I know some people are going to make fun of me on here, but I know there's a lot of good people on here too, people nice enough to hear about my problems
I've been diagnosed with autism (PDD-NOS, not Apergers to be specific) since I was a child, I've had about 90% of the common symptoms. I went to church constantly as a kid and went to private school, my mom made me pray before dinner and before bed, but the idea of 'God' never really clicked with me, and I later became an atheist.
Only when I grew older did I recognize all my odd and anti-social behaviors were correlated with my autism diagnoses, I reconized just how different my brain was from normal people when it came to stimuli, fear, empathy and social situations just to name a few and recently, from reading articles on autism online, found the correlation between autism and atheism. Take this one for example:
http://archive.is/vErYT
or this
http://archive.is/we6kI
In short, people with autism are 10x less likely to endorse the idea of a 'God', and those who do often picture God as a form of system keeping the universe together (an example the first article stated, would be the entanglement of particles being God). Not only that, but autistic people are less likely to believe events happened for a supernatural or religious reason, and are more likely to rationalize it.
Why? Because autistic people lack the ability to picture the idea of a mind other than theirs. Autistics have a deficiency of Theory of Mind, to understand God as another being. People who feel God's presence - I'm naturally incapable of it or even comprehending it.
So what do I do? I've been a wreck for years and have been trying to find God as a way out, I'm reading through the Bible from Genesis and taking notes to make sure I understand everything, but it doesn't 'click' like I stated earlier. I just don't know what to do.