivalently high pride, to the point of insufferable arrogance. Harsh upon apprentices, half of the reason why he even bothered to lecture was because he liked the sound of his own voice. Students hated him, and even among the teaching staff he wasn't all too well-liked. But the Caliph found his knowledge indispensable, his stories amusing, and his advice helpful. And in that, Adad felt very secure.

>But not on that day, for the Caliph was gone, and the world had turned upside down. Baghdad had endured a two-week long siege, and the besieging army didn't have the patience to allow it to endure any further. So they blasted the walls open, hammered through the gates, and let their horsemen run amock in the streets of the city Adad had always called home.

>It was chaos - just pure chaos. He'd always known from the ancient texts and the stories that sieges were no joke. Contemporary sources said the same - but the sheer amount of emotion and turmoil and *movement* shocked Adad. Fear - pure fear. That was what he felt. And yet it did not suppress his scholarly side.

>High in one of the House's towers, he looked over the Mongol horde, spying with his telescope. Military history was not his specialty, but he knew a lot. He recognized the men, the formations and the banners - the light skirmisher and medium cavalry of the Mongols; the mixed formations of Chinese regiments; the looser ones of Indian swordsmen who took dueling to the battlefield. And as he looked, he wrote. He wrote for the entire duration of the siege, and he wrote even during the final attack. Empty inkwells littered his desk and unbound paper lay in stacks around his study, high at the top of the tower. He wrote and he drew, for history was not merely what was in the past, but *the making of* the past. And what kind of historian would he be if he did not record all of this?

>So another chapter of history was over, he thought. The Caliphate was defeated. The combined armies of the Eastern peoples reigned supreme, and soon they would be levying Iraqi soldiers to envigor their ranks for their conquests further west. It seemed that they were unstoppable, these Mongols. India, Persia, and even Cathay had fallen. There were rumors that they were even striking into the heart of infidel Christendom, into Germania. And so Adad put down his pen, and put the final sheet of paper into the stack.

>"My work is complete," he said to his apprentice as he cleaned his fingers as much as he could with a smudged towel. "I want these compiled and bound by tomorrow."

>Malik nodded from behind him. "Yes, Grand Historian."

>Then there were loud, powerful knocks on the door. It was obvious who was on the other side. Adad smiled, resigned to it all. "A new chapter in history. Is it not exciting?" His apprentice clearly did not share the same sentiments as he frowned. "Open the door," Adad ordered, and he did so.

>Malik had pulled the door for but three inches before the brute forced himself into the room, pressing into the door such that the young man fell. Adad turned his fancy rotating chair to face the intruder. The old man grinned, despite his fear. A moment of silence passed as he and the warrior examined each other. The Mongols were truly a different people, almost barbaric. The warrior's face was pale with a slight yellow tinge, his face big and flat and his nose and eyes small. Adad was the opposite. His complexion was, obviously, brown; his nose was long and big, and his eyes were larger. His face was slightly thinner, but that could just be attributed to old age or the malnutrition he suffered as a child.

>"Welcome to my study," he said without standing. "I am Adad, Grand Historian of the House of Wisdom. And you are?"

>"Hulagu Khan." His voice was like a rumble, and fittingly large like he was. Adad swore that just by speaking, the chainmail he wore under that colorful padded shirt jingled. Adad then noticed the gently curving sword that hung by his hip, and the bow that was slung over his back.

>"Hulagu?" Adad's eyes widened. Finally he stood and bowed deeply. He thought that it was just some mere grunt, but it was actually the head of the Mongol horde! "Oh forgive me my impudence, I had not known that-"

>"No," Hulagu said, raising an open hand. "I have no time for your kowtowing. I am looking for something and I need your help."

>Adad picked himself up from the floor. "Oh, yes! Absolutely. Anything for a lord of Genghis the Khan of Khans!"

>Hulagu grunted in pleased acknowledgement. "Good. I have been tasked by the Khagan to look for eagle harpies. Are there any in this city? If not, you will tell me where to find them."

>>327390

Please CYOA this, I want to destroy Baghdad and murder dune coons as a mongol.

>>327397

But the story ends with your fellow finns converting to the mudslime worship.

>>325896

Bit late to the party, but I enjoyed it. I get that the other anons are pushing for originality, but I wouldn't worry about trying to do something ground-breaking on your first attempt. Tell the story you want to, and learn what you can improve on along the way.

>>325937 has great advice, but I wouldn't put too much stock into the "cringe" portion. Different things will appeal to different people. I agree that you should avoid the "humans are the real monsters", as that often gets into the territory of painting humans as one-dimensional caricatures, but that doesn't mean you can't do a story about things the humans and monsters can learn from each other. Frankly, I'm very curious as to what you meant about the monsters "helping" humans. I think that you could do a lot of interesting stuff with their society and such.

Make sure to spend some more time developing the hero, and tell your story. It's okay to be a bit cliche, but avoid becoming something like a HFY. For example: I know plenty of us wouldn't have any issues reading another dancing with wolves clone (not at all saying your story is one), but make it your own. There's a middle ground, and nobody expects you to think up an epic like Losenis' or Lanternon's story on your first try.

I think you've done a good job. There's definitely room for improvement to be made, but I think you did well for your first try and I'm glad that you're willing to accept criticism and advice. I'll look forward to the next chapter.

Same as >>327377 if ID changed.

https://pastebin.com/RTw7YMPB

More on the new Pillarwoman of the Queen. This time more on introductions.

>>327390

>Batu Khan storms into Krakow, and the defeated remnants of the Polish army could but bow at his triumphant entrance.

>"WHERE?" His voice was gigantic, and seemed to fill the entire area of the town square. "WHERE ARE THE EAGLE HARPIES?"

Later,

>"There is only one person wise enough in these realms to know where the bird-women of myth have retreated to." The dirty man stopped speaking then, waiting for a reply. Normally, Batu would have beheaded the idiot for his impudence, but his quest demanded that he show restraint.

>"Who is this man, then?"

>"Why, that would be the Pope!" The man grinned, and stretched his arms out as if heralding some grand revelation. "He sits on his golden throne in Rome, shepherding secrets mortal and mystical. As Christ-on-Earth, he is the wisest of men, and it is said that he knows the heart of every person in Christendom. But, well, Christendom shrinks at the tip of your army, does it not?"

>Batu smirked. "I have no interest in your heathen religion. I only care that you serve the Khagan as his dutiful, new subject. Do you know the way to Rome?"

>"Oh, yes. I have had the privilege of going there in my youth as a pilgrim."

>"Then you will be our guide. And remind me of your name, again?"

>The man did not seem to be offended. He smiled as he said, "I am Jan Krazowic, Count of Krakow and all of its holdings."

>"Then you are no longer Count Krazowic, but Jan Khan. Ready your finest horse. We ride for Rome soon."

>The new Khan bowed. The European peoples had a strange way of going about that. They put one hand over the heart and the other in the air, and one foot would be crossed over the other. "Of course, my lord."

>"Then it is settled. Rise, and we will conquer."

>>327805

I really like your take on the Order and their motivations in your various stories. Your ability to write so many coherent stories with shared characters is also impressive.

I have my own idea for a story about a paladin's choice that I almost wish I could just toss over to you, because I know you could do the concept more JUSTICE than I ever could

>>327705

Terrible grammar aside, I trigger my cringe response with all of my writing but I'm also aware that I have a very low cringe tolerance. I listen to music while I'm writing to push away the cringe feeling. It helps me write through parts of my story that I would otherwise find terrible.

I suppose I might get the same effect by drinking lots of booze and doing assorted drugs but I don't want to turn into the next Stephen King for monmusu content. I wonder how much contempt famous authors have for their audiences.

On that note is there anyone working on horror stories with monster girls?I'd be interested in reading monster girl stories in a zombie apocalypse setting or maybe the stalker setting.

>>327774

I didn't think you would. I think the challenge will be not making the monster girls seem too perfect and without flaw.

>>327705

Well said. I struggled with the same thing and unfortunately couldn't overcome it. I really wanted to give back something to the community, but a few chapters in it became to hard to see past my own inexperience. I write a page or two every couple months, but it will probably not be updated until I finish it. At this point I already look like a fool.

>>327805

I've been struggling to put into words exactly how I feel about your works. On one hand, you are undoubtedly the most talented MG writer I can think of. Your story-telling and characters are unparalleled, save for perhaps Lanternon's. I look forward to everything you write, though I don't know how I feel once I've read them. Other stories leave me happy or amused, yours leaves me conflicted and stressed (or something).

If I had to describe your setting in a single word, it would be "sick." It is utterly devoid of JUSTICE or compassion, and whatever gods inhabited that world must have long since abandoned it. How could any god look upon it and feel anything but disgust or rage? Your setting is suffering, and highlights all the dark places that many people choose to happily ignore in canon. I think that's part of why your work is so interesting.

The inevitability of defeat in your setting, combined with a much more realistic interpretation of the order, really drives home how unfair it is to the humans. Your interpretation is IMHO the best view of the Order. I absolutely love your characters, including the MGs. It's probably why I emphasize with them so much, and why I agree with both sides.

I was going to ramble on to justify my views, but I'm reasonably sure that you understand. What the MGs stand for and how they interact with humans, the choices your human (main) characters must make and how they suffer for it, how you handle the conflict between them.

As always, fantastic work. It's nice to see something from you again. Any chance we'll see another soon?

>>327805

This is really good.

>>327805

Well done. Your setting is possibly the best deconstruction of MGE we could ask for.

Also, can you do a special focusing on the order and the monsters? A bit of worldbuilding never hurts IMHO

>>328022

Not him, but I'm curious what you're interested in.

>>328024

Just their general tenets and beliefs. How clean Order states conduct their business, and compare/contrast that with how monster states operate. No war, no focus, just worldbuilding. I have a feeling that Losenis can do this and can make them seem not so different. I'm curious to see how he would handle such a story. So, are you up for it?

>>328026

I would love to see more of his world-building as well. I am very interested to read more about the everyday MG and humans, as well as the married couples. Especially incubi.

This might be a weird and random question, but sometimes I have a hard time deciding whether to use first person or second person narration, particularly when the story will be told from a single perspective. Any advice on when to use which perspective, or the pros/cons of each?

>>328132

There's also third person limited, if it's from a single perspective.

>1st person is like listening to someone tell a story about themselves.

>e.g. "I opened the door, got on the floor, looked up the dinosaur-girl's skirt."

>2nd person is addressing the reader directly and telling them to imagine themselves as the MC. Usually used for CYOA type stories.

>e.g. "You open the door and wonder if you should get on the floor. You've never walked the dinosaur, but looking at the size of her tits, you'd walk her all the way to pound town."

>3rd person limited refers to the POV character by name as if they were a distinct entity, but it only shows what that one character thinks and experiences.

>e.g. "Protagonist-kun opened the door and immediately got on the floor. Everyone was walking the dinosaur and he was most confused. How do dinosaur panties work, he wondered."

>>328046

It's funny, Lose gets shit on in /mgg/ yet he finds a home here.

>>328160

Shit on? He's usually very well received. It seems like there's just a couple memers/autists in the general that can't handle lilim OC's

>>328160

/mgg/ ran Bromont out and now he's here on /monster/. Let's face it, OC on 4chan is dead.