"I'm Catholic but I don't believe in one God, nor that the Father is almighty (I mean, did he really create all of heaven and earth?). I don't think he created all things visible and invisible, either (if I can't see it, it doesn't exist, amirite??)
"I'm Catholic but I don't think Jesus Christ was the one Lord, and I think he is more of a creation of God, not "begotten" of him, ya know? I'm Catholic, but it's alright, I don't think that the Father and the Son are "consubstantial," nor that "through Christ all things were made" (I mean, how do you even make something "through" him, lol) As a devout Catholic, I think Christ came down from heaven to check things out on earth, not this "for men and our salvation" stuff. I don't think he was incarnate of Mary, or that Mary was really a "virgin" (how preposterous!). I wouldn't say so much that he "became man," but more that he took on the appearance of a man, ya know?
"Trust me, I went to Catholic school up until the eighth grade, but I don't think Jesus was crucified by Pontius Pilate (obviously it was the Jews, duh). I don't believe he "suffered death," he wasn't really a man at all, lol! I'm Catholic but I don't think Christ "rose again" after three days (I think he was just chillin' in the tomb the whole time). As a Biblical scholar too, I don't believe this supposed "resurrection" was "in accordance with the scriptures" (you show me the verse in the OT where it says "Jesus will resurrect from the dead, yo."). I'm very Catholic, but I think Jesus just disappeared, not "ascended into heaven" (they also could've just lost Jesus too). I don't think Jesus is at the right hand of the Father (what's he got against left hands, hunh?) I've read, like, a whole page of the Catechism, but I don't believe Jesus will come in glory to judge the living and the dead (if he's coming for anything, it's prolly 'cause it just got boring up there in heaven). I don't think his kingdom will have no end, I mean, it's gotta end some time, ya know?
"I'm Catholic but I don't think that Holy Spirit is a separate person of God, he's just, like, God's spirit. So, I don't believe he's the Lord, the giver of life, and he can't proceed from the Father and the Son (how do you even "proceed" from them, haha). I'm extremely Catholic (can't you see me Caremlite scapular? that's means I couldn't even get to hell if I wanted to, yo!) but only the Father should adored and glorified, 'cause I don't believe the others are God. (It's good that we're allowed to disagree with some of the church's teachings!) I don't think that he has spoken through the prophets, they were all probably just crazy people!
"I'm Catholic, but I don't think the Church should be one (why not 10,000 smaller denominations so you can have a choice?), holy (duh, only God can be holy), catholic (that'd be rude to all the Methodists and Presbyterians and Baptists, now wouldn't it?), or apostolic (the Apostles are dead, man). I'm Catholic, but you don't need to be baptized to have your sins forgiven (just pray to God, man). I don't "look forward" to the resurrection of the dead, I'm really dreading it. I'm also not to pumped about the life of the world to come.
"But you can trust me, I'm definitely Catholic."