/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

my question is can i just wait about my past till afterwards? do i have say all about it before?

>>676832

Say all of it before.

>>676835

i'm worried it will ruin everything

>>676828

If you mean to ask if you should confess before getting married, then yes. You should actually just confess as often as you can, especially when something is weighing on your conscience (which it very clearly is now). The priest is bound by the seal of Confession and isn't going to blab.

As to what you should tell your fiancé, that's a really delicate issue that I'm reluctant to comment on, especially since I don't know how Polish arranged marriages work. All I'll say is that if he's a righteous man he won't grill you on all the messy details of your past, and he'll forgive you for what you reveal just as God forgives you.

The Lord be with you, stranger. Take some deep breaths and remember that you are loved by a merciful God.

>>676846

>As to what you should tell your fiancé,

that's exactly what i'm asking… and well.. okay since it's really anonymous here.. it's like stuff of i guess i could call it abuse and stuff although i can't absolve myself of all guilt etc. i've confessed but i don't want to like all i feel like i'm a fraud if i get married to him and tell him, although am i damaged goods… please help.

>>676848

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Even though it would be extremely uncharitable of him to refuse to let your past go (especially since you are obviously repentant and there was some level of abuse involved), too many Christians have a hard time of living out Christian charity. Since you're here, and since you used that phrase "damaged goods," you probably have experience with some of the ugly things men say about women, and that might be influencing your intense feelings of unworthiness. All I can say is that I hope and pray that you're right about him being a great guy.

I truly wish I could help you more. I know a lot more about Christianity than I do about human relationships. I think the most help I can give you is to pray for you.

>>676848

It sounds like you were sexually abused at a young age. You are not necessarily obliged to tell your fiance, or anyone (except confessing sins to a priest, and opening your heart to God). If you were very young, toy did not sin even if you think you enjoyed it or were coaxed into consenting. If you were old enough to make rational decisions, than you Mau shares some culpability, but an older person especially one in authority carries more responsibility.

I will say that while I don't think you're necessarily obliged to share with your fiance, I general you should not keep secrets from your spouse. You should be open to sharing yourself fully with your spouse. You must judge when is the right time.

>>676856

i was beyond the age of reason and believe me… i hate myself :(

>>676848

First of all you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Your guilt is a sign that your contrition is sincere, and if your contrition is sincere then the Lord forgives you, no ifs or buts, so forgive yourself.

Secondly it's a rough situation. In my opinion you need to tell this guy before you get married if you feel like it's going to impact his choice. Marriage is a serious issue in Catholicism, once you get married you cannot go back, so I think you should put everything on the table beforehand to make sure both of you are going in with your eyes fully open. I'd like to think that the Lord would move his heart to accept you, because the fault is not yours, you were taken advantage of and abused, what you deserve is compassion and mercy, not judgement. But you need to be ready for him to call it off because if he's a hardline Trad Cath it could be a deal breaker.

Either way you're 19 and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I would look at it like this, if you tell him and he calls off the marriage then he was most likely an asshole and you dodged a bullet. If you tell him and he's sympathetic and forgives then your marriage will be all the stronger. There is nothing to lose and a lot to gain from being upfront.

Good luck, sister in Christ, I'll pray for you.

>>676875

you've made me so nervous, but i mean nothing that i mean i haven't considered before i guess? i'm so scared. like well maybe i said i can't say i'm totally absolved i mean i mean like… well i confessed but yeah… but.. i feel that even if i confessed i can't just pretend etc. although i'm so scared it won't work out.

i'm semi losing my faith over this although god forbid i'm very wrong because it was my fault tbh :( ah please help me

i'm really sad :(

i'm so embarrassed

>>676882

i'm sorry. i'm not trying to pretend etc i'm just not really sure about all of this. (if you're catholic i apologize more, don't take my indecision as anything) i'm just so conflicted

>>676875

i re-read what you said and i think you're right brother. i just… well my guilt is killing me. especially the part after the age of reason. if i lose him, right i have to trust my Lord. i am so weak. i wish this never happened to me… i'm trash

>>676884

REPENT

You condemned yourself but GOD LOVES YOU STILL, THROW YOURSELF ON HIS MERCY AND TELL THE TRUTH

DO NOT LIE

DO NOT HIDE

HE WILL SEE YOU, EVE, AS YOU HIDE YOUR SHAME

HE KNOWS, YOU KNOW, HE WANTS YOU TO BE HONEST

YOU JUST WILL NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID YOU WILL FEEL BAD

YOU ARE RISKING YOUR SAFETY, LOVE AND HEALTH FOR THE CHANCE TO FEEL OKAY.

YOU SCREWED UP, OWN IT, BUT DON'T CARRY IT. GOD FORGIVES, HE FORGETS, HE IS OKAY BUT YOU MUST SO TOO FORGIVE, FORGET AND MOVE ON AS A NEW LIFE

I LOVE YOU SISTER, TRY TO BE THE BETTER WOMAN

I DON'T MEAN THAT GOD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, HE DOES, HE JUST SEES THROUGH YOUR SELFISHNESS

BECOME WHOLE

>>676957

If I may refer to a place with more info: https://8ch.net/christian/res/670387.html#670387

>>676891

>>676882

Take a Xanax, bro. Don't know if you were ever sexually abused, but it leaves psychological wounds that take a long time to heal. Acting like a kid on the spectrum who's pencil just snapped isn't helping anyone.

>>676839

It'd be worse to say it after, better to ruin something before it starts than right in the middle of it.

>>676839

>>676967

Take this anon's advice, OP. As a man, I would want any woman I was to marry to be honest from the start. What my sister and brother-in-law did was premarital counseling, so they'd know how to work through everything *before* they had any problems.

>>676955

I'm not her but if you got some good Christian servers I'd appreciate an invite.

t. Polish Catholic