2c435c No.4758
How do you feel about friendships with boyos?
I never really put much thought into it but I have become friends with a group of about 6-8 girls recently, they are all about 2 years younger than me but like most girls act older, all with quite different personalities.
It's probably the most girls I have ever actually been genuine friends with ever and I started to think what they really feel about being friends with me, I understand I could just ask them but I'm just happy that i have people that I care about around me and tend to go with the flow socially anyway.
Anyway just curious of any experiences you girlies may have had being friends with a guy and what benefits and whatever.
____________________________
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e11c7c No.4761
Zero experience here. All of my friends were either girls or nerdy boys. I only deal with maled online.
My lil sis however hangs out with both girls and boys. And its nothing out of the ordinary reallh.
The only thing that most girls I kno (including me) fear and hate is when a male friend develops feelings for you because you know damn well you will never be able to be friends again.
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65443f No.4764
>>4761
How often does that happen for it to be a legitimate fear?
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e11c7c No.4766
>>4764
Far too often.
When you are friendly with a guy, he thinks you want something with him. And you never know who is befriending you just to ger inside your pants.
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2c435c No.4767
>>4761
I went through the same really with boys and nerdy girls that i never really had any deep care for.
It seems a thing with kids these days to hang out in mixed groups, lucky for them they will develop social skills and wont hang to pretend to have them when they get to the age of 20 lmao.
I completely understand that fear and for somebody like me it goes both ways, I don't have the experience to read how people feel about things.
It's weird that before becoming friends with them the idea of me being close with multiple girls seemed almost like a unrealistic and selfish fantasy. maybe i just have such low self esteem and that somehow worked out in my favor
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e11c7c No.4769
>>4767
A much as something changes, se things remain the same.
My sis used to get mocked at by other girls for hanging out so much with boys. Then she bullied them back and now they don't say anything.
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2c435c No.4770
>>4769
I feel like the age difference helps in my case, they are used to the obnoxious horny teenagers that live in my small town and Im like a fucking sloth, i dont know if sloths are horny but they dont seem to be
It's definitely a power thing, if a group of kids could control who can be friends with who its a weird social mafia that develops in schools lmao
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e11c7c No.4775
>>4770
Sloths are also really dumb. But not as dumb as koalas!
But yeah, girls usually prefer being with older guys because they don't act like horny twats.
I don't know how kids could even fathom that being THAT horny and hormonally unestable would be attractive. It's not. It's gross.
And it also applies for several older guys too.
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e11c7c No.4776
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6689b6 No.4780
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>4758
>Anyway just curious of any experiences you girlies may have had being friends with a guy and what benefits and whatever
Main benefit is having a circle of possible mates to choose from. Almost every man befriends a woman with the hope of having coitus with her, but most women befriend a man to have him as a backup, and it is also flattering to know the amount of men who find you attractive.
In short: men don't believe and women purposefully do believe in friendships between sexes.
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b23b3b No.4805
>>4780
This is definitely the end-all be-all video on the subject of sustained communication between the sexes, especially IRL.
Back when this board did actually have a few real girls (not trannies) on it, it was really fun and informative to lurk and see how they interacted so differently than guys do - much less crude, much more open, etc. Of course women can be harsh too, but that's normally not with people right off the bat. Everything was kept pleasant and polite because everyone was anonymous. Good times.
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dda98d No.4809
>>4805
>much less crude, much more open, etc.
From my observation of female imageboards i call that bullshit, its just fake kindness and game of pretend.
While males on imageboards are usually truthfull, the thing that imageboards provide is ability to freely speak your mind, without care about you external appearance and "reputation" and to me it seems that males use it to full extend while females still try to keep up the "reputation" despite being anonymous
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e11c7c No.4812
>>4805
>>4809
>Guys overanalizing women behaviour
The usual, my friends. The usual.
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b23b3b No.4814
>>4809
"Flowers are pretty and sweet-smelling? I call bullshit. They're only doing that to steal free labor from bees." Is what you sound like.
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dda98d No.4815
>>4812
>Not autistically overgeneralizing everything even from years before and then holding regret about totally irreverent things that happened long time ago
Get on my level
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dda98d No.4816
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e11c7c No.4817
>>4815
Damn. Gotta hide that power level, son.
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e11c7c No.4821
>>4814
But don't flowers basically d-
Oh, you cheeky bastard.
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2220b6 No.4854
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2c435c No.4871
I wrote my posts late last night after I got back from my grandmothers funeral and was thinking a lot about my friendships, mainly because I shut them out over the last few days and didn't tell any of them when I found out she died.
This morning though I spoke to my friends and told them what happened and they all said they missed me and they will be there if I need them, after that though I felt like something was missing as though after letting them know and getting sympathy i would feel better but I still feel empty.
Maybe im overthinking and when I meet up with them all I'll do what I normally do and find some release.
I wonder if I could to emotionally stunt myself further so I could stay friends with people so I don't lose them by letting them know what I really feel
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e11c7c No.4873
>>4871
Maybe its time to ge new friends?
I know how it is: being distant ruins some friendships and make them awkward.
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2c435c No.4880
>>4873
I go back to university soon and in that time I feel like things will definable change.
This will be different too because it will be a complete fresh start.
I've already run through the scenario in my head that I will go there and make no friends and all that time will spent alone and I'll be ok with it.
I think I will need to go to get on some kind of medication, I just don't trust myself enough I have been able to somewhat rely on my friends to keep me sane but I just fear being alone and the fact that a part of fantasizes about it.
I barley manage to be a functioning person, my old way to cope was to be fucked up all the time, I'm actually fearful of that I'll start to get worse and end up taking myself out.
I'll be a burden to my friends for a little longer, maybe I can find some other people I can leech on.
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2c435c No.4888
sorry for using the board as a blog I don't really use image boards anymore at least typing it out feels good
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e11c7c No.4889
>>4880
It will go way bette than youthink
Its your chabce to start anew and from scratch. Dony fuck it up
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17b271 No.4894
>>4871
Speaking as someone who's emotionally stunted, it's not as bright as you might think. Sure, you can put on a mask and hide it all from everyone, but it will crack. It has cracked, and a result of the last one is the reason I have been lurking image boards for the last few years. At least I am finally rid of my other lives and lies.
The main thing you will hopefully learn over time is that your body and mind are still in shock. Unless your relationship with a deceased is strained at a minimum, you will feel something and it doesn't waver. The things you were comfortable with now have an unexpected 'gap' interfering, and it will take time to reach a place of normalcy. Don't blame yourself, we're only human; and loss is one of the grandest unifiers of our human existence.
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d59662 No.4941
ive liked being around girls a lot more since grade school and havent had a guy friend since high school. i just open to girls more easily so i dont really have guy friends. got zero irl and like, 2 online
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e22958 No.4951
>>4758
Oh, OP. OP, OP, OP.
>me, highschool
>5 friends who are of the female persuasion that I hang with
>I have no idea how it happened, it just happened
>madly in love with one and in lust with another
>no game because high-functioning sperglord and low-functioning boyfriend material
>no one's interested
>"because of not wanting to ruin the friendship"
>talked to me about their awful, awful boyfriends, then would proceed to wave bye-bye and let the same boyfriends drag their awful, awful tongues over their nubile bodies while I went home to jerkin' the gherkin
>never gave me tips on meeting girls other than them
>I wasn't able to go with them to some roller rink because of a family obligation
>Next day
>"We really wish you were there, anon!"
>"Really?!"
>"Yeah, there were some Chinese guys hitting on us and they wouldn't take the hint"
>"…so you wanted me to do what, exactly?"
>"Tell them to fuck off!"
>"…have you met me?"
>Their awful, awful boyfriends hated me because they actually talked with me
>wannatrade.jpg
>Start to realize that I'm getting the worst part of an actual relationship, fulfilling the need to talk about things, helping open allegorical pickle jars, and generally being used as an emotional tampon. There is no quid pro quo, and the girls actually chased away a girl I was dating (though I didn't find out until long after). Affection is non-existent other than "attaboy!" like I was the clubhouse dog
Finally, there came the day where I said "Nope" and peaced out.
>Art class is me, my friends, and a whole lot of dumb fucktards who just wanted an easy credit and went out of their way to act like total chameleon-anuses to those of us who enjoyed the class
>I wasn't fond of them
>One of them's walking by in the hall as I walk in the other direction with the one I was in lust with
>"Anon, did you see his ass?"
>"…I'm sorry?"
>"His ass! It was AMAZ–"
>"I'm not gay."
>"I know, but you're like one of the girls."
>mfw
>I started distancing myself from them after I realized I was the "fag" they were "hagging"
OP, you can be friends with young women, but if you become the mascot to a group of them, you'll be miserable. Trust me. Learn what you can from them and apply it towards finding a girlfriend. Then get the hell out.
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c164b0 No.5252
>>4769
>A much as something changes, se things remain the same
Something about this thought, conforts me
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2c1ab8 No.5417
Well, my two best friends are grills, and personally I can become close friends with girls better than with guys, there's just something about girls that makes it easier for me to connect with them on a more emotional level,
I'm not a very sociable person (surprise!), though generally socially functional, but I absolutely have no interest in holding relationships that are more superficial than the proverbial shoulder to cry on.
I talk on a daily basis with those two friends and would prefer going out with them as opposed to staying inside.
But with people who are acquaintances? I wouldn't enjoy it, or at least, wouldn't prefer it to staying inside.
The consensus with people over 40 is that "if you stick a boy and a girl in a room together something WILL happen sooner or later".
While they may be right in the sense that sexual tension is always there, I also believe that boys and girls can be friends, god help me if not.
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1ecc62 No.5469
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>be withdrawn kid with few friends
>most girls look at me like a joke or retard
>girls who reach out to me tend to have been tomboys
>with plenty male friends
>some who develop feelings for her, who can blame them
>she says "i get along better with guys, guy friends are better"
>she doesn't understand why guys keep falling for her
>there's always some guy who was rejected but still hangs around
>she tells me the spergy shit he does to win her over
>he eventually goes crazy, and disappears from her life
>she misses him
>rinse, repeat
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aa696e No.5470
Most of the better, long-term friends I've had are male. Less clingy, less overly-emotional, and I can actually talk about shit that interests me in-depth with them more often. Granted, they're all online these days, and most have assumed I'm male for around a decade. I don't know if that means I don't count or not. Haven't bothered to correct them; I don't like the way people interact with me if they know I'm female and it's extremely irrelevant to the things we talk about anyway. Add in a dash of anonymous culture and there's not much reason to let the cat out of the bag.
Only 2 know I'm a girl and they keep it under their hats since we know a fair bit about one another from the 12 years we've hung out, we know not to share details without permission from the person. Basic respect. Out of my on-off regular circle of 10-15 autists, I think I can only list maybe 3 females I've been "pals" with over the last 7 years online, and only one I talk with semi-regularly. She does art. The rest of my contacts are male. We mostly sperg about comic canons, old films, technology, an occasional bout of politics, and vidya. Maybe recommend books to each other, watch some streamed movies and shit. Only close to a select few, but pretty comfy.
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9959c0 No.5475
>>4780
I don't know, maybe for some people, but the people I know mostly don't really care about gender when it comes to forming friendships. If you find someone you like and have a reason to be around, then you roll with that person. If you happen to be attracted to that person, and they happen to be attracted to you, then you fuck. I think if traditional gender roles weren't as enforced, the whole dynamic where women are a prize and men are competitors would disappear.
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6689b6 No.5478
>>5475
This has nothing to do with supposedly made up gender roles. We are bio psychologically hardwired; meaning it is our primitive drive that determines almost (if not all) of our thoughts and actions. Most people act upon their id and super-ego, and only a few people manage to act upon their ego in the majority of their lifetime.
Your thoughts could be admirable if they weren't so naive and uninformed. Men and women are fundamentally different, not only physically but also psychologically. It is the rare exception that opposite sexes can form a genuine friendship without being already commited to someone.
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3c667e No.5510
>>4951
>Learn what you can from them and apply it towards finding a girlfriend. Then get the hell out.
A-fucking-men. Everything else you said was spot on too.
>being used as an emotional tampon
I know that feel.
I'm never bothering with female "friendships" ever again. It's degrading and frankly humiliating.
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e088f1 No.5531
>>4758
I'm biased, as at this point I'm doubtful if I can be as much of a friend with females, as I've been with other men. But I'm still willing to hear people out and give them a shot.
Though the evidence points more towards it being incredibly unlikely.
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f810c0 No.5777
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5f2f40 No.6551
>>4761
>>4766
idk, like, I've heard that a lot, but in my experience most guys don't try shit if you say you have a bf/gf and only ever had that whole feelings thing when I was single
I always ended up with lots of guy friends because nerd hobbies lol
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7ffe43 No.8058
One of the things I think that females don't understand about male-male friendships is that men put up barriers. It's basically for protection. We don't trust each other, not even our closest friends. Of course, there are exceptions, but it takes a lot of alcohol to get the emotions and intimacy flowing. That's why when I hear "friends with a male" from some woman I almost want to roll my eyes. Male/male and female/female friendships are different. Especially past the teenage years, for males.
I can not see one of my oldest friends for years and suddenly just meet up with him and be like "hey", and we instantly understand. No further discussion needed. You can if you want, but you're gonna have to pound some drinks to break down the walls and get all faggy.
Let me assure you that even if he says he doesn't have feelings for you, the constant bioloigcal calling is always ticking. Men think with their dicks. Fags are no exception, but their dick just isn't interested in you.
That's not to say it's not possible to be friends. It's just that it's more likely for that biological call to evolve into something that was not intended, and then it's ruined. Or he'll hide it. Either way.
Male friendships are usually distant, and female friendships are usually emotional and intimate.
Males, in general, also have trouble keeping friends and contacts. Nothing to do with being anti-social, it's just how males work. Even the most social among us can probably not name a single 'friend' that he could go to when shit hits the fan, and truly trust. Not just because they don't give a shit, but because we're all trying to protect ourselves.
Otherwise, you are vulnerable. That's what it all boils down to: vulnerability.
http://hazlitt.net/longreads/legion-lonely
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e088f1 No.8128
>>8058
>That's not to say it's not possible to be friends. It's just that it's more likely for that biological call to evolve into something that was not intended, and then it's ruined.
Can attest to that. This happened to me.
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c38f93 No.8132
>>5510
>mfw most of my biological family on my mother's side are females
>only male biofam is a baby and my manwhore of a grandfather who ended up creating two lineages
>dad's a piece of shit who split years ago
>been trying to get more in touch with his side
>3 uncles (neet/truck driver, faggy artist, and a biker dude) and an aunt(we don't talk about her)
>neet uncle is actually my cousin(long story)
>barely talk to any of them, so I have to travel with my mother to meet up with her family
>grandfather wants me to start dating and/or fucking
>mother doesn't want me to take his advice because he's a manwhore
>now in college, and can see qts everywhere
>only connected with a foreigner, a few chicks and a dude
>now crave another's touch
>never dated in high school
>not aggressive or abrasive by nature
>summer of isolation made me spergy again
I'm in a bad place.
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dd73e2 No.8156
>>8058
That's a nice opinion piece you got there.
>We don't trust each other, not even our closest friends.
There's always gonna be that one bro you share everything with. I blame your lack of social interaction.
>Male/male and female/female friendships are different. Especially past the teenage years, for males.
Yes, true.
>I can not see one of my oldest friends for years and suddenly just meet up with him and be like "hey", and we instantly understand. No further discussion needed. You can if you want, but you're gonna have to pound some drinks to break down the walls and get all faggy.
That's just you.
>Let me assure you that even if he says he doesn't have feelings for you, the constant bioloigcal calling is always ticking. Men think with their dicks. Fags are no exception, but their dick just isn't interested in you.
True to an extent.
>That's not to say it's not possible to be friends. It's just that it's more likely for that biological call to evolve into something that was not intended, and then it's ruined. Or he'll hide it. Either way.
Yup.
>Male friendships are usually distant, and female friendships are usually emotional and intimate.
It's not so much distant, as it is closer to the wolf predatory system. You can't show weakness, and need to bolster your confidence to face the others. In fact, i'd say it's quite the intimate relationship, since it makes you all grow a stronger personality over the years.
>Males, in general, also have trouble keeping friends and contacts. Nothing to do with being anti-social, it's just how males work. Even the most social among us can probably not name a single 'friend' that he could go to when shit hits the fan, and truly trust. Not just because they don't give a shit, but because we're all trying to protect ourselves.
That's just you.
>Otherwise, you are vulnerable. That's what it all boils down to: vulnerability.
<Having friends makes you vulnerable
Get a load of this crap.
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6145a1 No.8168
>>8156
>>That's a nice opinion piece you got there.
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00004.x/full
>“Despite efforts to dismiss it, the finding that men’s same-sex friendships are less intimate and supportive than women’s is robust and widely documented.”
I'm not going to go through the article and pick out all of the citations for the other points. The article talks in generalities, and backs it up with statistics, and studies, for each main point that I hit on.
To be clear: I'm not trying to be a dipshit and claim that men have it the worst and get emotions beat out of them by women or some shit, leading to the current situation.
I was trying to explain how men's friendships are DIFFERENT and, ultimately, unhealthy within in the current societal framework. Men recognize that, with many surveys showing that they wish they could be more intimate. Why aren't they? Who knows.
Just because you can name a "best bro" you share all your little feelings who you think would take a bullet for you has nothing to do with many men, even the highly successful and social, as the article goes into detail several times, suffering from these unhealthy, and frankly lack of, "real" friendships. Ultimately resulting in loneliness and abandonment, on a scale not seen with women.
But that was not my actual point. It's an aside, really, to saying that there's different experiences. But ultimately it's the result of the difference.
As for why, who knows. You can't argue with the citations though.
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c38f93 No.8170
File: a0447cace26ac4b⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 2.75 MB, 3008x2000, 188:125, Rainbow_flag_and_blue_skie….jpg)
>>8168
>Men recognize that, with many surveys showing that they wish they could be more intimate. Why aren't they? Who knows.
Probably because of *certain* social pressures and the current politicsl climate. Shit messes with your brain.
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6145a1 No.8171
>>8170
Don't be a faggot and derail, please. There's a board for that.
I was simply making a point that there is a difference between same-sex friendships and what women and men experience in them.
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c38f93 No.8177
>>8171
I'm just saying that might be a probable cause. Honestly not trying to derail here.
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dd73e2 No.8256
>>8168
Guess i'm the weird one huh?
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16e567 No.14356
>>8132
>and an aunt(we don't talk about her)
Tell us about her.
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e99646 No.14477
>>4761
As well you should, don't try to be friends with a guy IRL, men and women are not biologically configured to be "friends".
I've been congenial with female coworkers in the past, but I've never had a female friend, and my partner knows well enough that it would be weird as shit for me to have "female friends" while I'm with her.
Just don't do it.
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e99646 No.14478
>>5417
You sound like the sneaky-male type that can't impress the panties off a chick, so you try the long game.
Maybe you're not but that's what you sound like, and any boyfriend with any sense is going to demand his girlfriend stay away from guys like that.
So your likelihood of keeping female friends for long periods of time will diminish as their desire to find an actual partner increases.
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04963c No.14491
>>4758
Most of my guy friends are who I met through my boyfriend. I'm fine with it.
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9a07d6 No.14735
>>14491
Is he fine with it?
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04963c No.14746
>>14735
Yeah. We all get along well.
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9a07d6 No.14749
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baae57 No.14750
>>14478
Do I? I grew out of my beta-orbiter phase when I was 15.
I honestly, genuinely believe what I said, and I know I can keep those relationships since they've been going on for years, and they were my friends both when they were single and when they had relationships.
I also met the boyfriend of a few years of one of them, we met at the birthday party of female-friend 2, admittedly he was incredibly suspicious of me at start(he has a history with trust issues and betrayal and shit, something about an ex iirc), but we actually had a nice time, we talked about guns and military and shit (he works as a range instructor) and I think we got on each other's good side.
So my point is it's definitely doable, but not anyone can get into it, and there's always the risk of one falling for the other, it either works or it doesn't, the same with any relationship.
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04963c No.14753
>>14749
What exactly do you mean by this? Cause I'm not quite sure how to expand on it unless it's more specific.
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e99646 No.14757
>>14750
It's not just the sexual component but the codependency factor.
Maybe you are an exception but I've found most guys who end up with nothing but female friends end up being extremely emotionally codependent.
Maybe your definition of friendship and mine differ.
There are women outside of my girlfriend that I talk to on occasion if they ask me questions and whatnot. I don't shun other women, but being an acquaintance and a friend is very different by my perception.
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9a07d6 No.14759
>>14753
How well do you get along?
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04963c No.14760
>>14759
Pretty good. We all have the same humour and voice chat a lot. But I'm not that outgoing so I don't go out with them much.
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baae57 No.14786
>>14757
No no, I definitely mean friends, I have a metric fuckton of acquaintances But I only refer to these two as friends.
Admittedly I have to agree about the codependency part, when you're good friends with a girl (or girls) on a platonic level it's very easy to descend into "YOU DON'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO ME" territory, I was guilty of it as a teenager (I was a fucking faggot of a teenager), I think it comes from seeking an emotional connection but not being able for whatever reason to get teh GF.
I get what you mean, but I think I grew out of that as well.
REDDIT SPACING
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605c64 No.14806
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>Originally 'The Four Loves' series was recorded by Lewis in London in 1958, prepared as 10 talks to air on the ‘Protestant Hour’ on American radio
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a568a0 No.14813
I stopped caring about the gender of my friends early on in high-school. I just hung around people who talked about dork shit all the time. Some were boys, some were girls. There aren't any real benefits from being friends with guys, except maybe that men don't bother you as much in public if you're already with one or two guys.
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e99646 No.14821
>>14786
Fuck off with the faggot reddit spacing, get your OCD under control.
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05184d No.14878
>>14821
>fuck off with meme spacing
>meme spaces
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32a968 No.15741
What friends means to you?
In my first language there are difference words.
It's so hard express this things in english because there aren't gender difference in the word friend.
Example: amigO (male friend), amigA (female friend)
Amigo = Friend
Colega = Fellow, colleague
Friends = Real friends, like best friends, you go to his house, he came to your house, you know their parents, talk about life and etc.
Fellow, colleague = that people you talk sometimes, you study with this people but when you graduate, you'll don't talk so much with him.
The first case, I have male friends and haven't female friends but I have many female colleague. I talk with her but I don't go to her house, we don't hangout alone, only in group and things like that.
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