f813c3 No.827868
Is it possible to seek martyrdom in one's life? Do I even know what I am talking about, and can one make such an assumption when they are in as much sin as I? Is it wrong, even if possible, to want for such a crown? Can I not be trusted with the resolve, meaning I'll find some way to spend a prideful life with such a goal? Am I discrediting or even harming my potential persecutors in this case? Am I committing sinful conviction when I borderline plan such a thing or seriously strive towards it nearing the end of my life, even perhaps after having prepared for it all that time? Am I so prideful as to be blind to this - and should it never be desired, only granted? I've heard of saints who have sought it out. But then again, me, a saint - but then again, and again, how couldn't I seek something as this… I don't honestly know, and I don't want to misspeak on something this blood-ridden and mortal.
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cf9b10 No.827869
>>827868
Monasticism and/or the original desert fathers started as a desire to live up to Christ's commands to deny ourselves, and to live up the previous generations who had been martyred. But they didn't seek out literal martyrdom or provoke anyone. True martyrdom starts with denying the world's influence, living up to God's holiness, and fighting temptation.
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9be90c No.827877
>>827868
>Philippians 1:21
The Apostles were happy to be martyrs for Christ, but they were martyrs through circumstance. They didn't seek it out. You should be the same. Happy to die for Christ, but not in earnest to die for Christ because you are more good to Him alive than dead. If you feel a strong calling to evangelize in a dangerous place, it may be a calling from God, but don't forsake prudence. If you die a martyr, you suffered well, but that should be a fate you suffer only if you've done everything short of apostasy to preserve and protect the gift of life you've been given.
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f813c3 No.827907
>>827877
>that should be a fate you suffer only if you've done everything short of apostasy to preserve and protect the gift of life you've been given.
My misdeeds have together may not be so far from such a scenario as you might think. What if I seek such a thing in old age, or am I way out of line?
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5205db No.827944
>>827907
>or am I way out of line?
You are way the winnie the pooh outta line - your life does not belong to you. It belongs to God. Seeking out martyrdom would be incomprensively immoral. It would be spitting God's gift to you back in his face. Even when the executor is walking up to you when you're tied to a post with the axe or the firestick, the only thing you need to be praying is thanksgiving, giving God the glory and saying 'thy will be done,' that is 'I am ready to fight on and live another day or 50, and live right and live and share the Gospel should I somehow escape or be freed from this situation in which death looks certain and imminent, Lord. Equally I am ready and happy to die a martyr for you singing your praises if it's my time, praise be to God.' It's seems very likely that you would be genuinely disappointed were God to somehow miraculously provide you a way out of a situation on which it seemed guranteed you were about to be put to death for your beliefs. If thats the case then you need to repent urgently.
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35eede No.827954
>>827868
>Is it possible to seek martyrdom in one's life?
No, and you write like you're some kind of unhinged narcissist. Seriously, your grammatical constructions are extremely weird and you're the focus of every one of your sentences. I don't know what's going on in your head, but something's wrong and you might want to focus on figuring out what it is. With outside help.
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f813c3 No.828038
>>827954
>>827944
>>827877
What can I say, I don't exactly write such posts on this board in moments of clarity - moreso ones of personal discord. I'm sorry guys, but thanks for the input
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