Afraid of becoming Catholic

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Afraid of becoming Catholic Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 09:37:37 066432 No.824498

I'm having a major existential crisis. Honestly, this past 9 months has been a wild spiritual journey walking the closest I ever have with God, but being a prot all my life, I'm now leaning towards Catholicism and the last thing I want to do is choose wrongly. To the Catholics on this board it will sound ridiculous, but I've walked so closely to God without the Catholic church, He is my everything and He has been ever present in my life. I have been constantly struggling with my Catholic roommates about Christianity for a long while now, and I actually find myself with the inclination for their church and it's breaking all sorts of paradigms of how things have always been for me. I am genuinely terrified of becoming Catholic and it's all I can do now to wait upon the Lord to tell me what to do and trust him to be faithful as he has been.

I've been a protestant all my life. I was genuinely in love with Christ and sought to serve him where ever I could, and then I fell away hard for years chasing strange fire and purpose elsewhere. One day God gave me an ultimatum, telling me "It's either what you're doing or it's me, which is it going to be?" Obviously I chose him and began my journey to make my way back to Christ and he has been literally speaking to me and teaching me and guiding my every path and dealing with my sins one by one. As soon as I chose him, I came under severe chastisement. It was both the most terrifying and beautiful experience I've ever had. For the first time, I had finally understood the severity of my sin, the ugliness of my deeds and my need for Christ. I devoured the word like Hell was chasing me, and as far as I was concerned, it was. I went through several doctrines and beliefs trying to find the right one, struggling against my own mind and the demonic oppression which followed me for many months and in the midst of it all, the only conclusion I could come to is that when looking into the face of death, Christ was the only one who could save me. He was my only hope. Where years of religion convinced me in life that I was secure, the loss of life counted all of those things for nothing and as I clung for dear life, Christ was the name I cried out to, and he answered me.

One day, he ended this torment, he said to me "I'm solidifying what I'm doing in you. Your night is ending, you will have peace again." And at that moment, I did have peace. Then he called me to be homeless for a whole month, and so I went, and he provided literally everything. I went to a far away city that he chose, and he sent me food to eat, told me where to sleep, arranged every meeting with every person I was supposed to meet, protected me and kept me safe. He taught me truth, built me up, told me how much he loved me and guided my every step. I went there with money in my pocket, and on the first day of my arrival, he had already had me give it away. I would end each day penniless, and the next day I would always have money from somewhere. Whatever I had I would give. I gave food, blankets and the clothes off my back and did everything he told me to do until he sent me back home. It was there he taught me to hear his voice and rely utterly on him for my every need. It is possibly the most beautiful and cherished memory I will ever have again. After this trip, I had gained a peace beyond all understanding. All my depression, my anxiety, my torment of the soul, my bitterness, it was gone. And from there he continued to guide me and provide for me and build me up.

____________________________

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 09:38:05 066432 No.824499

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>>824498

God is such a father-like figure in every way we can imagine. Every discouragement, every guilt every problem of the heart I bring to him, he completely astonishes me with his grace filled responses and council. What a beautiful and loving God we serve, I wish I can tell everything he's done just in this past year. But now I'm realizing that I don't have a church. That protestantism has completely failed me everywhere I go. So many dead churches and congregations, and the ones who do obey God and are blessed by him fail because of disobedience. But when my roommates took me to their Catholic church, I couldn't help but cry. I sensed the Holy Spirit heavily in that place, the Lord was in that place. And the more I learn about Catholicism the more conflicted I become. Even now I don't consider myself protestant, I hate the word. I don't know what I am. I just know that I desperately need Jesus and his mercy and must cling to his cross. All I know is how much I love God and how much I want to obey him and do his will. He has answered me, he has been faithful to me, he has blessed me and given me peace. He has been literally speaking to me and guiding me. He has done all of these things. To ME. And I've seen him bless Catholics, Protestants and Orthodox believers in these same ways simply because they sought him earnestly. But every single day I get to hear the absolutionist standpoints of the Catholic church from Catholics. They tell me "If there were any protestant that would make it into heaven, it would be you, but now that you know the truth you should seriously consider it." Their arguments are incredibly compelling, and I'm afraid that if it's the truth and I don't follow it that I will one day come up shamed because I didn't listen.

But though rich and beautiful the Catholic church is, there's so much I can't wrap my mind around. So many doctrines that don't make sense. Catholicism (and I emphasize this) is so incredibly dogmatic that by being a pious and faithful Catholic, you seem to actually become distracted from the savior Himself. That it's so saturated with hierarchy, orthodoxy, sacraments, prayers, practices, rituals and traditions that ones focus on Christ in actuality becomes obscured. And that no matter how serious a Catholic is, no matter how intent they are on being faithful, they come up short for the simple fact that their religious pursuits become vain and carnal in some ironic way.

But it feels so right, and it contradicts everything I've witnessed up until this point. Even if I became Catholic, I don't think I'd ever be a good Catholic. I'd never be able to accept the idea of Purgatory, or Marian veneration, or Papal supremacy, or transubstantiation, or all these concepts that I've gone so long about.

I'm so scared /christian/, I just want the truth. I just want my Jesus.

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 09:51:04 088b94 No.824500

You seem to believe that God is talking to you, as in vocally. That sounds quite worrying. I think you should talk to a priest about this.

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 10:07:14 066432 No.824501

>>824500

Not vocally, or audibly. But a still small voice. It's not in my head or any psychological phenomena. I have no history of mental illness nor does my family. My roommate, who is Catholic and a dear brother to me hears this voice as well and is in agreement with each other independent of each other. We have both tested this again and again as we are to test all spirits of all kinds. This voice is positive, provides knowledge previously unknown to us and gave us the combination to the adoration chapel when we were on the streets. It's not from us. It's the voice of God and if you are his sheep you are constantly guided by it whether you realize it or not. That's not even the point of this post.

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 10:51:52 d53960 No.824504

My way to the Catholic Church was a bit different than yours, since I wasn't spiritual at all before my conversion, but I hope my experience will give you some comfort

1. It is understandable that coming from the Protestant background you are distant to hierarchy and rituals. It's true that rituals can become more important than Christ for some people, but I doubt this is going to be the case for you.

Look around you, there are rituals and hierarchies everywhere you look. They bind us together, give us stability and a sense of belonging. In the Catholic Church you are united in your worship with your brothers and sister in faih and it really gives you the idea of being one body of believers.

You can look at how other groups of peolpe behave. They form their rituals, for example Americans have a rituals of fireworks for 4th of July. Do they take their attention away from the independence? I don't think so, on the contrary, it brings them together in common cause. God created us in this way. God gave rituals to the Jews in the OT for this reason and the Church gives us those rituals for the same reason.

2. When I was coming into the Church, I also wasn't sure about some of Her teachings. I was the "read my way into the Church" type, but I was far from fully understanding and accepting some of the teachings the most important being the just war theory - I came from nationalist background, high on expansionism and imperialism. But with time, practise and reading, I've come to accept everything that the Church teaches. Give yourself some time OP and don't be afraid to start your RCIA, it is also the time for you to contemplate your conversion

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 11:14:26 b45061 No.824506

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>>824498

Pray the rosary my dude.

Truly you are blessed for being poor in spirit but fear not entering the Lord's House. For Jesus needs you in his church more than you realize. Jesus needs you to help drive out the smoke of satan. Your burning love and selfless charity can be used to teach those that never got to experience what you experience. Just like how I teach my fellow parishioners about the dangers of the occult, drugs, schism, heresy Etc. You could teach your fellow parishioners what it truly means to be poor in spirit. What it means to completely rely on God for everything. What it means to give up things that would comfort you so others may feel comfort.

I won't lie, to you being a Catholic is hard hard work. That's because God calls us to be Christians with our mind body and soul. For the Love of our God consumes us completely; transforms us from within. With the moral and spiritual support of not only your family here on Earth, but your family up in heaven (Queen Mary, Saint Joseph, and all the angels & Saints) you can make a big difference in this world and not just for the secular world but for the Christian world as well.

Be brave like David when he went up against Goliath. Be brave like Joshua the walls of Jericho. Be brave like our Lord Jesus Christ as he carried his cross to Calvary.

I'm praying for you OP.

God love you.

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 12:29:32 387596 No.824522

>>824504

Thanks, I'll be starting RCIA in August to learn more. It's not even so much the hierarchy that gets me, it's the seemingly complete reliance on said hierarchy thats essentially required to get into heaven. Perhaps in some Catholic circles the belief is held that there are believers outside the Church that may go to Heaven, but one must ultimately rest in the authority of the priesthood who is bestowed with special apostolic powers to receive confession, be forgiven and partake in holy communion. My friend couldn't even find a priest who would baptize him because muh process, even though he was observably well learned in the Catholic teachings and desperate to receive this sacrament into the faith and loved God with all of his heart. In fact it was I who finally baptized him. Clerical negligence perhaps? I dont know, but we literally could not find anyone who would just simply baptize him. It was heartbreaking to watch. Is Christs blood not sufficient enough?

>>824506

Thank you for your prayers and your kindness anon. My friend and his wife have been teaching me the rosary lately, I'll start by praying one for you.

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Christanon 08/02/19 (Fri) 14:29:32 1cb45a No.824536

>>824522

>friend couldn't even find a priest who would baptize him because muh process, even though he was observably well learned in the Catholic teachings and desperate to receive this sacrament into the faith and loved God with all of his heart. In fact it was I who finally baptized him

I've had this qualm myself. I was never baptized as a youth - death in the family near when I was born, and they never really got around to it until I became a semi-edgy baptist who refused child baptism. Now that I'm trying to get into RCIA (long story) I'm reading that baptized Christians shouldn't even have to go through it. They're meant to be received like Catholics who had fallen away from the faith. But said Catholics are also being pushed into RCIA - parishes don't have the resources for individual pastoral care, and instead are putting everyone into the classes.

I know that if I want to be Catholic and haven't been baptized, I should get a Catholic baptism. That being said, I know I could get Pastor Jim or a member of his congregation to baptize me and then go to the local parish and say "I'm a baptized Christian, let's do the other process" and hope they would follow the rules. But I don't think it's right…

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