Called to be a Pastor, but turned my back on the faith.

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File: 8d7dd0fab9729f5⋯.jpeg (9.18 KB, 273x185, 273:185, download.jpeg)

Called to be a Pastor, but turned my back on the faith. Christanon 11/27/17 (Mon) 03:06:51 9a990a No.563390

For much of my younger years, I felt 'on fire' for the Lord and had an absolute hunger for God's Word and was constantly seeking a greater understanding of it, aided by the Holy Spirit. Many people throughout my life have confirmed an inward calling that I received in regards to being a pastor.

Still, I struggled with many many sins ranging from drug addiction, porn/masturbation addiction, hypocrisy, heavy involvement with the occult (not just New Age love and light stuff but Left Hand Path type Satanism/Luciferianism).

At one point, I turned my back completely on God, telling Him that it wasnt out of disbelief or a lack of faith, but because I felt like I was such a hypocrite; using my so called faith as a weapon to tear others down all the while puffing myself up and seeing myself as holier than others around me. I couldnt even go to Church without nitpicking everything the pastor or speaker would get wrong and how it strayed from God's Word, failing to see how I still had a log in my own eye that I wasnt ready to remove.

So I told Him that I would not return to Him until I felt I could do so without any false pretenses or for selfish gain. That I wanted to seek His face, not His hand; meaning I wanted to worship God for who He is and not what He could do for me or what I could gain or benefit from it.

Tonight I had a realization and it all came back to me. Now I'm seeing how I'm fixing to turn 30 next February and I've never been able to hold down a job, been homeless numerous times and had no true sense of direction - all because I've been seeking to do things on my own, without Him.

I'm still scared and feel very much like Jonah.

Just sharing here and looking for encouragement or perhaps confirmation.

Thanks /Christian/.

Christanon 11/27/17 (Mon) 03:09:05 df147b No.563391

Go to CHURCH, find a priest you RESPECT, and take DIRECTION. These are your next steps.

Christanon 11/27/17 (Mon) 03:14:58 ad30a3 No.563394

File: a69e7eb36434f1e⋯.jpg (1.1 MB, 1841x2560, 1841:2560, Pompeo_Batoni_003.jpg)

>>563390

Not Jonah but the prodigal son.

Christanon 11/27/17 (Mon) 12:03:01 6b5748 No.563555

File: afeac17f9de2c2b⋯.jpg (100.03 KB, 1102x712, 551:356, Night at Golgotha.jpg)

>>563390

Maybe these verses could help.

Psalm 29:2 KJV

2 Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

Psalm 51:10 KJV

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Psalm 95:6-11 KJV

6 O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the Lord our maker.

7 For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,

8 Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:

9 When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my work.

10 Forty years long was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways:

11 Unto whom I sware in my wrath that they should not enter into my rest.

Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 7:1-3 KJV

1 My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.

2 Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

3 Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.

Proverbs 11:30 KJV

30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.

Ecclesiastes 12:1 KJV

1 Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;

John 4:23-24 KJV

23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

Philippians 1:6-7 KJV

6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

7 Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace.

Christanon 11/27/17 (Mon) 13:16:34 9ed176 No.563579

>>563555

Thank you so so much for these verses.