>There's nothing that turns me off from Christianity more these days than the attitude where a Christian, protestant or catholic, or whatever line you believe is true, are not willing to change their mind even if they are proven wrong.
Wrong about what? Are you actually a Christian?
>I don't want to be religious. I don't want to be an atheist.
It's not about what you want, it's what you need. You need the Lord.
>After all if there's a god, goddess, or gods they're not as personal as many claim they are.
A "personal God" isn't a God that is relatable so much as a God with a Person, as opposed to some distant, nebulous force which we call "impersonal", like the God of the deists or gnostics. The Second Person of the Blessed Trinity literally became man. He is most certainly personal, and personable.
>I myself would rather settle down, divorce from the world, live as a recluse, and if fantasy would allow I'd settle down with a girl and we'd just live together and love and fuck not entertaining any form of worldview.
This is some serious Last Man shit. You also don't seem to realise that your anti-world view is just another worldview, and nor do you seem to realise just how common it is to the average contemporary urbanite that just wants to give up work, retire to their cosy apartment and not have to bother with anyone else ever again. You say you don't want a worldview, but you have just sleepwalked into the most toxic one going.
>In the end intellectual endeavors are just egotistical opportunities to place oneself over another.
Like what you are doing?
I can't speak for the rest of us, but prior to my conversion I also went through this same kind of protracted anguish and considered the same kind of thing. I find looking back on it that it wasn't so much emptiness as it was emptying; I was trying to shift a lot of what I considered to be deadweight and to live freely, to caste those Lockes and Kants overboard and sail away freely and lightly. It was a kind of horizontal supremacism in my thinking that made me feel like I wasn't really above others, just beyond them, away from them, which was so wrong and so vain. It is a walking death. You need to get out of that way of thinking as much as possible.
>The Baptist that drinks is better than the Baptist that faps. The catholic that donates is better than the catholic that fasts. The protestant that believes predestination is better than freewill and vice versa. The atheist is smarter than the religious, and the religious are more enlightened than the heathen.
Non-sequiturs everywhere. None of this is as straightforward as you think it is.
>Is there really a point to thinking?
Yes. Because without it, you end up typing what you did.