>>136212
I've been where you're at bro. It sucks man. The fact that you're posting here instead of killing yourself tells me you still have some hope though, and I'll offer you my dumb life advice for what it's worth. First off, I can already tell you obsess over how you compare to the people around you. That's fucking dumb. It might matter if everyone was born in the exact same conditions, with the same genes, but that's not how it is.
>There are people who work twice as hard for half of what I have, yet all I do is roll over at the slightest inconvenience.
An underachiever born with advantages you never earned? Do you feel like someone with what you have has a responsibility to the toiling have-nots? That was me. It still is me in some ways. But you're overburdening yourself. Here's what you have to do. You have to learn to be fucking selfish. That doesn't mean go backstabbing everyone you meet, it means putting yourself before the world. Become strong, then you can think about giving back to the people in your life. You have this great head-start over others, yet you'd shackle yourself with "justice" for your laziness? MAKE THE MOST OF IT NIGGER. If you were fucking homeless, and suddenly someone gave you everything you have now, wouldn't you want to go fucking do something? You had hopes and dreams before you decided you didn't deserve it, or it was "unrealistic" right? I doubt all of them are unrealistic. Go and fucking chase them. Make it your meaning. It doesn't matter how ridiculous or frivolous they are. It doesn't even matter if you realize them because in working towards them you'll either be better off than you are now, or you'll realize you want something else more. It doesn't matter if you fuck up all the time, as long as you're not giving up. People who would judge you for that aren't worth thinking about; they aren't human. In fact, most people aren't human. Only people you care about are. The rest of them are NPC's in your life who are only there for you to laugh at. Realize that despite all the cringe inducing fuck ups in your life, the fact that you can reflect and feel remorse makes you a higher man than most people. There are people who live like total scum and they do not even realize it. They live without self awareness like animals. You are not an animal. You might be far from your goals, but your sense of what is good and what isn't is your ticket to getting there.
Finally, I don't know how well any of that motivated you, but realize it's totally okay if you're not feeling 100% like conquering the world right now. Do you know what inertia is? Inertia is a universal concept in the universe. It's not restricted to physical objects. Your state of mind has inertia. Maybe you've been feeling shitty for a while now, and that's become a "habit" for you. Your mind is a rolling ball (going in a direction you don't like), and what you need to do, if you care about fixing this, is to try to slow it down a little bit each day. If you are doing things that objectively make you depressed (daily masturbation, porn, weed, avoiding sunlight and exercise, eating shit food), stop it. Wean off these things if you have to, but make the effort. Make time to mediate either before the day begins, when it ends, or both. This will help your brain if you suffer from over-stimulation, which most modern humans do. Remember you are what you do, and that your fuck ups are all in the past, gone. You do not need to carry them around with you. Learn from them, then forget them. If you truly make an effort to internalize everything I've told you, you'll be on the path to loving yourself, which incidentally, is the path to becoming a fucking alpha.