No.372804[Last 50 Posts]
>be me
>a year ago
>find a nice cuteboy in one of the skype threads
>start talking a lot it's fine for the first couple of weeks
>realize he's completely insane
>self-harm , suicidal , paranoid as shit
>i handle all this stuff pretty well
>i still like him and try to help
>starts calling me a manipulator, liar
>i still do my best because i actually care
>i handle it pretty good
>3 months later
>he starts convincing himself that he is hurting me and that he's bad for me etc
>goes insane and asks me to forgive him
>self loathing. jpg
>wake up next day and i am blocked
What's the deal with cuteboys and self hatred/bullying and mental instability in general
____________________________
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No.372808
Unbalanced hormones, child molestation, living unsatisfying lives, existential crisis, etc.
The vast majority of faggotry stems from social and environmental conditioning. When you've been brain washed into thinking that it's perfectly normal to put your dick in a mans ass you're bound to have some lingering mental issues tagging along.
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No.372816
>>372804
Sadly, I can relate way too much. For a second, I actually thought you were talking about me because I have literally done the exact same thing before.
I push boys away, which are nice to me because I am scared of hurting them.
I don't have any bad childhood traumas though. I just think I am unhappy with myself as a person and developed some mental issues on the way.
Is there anyone who can give me tips on how to deal with this? I really want a nice bf but I don't know if I could handle one.
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No.372827
>>372804
I don't have any self harm issues but I got bullied a lot in school and it's crippled my ability to have a relationship or be intimate. Most of the time if anyone wants to talk to me or message me off here or other places to pursue any kind of friendship I shrug them off because I'd rather be alone than open up emotionally or sexually to someone.
Besides that the gay community resonates toxicity to me in general and most of my interactions have reinforced that. It's given me a lot of sympathy for women when most of your interactions with people are just them wanting to fuck you because muh dick. It's really no surprise a lot of us are/become fucked up mentally. As for the anon you're dealing with, it's probably a mix of desire for attention, conditioning to only value himself for his body and a mix of personal history and a fucked up past. Seems kind of over-dramatic though and I would say part of it is he likes the attention he's getting.
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No.372828
>Hospitalized
>Bullied as a kid
>CPS at home
>Cries almost daily
>Fails to make proper friendships
do I need help anon ?
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No.372831
>tells me he isn't interested in me
>continues to send me nudes because he's a narcissist and wants me to flatter him
A quick post to vent.
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No.372835
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No.372848
We all have baggage I guess. As young kids we want the fairytale ending and it almost never happens. We get older, frightened, certain the world will kick us - and that we deserve it simply for existing. Where these ideas come from, idk, but they're bullshit.
So, okay, Prince Charming didn't sweep me off my feet and take me to NeverNever Land. The *first guy,* mine anyways, was a brutal pig. I lived and learned that there ARE princes out there - and Princesses also. Try to be open, there is no fear in love.
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No.372858
>>372804
>goes insane and asks me to forgive him
Oh God, I feel this all the time.
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No.372859
I look worse than that from epilating. Kid just needs to suck it up. Basically everyone is like that when they're a teenager. OP, your problem is that you're trying to get with cuteboys that are still weaning off of their pubescent hormone rush that has been scientifically proven to make people insane. Dating teenagers is like dating a drug-addict; why would you be surprised that they aren't stable??
>>372808
You make an excellent example of a self-loathing loser like OP's kid-boyfriend. Thanks for the extra input into the mindset; sure it'll help someone around here understand how things are.
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No.372867
I think with some it comes from the fact that many cuteboys have a desire to be overtly feminine, which to many people is an odd concept since many boys are taught boys are supposed to act a certain way. So to be an exception to that mold means internal fear of being a pariah of sorts, and many would be cuteboys lack the validation to be comfortable with what they are and what they want to be. So it's kind of an internal battle of hating what you are because you want to be something else that your afraid you might never be able to actually be. That sort of thing can weigh heavily on you after awhile. At least that's my experience.
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No.372881
>>372867
There's a lot to what you write here. But it only touches the edges of the different forms which mental instability (to use OP's words) can take. Here it is, almost 40 years after Stonewall; we've made great progress in some areas, but, there are many things which need to be addressed. Boys are still taught that they MUST be masculine, which has always been a damaging and fruitless exercise on the part of parents. Why? Because some boys are effeminate. IMHO the "etiology" is pointless simply because it's very much a chicken-and-egg question. If it's reduced to, "Well, some boys are more effeminate than others," perhaps some of the underlying problems, or tensions, can come to light. What does such a boy do? He must act on what his body is telling him ~ "be girly." He must deal with the largely-disapproving, largely uncomprehending reactions of everyone else. He must deal with the brutes are looking to get off. He must deal with the guys who get disgusted with themselves and with them. He has to keep in mind the possibility of getting an STD; a major rupture; and, having his heart broken.
It boils down to, you want some physical affection, but you have to clear an awful lot of hurdles.
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No.372883
>>372816
how are you going to hurt them?Do you not trust them?
>>372827
>i shrug people off when they want to be my friend
>i hate when people just see me as a boner garage.
you dealt your cards, retard.
>>372828
yeah. you need therapy.
>>372831
stop giving him power and block him right now.
>>372848
>>/girltalk/
>>372867
Al Capone has been dead for awhile now.
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No.372884
>>372859
What I've posted is just reality. It's backed by statistics and general observation by anyone who's not a brain dead retard.
Faggotry is a symptom of a larger problem just like depression is. And treating symptoms is something only a brainlet would think to do.
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No.372895
>>372883
Yeah and tbh I'd take being alone over having to interact with people like you every time.
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No.372914
>>372883
>how are you going to hurt them?Do you not trust them?
I trust them but I dont trust myself and I know that I am unbalanced and cause a lot of problems. Basically, I know that being with me isnt a great choice so I kind of want to protect those I love by pushing them away.
But in doing so, I hurt them and I hurt myself and then I dont know what to do anymore because I want love but I feel I cant have it and its all so difficult
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No.372925
>>372828
If you're feeling bad a lot of the time when nothing bad is going on, and you've tried your best to deal with it alone but can't, then you should probably get help. You don't "need" it, but it might make you feel better.
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No.372940
>>372884
>Muh reality
>Muh statistics
>Muh general observation
You're a sad bag of retardation and confirmation bias, and you will never amount to anything in your life other than leaving behind a pile of garbage. But at least you're not a faggot, right?
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No.373001
>>372884
What do suggest we do then, have a massive purge of the fags? Honestly, would you really like to see somebody slaughtered over their orientation? And if you answered yes, would you just be doing it because you desperately want to see someone you merely dislike get their head caught in a wicker basket, and feel righteous as you watch the blade drop on someone else for the crime of not possessing your mind
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No.373003
>>372816
I relate to this way too much. Sometimes I wish I was abused as a child just so I had some sort of reason to act the way I do. All the time I wonder if I'm a narcissist or a sociopath or something, because I live in a perfectly fine middle class household and I think about killing myself everyday.
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No.373008
>>372859
You have a shit epilator. Let me guess, you bought it down the road at your local pharmacist?
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No.373012
>>373003
We are "made" the way we are, whether speaking in terms of human genetics / culture, or in older language, that God created us……this way. If you can accept that as a given, it allows you to experience your life as it could be. It's like a door opening; up to you to go through!
Perhaps my language is too…..poetic, but it's a far cry from the misery expressed by other posters. You, and those like you, are not wasted lives, you're not trash. You're gay? Queer? Faggot? Say "Yes!" in a scream.
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No.373013
>>373001
Some people only see through lenses of misery, and judge the world and everyone in it accordingly. Ultimately, that in itself is tragic; but the more immediate tragedy are those who are wounded by that venom. It is only fatal if you embrace the venom. You might get bitten - but never be thankful for it.
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No.373025
>>373008
No, it's a top-of-the-line model; over $150. I just have absurdly sensitive skin. Merely scratching my sides in the morning when I wake up leaves welts that last an hour. Most of the follicles bleed when the hairs are removed, because they're as course as steel wire and about a quarter-inch deep.
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No.373042
>>372895
So you were just looking for attention? You're pretty pathetic for that. Off yourself, leaf.
>>372914
>I trust them but I dont trust myself and I know that I am unbalanced and cause a lot of problems.
What made you not trust yourself?Why do you think you're unbalanced and have you tried fixing this?
>Basically, I know that being with me isnt a great choice
But they think you're a great choice anon.
>so I kind of want to protect those I love by pushing them away.But in doing so, I hurt them and I hurt myself and then I dont know what to do anymore
Mind my armchair psychology but i think you're afraid of being hurt tbh.
>because I want love but I feel I cant have it and its all so difficult
don't mind my armchair psychology slightly but according to 7cups you're depressed.
I know nothing about german mental health institutions so i suggest you get a self help depression workbook ad contact the last boy you turned away. explain to him that you like him and that you pushed him away because you are depressed and would like to get help. you should tell your parents about your depression too anon.
I wish you well and hope you get better.
>>373012
people are against homosexuality because most of them are degenerate, bug chasing, kiddy diddling it makes trad gays look bad.They're not attacking you for being gay, they're attacking you for being degenerate.
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No.373059
>>373042
>What made you not trust yourself?Why do you think you're unbalanced and have you tried fixing this?
Just my experience with emotions tbh. Sometimes I am so happy and want to meet them and marry but the next one I am angry at myself and oush them away again. I dont know how exactly I can fix it. I try to listen less to my emotions but sometimes the get the upper hand.
>you're afraid of being hurt
Yes maybe. I got hurt once. It wasnt even romantic love but I still cant get over how I am left for good. It makes me really sad and feel worthless, like all my emotions I poured into them were just trash.
>according to 7cups you're depressed
Yeah idk about that. I did online tests too and got the same result but I dont believe it.
My last ""bf"" pretty much knew and even told me to get help but I didnt and kept being myself and eventually it pushed him away too. In a way it felt good to have him leave me because it meant I no longer had responsibility and was alone again.
I thought about getting help by a psychiatrist but I am scared of my parents finding out and I dont want people to think I am a lunatic. Also, I kind of still hope I will change and it will go away.
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No.373063
>>373013
I need that written on something to remind myself that the world is a shitty place, but I shouldnt let it get to me. Thanks for that anon.
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No.373070
>>373042
>people are against homosexuality because most of them are degenerate
Just like people are against niggers because most of them are murdering gang-members? and against Muslims because most of them are terrorists?
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No.373088
>>373013
>Some people only see through lenses of misery, and judge the world and everyone in it accordingly.
Those are your nihilists, your anti human pro abortion hedonistic fags. These are people of no value.
>It is only fatal if you embrace the venom. You might get bitten - but never be thankful for it.
Now i know you're trying way to hard into philosophy. the venom is there regardless if you embrace it or not. Now if you can't do nothing about the venom we must come to terms with it existing.
>>373059
>Just my experience with emotions tbh. Sometimes I am so happy and want to meet them and marry but the next one I am angry at myself and oush them away again. I dont know how exactly I can fix it. I try to listen less to my emotions but sometimes the get the upper hand.
you should get an evaluation, you sound like you have bipolar disorder
>Yes maybe. I got hurt once. It wasnt even romantic love but I still cant get over how I am left for good. It makes me really sad and feel worthless, like all my emotions I poured into them were just trash.
Shit happens.having different ideals its unsurprising to meet an asshole.If it makes you feel any better, ive been left in the gutter many times. the pain should go away soon.
>Yeah idk about that. I did online tests too and got the same result but I dont believe it.
and what did that do to you in the long run? you still feel like shit no?
>My last ""bf"" pretty much knew and even told me to get help but I didn't and kept being myself and eventually it pushed him away too.
Now that's on you. you chose to not get help and now look at the result. you should at least go for a consultation.
>In a way it felt good to have him leave me because it meant I no longer had responsibility and was alone again.
it sounds like you didn't like him.
>I thought about getting help by a psychiatrist but I am scared of my parents finding out and I don't want people to think I am a lunatic
You should you definitely should.You have a car right? you could stop by the psych and tell them about your problems and get your therapist to explain to your parents that disorders are normal and bipolar and depression are common.But you're not. most murders are done by people deemed healthy.
>Also, I kind of still hope I will change and it will go away.
You can change. you just need to make the first to change.
If you can please update me on this thread. get well anon.
>>373063
>>/pdfs/6215
Marcus Aurelius' Meditations should be a good read then. He was a Roman emperor who wrote on his diary about the happenings around him.I really like Book 6 Verse 6: The best revenge is not to be like your enemy This is from the Penguin translation by the way.
>>373070
>Just like people are against niggers because most of them are murdering gang-members?
unlike the propaganda you got inserted with Hitler and his American equivalent Commander George Lincoln Rockwell wished other races well. Hell Malcolm X was in good terms with Rockwell.You can go on cracked and it will tell you about how Hitler was a big fan of that one series about indians. Hitler was a vegetarian, cared for animals.Liberia was a country founded by the free slaves. Hell the fucking african niggers turned down Marcus Garvey, a leader in the Rastafari movement at the time.So it wasnt neo nazis that hate blacks, its the own blacks that hate blacks.
>and against Muslims because most of them are terrorists?
If it wasn't for the extremist take over we wouldve had a tolerable version of islam in Iran. have you ever seen the comparison between 1970's iran vs now? very telling tbh. Also Gaddafi was about to reach levels of tolerable islam but they killed him and now Libya is slave country.
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No.373089
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No.373092
>>373088
>The best revenge is not to be like your enemy
This sounds suspiciously like Christcuck "turn the other cheek" nonsense, as in "don't be violent and hateful like they are".
The best revenge is to change the world such that your enemy's children grow up to be as downtrodden and abused as you were, and hope he lives long enough to see his only legacy go down in flames.
>Nazis didn't hate black people
>Iran is worse than it used to be
You couldn't have missed the point more if you tried as hard as possible. What the fuck does any of that have to do with anything?
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No.373099
>>372940
I am a faggot. I'm just not a delusional faggot. It also looks like you might have forgotten to include an argument.
>>373001
I'm proposing people accept the truth for what it is. I don't need to put forward any kind of solution until people accept reality.
It's the same way with niggers. Every time someone gets btfoed when it comes to the inheritability of intellect they automatically resort to screaming about how people must want to slaughter niggers in the streets.
All of these discussions are meaningless until you've come to agreement on the fact that faggots and niggers are largely some of the most counter-productive people on this planet. But of course these are inconvenient truths for people who's worlds revolve around lust and pleasure seeking.
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No.373116
>>373088
>you should get an evaluation, you sound like you have bipolar disorder
I dont think its that bad. I just think I have depressed episodes in which I don't think very clearly.
>Shit happens.having different ideals its unsurprising to meet an asshole
He wasnt an asshole. I actually still miss him very very much. I still hope that someday he will return. I would forgive him instantly because he is such a great person. I dont know why he left me but I am sure he had his reason, I am not angry at him. More sad and I wonder what I could have done different.
>and what did that do to you in the long run? you still feel like shit no?
Yes, indeed.
>it sounds like you didn't like him.
I did like him. But never could really embrace it, tbh. I was always on the edge, thinking he will drop me. I think I wasnt allowing myself to feel emotions that much. Maybe thats still my problem. Thats why it felt good to have him leave me, there was less edge and I could relax and didnt have to think about him hurting me anymore.
Thank you anon. I will eventually have to change something, I know that.
I am currently chatting with a boy I like again. He likes me too. I really hope this time I can make things right and not fuck it up again. I dont know how much I should tell him about these problems of mine though. I want to be honest but I also dont want to scare him away.
What should I do?
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No.373117
>>373116
>I want to be honest but I also dont want to scare him away.
Don't be honest ,even if that makes you feel better, he will hate you and throw you away like everyone you will ever meet in your life , you're alone forever because you have a garbage personality and you are actually a burden , you feel like a "burden" because it's literally true , your problems are too much and no want to actually bother with your immature sad ass , you are a doomed loser who will never find someone to care for him not even your own self
>>372804
Do you feel good doing this ? it makes you feel better about yourself doesn't it
>>372808
>>372848
>>372859
>>372867
>>372881
>>372884
maybe you faggots should stop your armchair psycho-analysis because it's embarrassing and you sound retarded lol
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No.373123
>>373117
>maybe you faggots should stop your armchair psycho-analysis
>Do you feel good doing this ? it makes you feel better about yourself doesn't it
>Don't be honest ,even if that makes you feel better, he will hate you and throw you away like everyone you will ever meet in your life , you're alone forever because you have a garbage personality and you are actually a burden , you feel like a "burden" because it's literally true , your problems are too much and no want to actually bother with your immature sad ass , you are a doomed loser who will never find someone to care for him not even your own self
l o l
o
l
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No.373129
>>373099
Like clockwork. Nobody ever likes coming up with solutions for things they dislike so they use the "I'm raising awareness for the problem" copout. And yes, it is a copout, because if you had to come up with a solution to the fag problem, it would involve either 1. Killing people 2. Institutionalizing people 3. Force them to pretend they're not gay (therapy), or some equally ineffective method.
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No.373132
>>373129
I wasn't trying to weasel out of saying that we should kill fags and niggers. I already explained exactly what my point was. That whether or not we kill fags or niggers is completely irrelevant if you can't get past the fact that they are a counter-productive entities.
If you don't agree that fags and niggers are problematic for society, then it would be pointless to discuss how to implement a solution to them. Instead you yourself use this "w-well if it were true!" copout to avoid having the discussion at all.
Only retarded brainlets try and argue with these autistic "gotchya!" moments that hold no merit. Take your intellectually stunted ass somewhere else faggot.
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No.373146
>>373132
No, I do agree that fags and niggers are problematic for society. If you aren't planning on killing them, then what is your solution?
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No.373152
>>373146
>If you aren't planning on killing them
I never said I wasn't.
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No.373176
>>373152
Ok, so you plan on killing them?
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No.373204
>>373092
You're not going to change the world by arguing in a mongolian hut making forum.
Most people realize they can't change the world, that's where Stoicism comes in.
>>373116
>I dont think its that bad. I just think I have depressed episodes in which I don't think very clearly.
From previous post
<Sometimes I am so happy and want to meet them and marry but the next one I am angry at myself and oush them away again.
It is that bad.
>He wasnt an asshole. I actually still miss him very very much. I still hope that someday he will return. I would forgive him instantly because he is such a great person. I dont know why he left me but I am sure he had his reason, I am not angry at him. More sad and I wonder what I could have done different.
He left you because you didn't get help despite him telling you.
>I did like him. But never could really embrace it, tbh. I was always on the edge, thinking he will drop me. I think I wasnt allowing myself to feel emotions that much. Maybe thats still my problem.
He left you because you didn't get help.That is reality, stop trying to make excuses.
>Thats why it felt good to have him leave me, there was less edge and I could relax and didnt have to think about him hurting me anymore.
How was he hurting you?From what i recall he just stated you were depressed and needed help.
>Thank you anon. I will eventually have to change something, I know that.
>eventually
Procrastination will just lead to more suffering.
>I am currently chatting with a boy I like again. He likes me too.
You need to close that chapter with the previous boy mentioned. it will not end up good.
>I really hope this time I can make things right and not fuck it up again.
You will fuck up.You will feel like you can't trust him and eventually push him away. Your mental foundation is fucked and it needs to be fixed.
>I dont know how much I should tell him about these problems of mine though.I want to be honest but I also dont want to scare him away.
Are you planning to meet up soon? you need to LDR that shit.
What should I do?
visit a psychiatrist independently,close the previous boy love chapter, have current boy on LDR, get meds and become stabilized.
>>373117
this nigger
>>373176
back to /cow/ gyp
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No.373234
>>373204
>How was he hurting you?From what i recall he just stated you were depressed and needed help.
He wasnt hurting me. But I was scared he would. Not because he was a bad person just because I am scared to get hurt in general. I just dont want to end up suicdial or something because of something like this. I cant handle emotions very well.
>Are you planning to meet up soon? you need to LDR that shit.
Yes we want to meet soon. I dont want LDR, I cant do that. LDR hurts me more than not having someone at all. I need someone who really is there for me and who can hold me.
I appreciate your advice. I will try to make this relationship work without help but if I fail again, I will seek help. I dont feel ready yet for professional help but maybe a bad breakup/relationship is just what I need to push myself over the edge. How do psychiatrists usually handle cases like me? Will I just get meds or will I have to do therapy sessions?
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No.373263
I'm young and one of my first bf's was bulimic and totally insane, others self harmed a lot. I thought it was cute and I liked trying to love them
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No.373276
>>373129
> solution to the fag problem
genetic and epigenetic gene changing
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No.373305
>>373234
tread carefully with the meetup then.
>How do psychiatrists usually handle cases like me?
If its severe they'll have you on meds, which if you're afraid of side effects you can try using a disorder self help workbook.
therapy is like a mixed bag, theres some that want your money and will play into the patients delusions (ie gender dysphoria,transitioning) youll have to see for yourself tbh. you can always cancel. if you dont feel like you have support irl theres always support in online forums.
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No.373324
>>373263
How do I find a qt like you who isnt afraid of self harming boys? I feel like most people see it as a big red flag (maybe because it is). How did you relationships work with them? Did you feel like it was too much at some point?
>>373305
Thank you for your advice anon.
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No.373361
>>373204
Building huts in a Mongolian style actually sounds vaguely interesting. I'd dedicate an afternoon or two to learning that hands-on.
>>373276
There's too many variables; the brain is still largely a "black-box" and scientists have no idea how the fuck it works. This isn't like changing eye color or a susceptibility to certain types of cancer — sexual orientation is so complex that most people don't even understand themselves. Besides, it would take many centuries to test, because you have to wait ~20 years to see if the changes to the variables have produced a meaningful phenotypic outcome.
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No.383111
>>372804
sounds like me and my bf tbh
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No.383112
>>372828
also do I detecc another cronaposter?
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No.383159
>>372914
Are you me? It's scary how much I can relate to all of your posts.
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No.383199
>>372804
>self-harm, suicidal, paranoid as shit
relateable.
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No.383227
>>373116
You don't need to tell him, he'll figure it out without you.
>>373117
nigga you're jaded.
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No.385788
I fell in love with a schizo. I wasn't good at adapti g, do he broke up with me. I miss him but I'm sure his condition wouldn't have worked out long term.
Please unblock me Hakeem I miss you
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No.388305
>>372828
I want to be your friend anon.
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No.388341
>>372804
why is this a question?
if you stay inside all day, all week, all year to play vidya and watch your precious animus, your ability to socialize will deteriorate along with your mind.
I'm still trying to figure out how to heal from spending a good 3-4 years doing nothing but playing Skyrim alone. I don't even remember most of that time of my life because there's NOTHING worth remembering.
I still feel unstable, I feel as though my anger has reached a new height, and I truly believe that my time spent as a total neet Absolutely fucked me up. I lost most of my friends, and to this day, they still have that old idea of me, despite how different of a person I've become.
Cuteboys and instability go hand in hand as it is also a purely physical and objectified culture. We focus on looking cute, acting cute. that's about it. There's no emphasis on being A good person, but there is an emphasis on skin care routines. There's no part of cuteboy that says we should be lovable and empathetic and compassionate - but there sure are templates on how to make your butt look bigger and your hair go away.
imagine a Barbie doll who is beautiful on the outside and melted plastics on the inside. I am speaking at myself, as well. I'm no stranger to this, and i am not seperated from it.
I suffer these effects. these are my observations from my time spent with the cuteboy community.
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No.388342
>>372914
tell the ones you love exactly what you just told us. Communication and understanding are very powerful tools. I am in a similar boat anon, but i think that I've finally reached a point where I'm less isolated than I was, and the people most important to me, are those who understand my struggle and where my heart lies.
you would be shocked how empathy connects us through shared pain. You never know who else around you is feeling similarly until you speak out. <3
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