I had this interesting experience on LSD. It's what got my into being a spiritual junkie, learning about other religions, and my interest in meditation.
While I was tripping I began trying to become aware of my own thoughts as I had them. I focused on trying to clear my mind, and to gradually become aware of any thoughts or feelings that spontaneously popped up.
Then I gradually became aware of all the colors and shapes I was seeing with my eyes closed, all the sounds I was hearing, everywhere my skin touched something else.
As my awareness became clearer and wider, something strange happened. Suddenly it seemed that everything was happening on its own, my thoughts and emotions and memories flowing like cogs in a complex machine. Suddenly I was not in control of my own mind, and never was. It no longer made sense for my to think of myself as an individual, instead I felt like I was the entire universe becoming aware of myself.
I felt peace. True peace. A peace so deep I had never had a basis for comparison to it before. But this wasn't some sort of euphoria like I would have from ecstacy or opiates, it was just a different kind of perspective. What I thought of as "I", a being separated from the rest of reality, was just a construct. Suddenly I felt like the universe was perfect, I didn't have any desires or aversions. Why would I want anything to be different than it was?
They all this experience 'ego death' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_death#Psychedelics) and I've had it several times now. Through my research I've drawn parallels between ego death and 'fruition' or 'nirvana', which is the end-goal of vipassana meditation, meditation that buddhists use to become enlightened.
Ethnogens have given me some of the most profound insights I've ever had, and I don't want to stop using them. My question to /christian/ is this: Given that I've experienced ego death repeatedly using psycadelics and meditation, how can I reconcile these experiences with the existence of an immortal soul?
If I feel like there is no longer an 'I' after having these experiences (and continue to while sober), how can I continue to be a Christian who believes in a soul? I always thought it was the soul that was responsible for my thoughts and actions (and perhaps feelings), but now I that the 'I' who controlled them never really existed.
This is a serious question so I am looking for serious answers, have any other christians had similar experiences and been able to reconcile them with their faith?