[–]▶ 3c8044 (1) No.542002>>542152 >>542159 >>542939 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]
>friend walks up to you
>"hey man I'm going through some stuff can you keep me in your prayers"
>beat him for idolatry
▶ 44c674 (2) No.542007
▶ 6c24b1 (1) No.542008
>daughter wants to show me something
>"look, daddy, i made a drawing!"
>"aww, what is it, sweetie?"
>"it's a dog!"
>beat her for making a likeness of what is on the earth
▶ 44c674 (2) No.542009>>542944
>Makes fun of people online
>Forgets to confess
>Gets thrown into hell by sky ethiopians
▶ 953e52 (1) No.542152
>>542002 (OP)
>hey man can you keep a picture of me in your place of worship and kiss it every now and again that would be great
▶ b6844e (1) No.542159>>542955 >>542961
>>542002 (OP)
>be orthodox
>friend walks up and asks to be kept in your prayers
>kneel down and worship him, sing psalms on his behalf, draw a picture of him, light candles and burn incense, bring all of your friends and family to kneel down and worship the picture, pray to your friend for blessing
>its just a prayer bro
▶ 233654 (4) No.542939>>542955 >>543247
>>542002 (OP)
>live in Florida
>my friend, Trent, lives in Rhode Island
>I want him to pray to me
>I light up some candles in front of a picture of Trent
>sing praises to him everyday, bow down to his picture and kiss it, light incense around the picture
>later visit Trent in Rhode Island
>"Hey Trent, I've been messaging you to pray for me. Did you do it?"
>Trent says "Sorry Anon, I didn't get any messages from you. How were you contacting me"
>tell him
>Trent laughs "Anon, I can't hear prayers"
>I nearly start crying
>tell him he must not be in the communion of saints if he can't hear my prayers
>start screaming "ORIGEN! ORIGEN! THE CHURCH FATHERS WEREN'T WRONG!"
>kill Trent for blasphemy
>people who weren't there think that Trent was a good Christian
>they begin praying to him to pray for them
>mfw
▶ 9dba24 (3) No.542944>>543300 >>543340
>>542009
>Die
>Demon stands at the tollhouse
>Autistically screeches "you shall not pass"
>Walk to him
>Slide down transdimensional gold in the pocket
>"psst, hey pal. Lets forget that accident, right?" while winking eyes and showing charming smile
>get to heaven by inter-dimensional bribery and administrative corruption
▶ cf8044 (1) No.542961
▶ 7852db (3) No.543185
>be traditionalist
>die
>get thrown to hell for violating the zeroth commandment Thou Shalt Not Be A Bigoted Ciscum
▶ 5b5aa8 (3) No.543209>>543238
>be KJV onlyist
>die
>realize you had the 1873 edition instead of the 1611
>go to hell
▶ c66eaa (2) No.543238>>543241
>>543209
>Work at baptist school
>Use a confiscated NKJV in a pinch for a mandatory staff bible study
>Church pastor notices
>Almost get fired
I love this board.
▶ 62ffed (2) No.543241>>543276
>>543238
>nkjv in baptist school
that's like worshiping another God to them.
▶ c66eaa (2) No.543276
>>543241
Imagine my surprise. Its now a joke in the family.
▶ 9dba24 (3) No.543295
>>543247
hey hey hey, we have funposting here. dont ruin it.
▶ 294769 (1) No.543300
>>542944
>some romanian folklore tales mention tollhouses
🤔
▶ 5ee011 (1) No.543319>>543339
>have faith that Jesus Christ is the Messiah
>trust that He will save my soul and deliver me from damnation
>recognize that Jesus as the only begotten Son of God
>acknowledge that Jesus is Lord
>believe and be baptized
>go to Hell for being a Roman Catholic
▶ acb071 (1) No.543336
>friend asks basic question about faith
>tell him I can not satisfactorily answer his question until he has demonstrated knowledge on at least 7 of the 12 theologians I must quote during my response
>he is dissatisfied and asks for a layman's resource
>lobotomize him
▶ 233654 (4) No.543339>>543340 >>543359
>>543319
There are neopagans who worship Jesus along with their pantheon of gods. Do you believe they are saved? If you put Jesus as "one of the reasons, along with my own works, for why I'm going to Heaven" you are still prideful, just less prideful then people who don't rely on Jesus at all. If it's not faith alone, it's not faith.
>And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then is it no more grace: otherwise work is no more work.
▶ 8e27ec (1) No.543340>>543347
>>543339
>Roman Catholics can't be saved, because…reasons, even though they believe in every core doctrine of Christianity
>>542944
>Albedo
Good taste
▶ 233654 (4) No.543347>>543420
>>543340
Of course Roman Catholics can be saved; I was a Roman Catholic and I got saved! All you have to do is stop believing in Catholicism and believe what The Bible says about salvation
▶ 7163f1 (2) No.543359>>543420 >>543441
>>543339
>Neopagans
Catholicism is over millennium and a half older than Burptism or any other Protty denomination. If there's any denomination equivalent to larping the religion of your forefathers by poorly mimicking their ancient rituals and fabricating your articles of faith by picking and choosing things that sound good to you and mixing it with bullshit you came up with, it sure isn't ours.
▶ 62ffed (2) No.543420
>>543347
>>543359
>If there's any denomination equivalent to larping the religion of your forefathers by poorly mimicking their ancient rituals and fabricating your articles of faith by picking and choosing things that sound good to you and mixing it with bullshit you came up with, it sure isn't ours.
#rekt
▶ 233654 (4) No.543441>>543506 >>543562
>>543359
Really? Cause last I checked, the whole "Queen of Heaven" bullshit was a pagan goddess you guys added to your religion that doesn't have anything to do with The Bible. Last I checked, covering up a couple rites with pages of The Bible doesn't make your 1700 year old papal pyramid scheme the church of Christ. But sure, believe whatever you want. But next time you realize that instead of praying to the god of love, you're just praying to the patron saint of love, I hope you at least consider that maybe a group that used to kill people for owning Bibles is not the infallible interpreter of The Bible
▶ 5b5aa8 (3) No.543506>>543517
>>543441
>he's still using the jewish edited manuscripts to remove prophecy about Jesus and His Most Pure Mother
wew
▶ 5993c8 (2) No.543517>>543658 >>543752 >>543778
>>543506
Yeah, I'm using some new sort of Bible where the prophetic books don't exist. Just kidding, I'm King James only, which means that I actually don't know what you're talking about. Is there some obscure Baptist group that rejects the psalms and the prophets? Cause when I read my Bible, the New Testament constantly says "as it is written" before quoting the Old Testament. Stop pretending to be retarded
▶ 55eff8 (3) No.543518>>543527 >>543531 >>543919
>be a serial killer and a fornicator
>make orgies with women
>murder prostitutes
>believes in Jesus Christ and in the 5 Solas
>just read the KJV
>doesn't repent
>dies
>goes to heaven
>be a Catholic monk
>devout your life for the Jesus' Church
>teaches poor kids about the life and passion of Our Lord
>read only the DRA
>loves the mother of Jesus
>say everyday that she was blessed because of the fruit she had on her womb
>pray to her sometimes
>also pray to Our Lord Jesus Christ with even more passion
>dies
>goes to hell because of idolatry and for making good works in order to strenghen his Faith
▶ 9f77b2 (2) No.543527
>>543518
Thanks for converting all the Africans Roman Catholic Church
▶ 9f77b2 (2) No.543528
Someone needed to teach them how to read and write
▶ 59db23 (1) No.543531>>543539 >>543580
>>543518
Yes
The monk won't burn as hot if he did good works but he'll still burn.
▶ 3ba63b (1) No.543539
>>543531
Yeah, well, according to the KJV, Mary was blessed among women for the fruit of her womb. Acknowledging that isn't a sin.
▶ 0a51fa (1) No.543562
>>543441
>Cause last I checked, the whole "Queen of Heaven" bullshit was a pagan goddess you guys added
Can you quote the KJV on that?
And no NKJV or 1873 version.
▶ 7852db (3) No.543565>>543584
>be a thief getting crucified
>Hey look it's Jesus!
>another thief is trying to start some shit but I shut him down
>Jesus looks at me and says
Today you shall be with me in paradise!
>Wow that's really nice of Him
>He continues
Wait hold on, you have been baptised, confirmed by the local bishop and taken your first communion right?
>I hadn't
Sorry, can't help you.
>I go to hell
▶ 59f337 (1) No.543573>>543584
>be a thief getting crucified
>Hey look it's Jesus!
>another thief is trying to start some shit but I shut him down
>Jesus looks at me and says
Today you shall be with me in paradise!
>Wow that's really nice of Him
>He continues
Wait hold on, you have read the KJV right?
>I hadn't
Sorry, can't help you.
>I go to hell
▶ 55eff8 (3) No.543579>>543584 >>543675
>be a thief getting crucified
>Hey look it's Jesus!
>another thief is trying to start some shit but I shut him down
>Jesus looks at me and says
Today you shall be with me in paradise!
>Wow that's really nice of Him
>He continues
Wait hold on, do you repent your sins?
>No, but I have faith in you
Alright, no problem
>I go to heaven
▶ c70b88 (1) No.543580
>>543531
I love that he kamehamehas the guy at the end
▶ d9c588 (1) No.543584>>543589
>>543565
>>543573
>>543579
>be a thief getting crucified
>wonder just why in the hell my punishment is the same as the punishment for sedition
>die wondering what kind of messed up judicial system I had to live under
▶ 55eff8 (3) No.543589
>>543584
The punishment for sedition was to be nailed in the Cross. The thieves probably weren't nailed.
▶ 5b5aa8 (3) No.543658>>543741 >>543867
>>543517
>Stop pretending to be retarded
Zechariah 12:10
MT: והביטו אלי את אשר דקרו
Vocalization: wǝhibbīṭū ˀǝlay ˀeṯ ˀašer dāqārū
Translation: And they shall look upon me whom they have pierced.
LXX: καὶ ἐπιβλέψονται πρός με ἀνθ᾽ ὧν κατωρχήσαντο
Transliteration: kai epiblepsontai pros me anth’ (h)ōn katōrḵēsanto
Translation: And they shall look at me against whom they have mockingly danced.
etc etc etc
“But I am far from putting reliance in your teachers, who refuse to admit that the interpretation made by the seventy elders who were with Ptolemy [king] of the Egyptians is a correct one; and they attempt to frame another. And I wish you to observe, that they have altogether taken away many Scriptures from the [Septuagint] translations effected by those seventy elders who were with Ptolemy, and by which this very man who was crucified is proved to have been set forth expressly as God, and man, and as being crucified, and as dying” (~150 A.D., Justin Martyr, Dialogue with Trypho the Jew, Chapter LXXI)
git gud
▶ e1d889 (1) No.543675
>>543579
I think you have the wrong flag.
▶ a99b1f (4) No.543741>>543777
>>543658
The LXX was a translation written after the NT to match the NT.
Also the person cherry-picked from something called the "Jewish complete bible" which nobody has ever heard of. Isaiah 7:14 correctly translates the words as "virgin shall conceive" in the KJV, which is exactly why they "declined" to mention it in that cute infograph. Stop being this dishonest.
▶ 74a1d8 (1) No.543752
>>543517
> I'm King James only
> my Bible
> Stop pretending to be retarded
▶ 7852db (3) No.543756
>talking with a baptist
>he claims the bible in the house belongs to him
>hang him for stealing King Jame's property
▶ 7163f1 (2) No.543777>>543919
>>543741
The LXX was written at least a century before the birth of Christ by Jewish scholars for one of the Ptolemaic pharaohs, a fact that is supported not only by Christian sources and historical and archaeological research but by the Pharisaic tour de force the Talmud itself. Also
>The Bible is the inerrant word of God
<The Early Church corrupted the Bible to their own ends
▶ 86fbed (1) No.543778>>543811
>>543517
KJV is a great translation as long as we know that the masoretic text its OT is based off of is a product of scheming Jews trying to downplay Jesus prophecies and not as accurate as "the seventy" OT which the Church Jesus started uses, the apostles quoted the Greek "the Septuagint"…not the inferior masoretic
▶ be8910 (1) No.543811
>>543778
aye
In St. Justin Martyr's dialogue with Trypho the Jew he frequently refers to the septuagint, expressing distrust of even the 2nd century Hebrew text, never mind the text of centuries later….
▶ 5993c8 (2) No.543867>>543885
>>543658
So the Complete Jewish Bible removes prophecies about Jesus? Yeah, I'd expect that. The Quran also removes prophecies about Jesus, but I don't see how that effects the Christian Bible
▶ c766dd (4) No.543885>>543893 >>543919 >>544181
>>543867
We are talking about MT and LXX. Do not move goalposts, it's a sin.
▶ 9dba24 (3) No.543893>>543936
>>543885
>Do not move goalposts, it's a sin.
<For whomever decides to replace points of discussion for his personal gains, pleasure or interests in the discussion and avoiding proper argumentations, with methods, such as writing letters of electron that doesnt coincides with the subject of discussion, purposefully hardening language of the letter of electron to read and using images in discussion that doesnt have anything to do with the subject, that includes images originating from the country of Iaponia, more commonly known as "Anime", let him be anathema!
(The canons and decrees of the sacred and oecumenical Council of 8Chan; On vile behaviors in discussions, also known as "shitposting" or "sinposting", Article 72)
▶ a99b1f (4) No.543919>>543936
>>543518
>doesn't repent
Your definition of repent, or God's?
>>543777
Still waiting on that pre-Hexapla. And please don't resort to the translation of Genesis-Deuteronomy, everyone knows about that. I'm talking about the whole Old Testament. It didn't exist in Greek until Origen's Hexapla.
>>543885
Then why does your friend's infographic quote "the Complete Jewish Bible" repeatedly? He introduced this, are we not supposed to notice what he did?
▶ c766dd (4) No.543936>>543937
>>543893
>>543919
>Then why does your friend's infographic quote "the Complete Jewish Bible" repeatedly? He introduced this, are we not supposed to notice what he did?
Did I mentioned it at all? Nay, I did not. Quran is what I pointed out as moving goalpost.
▶ a99b1f (4) No.543937>>543945
>>543936
"The Complete jewish bible" is as relevant as the Quran, so it's an apt comparison.
▶ c766dd (4) No.543945>>543950
>>543937
It's not though. For this Jewish Bible is translation of MT while Quran is well, Quran
▶ a99b1f (4) No.543950>>543993
>>543945
>For this Jewish Bible is translation of MT
If so, it's a false translation.
▶ c766dd (4) No.543993>>544179
>>543950
MT is false though.
כארי ידי ורגלי reads literally as "like a lion my hands and my feet"
▶ 0911ce (1) No.544179>>544281
>>543993
And ωρυξαν χειράς μου και πόδας reads literally as "they have dug my hands and feet." The psalms are poetic, and use figurative language. The fact that a group of Jews took the deliberately anti-Christian interpretation of a Bible verse doesn't mean that Bible verse is evil.
▶ a908e5 (1) No.544181>>553807
>>543885
What the fuck did you just fucking say about my brother, you little papist? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Faith Word Baptist Church, and I’ve been involved in numerous door knocks in my neighborhood, and I have over 3000 confirmed soul wins. I am trained in gospel warfare and I’m the top soul winner in all the US Baptists churches. You are nothing to me but just another lost one. I will save you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to my brother over the Internet? Think again, heretic. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Heaven and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, baby-sprinkler. The storm that saves the pathetic little thing you call your soul. You’re fucking unsaved, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can recite to you over seven hundred faith alone verses, and that’s just with the book of John. Not only am I extensively trained in door knocking, but I have access to the entire stack of King James Bibles of Faith Word Baptist Church and I will use it to its full extent to save your miserable ass even if I have to go to the end of the continent, you little Mary worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goshdamn papist. I will recite Ephesians 2:8-9 all over you and you will drown in it. You’re about to get fucking saved, kiddo.
▶ 48c3b7 (1) No.544281
>>544179
>And ωρυξαν χειράς μου και πόδας reads literally as "they have dug my hands and feet." The psalms are poetic, and use figurative language.
And all Greek Fathers, who were born in this language understood it as pierced. And it was even unto English translated as "Delved" until Coverdale Bible
>he fact that a group of Jews took the deliberately anti-Christian interpretation of a Bible verse doesn't mean that Bible verse is evil.
But it's not reading, its words themselves. MT was done to deny Christ.
▶ 5da23b (1) No.553807
>>544181
>baptist gets BTFO
>shitposts
classic
▶ 9245cc (1) No.553813
>praying for someone is the same thing as praying to someone
The more correct thing would be.
>hey anon, I'm going to pray to you so that you can pray for me