/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

it's not that you're sad. The worst thing is the complete lack of motivation. It's useless. You don't want to eat, you don't want to sleep, walk, work, watch movies. Literally nothing. So you often end up staring at one point without even thinking about anything (at least that's how it is with me).

I feel that I am not helped by medicines, psychiatrists, psychologists, motivational speakers, etc. In general, a strange belief that a psychologist is able to get to know my psyche better than I am during a short conversation and convince me to choose life. Can they read minds? I have no idea why doctors turn into such alpha and omega doctors. I think that I know myself best and going to psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists is a waste of time and money. These people are only… people. They will serve me their standard speech, ask me questions that I could have come to myself if I had just thought about it and tell me what I already know very well. Most of us know the answers to the questions they can ask us and can imagine what we will hear during such a conversation with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Nothing new, nothing we don't know. Nonsense about them offering me a new perspective and turning back from a depressing path can be put between fairy tales. If you are a man who thinks about his life and knows himself well enough, psychiatrists with all their talk become useless. I know all that they can tell me. The problem is that I can't apply this knowledge. It is like listening to a logical and rational argument and when a part of you nods your head that "yes, right, you are right! The texts about talking on the phone support line don't convince me either. Depressed people don't really want to talk to the receiver, to strangers, because most of them are so closed in themselves that they'd rather hang themselves on a dry branch than talk to strangers about their problems. "Talking is a myth. You will tell someone about your problems and what? What will it actually change? The problems will still remain the same, the weight will be lighter for a minute, and then it will come back with a doubled force, because the truth is that we are always completely alone in the end.

I feel that with age man simply becomes limestone, I see it particularly clearly in myself. The world ceases to be so interesting, fascination and enthusiasm slowly fade away, man becomes lazy and boring. Even the vision of premature death due to junk food, drugs or illness does not seem so terrible anymore, because when life would be colorful and interesting, one would like to use every moment of it, and so it does not matter whether we exist or not, because on our place in the social machine after our departure will immediately insert a new cog. And inside you feel small and lost in this world.

Why do I need any life at all to consist of walking every day to work that I do not like, coming back from work, killing time with something that neither develops nor pleases me, walking to sleep and getting up in the morning to work. I wouldn't call it life…. rather "vegetation". I'm still afraid that I won't achieve anything in life and I'll experience it as if I've never really lived.