Sudden urge to become a monk?

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Sudden urge to become a monk? Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 18:18:43 8ed7bc No.637872

So, some circumstances in my life have given me the idea to become a monk: like always looking at women lustfully, not always being able to fast, to go to Church, that sort of thing.

The idea came to me a few days ago, and while i'm somehow calmer now, it resembled some kind of obsession: "monastery this, monastery that". It's almost like I had butterflies in my stomach. Endless thoughts of my parents' reaction, the reaction of my friends, etc. I'm honestly too afraid to tell my dad I want to do this. And while I read that, whoever really has the will to do this (and it's a gift from God), doesn't care much about other things. But even if I don't think I would miss the comfort of my life as it is now, even the thought of leaving, the thought of living through a type of culture shock scares me.

Now, the problem is that, I don't know whether or not the thought is from God or is it some fantasy of mine. Somehow, I wish it was just the devil, telling me to go to the monastery so that everyone would think I'm special, and so that I would think that I'm special, and God forgive me. My reasoning is that, if it was the devil indeed, then I wouldn't commit sin if I didn't go. If it was God, and He is really calling me to go, I would be too scared to go. It's like I'm stretched between two worlds: I'm too unsure of my desire to go, and I'm a bit scared, but saying: "No, I don't want to go and that's it." feels like I would do something wrong.

But sometimes, when I want to pray to God to help me stay firm in my desire, I don't feel it. It's as if I just have to say it so God won't punish me, because I know my intention isn't 100% firm. So when I try to say it, I'm not totally honest. I know that I don't really want God to help me in my "desire" to join the monastery, because I don't really want to. But if i said "God, I don't want to join the monastery.", I feel like I would be doing something wrong.

**sometimes i have the thought "well, If my dad was dead, i would just go"

Please, I need some advice.

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 18:24:14 3c0642 No.637874

What does your spiritual father say?

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 18:27:07 eb695c No.637875

>like always looking at women lustfully, not always being able to fast, to go to Church, that sort of thing.

If you cannot control or do these things now, why do you think that you'll be able to do them for the rest of your life? I don't think you should become a monk, you should talk to your priest.

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 18:29:47 8ed7bc No.637876

>>637874

I didn't have the chance to talk with him about this in detail, but he thought I still had the desire to go to seminary school, I interrupted him saying I have the desire for monasticism, which I had one time a while back.

He somehow was pretty negative about it at first, but then said "Well, do what your heart tells you to do, but you know, nowadays if you go to the monastery a lot of people will think you're not normal" and that sort of thing.

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 18:40:09 d9d91b No.637881

You can always stay at the monastery for some time without becoming a novice, just to see if you like it there.

Also, you can always go to seminary and be a hieromonk.

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 19:14:05 70e8a0 No.637892

>>637872

You can always go to the monastery and tell them your thoughts, you are a novice for like 2 years anyway untill you become a monk. This >>637874 too. I had the same urge as you a while back but i desided eventually that it is not for me.

St Porphyrious once said that the hermit's life is not for everyone but the only difference between monastics and laymen in the end is that laymen marry, everything else stays the same for both.

Christanon 04/23/18 (Mon) 19:40:16 dbf1e1 No.637901

>>637872

Don't think you want to become monk because you "hate the world". If you cannot control your desires and temptations rising from that, then you sure don't want to become a monk. That being said: Go on a retreat and live with the guys for a week or some days and see what it brings. I don't know bout orthodoxy, but you cannot just become a monk in Catholic orders/monasteries just like that. There's a lot of time involved in the process - you become a prospect, learn to live etc., speak with vocations directors, become initiate, learn more and eventually after 2-3 years you can decide whether you want that or not.

In any way you should discuss this with your confessor as he knows you best and can give spiritual advice and then you can go from there. Never, and I can't stress that enough, NEVER act on sudden ideas and urges, because chances are that it comes either entirely from yourself or God might've given you an impulse that needs exploring rather than instant acting as you cannot fathom its entirety all at once and all by yourself.

Christanon 04/24/18 (Tue) 00:51:21 d44a7d No.638055

>>637881

I'd like to simply spend time in a monastery living as a monk. I know that some accept outsiders doing this, assuming they're sincere and going to follow the rules.

I think it would a good purifying experience.

Christanon 04/24/18 (Tue) 03:15:34 82a7ed No.638112

>>637872

The great thing about youth is that you can spend a decade or two visiting different monasteries.

Christanon 04/26/18 (Thu) 11:44:32 2c5c11 No.639075

>>637872

Becoming a monk to escape the world is not a good reason.

But not being at peace by staying in the world may be a sign of vocation.

Overall, Monasteries know how to handle this, you stay as a novice for several years to see if it was temporary.