I can't tell if being uncircumcised is a blessing or a curse, even though I'm self loathing amerimutt mischling (I have Jewish ancestry on my fathers side) for whatever reason I was never circumcised and neither is my brother. I have always felt sort of superior to other Americans because my parents weren't retarded enough to circumcise me but know my pride has been pulled from the rug under me because being normal means it is easy to masturbate.
Which is why I concocted the perfect plan to make it extremely difficult/painful to masturbate and ejaculate. To do this you are going to need to unravel your foreskin until you can see the bottom of the head then slide a metal key chain ring until it if firmly underneath the shaft, and let your foreskin cover up the head again and congratulations!
Go ahead, try to masturbate now protip:you can't.
I've tried to masturbate but every time it is painful and awkward and even when I do ejaculate my urethra is so tight it makes it extremely painful to let the viscus fluid flow. I can't take it out and as far as I know it is their for good…