/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>>324004

It's just a fact of life with kids. Which is why you plan around them. Wait until they're at school, soundproof your bedroom and keep the door closed. Have them knock when they want to enter. Occasionally drop them off with aunts/uncles/grandparents.

But for those times when I can't plan for them my reaction time is pretty quick. Plus they're kids so they dont always think.you're doing anything but playing around. A quick misdirect or distraction and they quickly forget about it,

>>324004

its kind of a problem when your daughteru is a kunoichi and has formed a habit of spying on her parents…

>>324004

That's the cool thing about fairy waifus, man. If the kids come flying in, just pull your pants back up.

<"Why are your pants wiggling?"

>No reason.

Tell them to get out

>>324004

Is that the wikihow guy? How the fuck did he get a waifu?

"Sweety, sometimes mommy and daddy need some private time. Why don't you go draw or try and beat daddy's high score on [insert vidya here]. Then i'll come back and show you how it's really done. Ok, kiddo?"

Works every time.

>>324032

>wikihow I got a waifu in 10 easy steps

I still remember the first time I walked in on my parents having sex. I had some sort of question I wanted to ask them, and barged in through the door which my dad had forgotten to lock, only to catch a eyeful of his bare naked ass balls deep in between my mom's splayed legs. The last thing I consciously remember was the two of them looking shocked, a bellow of surprise erupting from my dad's throat. After that, I apparently managed to stumble out of the house and wander around the neighborhood in a daze until I finally became fully conscious standing in the middle of a public park 9 blocks away with several concerned adults standing around me and asking if I was okay. I think there was a trail of drool on my chin too. So apparently, I was staggering around drooling with unfocused eyes and most likely mumbling to myself for that period of time.

If my kids take after me in any way, that's probably how it'll play out.

>>324068

Jesus Anon, are your parents that hideous? That reaction sounds more appropriate in response to glimpsing the face of Cthulhu. How old were you?

>>324073

They're actually decent looking for 3D but I was 6 years old, and they were at just the right angle for me to see in full detail his dick fully sheathed in mom with juices glistening all around that area, and his dangling, wrinkled ballsack.

I started this intending it to be much shorter than it is, but I got in a good smut writing mood so I went with it. Really felt like I tacked on the interruption at the end, but let me know what you guys think.

https://pastebin.com/n94pQzTg

>>324097

Very good and sweet. Glad this thread gave you some inspiration. An easy way to make the scene of getting walked in on feel more “intergrated” so to speak is to have the interruption occur before orgasm is reached, but that’s not always necessary.

>Saturday morning

>Waifu and I wake up early and we start making small talk

>Lead to us making out and then tearing our clothes off

>Suddenly, the door quickly opens with my daughteru shouting, "Good morning, Mom! Good morning, Dad!"

>Like a cheetah, I sprang out of bed dashing towards the bathroom and slamming it shut so my daughter didn't see me.

>Daughteru totally oblivious crawls into bed with waifu, which she is still naked, trying to cover herself up as best as she could.

>Me: "G-Good morning, princess! What are you doing up so early? It's Saturday! Don't you want to sleep in?"

>Daughter: "Because the best cartoons always start at 7 and you guys are going to miss it!"

>Me: "Well, why don't you head downstairs and turn the TV on and your mother and I will join you in a couple minutes?"

>Daughter: "Okay!"

>Daughteru runs downstairs and turns the TV on.

>Waifu and I get redressed and head downstairs to make breakfast missing another weekend for sex.

Now, my waifu and I either send our daughteru to my parent's house for the weekend or we have sex in the shower.

>daughteru is asleep in bed

>Have rest of evening to ourselves

>make out with waifu and carry her to bed

>having sex with waifu

>Notice door is open just a bit

>see a little eye peeking though

>don't know what to do

>give daughteru the thumbs up

>next morning is awkward

>waifu gets pregnant

>daughteru makes the connection

>never have to explain her where kids come from

>firstborn daughteru ends up having a huge family of 12 with her husband

>>324004

OP you fag, why does the guy on the bottom not have a wedding band? Am I the only one noticing that the fox has one but the guy doesn't?

Anyway,

>Sunday noon, after a heavy lunch

>Girls(15, 11) asleep. son(17) playing vidya in his room, me bored

>waifu enters the bedroom after cleaning up the table

>complains about how noisy and messy eaters we are

>laugh and pull her in for a big hug

>waifu is a total kuudere, watch her squirm in my grip telling me to knock it off

>kiss her and pull her into the bed

>we roll, grope and undress

>I win and get on top

>line up my cock against her slit

>push into her snatch

>she's moaning

>We're really getting into it

>Door opens

>"Dad, I'm going out to bu-FUCK!"

>Takes me a second to process what just happened

>Son, on his headphones, just barged in on his parents fucking

>awkward.exe

>Later at dinner

>Son won't speak to me, doesn't make eye contact with me or his mom

>daughter asks, "Daddy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your room earlier. What were you doing?"

>Son and my face go pale

>How do I explain fucking to a 11 year old?

>Other daughter pipes up "I saw brother go in and walk out with a freaked out expression. What were you doing?"

>hotcollar.jpg

>Go ask your brother

>Son glares at me with all the hatred in the world

>Finishes his meal and puts his plate away and walks off to his room, his face visibly tightening as my daughters pester him to tell them what happened

>I feel sorry for him

>>325313

There are places where only the wife wears wedding ring, including my home country until some point in 20th century.

>>325313

>his 15 year old monster daughteru doesn't know about bumping uglies yet

You sit her down and give her the talk.

>>325313

What if the husbando is an electrician and just leaves his wedding band off because he has to take it off for work constantly?

>>325361

completely unrelated but my dad used to work in a couple manufacturing plants; he got his hand stuck in a press once and nearly lost the hand, but his wedding band took the brunt of the press while he panicked and smashed the emergency stop

he got a new ring their next anniversary but still keeps the bent old one as a keepsake

>>325387

He's lucky, more often than not wearing metal rings can take a painful industrial accident and turn it crippling.

Most married men I know opt for a rubber or nylon wedding band instead, but I'd personally go for a tattoo around the ring finger. It'd be a lot more permanent, but then, if you're going into marriage still asking yourself if it will last, should you really being going into marriage?