I feel like an FBI anon made this cyoa to identify IP addresses belonging to freaks & weirdos. Anyways:
+25 Loser
+40 Deviant
+20 Nerd
+15 Weeb
+5 Neckbeard
+40 Edgelord
+40 Insanity
+185 Points. (Deviant/Edgelord/Insane)
Jesus, that's depressingly self-reflective.
>Edgelands
Helping white supremacists kill gay furries has been my lifelong dream. I think I'd make friends easily, and the ward sounds aesthetically relaxing and eventful.
>Belt of Baneposting
Perfect for if I'm surrounded and I need to make a hasty get-the-fuck-out. Plus that's a nice belt. 155 points left.
>Old Clothing
ANY of your old clothes. I assume this to include my flak jacket, work gloves, boots, holsters, the Kevlar vest in my closet and some of my sporting gear, IE my cup, helmet and elbow pads. Plus I'll be wanting my old tank-tops, jeans, coats and sock-sandal combos. Gotta be comfy, and I'll have a considerable advantage over your average asswipe if I'm armored. In a bulletproof vest I'm almost 250 pounds, and I'm by no means in poor shape. More weight: Mo' force fo' hittin'. 135.
>*Teleports Behind You*
This is more useful than it is incredibly gay. Excellent counter to would-be buttfuckers and a great way to sneak about. Hell, I might be able to use this to escape. If I can target any living being, I could just target one of the guards, wait for him to leave the facility, and then teleport behind him at 1 AM, ending up in his kitchen. Before he can scream through a mouthful of nutella I've got a vegetable knife and he's deader than disco. 120.
>Nothing Personnel, Kid
This works in conjunction with the previous choice, and 'weapon' is loosely defined enough that I could instantly kill someone with a lunch tray, as long as I'm standing behind them. Hell, if a group of people decided to pursue me, I could teleport behind the rearmost fella and essentially chainstab an entire mob like I'm playing TF2 against free-to-play niggers. 110.
>Greater Mischief
Talk about getting away with murder. This essentially means that every day, for an hour, I get to live out my old save file in San Andreas as a superhuman frog-man. This is a literal wet dream come true. Overwhelming satisfaction and consequence free bliss aside, I'll also be an international sensation. Imagine if Pepe the Frog started sticking up gas stations, raping elementary school teachers during class and shooting policemen in broad daylight. I could easily bust down someone's door, break their bones, beat their children to death, and then use their wi-fi to post videos of my smug misdeeds. I could thesibly, by luck of the draw, be in a city at the same time as a Jew banker or some lefty shills. Antifa is going to suffer SEVERE casualties. Comic-Con? Oh, fuck, that's gonna be wonderful. Better still, if someone manages to kill me before the hour is up, I just wake up in my cell, and I can do it again tomorrow. 45 points left…
>Magical Realm
I don't really plan on using this, but it might be a fun way to pass the time, I have extra points, and I'm not going to take the katana. Dude, nothing is as gay as a low-weight sword made by gooks. I'd take a bastard sword, or a baseball bat- not a katana. With this option I'll mostly be turning my fellow inmates into vapid, plastic-faced bimbos and forcing them to orally stimulate my penis. Might also temporarily kill them and rob them of all body heat for cuddling, or turn them into anthropomorphic likenesses of MLP: FiM characters with big tits and/or horse genitals. Meh.
Last five points can go to the dirty piece of shit kike. Sure, fifteen dollars a week. Enough for a moderate favor, a smoke, maybe something pleasant to eat. If I save up, this could really come in handy.
At first I thought this CYOA would be like the old 'Desert Island Scary Monster' ones, where you have to wager your options carefully and the situation is generally negative- But going to this prison would be an improvement on my real life in every conceivable way.
That's really depressing.