/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

>>589619

>take a break

>bisexual

>seeing a therapist

Those are 3 HUGE red flags Anon.

I'm sorry to tell you but your relationship already ended at the very moment she wanted to 'take a break'.

>>589621

The very moment she went to her therapist. Playing with people's heart like is nothing. Tell us more about the gf, is she really worth it?

>>589619

Tell her to stop seeing this (((therapist))). Why is she going anyway?

>>589623

I don't know, she's the only girl I've ever dated.

>>589631

she has BPD, she tried to kill herself a few times

>>589621

>>589623

>>589631

Therapists are nothing compared to a proper priest but they also make a living curing mental disorders, like BPD and suicidal ideation, so maybe don't shit on them for it.

And OP, I suggest you go talk to this therapist yourself, just make sure you get your gf's permission first and be careful what you say. I know that you have good intentions but if you come off as possessive then you're done for.

According to OP, after visiting a therapist, she has come back with same sex attraction. That is a major concern. Nevertheless, OP - if she persists, my advice is to leave and leave quickly. You must not allow yourself to give into emotion. Tell her that she must stop her shenanigans, or you're walking away. Do not do this angrily, or emotionally, but in a matter of fact way. Never get angry, cry, or become upset in front of her. Start coming up with an exit plan on the basis that she won't, but hope for the best.

Romans 1

25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is forever worthy of praise! Amen. 26For this reason God gave them over to dishonorable passions. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.

>>589638

>You must not allow yourself to give into emotion. Tell her that she must stop her shenanigans, or you're walking away. Do not do this angrily, or emotionally, but in a matter of fact way.

That's literally the exact opposite of what he should do. Anger can ruin this, but so can coming off as cold and indifferent to problems that she likely sees nothing wrong with. Love is always the answer, and you can be loving without being a pussy about it.

>>589639

You've watched too many Hollywood movies, friend. Mature adults should resolve differences in a mature fashion. Truth is love and finding truth must be done in a mature fashion. The closest couples I have seen treat each other as adults and don't have overly dramatic toddler tantrums.

>>589643

>Mature adults should resolve differences in a mature fashion

Exactly, which means not telling a confused loved one with a mental disorder to "stop their shenanigans" and expecting anything other than abject failure.

>>589648

She is entertaining thoughts that relate to dating other women. That is a perversion, and per the Catholic catechism, intrinsically disordered. This has nothing to do with wanting perfection, but has to do with dealing properly with a person who is showing signs of wanting to become entangled in a filthy, disgusting vice.

>>589619

Maybe she can get a different therapist who doesn't try to project alien sexualities into her head?

Regardless, as I understand it, a "break" is never good news and possibly means you already lost her.

>Should I wait for her or leave her?

>she has BPD

if you want to continue your relationship with her,

cut her off completely, don't accept the "take a break" nonsense, she will come back to you, obsessively.

don't be a backup option, don't be a friend to confide in, completely ignore her for now.

if you end up taking my (what other people ITT are probably going to say is bad) advice,

make sure you make it known to her that the reason for doing so is the garbage the therapist is filling her head with.

she will loathe them and everything they stand for.

t. borderline

Last week, did you intend to marry her? Does she know what your intentions are?

>>589650

>That is a perversion, and per the Catholic catechism, intrinsically disordered. This has nothing to do with wanting perfection, but has to do with dealing properly with a person who is showing signs of wanting to become entangled in a filthy, disgusting vice.

Which if she has been going to a therapist and is even entertaining these thoughts then she probably doesn't realize what's wrong with it. Homosexuality perhaps the most delicate sin to deal with given that even Christians have had a hard time defending their positions on it in the popular culture and persecution feeds into a mass martyr complex. If OP tries to be hard on this, super duper especially if she has BPD, it will only confirm the biases that have been planted in her and drive her away. So yes, it has everything to do with dealing properly with it.

My plan is that I'm going to leave her alone until Thursday after her therapy and see how she feels. Even if she does want to break up for real I still care about her and want to help her. She asked me if God still loves her and is worried that God made her to like women. I worry more about her soul than our relationship and hope I can bring her back to God.

>>589653

yes we both said we wanted to get married, she already picked out names she wanted for the kids.

>>589664

Just remember that child birth, babies, young children, and sleepless nights often make mental health symptoms worse for people. Be careful.

>>589619

>>589664

Perhaps you should look at it like this: Are you willing to marry a woman who wants to "take a break" from you? Someone who is suicidal? Someone who is a homosexual? Her telling you these things is a blessing, because, while it may seem to be curse, it has given you crucial insight as to what she thinks about you. Besides, what do you think she would do during that "break?" What will you do if you comes back to you? those feelings will still be there. It is time to cut all contact, anon. Go find someone who is actually sane, and never look back. Any help you think you can give her will be swayed by your own feelings toward her. It is not worth the mental anguish.

>>589675

>It is time to cut all contact, anon. Go find someone who is actually sane, and never look back

>Cut all contact with someone at risk of suicide because you think she is an inherently disordered mess not worth fixing.

Now that's just fucking cruel.

>>589681

I'm taking your advice about being merciful, she's a vulnerable person and I care for her, I care more about her soul than some MGTOW ideal.

Please pray for us anons

>>589685

I will. God bless you and her.

>>589693

thank you

I'll be praying for the both of you as well OP. God bless and stay strong in your faith regardless of the outcome.

Remember that whatever happens is part of the Lord's plan. And if you're strong enough and she does break up with you, check in on her so she doesn't suicide or something. Be there for her even if it hurts for you.

That said, if it does happen. Get rid of the idea of marriage from her and take some time to stay close to God until your heart heals, that way you won't fall for the next random chick, and you won't fall for her again.

>>589619

I was an extremely similar place, OP. Girl had BPD and everything. We eventually just drifted apart cause I was an apathetic fedora at the time.

It is better in the long run cause I wanted to marry her depsite the odds but I know now that it would have been absolutely terrible.

Im glad about it all cause I never would have found God if i stayed.

I will pray for you.

>>589619

OP, let me tell you a story about therapists and gfs so you can have someone to share your pain.

>be me

>have gf of ~2 years, been through a lot together

>be mostly athiest at this point engaging in all kinds of sin and vice

>she's not happy, she's "cheated" on me (no quotes needed by a sensible definition) but we made it work

>too dumb to realize it was over at that point

>she sees a therapist

>therapist tells her she's just with me because daddy kys'd and she's projecting

>breaks up with me

>hurts pretty bad, I call a good friend of hers and vent at them about it on the way home, really thinking about trying again

>something makes me not do it

>hurts for a bit

>suddenly realize all this is not 100% my fault, it wasn't going to work no matter how much effort I put in

>find Christ

>grow in my job

>be somewhat happy for the first time in a while

Right now, it seems pretty bad, and it will for a while. But realize OP that she was mentally done with the relationship before she said she wanted to "take a break". In my situation, I could never have recovered my ex's respect after not straight up leaving her when she told me some of the things that had happened. Yours may be a bit different, but my advice is the same. Follow Christ as best you can, and move on. If you're interesting in science you can read some behavioral psychology and examine some of the inter-gender relationship dynamics that some have noted, but realize that that stuff is nowhere near as important as prayer and faith. I'm willing to bet that if you move on now, in a year you'll still think about her now and then, but you'll thank God for what He did for you before you knew for yourself what you needed.

>>589619

What do you mean that she is your "girlfriend"? Have you fornicated already? Does she have a history before you have been dating? If you answer all three questions with "yes", then it was a given it would take such an end. Instead, you should've genuinely dated each other in order to know if you both are made for marriage and just that, because then you wouldn't have been emotionally involved with your inexperienced heart.

And God would only make someone "date" of the same sex if they are beyond any help and abandoned from God, as Romans 1:26-27 says:

>26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

>27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Maybe the therapist had a demonic influence on her, but since she already tried to commit suicide several times and has BPD, as every woman for some reason nowadays, it is a sign to get out of this snare.

>>589619

Get out of that relationship now.

And for the love of God, don't marry her. Your gf is a thot, and if she thinks these thoughts she is having are from god she is also in offence to God.

>>589664

>>589664

Explain to her that there's nothing wrong in being attracted by people of the same sex, tell her God still loves her even of she's for certain bisexual or homosexual. Explain to her that everyone is born with a vocation, that God gives those vocations to each of us, that some people were born to become priests, while others were born to build a family and other to becomes doctors and etc. So of she's attracted by the same sex, tell her that God's plan for her is to live a life free of sexual desires, a life of chastity or that she could try to learn to be attracted by someone from the opposite sex and build a family with him (you). But make it clear that if she decides to pursue unnatural relationships with people of the same sex, she'll be offending God, even though he'll still love her and hope for her salvation and that it's the same with you, tell her you'll always be there for her if she choses the wrong path and comes to regret it later.

I think it would also be good to make sure that her therapist is turning her into a path of sin, which will definitely make her unhappy in the future and will destroy the love both of you feel for each other.

I really hope you can reach to her heart and save her. I'll pray for you and her, just make sure to let it clear that if she's a homosexual or bisexual, then God's plan for her is to win against sin, against luxurious desires and live a life of purity either by living in chastity or loving a man. It may be hard, but God chose her for that, so she should do her best to meet His expectations.

Post here again what happens after thursday.

>>589786

Also, sorry for the mistakes, I'm typing on my phone.

"I tell you, in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who don’t need repentance."

>>589652

This. That said, I'd get a new potential wife, and one that is not crazy. Then become engaged as soon as you can discern marriage would be appropriate. You need to assert your ownership over your woman or the (((world))) will.

I'd blame the therapist for this on in complete honesty. From first hand experience, therapists, counselors and so on, can "create" problems inside someone that never existed beforehand. Get her out of that environment, give her time to re-evaluate stuff from a more free perspective, and then decide if you want to keep her.

>>589652

This anon is probably right.

>>589789

I agree that OP should probably not marry a suicidal, BPD lesbian, but it’d be great if you stopped projecting your interracial cuckold fetish onto real life.

>>589633

RUN don't walk from a girl with BPD, you need not curse your life. The moment you decide you're better than having to deal with that load of horse shit new-age free pass to being a bat shit insane bitch is the moment she'll start respecting you again. The trick is to realize that you truly do deserve better anon.

leave and get self a new girl fast while your still young that girl your talking to seems like a confused nut and that docs in her head twisting all sorts of wires.

>>589685

>>589696

It's not MGTOW to have some common sense and ditch someone who doesn't love you.

She will never stay faithful to you in marriage if she is already asking you to take a break so she can have lesbian sex.

Wake up man, you are only setting yourself up to live in a dead end sinful relationship.

GET OUT NOW

She's seeing the therapist again on Thursday, (she told me her therapist is Christian, but I don't know the therapist so I don't know if she (it's a woman) is a Christian or a "christian") so if anything new comes up and I need advice and this thread has been deleted I may make another one if mods are okay with that, if not I'll try and post in a related thread. And thank you for your prayers, I feel more at peace with the situation already.

>>589748

I mean she was/is my "girlfriend" in that we've spent a lot of time together (rarely alone, our families were always around or we were in public), we told each other we loved one another and talked about getting married and, we held hands, cuddled, and kissed. From the beginning we both agreed that the purpose of a Christian relationship is to determine if God blesses our marriage. I'm a regular here and usually post under a flag (I've removed the flag because I don't want to bring scandal to the Church) don't be so presumptive that I'm a fornicator who didn't approach this to relationship in a Christian way. That being said I realize now I should have prayed with her and gone to church with her more often and simply assumed she was in a good spiritual state simply because she told me she was.

>>589805

I agree, but it is MGTOW to abandon someone with a history of suicidal tenancies to sin, someone I still deeply care for, and basically say "you're having some serious psychological issues and are being tempted by satan? tough luck kiddo!" like some here are suggesting.

>>589786

That's pretty much my plan, I've already explained some of that. Even if she doesn't want to stay in a relationship I still care for her soul and want to help her.

>>589874

>and simply assumed she was in a good spiritual state simply because she told me she was.

*not simply assumed

>>589874

you can still support her as a brother in Christ. Perhaps she will be better in the future, who knows?

But she isn't your wife yet, and you don't have responsibility for her. That should be her parents job.

You would have zero blame if you left her, she already gave you more than enough reason to not marry her.

>>589874

You didn't reply to my other suggestions. As Proverbs 14:1 says:

>The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

She teared yours down, you aren't married, thankfully, and can ditch her. She is a liability, and it might sound harsh to you, but it is what it is. Also, I advise you to not be of help to her because it is not your responsibility and will destroy you in the long run - if it isn't already. Be grateful to God for the experience, but now do yourself a favor and move on.

>>589882

Christian

>>589897

Satan

Sorry to hijack, I can post this in the nofap thread if people tell me to fugg off, but I'm due to go see a psych/counsellor person in feb for an intial session for my nofap/porn problems, and didn't realise how negatively many felt about them (as expressed ITT hence thought possibly appropriate to post here). I was looking into and was in touch with a private christian one but the cost was prohibitive so the upcoming appointment is on the state health service. Wat du? I'm going to go to the first session and then I assume they will assess my priority level and tell me to come back to start sessions in 5 years time.

Sorry to hear about your situation OP.

>>590029

A shrink can be useful if you really don't have anybody to talk to nor a support structure. Keep in mind that many shrinks follow and try to induce/advise you with Buddhist heresies, like always finding a middle way, being a commie egomaniac etc. What's comforting is that they learned to come off as little judgemental as possible, and that can be soothing and suggest you like everything's okay. But don't let any of it get to you and focus solely on what you want to improve. Guide the sessions in a way that the therapist will offer you extreme (black and white) advice, since you're that desperate to talk to a stranger that pretends to care about you because of govbux, then you should avoid lukewarm sissy advice at all costs. Then remember that a good chunk of shrinks are atheist/pseudo-spiritual boomer-cucks or gen-x-cucks that will try to normalize or downplay sexual degeneracy [such as masturbation].

t. someone who had his first session today

>>590040

safe m8, yeah I'm anticipating that they'll be of a mainstream le current year pursuasion and I'll have to actively direct against that. I do have my friends who arn't christian who I opened up to (my parents too) but I don't talk to them about it much now that some drama is out the way but they're no doubt supportive but recognise they can't relate to what I'm going through so they think it will be a good thing to try. Also trying out a 12 step group and bible-based course on addiction in general so do have lots of options but really it was my friends who really urged me to seek professional help (I was always dismissive of the idea preferring the idea of the other options aforementioned) on the basis I have nothing to loose, which I ended up agreeing with in the end, but just got curious when according to anons here that actually I potentially did have something to loose. Lol, whatever, I'll check it out anyway thanks for advice.

>>589635

Hahahahhahaa no.

That's a psychologist, therapists are a meme.

>>589619

>bisexual

Why does she think this is a problem if she's a Christian. I'm fairly certain I'm gay and I just don

't let it bother me. I can love family of either gender, so it shouldn't matter.

>>590195

I really hope you're a troll

OP, do you two attend the same church? Have you thought about receiving counseling from the priest? Or if you don't go to same church, have you thought about taking her to visit with your priest? She needs more guidance than justthis therapist and you.

>>590322

She's protestant and I'm in the process of converting to one of the Apostolic Churches (again I don't want to bring scandal to the Church with my failure in this situation). I've asked her to speak with her pastor, I've met him a few times and I know he loves Christ.

>>589619

>6 months

My cat has unvigintuple the age of your relationship. Tell her to cut her meetings with her (((thetapist))), or cut your relationship with her. Perhaps you didn't satisfied in the bedroom, and she is looking for other things, who knows? If she really means something for you, tell her to it.

>>589619

you're such a beta jesus freak that it turned her into a faggot lmao

>>590328

I don't think you would "bring scandal" to the church for going through a difficult situation. First I recommend you talk to your priest about this, even though you're just joining the church, and then see if you can arrange two meetings; one where you and her visit with her pastor and one where you and her visit with your priest.

At least, this is what I would try to do if I were in your situation. You have my prayers friend. Also, which Apostolic Church? I'm currently begoming Orthodox myself!

>>590489

>post earlier that both of us are virgins and agreed to wait

>never been alone with her in any bedroom for more than a few seconds when I was showing her my house

>didn't satisfy her in the bedroom

Do you really think those 15 seconds where I told her "yeah this is my bedroom" affected our relationship that much? :^)

>>590491

(you)

>>590493

thank you, I'm also converting to Orthodoxy

>>589619

Despite what many may think therapy is a very good thing. You should encourage her to do what she wants and be a silent symbol of Christianity in her life. It will have an impact. You should not, however tempting it may be, confront/belittle her and tell her how her beliefs are wrong.

>>590308

this

>>590567

>You should not, however tempting it may be, confront/belittle her and tell her how her beliefs are wrong.

/r/christianity might be the place for you.

>>reddit

>>590489

>Perhaps you didn't satisfied in the bedroom

get out

>>589619

No worries, you'll go to heaven.

Leave her and don't talk to her again.

>>591083

That's great!

Glad to see there's still some sense in her.

>>591083

>She takes birth control for menstrual issues issues

I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but something seems very fishy. From the information you provided, I'd say she probably fornicated with somebody.

t. someone who had similar experience and found out that it is always the same reason

>>591083

tell her to drop the therapist though

>>591122

I doubt it, she felt incredibly guilty about just thinking about someone else, and she was having menstrual issues for a while before she went on the pill

>>591135

the program she's in ends in a month or two

>>591110

I know God wants me to help her spiritually, and I don't think it's right to abandon someone who's in such a bad state

>>591107

Is that a little gynecomastia that I see?

>>591083

There is still hope

>>591139

>she felt incredibly guilty about just thinking about someone else

My ex-grillfriend also did feel extremely guilty about things, but even then didn't spill the beans and it was then my job to find out what was really going on, which took me over two years after breaking up until I got the clear picture. Pardon, I may be projecting from my bad experiences with her but I want my fellow brothers to be on the safe side. Be rest assured that menstrual issues can occur when women are in extreme emotional distress too, so it doesn't have to be a hormone problem; I didn't want to get her pregnant back then so I read up a lot of biological facts and hypotheticals about women.

>>591139

>I know God wants me to help her spiritually, and I don't think it's right to abandon someone who's in such a bad state

Don't fall into White Knight/Captain Save-A-Ho syndrome. It is borderline delusionally narcisstic to think that you can save someone mentally ill to the point of needing psychiatry/therapy by just "being there for them" because you're a "good person." More often than not in such situations, rather than you lifting them up, they will drag you down with them.

Some people are not meant for you to be evenly yoked with, and are better off in God's hands with your prayers.

>take a break

Basically she wants to fuck like crazy. At least you only spent half a year together. Dump her.

I'm with the other anons here that say to dump her, or at least put off marriage. As has been said here, she's dropping a lot of red flags that tells me that marriage wouldn't be the wisest decision here. I say put off because I suspect that she'll get very antsy about it; either you'll find out that she's been doing some questionable sexual stuff behind your back or she's just uncharacteristically eager to get married (and say bye to half your finances).

Don't let her impression of vulnerability trick you into making a decision you'll regret at 60.

>>591341

we're planning on waiting a while to consider marriage

>>591083

>it might be a BPD issue also

every issue in your relationship with her is ultimately going to be a BPD issue, or magnified by it tenfold.

binge-read everything you can about BPD right now.

this site i'm linking has a bit of faggotry, but its messageboard is ridiculously active, you could glean a lot of wisdom from the people who post there's failures and success in dealing with a borderline significant other:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php

there is a lot of good Christ-centered literature dealing with the topic as well on other websites.

>>591343

Ask yourself if you can really imagine her to be the mother of your children. With her lack of accountability I wouldn't bet my horse on it.

Well OP I'm glad to hear that it turned out alright so far. Please continue to make your journey to an apostolic faith, and stay with your girlfriend and help her come to find it as well.

God bless you OP, and good on you for staying with her and being her rock to help her through these times.

>>589619

>Hey guize should I keep dating a retarded jezebel because of feels?

Harden the fuck up, wise the fuck up and get the fuck out. You do not necessarily have to do this in that order.

>>590040

this is true my shrink is a Boomer 2nd wave feminist lady

mine was also whore (found out three months later after we broke up) I got back with an ex and the ex accused me of rape, Soo…there's worse predicaments you could be in. the first ex hung around negresses and used to coalburn and now is back to doing it, the second ex was a Christian girl but still unstable

>tfw you're in your mid 30s and haven't married yet.

I also have borderline, one of the few men who have it

>people still trust relationship councilers and therapists

Divorce is lucrative, so is keeping people screwed up so they keep coming back to you.

I have never seem therapy work. I tried some for certain issues, when asking if I had a personality disorder that I fit to a t, they said some shit about how labels are bad and everyone is an individual.

>>591151

>manage risk like its a financial portfolio

That title is a kek

>>593106

Curious, how in the world did she accuse you of rape? And on an unrelated note, for crying out loud I keep getting a naked Asian woman as an ad at the top and bottom of the screen (Tou Demon ad). Is whats-his-name board owner aware of this?