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/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

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9ee931 (15) No.333321>>333326 >>333348 >>333509 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

> be me

> want to be lich because immortality

> human women are all thots

> be dark mage instead of white mage

> white mage gets thot pussy ez

> don't want that

> wear purple and black because of edge

> shota dark mage lookn for undead stuff

> Walked in the woods

> I've got my Yeezys on

> found a dollar

> is ok a guess

> hear shuffling in local bush

> smell something

> sulfer

> there's some fowl niggertry at work here

> dindus jump out

> not the hound kind

> scare them off with scary white man magic

> walk some more

> hear something following me so i decide to camp in a cave fot the night

> its smarts like this why my teacher taught me differently than the others

> wat do /monster/

f090d9 (4) No.333326

>>333321 (OP)

Why the fuck did you decide to stay in a cave? Do you know how dangerous they are?


b94acd (6) No.333342

Idk practise some rituals or sonething


c368ef (1) No.333348

>>333321 (OP)

Is it a small cave ? Because if you cant see the end of it it would be better to actualy check for monsters in order not to get bothered while you sleep.

If its safe then practice your rituals. show us what you can do.


e983fb (1) No.333364

File (hide): 290a91093ca5188⋯.jpg (119.07 KB, 720x486, 40:27, listen here cunt.jpg) (h) (u)

this pseudo-nigger typing style stings to read and any respectable lich would cast you out for wearing such low-class shoes and staying in a cave. Can you even see the end of the cave? You don't know what's in there or what makes its lair there, and if it's a nocturnal predator it'll come back before you wake up.

Get out of the cave, set up another campsite, and place some alert/protective wards, and consider your life choices until now.


a1295e (2) No.333388>>333390 >>333518 >>333519

>be me


4db0a1 (1) No.333390>>333398

>>333388

Genuine question; how would you rather start a greentext story?


a1295e (2) No.333398>>333518

>>333390

Think about it for a moment not like reddit thats for sure


9ee931 (15) No.333509>>333510 >>333691 >>334111

>>333321 (OP)

> sit in cave

> stare at wall

> voices in my head command me to do shit

> one of them made fun of my yeezies

> probably the spirit of my great uncle Dean known for molesting children when he was alive

> i miss him so

> "you must obey the voices" my uncle used to say as he would run in place next to a wall for hours

> "fortify your cave and practice rituals"

> never would've thought about that

> fuck they're smart

> lets see what i can do

>im a "3rd-level" according to my teacher spellcaster and have the following spells in my book:

-Cantrips chill touch, mage hand, minor illusion

- 1st level (4 slots): find familiar, sleep, witchbolt, identify

- 2nd level (2 slots): darkvision, enlarge/reduce

i'm using dnd 5e for magic so if you want to switch any spells they must be

1..from the wizard spell list

2. you can only know 6 spells at this time you will get more as we advance in level

3. you can only do so if resting for a lengthy period of time

> i guess i can spook more niggers if that whos following me

> i gather some wood using my mage hand because i'm lazy

> move some logs in front of cave to block the entrance

> "what a tree-t" i think as i swear i hear the voices collectively cry out in pain

> "well we're not forging any tree-tys anytime soon"

> get major migraine from the collective's screeching

> i start casting find familiar and wait for something to come i guess

> nothing happens

> i could try combining spells before i sleep i guess

> the entrance is blocked and since i don't want a fire because i'm lazy so i just cast darkvision

> i have enough jerky for about 2 days and the closest town is a few hours

> its hard to eat with sleeves longer then your shota noodle arms

> and see with this long orange ass fringe cut

> but people can't see my eyes so that makes me more mysterious and liches are mysterious

> wat do now

> i could sleep

> i should sleep

> but i suspect the voices will keep me up if i don't do as they command


ae9dc6 (1) No.333510

File (hide): a9107848432ef6a⋯.jpg (53.13 KB, 710x473, 710:473, headtap.jpg) (h) (u)

>>333509

Cast sleep on yourself, the voices can't keep you up if you're knocked the fuck out.


e85555 (1) No.333518>>333538

File (hide): 9c397cafe22a4c0⋯.png (348.21 KB, 350x447, 350:447, IMG_2246.PNG) (h) (u)

>>333388

>>333398

>wants it to start differently

>dosen't give an example of a better way

Here's two (you)s. On the house.


250cba (1) No.333519

File (hide): 8419b67b700e9bc⋯.jpg (24.1 KB, 540x656, 135:164, YmN06Iw_d.jpg) (h) (u)

>>333388

Been on imageboards since chanology (yes, I'm fully aware we were the first stage cancer), can confirm greentexts started with

>Be me

Since trollface was called coolface and stuff.

Polite sah-gay for offtopic

Also yer a nigger


4b7fe2 (3) No.333538>>333563

>>333518

>doesn’t understand the redundancy of the phrase >be me


8a25fc (2) No.333563>>333607

>>333538

>doesn't know how old the tradition is

>is autistic enough to say he doesn't like it, yet gives no alternative


4b7fe2 (3) No.333607

>>333563

Here’s an alternative to start

> want to be lich because immortality

Or hell even

> be dark mage

Because at the very least it establishes something about who it is we are even reading about or what they are doing. Greentexts can be started in many more ways than just “>be X” anyways. You could state the setting, open with a quote or thought of a character, anything really. Have you even browsed our board and its abundance of writefaggotry?

Also just because something is old and we used to do it doesn’t mean it is good. Take for example really old and stale memes such as vegeta saying over 9000 or le epik trole face. In the case of memes, it is posted around because it’s funny for a while. In the instance of “>be me” why even continue with it? It doesn’t add anything to the content. It’s a wart. Is it to validate yourself as some kind of oldfag to anonymous persons in a way literally anyone can do it? Is it just because other people used to do it and you believe you should follow their example despite the option not to? It doesn’t make sense.

tl;dr: be creative in opening your greentext and just because something is “culture” it is not necessarily good e.g. LOL threads on /v/.


9ee931 (15) No.333691>>333693 >>333937

>>333509

> be shota dark mage

> the voices won't shut up

> they are arguing about how life should start

>they even start bickering about how people are made and apparently i was born as "tradition"

> everyone always told me i'm special afterall

> "chanology"

> "offtopic"

> these words of wisdom are now mine and mine alone

> but i can't sleep like this

> cast {sleep}

> wake up upside down

> everything sounds watery and my head hurts

> puddle of squirming purple goo on the ground

> i think its alive

> everything is luminescent

> don't know how long you've rested

> voices have stopped

> everything is quiet

> still upside down

> goo is squirming

> you could collect it in a vile you hid in your yeezys

> wait…wheres your yeezys

> those fucking hellhound looking

> handholding

> missionary fucking

> virgin smelling

> shota touching

> order loving

> gas hating

> DANUKIS

> you feel a primal rage building inside you

> but you have no plan

> goo is still squirming in place

> maybe the voices can help

> what do voices


5eb609 (2) No.333693

>>333691

remove slime kebab

roki vulovic demands it


bc1b1b (1) No.333731

File (hide): e2cee931afa238d⋯.jpg (12.77 KB, 640x464, 40:29, n5zcMNE_d.jpg) (h) (u)

You ain't foolin' me you gnome motherfucker, bitch-ass nigger

Fuck on outta here, foo'


8a25fc (2) No.333751

By the emperor we must purge these disgusting slimes. Cast fireballs at them or something. Fireballs are cool.


9ee931 (15) No.333937>>333943 >>333957 >>333959 >>334107

File (hide): 2178719f71d9070⋯.jpg (108.16 KB, 512x1561, 512:1561, All monsters deserve pats ….jpg) (h) (u)

>>333691

> be me

> stuck upside down

> slime is undulating like a retard

> voices command i kill it

> i must obey the voices

> i cast witchbolt on the slime

> it shreeks some unholy jibberish

> sounds like deep speech

> wait deepspeech?

> like mindflayers?

> the slime forms a sort of woman like figure as it burns and squirms

> it turns to an ashlike material as i still hang upside down

> "mummy" something sayes beyond the cavedoor

> a small squid/slime child with a pale/purplely/blue skin

> its a mindflayer child

> wait…a child…a mindflayer…child

> i was kidnapped by mindflayers

> they're at least challenge rating 7 and often come in groups

> "hey what did you do with my mommy" she pouts, flaping her hair tentacle…things

> hey yellow eyes glow in the dark as my darkvision fades leaving the glow of moss and eyes to be my vision

> uhh…

> "i didn't do anything to your parents"

> "she teleported away with no explanation"

> i hope child mindflayers can't sense bullshit

> "well mommy said you'd be under a truth telling magic so i believe you"

> holy shit she's retarded

> and an orphan

> and how did i turn an adult mindflayer to ash while unconscious?

> maybe the voices know but for now i need to get down, and if she believes everything i say…

> "umm kid your mom said i could go outside before she left" i say as i can feel the blood move to my skull

>"well if mom said so…ok, but only if you pet my head"

> mindflayers are…lewd creatures

> "ok, and can you get me down please"

> she helps me down and i give her her…treatment

> "uwaa~~" she moans

> i wonder what the voices want me to do

> they've been quiet for a while so i guess sleep works


b94acd (6) No.333943

>>333937

CAST HEADPAT!


608ff8 (5) No.333957

File (hide): 1816023f883adb1⋯.jpg (79.11 KB, 860x698, 430:349, Mother brain.jpg) (h) (u)

>>333937

>Slap her upside the head. And tell her that she misheard mommy, also tell her that mommy told her to take us to the ara~ ara~ elder brain, where we proceed to merc her and take the elder brain's power for ourselves. And with the knowledge gleamed from the elder brain we can use it to find a way to turn ourselves into a lich, without loosing our dick. Be warned though. To much knowledge too fast can make us go coo coo for cocoa puffs


732923 (1) No.333959>>333967

>>333937

Kill the child. It would not survive the winter without a parent. 'Twould be a mercy.

Or atleast dump the little fucker at an orphanage or something idk.

I'm saying it because someone has to be the edgelord.


5c0c97 (1) No.333967

>>333959

I double the edgefactor by telling you to kill yourself, autistic waste of space.


9ee931 (15) No.334107>>334108 >>334109 >>334246

>>333937

> the voices command and i must obey

> one of them suggested that i meet the elder brain…girl of the group

> what would that even look like

> better not look like an actual brain because thats fucking gay

> "hey kid your mother said i could ask the elder brain a question and she'd give me an answer" i said in a daze

> "she said you could get an answer form grandma?, whatever she wanted from you must've been important to promise so many things"

> i guess

> but what did she want

> she led me through tunnels for about 10 minuets going deeper into Gaia as less blue moss appeared, replaced by pink pulsating veins running under and through the walls/ground

> "grandma's through there" she pointed to a rotten door that had been broken by the veins

> "kids like you might get migraines if you talk to her too long"

> kid?

> wait

> "yea didn't you know i'm turning 100 later this month" she crossed her arms, wiggling her hair in excitement

> "then i can leave the nest and find a husband like mommy did"

> wait she was married?

> then where's dad

> shit

> at least she not an orphan

> wait

> don't mindflayers fuse with their husbands for some shit

> she may be an orphan afterall

> i could adopt her

> liches have evil minions and grown mindflayers take teams of highly skilled adventurers to defeat

> and thats just 1 of them

> and they can reproduce asexually i think

> or by spores or something

> i think parasites actually

> i missed that class

> enough stalling i think as i open the door

> get on the floor

> everybody walk the wyrm

> i have that people say wurm

> its gay

> its wyrm

> what do voices


5eb609 (2) No.334108

>>334107

Remove eldritch kebab

Roki Vulovic demands it

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qeAEdU4p5Cg


608ff8 (5) No.334109

File (hide): 51620bf3ff15617⋯.mp4 (8.27 MB, 320x240, 4:3, Duck Hunt.mp4) (h) (u) [play once] [loop]

>>334107

>Oh jeez I feel bad cuz I killed loli-flayer's parents. Better take her under my wing hyuck

Listen dumbass she's old enough to be our fucking grandmother. Even if age and the way she looks wasn't a complete turn off, it should be noted that mindflayer's favorite activity is MIND FUCKING PEOPLE and, ya know, she'll do the same to you the first chance she gets, and you want to know what's the worst thing about loli-flayer? If she reads our mind and figures out our quest she could get the idea of becoming a lich also, and I don't need to tell you how fucking terrifying a alhoon is. Also make sure to kick the grandma-flayer in her cunt then melt her down and smoke her like crack


1ee961 (6) No.334111>>334217

>>333509

>Cantrips chill touch, mage hand, minor illusion

> 1st level (4 slots): find familiar, sleep, witchbolt, identify

> 2nd level (2 slots): darkvision, enlarge/reduce

>No firebolt

>No detect magic

>Has witchbolt

>Has chilling grasp

>Didn't bring their spell book

No wonder he taught you on the side, you're a dumb ass wizard. Not to mention your ass doesn't even have any necromancy spells. At this rate you're more likely to become a Negromancer.


899187 (2) No.334217>>334247

>>334111

Wizards in dnd don’t need a spell book to cast spells only to keep them written down you’re thinking of a paladin/clerics holy symbol also there are no low level necromancy spells except ray of sickness


9ee931 (15) No.334246>>334249 >>334254 >>334324 >>334371 >>334482

>>334107

> be shota

> have a mental lapse because voices talk again

> one claims i don't have my spellbook

> fucking virgin cleric spirit forgot wizards don't need "talismans" or none of dat gay shit

> open the door

> theres something sitting in a giant pool

> its about 8ft tall and is sitting in pink liquid

> the veins lead to a massive deflated bean-bag looking "thing" with a…rather massive chest

> "ara~ ara~ a visiter" it sayes

> the pink busty woman shifting slightly to face me

> "grandma, mommy said that this guy could ask you a question and get an answer"

> thank you based squid child for not making me ask that

> "hmmm" she hummed

> "lilie would abduct a child then promice it a glimpse into the arcane?, highly unlikly"

> the look became a piercing glare

> "infact the odds are 00098898/8926589% that she would even bother talking to you, let alone make a deal

> there was silence

> …

> …

> "leave Yureyea and don't listen or else" she said softly

> "ok grandma"

> the squid kid left the room and i heard her wonder off somewhere beyond the door

> "whats your motive child" she slumps back into the giant brain

> "will you deliver what was promised?"

> i ask boldly

> "you seek lichdom? HAH you think i'll tell some insignificant arrogant child who breaks into my home and kills both my child and her husband?

> feelsbadman

> "but as she conspired against me i guess you have spared me grief…"

> "i will tell you"

> feelsgoodman

> "come here child"

> she stands up to a full 10ft height as the brain throbs at quicker speeds

> in the goo? nah man fuck that shit

> "i can't move so if you want your information you need to come to me…"

> i don't even pass her chest as i stand in the pond…naked…as she cups my head in her hands as everything start swimming

> …

> …

> "you are very magically unequipped for what you're trying to accomplish…lets change that"

> "and you will tell none of this place"

*LEVEL 7 OBTAINED*

level 17 is the lowest needed to cast imprisonment

> i wake up at the entrance tired…with a throbbing head…and the loli-flayer standing next to me

> "grandma told me what happened…about my mom…and why it had to be done…" she said on the verge of tears

> "i guess you know what you wanted to know now"

> i feel more powerful, my magic feels…colder…darker"

> fucking sweet lichdom here i come

> but i need a few things first

> FETCH QUEST REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

> the only thing i need is something magically pure to hold my soul in and the ability to cast the spell imprisonment

> shit thats powerful magic right there

> "umm…kid" the loli-flayer pipes up

> "can i come with you…"

> "i-i can help you…with anything" she says

TAKE LOLI-MINDFLAYER

- YES

- NO

CURRENT MAGIC

-Cantrips: chill touch, mage hand, minor illusion, spare the dying

- 1st level (4 slots): inflict wounds, sleep, witchbolt, cause fear

- 2nd level (3 slots): darkvision, blindness/deafness

- 3rd level (3 slots): raise undead, vampiric touch, fly

> now what do i do


1ee961 (6) No.334247

>>334217

Their spell book is like their cook book; they may not need to carry it around to cast spells, but fuck it certainly helps having one around.


1ee961 (6) No.334249

>>334246

Sorry for double post, I say yes because lol I mindflayers are cute


608ff8 (5) No.334254

>>334246

>TAKE LOLI-MINDFLAYER

Tell her she can help herself to the grave

> now what do i do

You need a phylactery first and foremost granted you need a shit ton of money also, but we'll grab that along the way. Also chill touch your penis to get rid of that erection you have. You massive fucking pedo


d99795 (1) No.334324

>>334246

Take the mindflayer. If nothing else, she'll be a good attack dog when we attain lichhood.


899187 (2) No.334371

>>334246

Take loli-flayer the go find some elves or something


9ee931 (15) No.334482>>334492 >>334543 >>334620 >>334650

>>334246

TAKE LOLI-MINDFLAYER

- 'YES'

> "you can come" i say as her face brightens up and she

> ah, so cute!

> "what are you planing to do" she asked meekly

> what do i do

> objective 1 is to gather a phylactery but what to make it?

> a gem, necklace, staff are out immediately because thats cliche and easy to destroy

> voice sayes to go see elves

> they know magic i guess

> "we're going to find elves" i say

> "what kind? Because theres a drow nest close by and wood elves are in a forest about 2 days walk from here"

> wood elves don't know magic and drow are too kinky for my taste

> "but if you want high elves its about a week of constant travel across the continent, maybe 4 days if you take a cart"

> you might not be able to take a cart with her appearance unless its changed

> there might be a spell for that i could change but what to change out

> what do

- find wood elves

- find drow

- find high elves

and how to you want to get there


fde6b6 (4) No.334492

>>334482

Go visit drows and use their inevitable sexual harassment as excuse to spam Witchbolt on them.


a3f69e (1) No.334543

>>334482

Cast minor illusion on loli-mindflayer and see if we can use that to hide her instead. Then have her spook whoever we decide would be funny to spook.


1ee961 (6) No.334620

>>334482

Mind flayers are good at mind control magic right? So long as we those her well with a cliche big robe and use mind control whenever necessary to throw suspicion off we should be good. What's the worst that could happen in 4 days?


9ee931 (15) No.334650>>334660 >>334696 >>334705 >>335101 >>335432

>>334482

> "we'll go find some drow"

> they have some magic and shit

> and spiders

> fuck spiders

> not literally but figuratively

> "but whyyyyyy" she sulked

> "because you mentioned it now lets go"

> "and since you're a mindflayer they won't try anything…i hope"

> we walk a while

> shoot a boar with witchbolt

> eat it after we make our camp

> her name is Yureyea and shes 99 years old

> i tell her about the voices i hear

> she has no idea but gets the premise

> she can cast basic illusion magic and likes to eat brains

> i don't know what i expected from a mindflayer

> "we can find drow in the morning"

> try to sleep

> this fucking loli

> "can i sleep with you" she asks seeking into my tent with her pillow

> where did she even get that

> "my mom used to sing me to sleep"

> shit now i feel bad

> well not bad but…bad

> "i can even stop the voices if you want" she hides a bit of her face behind the pillowing, clutching it makes her look real fucking cute

> i'll ask the voices

> what do

> i could sing to her…

> or use my illusions…


fde6b6 (4) No.334660>>334705

>>334650

You sing to her, trying your best. However you only manage to produce really bad and tone-death sound. She likes it anyway, for some reason.


022fde (1) No.334696>>334705 >>334754

>>334650

Tell her if she tries to get rid of us we start the murder/suicide rolls


544afe (4) No.334705

>>334650

Sing The Sound of Silence because that's the sort of thing an edgy lich wannabe who needed eldritch wisdom just to figure out how to become a lich would use as a lullaby.

>>334660

>Giving suggestions in the second person like you're the writefag

>>334696

>not saging

Why


0bf1ee (1) No.334754

>>334696

seconding


5d6166 (1) No.334821>>335077

>trying to get rid of us

Na m8 you must share our voice with the loli

Ask her to peek into your mind so she to can hear our great wisdom


0c938b (1) No.334827

Sing her to sleep man then penetrate her soft squishy folds the. Try to summon a shoggoth for cleaning purpaces, she can also become a house so we don’t need to travel

Also be nice we zapped her parents afterall


f090d9 (4) No.334828

Remove elf

Make Josip Tito proud

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x4sqMNHZxjI


ae87fa (1) No.335077

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>334821

Update on this

When she taps into your mind have this play as her lullaby


608ff8 (5) No.335101

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>334650

I got an idea. Make the phylactery her, think about it, mindflayers are practically immortal they don't die from old age they die from adventurers and shota wizards so when we become a lich we can live long enough to see her become an adult and marry her then to avoid being a pedo

>what do

Teach her quick maffs


9ee931 (15) No.335432>>335434 >>335758

File (hide): 4faeeda836fb87a⋯.jpg (44.44 KB, 679x711, 679:711, d05.jpg) (h) (u)

>>334650

sorry i was away for a while

life got in the way

> i decide to sing to her as she lays down

> a song mom sang to me when i had nightmares

> she relaxes

> "thank you anon otouto-san"

> wait how does she know your name?

> your too tired to think about it

> stroke her head

> she likes pats and rubs

> absolutely wholesome

> one of the voices said to make her my phylactery

> technically that solves one problem and can work

> but mindflayers are aliens…and monsters so something might go wrong

> i could go with that along as both of us don't die we would be immortal…

> i could let her ask the voices herself

> that probably wouldn't go well because i think that what happened to her mom

> an elderitch creature gone mad and incinerated from an absolute truth…ironic

> oh she fell asleep and is breathing softly

> her hair won't let go

> its cute

> 200% cute

> lay down spooning her

> shes bigger than me

> did she get taller?

> the floor is hard though

> and i need to get breakfast ready since i don't think i ate while in the lair

> a voice mentioned to try summoning a shoggoth maid

> they must be a spirit of good taste

> she could do things no kiki could do

> and we would sleep in luxury since she can become the house

> kind of kinky but i can try in the morning but i would need to change some spells around

i could try {summon lesser demons} but change demons to "elderitch"

> yay creating spells in such a lich thing to do

> i'll try in the morning

> doze off to sleep snuggling the loli-flayer

i'm going to try to update daily for now but i might miss a day for personal reasons, sorry for my absence


f090d9 (4) No.335434>>335697

>>335432

>summoning worst meido

I bet you're a fucking bosniak, Arkan is coming for you


b94acd (6) No.335697

>>335434

worst meido

im pretty sure that be a mud golem


9ee931 (15) No.335758>>335759 >>335761 >>335946 >>335961

>>335432

> wake up to screeching

> fucking harpys

> shoo them off the site as the screech externally

> Yureyea is still sleeping

> harpys are gone

> dead carcass hanging from a tree

> need a sacrifice to summon elderitch creatures i guess

> move carcass with mage hand

> draw circle of blood

> chant gibberish

> cast new spell

> carcass molds into paste

> everything goes dark

> wake up on soft kings sized bed

> knees are week

> arms are heavy

> "good morning master"

> i rise to the voice still tired and weak from summoning

> qt ara ara goo meido standing at foot of the bed

> what do

NEW SPELL OBTAINED

{summon shoggoth}


608ff8 (5) No.335759

>>335758

Summon a plastic bag to carry her around in, so she doesn't pick up a tick and give you guys Lyme disease when she hugs you


b94acd (6) No.335761

>>335758

make sure that the other monster girl is still sleeping with you

inform meido of quest


544afe (4) No.335946

>>335758

Tell her to go find us a Kikimora, we're in need of a good maid


9ee931 (15) No.335961>>335971 >>335973 >>335982 >>335987 >>336049 >>336325

>>335758

> the maid wiggles as i move to get out of bed

> she lets out a moan as i pinch the covers

> im not wearing any clothes

> magic on clothes because i can

> "m-master where are you going" she mumbles collecting herself

> "where's the mindflayer i fell asleep with" i ask bluntly, theres no time for fun and games with elderitch creatures

> "your wife is in the lounge master, i shall escort you if you wish" she replys

> "shes not my" i start but supermeido is already out the door waiting

> she can probably teleport around since her body might be the house

> its also raining outside so i think this house is physical?

> house temp is cosy though so best maid knows how humans work

> she leads me silently through the house…no mansion as she points out the different rooms

> i might've heard is she wasn't so dayum thicc

> best meido

> thicc meido

> "here is the lounge master" she stands next to the open room with a large sofa in front of a fireplace with a snugg mindflayer siting in a blanket like a burrito

> "you've returned anon!" she exclaimed excitedly "i would hug you but this blanket is so comfy"

> "your not my wife"

> shes not listening

> and how did she know my name…i never told her that

> "how do we leave" i ask the maid

> "eh?!?"

> "master can leave anytime if he wishes, this construct of my own body is not a physical structure and can be accessed with this" she presents a small key to me

> "use the end to draw a door and insert the key to open a door the the entrance"

> neat

> {OBTAINED KEY}

> "Yureyea get up we have drow to hunt " i say going and rocking the flayer-burrito

> she groans and gets up exiting the snug rug stretching her limbs

> "master" the maid starts

> "may i accompany you on your journey, drow are so uncivalised compared to you"

> she makes a good point

"we can eat on the go so it would become quicker…and i can carry your possessions if you need…and…and"

> she sounds more desperate with each reasoning

> "and it would be lonely without master here"

> she puts her arms under her chest to make it look bigger

> you kind of feel bad for her

> besides all evil dark lord liches have cute busty maids…right?

> i should check he voices

> all of this elderitch contact can't be good mentaly

TAKE ELDRITCH MAID

- YES

- NO

CURRENT MAGIC

-Cantrips: chill touch, mage hand, minor illusion, spare the dying

- 1st level (4 slots): inflict wounds, sleep, witchbolt, cause fear

- 2nd level (3 slots): darkvision, blindness/deafness

- 3rd level (3 slots): raise undead, vampiric touch, fly, summon shoggoth


f090d9 (4) No.335971>>335982

>>335961

==YOU HAVE DISGRACED ROKI VULOVIC FOR THE LAST TIME

PREPARE TO BE REMOVE, SHOG FUCKER==


8b335a (1) No.335972

>>3359612

Sure we could use another sidekick

And whats one more waifu?

One big happy nightmarish family

Allso give the best maido a head pat

Them give loli spook waifu a head pat for being such a good sport

Also we think your a qt mindflayer

BUT WE WILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU TRY AND GET RID OF US


d5d875 (1) No.335973

>>335961

i say take her, take her out back with a shotgun and put the thing out of her misery that is.


544afe (4) No.335982

File (hide): 8170a216453786c⋯.png (1.55 MB, 1250x2000, 5:8, kiki_seal.png) (h) (u)

>>335971

>fucked up redtext

>didn't sage

No anon, you are the shogfucker

>>335961

Kikis may be the superior meidos but Shogs are still meidos of a sort and since we're going for the whole "Eldritch Lich" thing a proper Kiki is out of the question. Might as well take her.


1ee961 (6) No.335987

>>335961

You already summoned her, why wouldn't you take her around. Be responsible for your party bro


f3d434 (2) No.336049

>>335961

Eldrich squad? Just none of that transformation shit.


9ee931 (15) No.336325>>336326 >>336388 >>336478

>>335961

TAKE ELDRITCH MAID

- 'YES'

> voices are fine

> give her head a pat

> she emits an orgasmic moan

> i think her eyes turned to hearts

> even the ones on her dress

> "you can come miss…"

> "i d-don't have a name" she mutters

> feelsbadman

> "we'll think of a name" i think

> "a-are those nasty voices bullying you master?" she gets closer

> wait she knows about my voices

> "if they try to hurt you i can get rid of them for you…" she gets closer

> uncomfortably close

> smothered by her world class funbags

> shoggoth is viably bothered by this

> she grabs my hand and heads me out the door

> "maaaashtuuur" she moans

> "waaait for meee"

> ignore her as we exit the 'space'

> tent was obviously raided

> drow are about

> mindflayer and maid start looking around

> "there are organisms approaching master" the maid starts speaking as an arrow passes through her head

> the arrow hisses as the small amount of goo on it dissolves it

> looks painful

> 8 drow emerge from the surrounding brush with bows, whips and catching poles drawn

> how convenient

> they're dressed like gimps with only their navels showing, everything else is covered by black reflective leather and dark green cloaks

> " mistress this "master wizard" is only a child are you sure hes the source? " one sayes sarcastically

> another drow emerges taller, smugger and thiccer than the others

> also wearing a purple and black robe with a silver trim

> "yes hes the one"

> the other drow slightly lower their weapons

> "child please don't fight back, we don't wish to harm you"

> she advances opening her arms like she wants to hug

> "your special" she starts

> "we need to save you" she advances

> Yureyea's dissapeared and maid might not be able to fight

> maid slightly looses form and looms over the advancers like a tsunami

> she could be a good shield maybe

> the drow look frightened of her

> what do

- Fight

- Surrender


10a5d2 (1) No.336326>>336345

>>336325

Inform her that you are not a wizard but a lich in training

And that you require her aid in finding a durable/indestructible phylactery

And that you would rather have her aid you with an intact body/mind

We don't really need fucked retarded/cock slave drow in our happy band

>then have best meido turn into some kind of sex monster


1ee961 (6) No.336345

>>336326

Couldn't have put it better myself. Listen to this guy.


602504 (1) No.336356

>>336355

Jesus Christ sage your posts you newfag


37c6c6 (2) No.336357

File (hide): c2a4c82a1667f6d⋯.jpg (259.19 KB, 645x822, 215:274, F55D059A-5EEE-41FC-9427-C6….jpg) (h) (u)

>>336347

>>336355

Why must 40k larping infest every thread?


b94acd (6) No.336375

>>336348

>>336355

>>336347

don't do what these guys say

they are you're rage

THERE IS NO ROOM FOR RAGE IN THE MIND OF A LICH


37c6c6 (2) No.336384>>336388 >>336406

>>336383

Doesn't excuse the brainless meme-spouting.


5c9c05 (5) No.336388>>336401

File (hide): 8c76c23222ee0d9⋯.jpg (25.67 KB, 825x464, 825:464, Bane on a plane.jpg) (h) (u)

>>336384

As I understand /monster/ is an amalgamation of a number of different board cultures. It's better to allow for some of that cross board posting than chase down everyone who posts something you don't like. I wouldn't want a thread of nothing but those kinds of posts but handful here and there aren't a problem as long as they post in moderation. Hopefully, no actual moderater should need to get involved.

See >>1

But yea, I don't want to shit on OP but the green text is pretty meme centric as it is. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it's going to attract a lot of meme posting for sure. I didn't much care for it before but since you're making a big todo about memes….

>>336325

Drow- "If we take your waifu away, will you die?"

Lich-"It would be extremely painful."

Drow- "You're a big goy!"

Lich- "For you."

Drow- "Well congratulations, you got yourself caught. What's the next step of your master plan?"

Lich- "Blasting your vagina, with no protection."

>fight


4b7fe2 (3) No.336401>>336406

>>336383

>>336388

Sage your posts


5c9c05 (5) No.336406>>336415 >>336515

File (hide): 75a35dcab4eb7f7⋯.gif (8.22 KB, 385x368, 385:368, civil.gif) (h) (u)

>>336401

I would have if I wasn't responding to this fellow >>336384

I'll sage this post since we're spiraling into redundancy at this point.


68a13c (1) No.336415

>>336406

That’s no reason to bump the thread you retard, bumps are reserved for the actual content of the thread.


9ee931 (15) No.336478>>336483 >>336487 >>337005

>>336325

> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT the voices chant

> i want to ignore but my rage is expanding

> bitch gonna die then

> "i'm no pathetic 'wizard' i am an all powerful lich, who will not be coerced by some elven gimps dripping with juices when they see a young child alone"

> "and you shall not interfere with my master plan so unless you wish to serve, run and scamper like the rats you are"

> they didn't expect an outburst like that

> they flinch slightly

> "ara~ ara~ feisty little boy aren't you"

> "if we try to take your shoggoth away will be be upset~" she moans

> what is it with monsters and moaning their speech

> "it would be extremely painful" i say with the confidence of my outburst infesting me

> "aww, your a big boy~" the drow teases

> "for you…" i respond emotionlessly

> "Well im afraid you're already caught, so what's the next step of your master plan?" she taunts

> shoggoth maid clearly wants to do something as she starts dripping with excitement

> "Leaving this area, WITH NO SURVIVORS"

> i cast 'witchbolt with all my power

> my UNLIMITED POWEEEEEER

> the drow wizard recoils and twitches as lightning shocks her body

> maid swarms forward and starts consuming the drow while they try to fire arrows into her

> the arrows hiss and dissolve as they're consumed and fired back, burning all that they pierce from the inside out

> 1 runs for her life but is killed from an arrow leaving a clear hole in her head

> dissolving her head first

> Yureyea is nowhere to be seen as i instantly feel dizzy and nauseous

> "fucking…worthless…INSOLENT PEST"

> the lightning is still crackling as she rises

> "if you will not come willingly…you shall come by force"

> "the we can be wife and PET for all eternity" she screams but with composure

> "unless you drop your pants now and fuck me right here"

> "theres the sadistic nature drow are known for" i retort

> she viably furious as her ears go from dark blue to a solid red

> that might just be the lightning though, i heard that shit burns when you get hit by it

> "RAAAAAAA" she screams as she fires a witchbolt back at me

> i quickly cast witchbolt again but the power difference is clear

> whatever she did she threw me off my game enough for he magic to be stronger than mine

> her red lightning clashes with my purple lightning, creating beautiful sparks as lightning dances across the grassland

> then i see where Yureyea had gone as she sneaks up on the drow

> the voices suggested i capture her with her brain intact

> i make an instant desiccant that won't end well

> i stop the witchbolt but cast deafness on the drow

> her hearing is lost but she dosen't look like she cares

> "DON'T KILL HER" i scream at Yureyea

> she flinches as me body is shocked with lightning

> but i can't cast 2 spells at one and i need to concentrate on deafness

> Yureyea grabs the drow, her tentacles entering the drows ears

> since she can't hear she won't know about the tentacles

> the drow squirms, moans and collapses in a small puddle of her sexual juices

> i feel like shit

> everything hurts

> i am instantly helped my my maid as she wraps her slime around my body to protect it

> like a suit

> my body feels amazing now

> "master all the drow are dead"

> i look and see the melted puddles that were once drow

> good maid

> i pat her head

> we look like an ettin like this

> "ANON" Yureyea shouts as she runs and envelops me in a hug

> gooey squishy hug

> "why didn't you want me to kill her" she asks

> "perhaps master wanted someone of magical prowess to help him achieve his goal"

> maid is right as always

> what to do

> i need rest

> oh what do i do…


f3d434 (2) No.336483

>>336478

Sleep is for fags. Tell slime maid we're fine now and she can stop doing whatever she is doing.

After, we interrogate the crow with good old sensory deprivation to keep her unstimulated.


5c9c05 (5) No.336487

File (hide): f565a0509c48e58⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 61.78 KB, 504x600, 21:25, Yoghurt.jpg) (h) (u)

>>336478

The puddles of goo that were once Drow. We could probably harvest that to make some kind of helpful potion or sell it to a merchant for a reasonable price. If nothing else it'll make some decent lube. It would be wasteful to have it spoil.

Harvest the goo.


544afe (4) No.336515

>>336406

Sage every post because you aren't writing the story you fucking idiot


916a6a (1) No.336550

>>336383

No, there's actually quite a few /k/ommandos here, too


9ee931 (15) No.337005>>337020 >>337675

>>336478

> i immediately throw yureyea off me and demand that my maid remove herself from me

> turns out lightning is bad for the nervous system as i can't move my legs

> maid makes cool support braces out of goo to act as "boots" while i cant move my legs naturally apparently the goo knows what i want to do

> i've also got a wicked scar across my chest

> it would be cool if it didn't burn like the abyss

> i ask both my maid and yureyea to go collect the melted drow in containers

> maid just "eats" them i guess, well assimilating them is more like it

> drow is squirming

> can't forget about her

> i flinch involuntarily as she gets up

> "aaaaaanooooon" she jumps at me, smothering me in her chest

> "i-i'm so sorry f-for hurting you like that" she sayes while crying

> why is life like this

> i don't want lust to get in the way of my immortality

> but now everything is going dark

> her embrace is so…soft….

> i never did name my maid though

> i should think of something

please come up with a name for the maid


5c9c05 (5) No.337020>>337022 >>337035

File (hide): 6e7ccb4116ecdaa⋯.png (54.17 KB, 234x276, 39:46, rosie-the-robot-maid.png) (h) (u)

>>337005

Rosie would make a good maid name.

This Drow sounds like a total thot. Have Rosie apply a hearty bitch slap to her- open handed. No sense dirtying your own hand.

Make the thot drow carry the gooey remains of her compatriots for you ( At least whatever portion Rosie didn't consume) along with any other garbage you don't feel like toting yourself. If she wants to get on your good side she can be a pack mule so you don't have to carry as much.

>implying you have a good side.


fde6b6 (4) No.337022

>>337020

Pack mule with dash of reminder what happens to those who cross the soon-to-be-lich sounds good.


c4d8a8 (1) No.337035

>>337020

This

Rosie is the best name


9ee931 (15) No.337675>>337688 >>337706

>>337005

> a Valkyrie falls as purple lightning envelops her form

> she rises as a dark Valkyrie with green veins under her skin, glowing green eyes and a insatiable lust for blood instead of semen

> her loyalty will be unquestionable as undead can't betray my powerful will

> a woman runs toward me with a glowing sword in hand

> she cuts through the Valkyrie with no remorse

> i cast a spell of chaos that forms a black sphere with purple lightning

> Soulbrandt, a blade of legendary power used to kill the first demon lord, fashioned from the fang of the first divine dragon the exalts blade cuts through the orb like butter, it explodes behind her sending rubble flying

> a robed child casts light from his staff as blue symbols rotate across the floor around him and his companions

> i sneer as the woman charges again

> i know this man…his cloak is a cruel mimicry of my own

> the purple and gold robes i wear have the same symbols as the boy but his are torn and clearly sacred in nature, like one would see as part of a ritual

> "your one of us" the woman sayes

> "an apostle to the end we shall end this demons madness…today, and restore peace to all of creation"

> the child looks conflicted

> the weak can't refuse my controlling all powerful will

> wake up in a bed

> soft cozy bed

> smothered by my maids large chest

> elf is nowhere to be seen

> cant feel lower body

> both wake up and do a yawn simultaneously

> "master is awake did you sleep well?"

> "Rosie can you help me up, i can't move my legs"

> shes blushing and basically bubbling that i called her something

> "n-n-no ones given me a name b-before master"

> as if she suddenly remembered something she jumps…or wriggles? out of the bed and absorbs the cover

> i am indeed naked and blue veins cover my body like a shitty art project

> arclightning is one hell of a spell

> "to deal with masters…problem" Rosie starts

> "i've made you some clothes to help you move around

> goop forms over my body into a set of black pajama pants and i suddenly gain control of my legs again

> "i had to…um…fuse…" her face is blood red and she starts fidgeting the view would make even a lilum into the most holy nun

> "with your nervous system and realign it to function on multiple planes"

> "s-so you can touch ghosts at least…" she mutters almost embarrassed about it

> i get up and my legs feel the fucking strong

> i try running on the wall but i can't stick to it

> i don't know why i did that

> "wheres the elf"

> "downstairs master"

> i go downstairs when i relise something

> my hair has grown to extreme proportions

> i cats fire and cut my hair to just under my shoulders and the rest burns behind me

> as i get to the lounge i relise where the elf is

> shes hanging from the ceiling with Rosie and Yureyea 'interrogating her'

> shes got tentacles in her ears as Rosie tentacle fucks back holes

> this is strangely arousing

> Rosie notices me instantly despite me making no sound and turns around heavily panting

> "MaSHtuR we weRe just…"

> what happend in the space of like 18 second the stairs took

> Yureyea notices me as well

> "husband you're awake!"

> her eyes resemble hearts

> what is going on

> my penis feels tingly

> "Rosie stop this now"

> "WhOIsrOsiE" Rosie asks in some elderitch tongue that makes my mind hurt

> reminds me of the voices

> wait what

> shes not Rosie

> then who did i name Rosie

> what is going on here


e40728 (1) No.337688

>>337675

Back out of the room slowly. Then just try and forget this ever happened.

Go take a walk in the forest or something.


fde6b6 (4) No.337706

>>337675

RESISTANCE

IS

FUTILE


b94acd (6) No.337793

>wake up


5c9c05 (5) No.337879

File (hide): 340ca88a527aadd⋯.jpg (33.13 KB, 620x465, 4:3, crypto lingquist.jpg) (h) (u)

File (hide): 2b1e0d84a3804dd⋯.png (175.8 KB, 299x340, 299:340, NOW THIS IS NECROMANCY.png) (h) (u)

I sent your post off to my best crypto-shitpost deciphering team and even they couldn't work with it. But here's what I got.

First you'll need to regain your composure since you're not in the best of minds right now. You literally cast a spell that burnt your own hair off. Have Rosie apply some additional healing magic orally if she wants to to help rejuvenate you. She seems pretty optimistic about pleasing you so she shouldn't decline. Have your wife assist her as necessary. If you're mind is corrupted still, see if you can decapitate yourself and then reanimate your head. That should hopefully cure you any mental issues you have. After that, you can reattach your head to whatever body you need. Speaking of bodies you can use….

Next, once you're in your right mind we need to cats or cast as you should say a spell to torture the drow so she'll reveal her plot to you. That's if the current tentacle torture doesn't do the trick. Then again, you should probably torture her for good measure just for fucking with you to begin with. If you have to abandon your current sack of flesh I'm sure the drow won't mind you stealing her body once she's dead.

That's how you necromance right there gentlemen.




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