I also had problems with my mother, we were barely on speaking terms, and we only talked to fight. She was always complaining about everything, and just like your mom, she wanted me to be a literal god in earth, often asking me to be things that are extremely conflicting, like being a religious vegan cuck faggot who shares his feelings in groups, and a bold person who can stand his ground and push people away easily. When I was a teen she was always trying to castrate me, because for some unknown reason she looked at me, skinny beta nerd, and unlike everyone else in the world she saw the image of my Chad father, so she was always trying to make me even more of a whimp then I already was, since my father didn't fall for it.
You know what made me get over it? A line, a simple line, that is disturbing but also completely real: My read "your" mother acts like a nagging wife. And to nagging wifes you don't give credit, because they don't know what the fuck they want from you, they just go complaining on the way. The secret to deal with a nagging girlfriend is realizing that her opinion doesn't matter, and altought rationally they WANT you to listen to her constant drivels, what they NEED is that you stop giving then credit, man up, and follow only your own expectations and dreams. Subconsciously they desire you to work on your own demands and take the wheel of your life like the man of past times, but they don't know how to make you do it, so they nag without stop waiting for you to lose it, smack then in the face, and do your own thing. Rationally they don't want that, emotinally, they do.
Stop listening to her, stop following to her expectations, stop taking whatever she says personally, and in the next confrontation just say you will do your thing and if she wants to tag along, good, if she don't, get out of your way. Make a list of what you trully want, where you trully want to go, what you trully want to be, and follow that only. Women opinion is shit, even your mother's. Listen to this advice, this is stuff I should have learned when I was a teenager.