>>6289 (OP)
>>6293
I've felt this sinking sensation for about 10 years now. It's incomprehensible and impossible to truly describe. A dark hole inside of me. An infinite fright. A vacuum of meaning and happiness. It is the single worst sensation I have ever had. It comes whenever I let my guard down and think hard about existence. Once its in it almost takes me over and I can't stop thinking about how doomed and futile and fucking unfair life is. It almost always comes when I lie in bed at night. I do everything to avoid it. Music, booze, porn, tv, food; any strong sensory information to stop the overwhelming feeling. I've shape my life around hiding from this incessant and terrible fear of death. Death is the only thing which will fully stop the misery. Ironically I will resist this sweet release with every ounce of my will, because of this fear.
Solutions:
1) Meditation and mindfulness (especially) practices are useless and make you more aware of the problem. Anxiety and thought control (not mindfulness) exercises work best. Effectively, through practice, you are more capable of controlling your thoughts/focus and thus less likely to fall into the pit of existential fear. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxa1SNLNdqk is an example of such an exercise. You can make your own through somewhere like https://www.noisli.com/.
If you run the exercise yourself then do something like this:
6 minutes on focusing on different sounds. focus on each sound for ~30 seconds each
2 minutes on focusing on different spaces. I do four (left right behind ahead) ~30 seconds each
2 minutes on rapidly changing focus between different sounds ~10 seconds each.
I'd advise looking through a few of the guided exercises and find one that works for you (right accent, good sounds, comfortable etc.) After a few months you can make your own once you know what your doing. You NEED to do it for at least 1-2 times a day for it to have any effect. Your THINKING will not change if this is not a regular practice.
2) Keep yourself busy. Anything with meaning is the best antidote, hanging out with friends and family is good. Addictive things are the second best solution; drugs, partying, alcohol, booze, sex, masturbation and games all work, but the thoughts eventually start piercing through when I do this things.
3) Sleeplessness and Alcoholism. If you're mind is wacked out and inebriated then you can't think straight, so you can't think about the bad stuff. Also both help you crash when you fall asleep. Sitting in bed doing nothing is the best time to have an "attack".
I've never met someone who gets as fucked up by this feeling as I do, but hopefully I've helped a bit. The feeling has dominated my life and completely restricted how I can live. To give you an idea how effective the above strategies have been, I've gone down from ~10 absolute chimp-outs (can't stop it and go completely autistically berserk, I try to punch the ground and beat myself to cause enough pain to overwhelm the feeling or I go all out manic sprint and just run for a while) a month at my worst time to only a few per year. The thoughts breach few only a few times a week now and are usually manageable. (Chimpouts are the exception when I get overwhelmed). Good luck.