/girltalk/ - Girl Talk

>>10912

And hows is that going on for you?

Also, why is that your type always try to manipulate the poor guy?

>>10916

From personal experience, I'd say something during their early life. Maybe they felt "wronged" by something/one, and they just seek out a way to "right" it. At least, that seems to be unisex around these parts, not sure about elsewhere.

it's me tbh

I like fucking with people

it's funny

and I have a sadist domme streak a mile wide

dating a shy, awkward guy makes it more likely I get one comfortable with being controlled

>>10916

Woah there, easy. I am not an evil mastermind. I just like being in control.

I wouldn't manipulate anyone for the sole purpose of hruting them.

>>10916

This all boils down to codependency/narcissism, really. It comes out of Alcoholics Anonymous and it really is the best framework to talk about this phenomena.

The thing most men, and women, with codependency issues don't understand that they have an unhealthy relationship with the self.

Why do controllers seek them out? The controllers are self-centered. They're narcissists. Now, nothing is absolute, but they certainly have narcissistic qualities.

I certainly can blame the narcissist who took advantage of me, but the fact is that codependency is an unhealthy dynamic. Develop a better relationship with yourself, and you won't have to deal with someone preying on you like this. Just don't put up with abuse.

That's not to say that someone with a codependency streak can't have a good relationship, but that all depends on the severity of it. Or you can stop holding out for someone who won't take advantage or get sick of your compassion and become healthier and more mature. The choice is yours.

>>10946

That too, but the problem with those faggots is that they virtue signal for some poon and don't get any, and they're not really compassionate, they're just rock bottom losers who've learned to signal for ideals.

BPD vs NPD are very similar, but different. And they certainly both prey.

>>10905

I only recently discovered his board but I have related question.

I've always felt if she's better looking than me

by enough I'll let her be controlling. I'm no alpha but I can be convincing if I have to. I've just realized in any modern relationship women have all the cards thus why fight? My question here is, is it wrong if I let her call the shots but know exactly when to put my foot down and take charge? I've always been pretty good at knowing when to "flip the switch" in life when things get too real.

>>10912

Snail we all know by now you're a big abnormality. You want to make a beta male to raise his wife's adopted African children, instead of producing your own.

>>10936

Do you feel in charge?

>>10948

As long as you're not dealing with a transient, calculating, emotionally destructive sociopath, then whatever works in your relationship. True borderlines and narcissists are incapable of actual compassion, or empathy, I think we were talking about that, and it's not exclusive to women or men.

It's whatever man, as long as you aren't being totally emasculated. Don't call it an act, it's a reaction, depending on the context it could be a healthy reaction. Asserting yourself isn't inappropriate, as long as you aren't actually hurting them or being unreasonable.

I'll try to give an example among many: a manipulator may tell you that you're responsible for their hurt feelings in being assertive when refusing to comply with their selfish wishes, and then try to further manipulate you into feeling guilty about it or something else.

Is it wrong to be assertive in this case? No. It's appropriate. If they can't understand this, or if they cry and shit their pants and don't use their big girl/boy words to actually explain it, or try further manipulation like a sociopath would, you cut all ties with them.

Why can't you all just be normal people who treat each other as equals in a relationship, and as an actual individual and not a gender? Preferences for being dom-ish and sub-ish shouldn't have all this bullshit psychobabble baggage attached.

It is utterly baffling to me.

>>10951

Or perhaps he might be wondering why somebody would assume genders are identical, before throwing natural order out of a plane?

>>10951

Dom/sub is fine, the topic is abuse and manipulation. OP asked about the subset of women who target submissive guys and then proceed to abuse them.

Narcissists, sociopaths, abusers, manipulators, preators, borderlines, it's not exclusive to women, or men, they're assholes.

You have a sense of self-worth, understand what manipulation is, and then you don't have to put up with it and you tell them to go fuck themselves. It's that simple, without the psychobabble.

>>10953

You don't have to think someone is identical to think they are an equal.

But you're sound like the kind that thinks all non-whites should be gassed so that point might be lost on you.

>>10950

>Asserting yourself isn't inappropriate, as long as you aren't actually hurting them or being unreasonable.

Yeah, that's basically the answer I was looking for. And yeah your example checks out, the person you described sounds abysmal.

Guess I'm not bonkers then. Neat.

>>10957

Keep in mind that many things are subjective or percieved in a way that was unintended which is why communication is important. Probably hasty to end a relationship over a single fight unless you actually make the connection right there that you're dating a borderline or straight up sociopath.

Autism tbh. Borderlines are cute how they like to outright tell you that you're rescuing them or whatever other bullshit to appeal to a white knight reflex, like they've got you all figured out. Cute in a wannabe psychopath sort of way.

Even psychologists don't want to deal with their bullshit. They just say what they think you want to hear.

A rock is a more calculating predator.

>>10956

That's a big assumption.

>>10930

You seem to have problems.

>>10936

I heard that before, all my friends and even my bro got manipulated by girls that said the same thing. I'm not accusing you of being one of them, but you gotta understand that most girls that tend to go for the shy guys end up being manipulative.

>>10939

>>10943

I'm don't have problems with myself, dude, lol. I'm okay and I'm dating some girls right now, but it really bugs me that I'm surrounded by this types of relationships, I guess that I have shitty/beta male friends or something.

>>10951

No, we are not equals.

>>10954

Pretty much, yeah

>>10956

You are still wrong.

>>10950

Pretty much, although I would also say that you should always be assertive no matter what, honestly assertiveness is a good thing, it shows that you are confident, other males will threat you with respect, girls will do the same and more, the only situation where I can thing of where being "alpha" or assertive is a bad thing, is when someone has a gun pointed at your head or something.

Also, your partner should accept your assertiveness too, if she or he can't handle you being honest then ditch the girl/guy.

>>10969

There's a point where assertiveness is nothing more than self-righteous defensiveness.

If you constantly think that your way is the right one, and dismiss the other and fail to consider what they're saying, or outright fail to empathize, you're probably not a pleasant person to be around. I believe the medical term is "fuckhead." Which is worse than being a doormat tbh.

>>10973

lol, sure m8, I'm a fuckhead.

Also, I never said anything about not listening to other people, there are a lot of good thing that you can learn by listening to other people (and some stupid shit too) but that doesn't change the fact that you should still be assertive.

>>10976

I didn't say you were a fuckhead, I said there is a point where one can be overly assertive, and thus be a fuckhead.

True assertiveness is half empathizing, you are correct.

Also, drop the tough guy sexual dimorphism "we're not equal" bullshit. No one cares, fag.

>>10973

>Has personal problem with being assertive

Figure yourself out

Being blindly assertive doesn't serve anyone. Be true and honest with yourself and others. If you don't have a clue then be assertive enough to be honest with yourself and others. Assertiveness isn't about pushing others around. It's about making decisions for yourself and acting it out. This includes the decision of innaction. To not let others push you around until you can figure out the right course of action.

>>10981

Yeah, except I don't, and that's not what I said.

I can see you have a personal problem in the context of reading comprehension.

Crash couse: assertive, passive, and aggressive.

Assertive: "I matter and I think you need to take my feelings into account, even if my position may not be as strong".

Passive: withholding or deferential, doormat for all intents and purposes.

(Overly) Aggressive/combative/contentious: fuckhead.

>>10949

I am in charge.

>>10905

"cute shy" guys are mixed bags.

It's easy to put them in the pushover category, but some can be very intelligent and turn out to be very patient power players and you may find yourself on the receiving end of a manipulation.

Also when you agitate them, especially in their core values, which they are very passionate about, they can react violently and unpredictable.

That said, they can react very well to positive feedback and building their character can be a very satisfying experience. But I learned to fear and be wary of the cute and shy guys and girls.

>>10980

We aren't, what's so difficult about this concept that you can't understand?

Anyway, you guys seem to have your own shit that needs to be fixed, so I will lay back and see how this thread will evolve.

>>10990

Isn't that just a person with mental and social problems? Also, care to give me an example of agitating them when it comes to their core values?

>>10991

>we aren't

Yes, that's true.

Did you know that boys have a benis and girls have a bagina? Did you know that women are not as physically strong as men, even with some serious regimens or supplements, or even in rare cases of some serious life threatening adrenal stimulation in a pinch? It's true. Did you know that women are, on average, smaller than men? Wow, I'm a walking encyclopedia here. Bask in my prowess.

A good relationship is a union of mutual respect and caring. That's what's meant by equal. Preferences of domination of submissiveness are almost an aside, it's a different context. You can be a prime specimen of power lifting and still prefer to submit. People are complex, who'd have thought.

>>10983

You seem to be mixing up assertive with thick headed indifference.

A more healthy approach would be to view it as being forthright. Being strong willed and honest.

Why is this thread getting bump locked with no survivors?

>>11093

Cuz some women around here don't wanna talk about how fucked in the head they are.

Besides, I don't think people tend to responde that much threads that are on the second page

>>10999

I wasn't mixing up anything, I was saying that there is a point where assertiveness becomes nothing more than self-righteous defensiveness. It could be construed as such even without the extreme, but we view it as 'healthy.'

True assertiveness is half empathizing and consideration. Being strong willed is only an ideal so far as you aren't incapable of empathizing with the other.

Also, people can agree to disagree.

>>11093

>>11149

>Why is this thread getting bump locked with no survivors?

BO wants to show everyone how (((she's))) the most manipulative (((female))) on the board.

>>11093

/pol/itics