Is trying to find a church that "feels like home" the right way to go?
I suppose I should provide a bit of personal background for context. I was raised the majority of my life as a Baptist. My family left the church in my hometown because of internal corruption (recently learned this) and since then we've been going to non-denominational churches. Over the years I came to despise the idea of church autonomy and derided the Baptist/non-denominational churches for not maintaining the Church's traditions or leaning on the Church fathers for wisdom. My distaste for them solidified in the two years I was a National Socialist due to Baptists staunch support for Zionism. While I am no longer consumed by ideology (praise God), I still strongly dislike the physical state of Israel both politically and theologically. This point of contention, along with my devotion to the Blessed Mother and my patron Saint, Saint Alexandra, largely alienates me from my fellow Protestants. Combine this with my desire to enhance my mystical and spiritual connections with the Blessed Mother/God/Saint Alexandra, I don't really fit in among conventional Protestants.
I've been searching for a church to call my home for over two years now. I'm technically Protestant but have adopted many Catholic traditions such as devotions to the Blessed Mother, the selection of my Saint, and having an altar in my room. I tried becoming a Catholic, but for lack of a better synopsis, it didn't work out. I think something is holding me back from it, like God's telling me to wait or something, or that I'm personally just not ready for that kind of spiritual commitment.
I tried going Lutheran because I figured it was a best of both worlds kinda deal, until I found out about the schism in the Lutheran church regarding homosexuality and transgenderism, and how the church I was attending supported it. As a man who's suffered transgenderism/homosexual tendencies since youth, I understand the struggle better than most people, and how to deal with it, and acceptance isn't the way to go.
I've recently been attending an Episcopalian church. The congregation is great, and the priest (hi Father John) and I get along great. We both see eye to eye theologically and I've been invited to a Bible study group with some young members there. Unfortunately, the Episcopalian Church just declared that bishops are no longer able to deny same-sex marriages, a stance that my Episcopalian Church staunchly opposes but might now face the consequences for.
I asked Father John last Sunday if it was the youth's responsibility to help a dying church or join a living church. I mentioned that I was reconsidering Orthodoxy, and he replied that if he could start over, he would join them too.
I don't know what to do /christian/. I don't want to be a fair weather friend or a cherry picking Christian. I know my faith is true and my search genuine, but I'm struggling to find a place to call home. I need a Church where I can be guided by an older wiser teacher, can join fellowship with like-minded men and women my age, and can grow spiritually in every sense. Do I keep trying different churches/denominations till I get it right? Or do I settle down in the Episcopalian church for the long haul. God guide me, Blessed Mother watch me, Saint Alexandra stay with me.