OP here again. Guess I should have included this but I guess I was too ashamed to even type it but fuck it. Its pretty much whats got me feeling this way and I probably need to be berated for it anyway.
>meet girl from cuckchan about a year ago
>she lives in the uk, i'm in the us
>same political views, sense of humor, lots in common
>she's pretty average in looks, a lot would probably consider her ugly but so am i so whatever
>starts feeling like an ldr
>talk about her moving to america, family, future etc
>don't feel alone, or when i do i just think about her
>a year of this goes by
>some time after new year, i start noticing how many of my messages are left on "read" with no reply for days, sometimes at all
>just think i'm being paranoid, decide to not freak and be clingy annoying
>the less i message first, the less we speak in general
>sometimes a full week will pass without talking
>recently we start talking more
>she invites me into some group chat on kik
>its nothing but other dudes, all acting chummy
>my brain goes into overdrive instantly
>i lurk in the chat but don't post
>i start noticing that when she's not replying to my messages, she's still in there talking to the other guys, one in particular
>i drop out of the chat, uninstall kik and snapchat
>she's messaged me twice and I've ignored them
I know LDRs are insanely retarded but considering the circumstances and confirmation biases, I assumed this would be different. Instead, everything I always thought, like how you're never the only guy a girl is talking to etc., was only reinforced. And knowing we have so much in common and that she's not even good looking yet still acted like a thot just makes it so much worse.
I hate blogposting but fuck it. She was my only friend, now I've got nothing. Feel free to lay into me, I deserve it.