God bless you, friends. for the past year, I've had a tumultuous journey with the Lord, and with my own spirit. I first broke free of new-age nihilism and atheism, and began to seek Christ. But once I had, it wasn't as I thought it would be. Contrary to what I had hoped, I did not suddenly transform into a new, righteous man of God who resisted sin and had no doubt in the Lord. For the past year, I've had cycles of sin, temptation, weakness, and spiritual confusion, and then short bursts of great moments of faith, where I could hold onto my prayers and resist sin for weeks. Then, something would convince me to sin and the cycle of spiritual destruction would continue. This happened continuously to me. At first I thought I was just being logical, that it was wise of me to question my faith so often, and to look at other religions in interest. But that wasn't what I was doing. I was forgetting my faith altogether and identifying with all sorts of other movements and representations of myself. I attached to my Lebanese ethnicity, then to my political ideology, but it changed nothing. Every single time I lost my faith, I would be completely consumed by spiritual blindness, vagueness, confusion, and sinful depravity. Every single time without fail. I would never pray during these depraved times, it felt almost impossible to do so, that my spirit was impure, or unable to access the prayer, or that some perverted forces chained me from having the desire to. But once I forced myself to pray…everything became clear.
Where I was blind, He made me see.
Where I was lost, He showed me the way.
Every single time, no matter how many times I failed, He accepted me and forgave me, and showed me the way. I pray as often as I can now, to Lord Christ and to our Holy Mother. Please, never underestimate the power of prayer. The rosary is the key to heaven. Pray, and you will be blessed with faith, and through that faith, you will become righteous. If you refuse to pray, you will be tempted by sin by all the demons of Hades, unleashed like rabid animals on the hunt. Please pray friends…may the Lord be with you.
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooTfLbdC7gY&t=