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For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
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File: 71c6d647435d08b⋯.jpg (25.96 KB, 242x308, 11:14, 1508642816902.jpg)

a7d135 No.569560

A group walks into a talent agency. It's a pope, an Orthodox priest, and an Anglican bishop. The pope says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent religious acts. They're a little too cute."

The priest says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The pope gets on his phone and tells the Vatican to encourage gays to enter the priesthood. He then explains that when they inevitably molest children, he will just shuffle them around to different parishes. He then proceeds to lick a baby's diapah.

While all this is happening, the Orthodox priest decks himself out in LARPing gear over top of his werebear fursuit and gives a loud roar. He then proceeds to wrap himself in a Turkish flag and read a selection from his 400 page fanfic manuscript about fighting demons in Aerial Tollhouses.

At the same time, the Anglican dresses up as a druid and starts dancing around a maypole. He then declares that his name is Jessica and performs an elaborate 'trans naming ceremony' upon himself, and finally weds himself.

As they finally finish their horrific display, they all look at the agent with a grin and yell in unison "Taa daa!"

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the pope says, "The Apostolics!"

f7cbe0 No.569565

what do you call a sleepwalking mexican?

a roamin' catholic


05fcd4 No.569566

File: eb0ae61756684f1⋯.png (221.66 KB, 720x1506, 120:251, threadshot-1512675811968.png)


58c4c8 No.569585

A adventurer walks into a smith’s shop to buy some equipment. He says to the smith, “Excuse me, sir. I’m looking to purchase a weapon that can slay a beast.”

Intrigued, he replies, “Monster slaying, eh? I believe I can help you there.” The smith walks to the back of his workshop and picks up a shiny steel sword, then hands it to the adventurer.

The adventurer couldn’t help but notice, however, that the smith had passed by an impressive-looking sword right near the front of the shop. “Is there something wrong with that one?”

The smith sighed. “I’m not quite sure what I should do with it. While the appeal of it tends to catch the attention of new adventurers like yourself, it’s often more trouble than it’s worth. The edges are quite sharp so I tend to get cut when I try to move it. But on the other hand, it’s so flashy it’s developed quite a reputation for itself. Even though it’s dangerous, it tends to bring a good bit of business to my store.”

“That’s quite a blade” the adventurer mused.

“You could say that. To be honest, I’m still not sure what I was thinking when I decided to make sword out of Andersonite.”


a55ae5 No.569616

baptists


8affaa No.570592

>>569585

>make sword out of Andersonite

relevant AND funny

Well done


a3f0a5 No.570594

File: b850259ab80a862⋯.jpg (177.81 KB, 1200x853, 1200:853, Saturday_8cdefc_6460558.jpg)

File: ea1ee9063bbeb0a⋯.jpg (167.48 KB, 1200x868, 300:217, Saturday_58fa8b_6460558.jpg)

File: fe9ee11df715498⋯.jpg (179.15 KB, 1200x838, 600:419, Saturday_c0643d_6460558.jpg)


bcfed8 No.570602

>>569560

I don't know exactly when Adam was made, but I presume it was in the afternoon because it was just before eve.


bcfed8 No.570605

>The pope gets on his phone and tells the Vatican to encourage gays to enter the priesthood. He then explains that when they inevitably molest children, he will just shuffle them around to different parishes. He then proceeds to lick a baby's diapah.

in b4 thread deleted


10b70e No.570701

>>570698

What does Aristotle have to do with Poland?


5ec660 No.570704

>>570701

Someone hurts an ass, the fact that this is a last white Christian country.


5ec660 No.570706

>>570705

let's start the post of degenerates in Poland.

Only you will not feel better


4d2423 No.571132

>>569560

A baptist pastor holds up a book and says "behold your God"

A catholic priest holds up some bread and says "behold your God"

An Anglican minister gives bread to a dog and says "behold you're a dog"


758cef No.571165

>>571132

I don't get the last one.


eee2f8 No.571180

>>571165

An Anglican parish administered the Eucharist to a dog


bcfed8 No.571287

My wife treats me like God.

She only talks to me when she wants something.


d7cabc No.571292

File: 5fbb128c2779243⋯.jpg (52.71 KB, 781x800, 781:800, primary_EB19830220PEOPLE10….jpg)

>>571287

That's the story of my life! No respect, I tell ya!


ebc7cf No.571316

>>570697

Heh.

Prepared to get banned if someone reports you.


72493b No.573121

How does a Jew make beer?

He-brews it


ebc7cf No.573127

>>573121

We know it's you, Tim Hawkins.


088b52 No.573180

File: 27df270eed163d7⋯.jpg (53.74 KB, 402x602, 201:301, 1433792037907-2.jpg)


c0c705 No.573182

>>573180

Damn, that pic is really really heart breaking.


c53cca No.573216

>>571287

Haha salut


576ff7 No.573503

File: 6e8e4fb9dbad580⋯.gif (897.09 KB, 800x430, 80:43, 1509662595652.gif)

>>569585

>I’m still not sure what I was thinking when I decided to make sword out of Andersonite.


d7f709 No.576281

Why did the Catholic keep buying Mexican food from the girl in yoga pants?

He adored the thot's tacos.


7c95fc No.576320

>>571287

It hurts


5b6154 No.576353

File: 16dd51b99a30891⋯.jpg (41.67 KB, 500x375, 4:3, itxzbrd.jpg)


0088ac No.576358

>>573503

>>569585

>>576320

I'm not trying to derail the thread but isn't joking a sin in Orthodoxy? I read it in the Philokalia that joking is a sin


96a779 No.576735

>>576358

joking isn't a sin per se, but certain types of humor can fall into sin, eg blaspheme humor is a sin.

Joke

Radio Yerevan was asked: is there socialism in heaven?

Radio Yerevan answered: don't be stupid, what kind of heaven is that?


8affaa No.576906

>>569560

Didn't we already have this thread a couple of months ago and it got deleted then, too?


8affaa No.576907

>>571292

You're old like me if you remember ole Rodney's patter

>Research reveals that Rodney Dangerfield is the sap in his own family tree. The line has never been broken. Elevator operators eye him and always say the same thing: “Basement?” On a night out in a Chinese restaurant, he opens his fortune cookie and gets the check from the next table.


7c95fc No.576974

>>576358

I feel like this is a textbook example of why people that aren't in a state comparable to illumination – and aren't immersed in Orthodox tradition – shouldn't even think of touching the Philokalia. It's a pinnacle of spiritual writing by Saints that regularly worked miracles and knew things that men can't express in words; it's just too nuanced and difficult without supervision. I wouldn't dream of reading it myself for at least another couple years and even then I'd talk to my spiritual father throughout the whole process.

Joking is not a sin. Idle gossip, or cruel 'jokes' meant to hurt others are, but that's common sense, and is already straightforwardly described in the Bible as spiritually unhealthy (1 Timothy 5:13).

The line can be hard to delineate sometimes, but that's part of the difficulty of the Christian life. Monks, who renounce the world to seek spiritual perfection, will sometimes take vows of silence to avoid engaging with it, but those of us in the world cannot do the same. If you say something that you feel is wrong, say a prayer and ask forgiveness.


f9c19a No.577085

>>576358

>Philokalia

You shouldn't even be attempting to read Philokalia if you're not deeply immersed in Orthodox life and theology, and even then, you shouldn't be reading it on your own without consulting and discussing with your spiritual father. It's not even a matter of superiority or exclusivity, but rather that, much like hesychastic prayer, doing it wrong and with a lack of full understanding is spiritually dangerous. Reading the Philokalia without proper understanding tends to lead to a grave misunderstanding of Orthodoxy at best, and quite often, pseudo-Gnostic heresy

I'm not even at the point yet where I'm ready to start reading it


f7cbe0 No.577089

File: 25c413867985edc⋯.jpg (33.32 KB, 644x523, 644:523, 4.jpg)

>>576974

>people that aren't in a state comparable to illumination – and aren't immersed in Orthodox tradition – shouldn't even think of touching the Philokalia. It's a pinnacle of spiritual writing by Saints that regularly worked miracles and knew things that men can't express in words; it's just too nuanced and difficult without supervision. I wouldn't dream of reading it myself for at least another couple years and even then I'd talk to my spiritual father throughout the whole process.

>>577085

>You shouldn't even be attempting to read Philokalia if you're not deeply immersed in Orthodox life and theology, and even then, you shouldn't be reading it on your own without consulting and discussing with your spiritual father. It's not even a matter of superiority or exclusivity, but rather that, much like hesychastic prayer, doing it wrong and with a lack of full understanding is spiritually dangerous. Reading the Philokalia without proper understanding tends to lead to a grave misunderstanding of Orthodoxy at best, and quite often, pseudo-Gnostic heresy

these are great, keep them coming!


90b7c1 No.582622

>>569560

>a baby's diapah

A baby's what?


5e9c13 No.582835

>>582622

diaper. It's a reference to some Youtube video about how "Pope Bergoglio licks diapers"




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