Dear Anon. I know your unwanted addiction has caused you much despair and depravation, but please, you must come to the conclusion that if you harm yourself, they win, don't be on edge, calmly try to master your urges, fill your empty time, and mostly think of it.
Before you sleep
At the shower
When you wake up
You must tell yourself "I will not do this to myself, i will not cause my brain to rot any longer"
Good luck dear Anon, and please stay safe.