/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

>>318556 (OP)

dont delete this thread buddy i already got the other one clipped.

Rolled 174 (1d222)

will write once I get out of class

Rolled 78 (1d222)

Rollin because I just suggested this in the meta thread yesterday

Rolled 181 (1d222)

I wonder what fate has chosen for me.

>>318556 (OP)

<Daddy, could you tell me a bedtime story?

>What story do you want to hear?

<I wanna know how you and mommy met!

>Well, it all started 10 years ago when I decided to take a trip to visit some friends in Florida

>One evening I got bored and decided to take a walk along the beach to watch the rockets take off while your uncle Steve went to a meeting

<Why didn't uncle Steve take you with him?

>Because he didn't need me to scare who he was meeting with. Now, am I going to get to finish this before your bedtime or not?

<Okay dad…

>So, I was walking along the beach when I heard a girl crying and asking for help since her friends buried her there and left.

>Naturally I went to her aid and that's-

<Was that mommy?

>No, it was your aunt Lilly. And that's when she burst out of the sand and zapped me with that big stinger on her tail.

<I thought this was about how you met mommy

>I'm getting to the part with your mother, grapey snake

<Don't call me that!

>Well, it turns out that I'm allergic to scorpion venom, so aunt Lilly took me to her friend's apartment to get the venom neutralized

<Is this how you met mommy?

>Yes sweetie, I met your mommy because her friend stung me and didn't want to go to jail for putting me in the hospital

<Aunt Lilly is scary

>Yes she is sweetheart. Now go to bed, you have school tomorrow.

<Can I stay with you and mommy tonight? I'm scared aunt Lilly will get me.

>You're an apophis dear. Venom doesn't do anything to you.

<Oh. Goodnight daddy

Remember to sage your rolls

Rolled 190 (1d222)

You cant trick me into writing another Matangi Bank robber story or a Gandharva love song, nope not gunna-

Rolled 195 (1d222)

>>318583

Oh. Succubus. How blase.

Rolled 71 (1d222)

>>318575

>You're a trapper and a woodsman, like your father and his father before him

>It's almost five miles to the nearest "town", which is little more than village

>You've been self-sufficient all your life

>But for the times you can't be, you trade in furs and what you can hunt

>The last few days have been a bit too calm and you're starting to see big lumbering shapes on the horizon

>Your suspicions are confirmed when the village sends someone out to ask a favor

>There's been sightings of a massive grizzly, and people on the outskirts are finding claw marks in their doors and fences

>You're the only hunter in the area, so naturally you would have the best chance, right?

>The thought of taking down a grizzly makes you a bit nervous and a bit excited, but you maintain your composure and accept

>You set out the next morning, easily finding a set of tracks not too far from your own cabin

>The tracks are slow and not very deliberate, like she was lost and stumbling

>They also draw you toward a part of the forest you're not too fond of

>The local beegirl colonies make some of the most potent honey you've ever seen

>You can practically smell it from here

>As it gets late, you find a decent little clearing to settle down for the night and camp

Rolled 52 (1d222)

I might

Rolled 14 (1d222)

>>318556 (OP)

pls no gay

>>318594

>You wake up to a gray sky, just before sunrise

>You also wake up to an incredible pressure across your entire body

>Not much to see but the forest in front of you, and two massive brown-furred arms across your stomach and chest

>There's also the slow breathing over your ear, which thankfully did not seem to change despite you waking up

>Trying to wiggle out of her grasp only makes her squeeze a bit tighter and give a loud snore

>All you can do now is hope she wakes up soon and doesn't have a nightmare, those claws could tear you to ribbons in seconds

>A couple of tense minutes pass with no change in your situation

>A couple of slightly more relaxed hours pass with still no solution

>Suddenly, you start hearing a buzzing

>If she starts swatting at a mosquito, she might be liable to tear your face off

>Instead, a couple of beegirls touch down not too far away

>Could this be the answer to your prayers?

>As they come over to investigate the snoring, they notice your precarious little position

>They smell like flowers and honey, and the massive grizzly currently spooning you starts to sniff in her sleep

>One reaches into a small pack on her side, and instead of seeing some rope or anything that would help you make your escape, she brings out a small jar

>Oh no

>They both stifle a laugh as you see them slowly open the jar and set it down near both of your heads

>Oh no

>The scent almost makes you choke from the potency, and the bear girl starts to stir

>The beegirls are long gone, not wanting to interrupt your impending marriage ceremony

>She loosens her grip a bit, if her eyes are still closed you might have a chance to escape while she's distracted

>You ever so slightly turn toward her face

>Her eyes are most definitely open, if a little dreamy, and her face is flushed red

>You feel paws tighten around your back

>A few weeks later, the village comes around to celebrate no grizzly sightings

>They find your cabin curiously empty

>On the front door there's crudely scratched markings resembling a beargirl and a man holding hands, and below it in terrible handwriting, "On honeymoon"

Rolled 58 (1d222)

>>318556 (OP)

>>318572

>starting to get /fit/

>roam about local wal mart, getting food for leaning out and building muscle

>get eggs and yogurts and tons of milk

>ring up, well-built salamander sees my purchase and makes a comment on how this is good food for bulking, asks if I was working out

>timidly say it's a work in process

>this activates her /fit/ autism, starts rattling off that I should probably lose the fat first and then start bulking over this winter so I can cut during the summer, making sure to do the cardinal lifts

>sheepishly admit that I don't know how to lift, I just want to lose fat

>she stops dead

>she motions for me to lean in close

>do so

>'ur a faget, read the fucking sticky'

>my worst fears were realized: she was a true /fit/izen, down to the fucking memes

>say that if she knows so much maybe she should teach me under my breath

>she exclaims that sure she will, she would love a friend to lift with, even if he is a boy

>fug

>she gives me her number and says the first session will start tonight

>wait what

>she gets off at 10, I better show

>fugg

Rolled 156 (1d222)

round two

Rolled 20, 91 = 111 (2d122)

rollan

Rolling

Rolled 213 (1d222)

Monsterfuckers, roll out.

>>318601

Fucking bees ruining things. That anon had trapping and hunting to do!

Rolled 75 (1d222)

t. not a writefag

Rolled 130 (1d222)

>>318556 (OP)

Going for Apophis.

>>318679

Oh shit son. Better get to writing. Hint: crabman's magical realm is your friend

>>318677

>75: Golem

>have a fantastic golem sweetheart

>she tends the garden with a smile on her face

>dutifully scribes books at her part time job, always looking the sexy librarian

>hips are to die for

>life is full of ups and downs though

>had to paint the walls in the house with big stripes at eye level because she kept walking through them

>always stepping on her bricks in the middle of the night

>I can't inscribe runewords that are more than 3 runes long

<that's just life when your golem girl's made of

DOROME MUD

---—————————

Question. As of now there are 207 monster girls from MGE. Where are the extra 15 from?

>>318684

I got the list from the wiki. There's probably a few variants that got their own entries instead of being a single page

>>318684

I got the list from the wiki. There's probably a few variants that got their own entries instead of being on the same page as the species

>>318684

>Where are the extra 15 from?

In the chart there are also characters from the MGE universe like druella

Rolled 222 (1d222)

Should be fun, lets see what I get.

>>318620

>oi, me an' da gurlz be out on da town, we gonna git us a husbando 'er two 'er three right?

>we sees dis one ol' scrawny chap out by da lampposts, tappin' on 'is phone

>we'z three goo' lookin' gurlz, sure's one'a us bag dis lad

>waltz meself up to 'em, sayz hi, da boy seems a bit off

>ask if I gotz somma da meatz in me mouth, 'pologize wit a smile

>he stammerz, scaredy one dis lad

>me main gurl, Cockdestroya, she goes up behin' 'im an' gives 'im a tight hug, she'z 'fraid a good ol' boi like 'im is cold out 'ere

>de otha gurl, Pelvisbreaker, she lean there on da post, she croonin' for da boi

>poor lad lookin' like he gon shit his fookin drawers

>he sayz he don't want trouble

>we sayz we no fookin trouble, we jus' tryna keepah ol' boi safe

>toss him ovah me shouldah, he'll be safe wid us

Rolled 154 (1d222)

Not sure when I can get around to writing, but i'll give it a go.

Rolled 2 (1d222)

Roll

Rolled 164 (1d222)

This is a terrible idea considering I can't write worth shit but sure I'll roll

Rolled 54 (1d222)

>>318743

>be literally any other person on the planet

>or just be me

>fucked up big time

>don't know what the fuck I was doing, but I'm screwed

>a little girl moved into the neighborhood recently from a foreign country

>thought that it would be a good, neighbourly thing to introduce myself to her

>we greet, she says her name is Alison, I say my name is Anon

>she asks me to play with her, and I can't resist her adorable little form and accent

>she invites me in and says it's almost tea time and I suddenly have an incredible urge to lewd the loli in her bedroom

>I am a lolicon and with little hesitation, I bring her onto the bed and insert my genitalia into her

>the instant I cum I hear her grandfather clock go off

>suddenly her mom bursts through the door

>"BLIMEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME"

>oh god

>"IT'S TWELVE BONG, MUM"

>"IT'S TIME FOR TEA"

>they immediately start preparing a kettle and heat the water instantly with magic

>I am seated at this tiny, pink, plastic toy table with the little girl I just raped and her mother as they place a cup of tea forcefully into my hand

>they both take a sip simultaneously and shout "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN"

>I ask the mother why she didn't react to what I just did with her daughter

>"YE SHAGGED HER ROIGHT? IT'S A NORMAL THING BACK IN OUR COUNTRY"

>I gulp as she sips her tea

>"SO WHEN ARE AM I GETTING MY FIRST GRANDCHILD, LUV?"

>suddenly she expects a child from me

>suddenly remember the new laws regarding monstergirls where if you have sex with one, it means you're instantly married

>I am now trapped into a marriage with a little girl and I'm surrounded by crooked teeth and tea

send help

Rolled 156 (1d222)

>>318745

>Be adventurer

>Get captured by slime

>She doesn't need to kill me, I've already died of shame

<A human boy!

>Damn it I know where this is going

<But I already have my hubby…

>Oh wow lucky me, if she's already got a husband that means I'm free to-

<I'll take him to the boss!

>Shit

>Well surely "the boss" has a husband, maybe her boss is her husband

>Slime drags me by the feet into a cave

>Enter a chamber with a giant slime, twice my size

>I recognize this type from pictures in books, this one's a Queen

>Oh hey there's a guy standing next to her, that must be her husband

>Maybe if I'm polite they'll let me go

>As soon as the slime releases me I move into a kneel

"Good day, your majesties, I apologize for intruding upon the royal couple"

>I didn't know it was possible for a slime's eyes to water

>Wait why is she crying

>The slime that brought me here rushes to envelope the man that was standing next to the Queen and smother him with kisses

>Fuck

<I-it's okay, I get it

>She begins to sniffle

<People see a man standing next to a woman, and they just assume they're married

>The dam is failing, evacuate your homes

<Especially when the woman looks so… so…

<OLD

>The Queen has begun sobbing incoherently into… herself I guess

>Each tear is a bit of slime that falls then rushes back to reform with the Queen

>The slime and her husband give me a pleading look

>Shit, I can't just leave her like this

"I, uh, I don't think you look old"

>She stops crying and looks at me, "head" still partially in her "hands"

<You're just saying that to make me feel better

"Well, sue me for wanting to make a pretty girl feel better"

>Wait that wasn't in greentext

<You think I'm pretty?

>Her eyes light up with hope as she leans towards me

>Our lips inch closer

>Well, It's not like you can lie to royalty

And that's how Anon waifu'd a NEET Queen Slime Christmas Cake who spent so much time lazing about and eating that she had actually managed to make her own slime daughter without the use of semen.

>>318583

>Walking down the street thinking about thos beans.

>It's dark outside, perfect bean weather too, overcast and making things really dark

>Like, so dark that a bean campfire would be awesome right now

>But I'm stuck in the city and if i make another campfire then the police will get me this time.

>Turn corner on accident and find self down an alleyway

>This isn't my house

>Hear something drop to the ground behind me

>Hear a woman laughing with a voice sweet as brown sugar baked beans

>Turn around to see a tall woman with all the right curves wearing skimpy clothing

>Oh and she has horns, wings, and a tail

<"Buwahaha, you will feed me tonight with your sperm!"

>Oh uh, fear boner!

>Try to fight back, but that succubus power just too strong. Stronger than the smell fresh baked beans.

>She soon has me on my back, sucking my cock like a man sucking the last scraps of bean sauce from the bowl

>Unable to stop her from having her way with me, I soon blow my load.

>She giggles in joy as my sloppy sauce slathers her sucker.

>She swallows and then gives me the oddest look I've ever seen

<"Your spunk tastes like thos beans!"

>Oh shit, she knows about thos beans!

<"Fuck, I haven't had beans in a long time. Shit now I want beans."

>"I got thos beans at home."

<"No shit? Alright, well we're going eat some beans and then you can lick my bean~"

>"Is it barbeque flavored?"

<"Sure, whatever."

>In actuality she just raped me at home. But I tell you what, I ended that night gettin some bean.

I'm not certain how this happened, but this is what you get for a quick short story with a succubus. I guess.

>>318753

>bean memery

This funposting is unknown to me, please explain.

>>318786

>Be me

>Host on TV show "To Catch a Monster"

>Impersonate a young boy to lure dirty shota loving monsters

>An alice walks in

RED ALERT

>Start to panic

>She said she was 32 but looks fucking 13

>Accidentally call police

>They show up on set and arrest me

>The alice walks up to me and offers me a deal

<"Promise to come with me tonight and I'll show them my ID."

>Lol no. Not a lolicon

>Police take me to jail

>Wait this isn't the normal prison

>It's Wonderland prison

>Instantly get jumped by a group of chav faggot cats

>Use all my time to work out and get /fit/

>Become the one who jumps chav faggot cats

>Such is life in Wonderland

Rolled 213 (1d222)

Rollan' Praying for a monster I like.

First time writing anything with lewds, I think it came out ok.

>>318695

“Commencing stimulus test 12, begin recording.”

The doctor adjust the camera to center on his subject. A grey skinned cadaver lays against the wall of the stark white cell curled in the fetal position. At his approach the corpse stirs back to life.

The black haired undead woman struggles weakly at the ropes that bind her arms behind her back. A chain rattles around her ankle as she tries to rise to her feet. Before she can stand the doctor gently pushes her back down and places a hand on her collarbone to firmly hold her in place. His other hand roams across her naked body, the zombie girl moans low in surprise at the sensation. “Subject still shows signs of heightened sensitivity,” the doctor ponders out loud for the camera, “likely a symptom of the virus. Still waiting on the lab results to confirm.”

The doctor’s roaming hand came to rest on her breast and gives it a soft squeeze. The undead arches her back slightly and moans a little louder. Her cloudy eyes lock with his and seem to gain focus. His cheeks flush and he tears his gaze away from hers. His hand slides down from her breast and brushes over her stomach. She squirms under his touch as his hand reaches her mons. Then two of his fingers disappear between her legs.

Lightning runs up the zombie’s spine and her whole body spasms from the sudden stimulus. She thrashes weakly underneath him as his fingers pump back and forth. Their eyes meet again and he's surprised to find her eyes look almost alive again, filled with lust and staring longingly into his own. “If the heavy stimulus is reversing the virus’ effect on her mind,” he thinks, “then increasing the stimulus could repair her mental state…”

The doctor slowly pulls away from her and walks back across the room to his camera, clicking a button on the side to finish recording. The girl watches him, whimpering and grinding her thighs together. He meets her gaze once more and sees the passion burning behind them, but it was fading as her eyes grow unfocused again. The doctor stole a glance towards the door to make sure it was locked then reached for his belt buckle.

“Commencing stimulus test 13, begin recording.”

Rolled 48 (1d222)

Alright let's try this.

>>318888

>>318896

An hour later, Johnathan had managed to find himself very, very deep in the woods. Deep enough that he definitely had no idea how to get back to the village. Deep enough that he had no idea where he was.

Good. Damn the whole town. May he never see it again!

He wandered the woods. Veronica, why? Why Veronica? Why Jim? Why God? Why was this the way things had been? He prayed every day, he held hands and worshiped every day, why? God gave those with faith happiness, so why?

"Johnathan."

What? He spun around. Veronica was right behind him.

"V-Veronica! What are you doing here?"

"I followed you into the woods. I was afraid of what might happen to you if you wandered too far out into the wilderness, so I figured…"

"No. No, I'm fine. Most importantly, what about you? Don't you want nothing to do with me?"

"What? Where'd you get that silly idea?"

"You…Jim told me that…"

"Lies. Jim's a false pastor. The demon queen sent him to the village to mislead everyone to have sex with monsters. Don't worry about him."

"Yes. Yes, that's right." Johnathan could see no other way around it. That's what it must be.

"I knew for the longest time, but I was afraid you'd lose faith if you heard such a thing. I really care about you and your deep faith. I wouldn't want to see you fall into atheism or monster fucking."

"Veronica, you…"

Veronica opened up her arms. Johnathan fell into them, weeping. Truly, he was happy. Truly, this was what God had intended. God had saved both of them from the false pastor and his spreading of lies. This was the start of a truly blessed life.

Praise God.

rollo

>>318888

>>318896

>>318901

(I give up on making this short. Double dubs doppelganger story, double the number of posts? >_>)

"Follow me. I've built up a nice log cabin in the woods for when we would have to run away together. Away from the village with the false pastor."

What a wonderful woman! What a pious woman! What a lovely woman! Johnathan looked upon her more carefully. It was Sunday, so naturally she was dressed in her "Sunday Best". It was a plain blue dress, and a very carefully woven straw hat. Her skin did not show - what harlot would show her ankles and wrists to the world? Her face was adorned with a small amount of makeup, which was the perfect amount of effort to put into attracting a man. No more than a plain red lipstick and a little blush across her pale, white face. Her ginger hair, only long enough to reach her shoulders, flowed out of her hat.

Truly the ideal woman.

They made their way to the log cabin. Veronica closed the door behind them. The log cabin was amazingly large - this must have taken a year to build! It was more luxurious than any of the buildings in the village, save the church.

There was also a small shrine on one of the walls, adorned with a heart. This took Johnathan aback - the church in the village was adorned with crosses.

"What is this? What is the meaning of this heresy?" Johnathan yelled, pointing at the heart shrine.

"This is the symbol of the true god, Johnathan. Didn't I tell you already? The pastor of the village was a false pastor. He used false symbols of a false god. Don't you understand?"

Johnathan looked at Veronica in fear. What was she saying? How could any of this be…

It was true. Johnathan, who had lived in the village his entire life, had been brought up in the beliefs of Pastor Jim. Jim had been lying to him about Veronica. Jim had been lying about God. This whole time. This. Whole. Time. God was not speaking to Jim. Jim was taking orders from demons. Monsters. God spoke to Johnathan and Veronica. And now Veronica would show Johnathan the true ways of God.

"Yes. I understand."

"Good. Now, here's a question for you - why would God want to only be praised on Sundays?"

This was an amazing question. Johnathan had to reply:

"I don't have any idea."

"He doesn't. He wants your praise every day. And we are going to give it to him."

Veronica led Johnathan to the heart shrine. Johnathan went before the shrine, knelt down, and clasped his hands.

"No, Johnathan. Come, I will show you how to give tribute to God."

Veronica slowly unbuttoned her dress, exposing her bare body. She removed her hat - it fell to the ground next to her dress. What was going on?

"What are you doing, Veronica? What is this…"

"We are going to pray to God. God wants more followers. How do we make more followers?"

"Through careful argument and preaching and faith and…"

"Johnathan, we make more followers by making them ourselves. Now, show your body to God and pay tribute to God."

Johnathan nodded. He had no reason to suspect that Veronica would mislead him. How would she?

"How do we make more followers ourselves, Veronica?"

"I'll show you. Remove your clothes."

(I'll finish this up another day if anyone wants me to. I'm taking this as a sign that I need to learn to use my words more efficiently.)

>>318909

guess i fail at rolling.

I'll try one more time…

>>318912

Apparently the Gods don't want me to roll. And OP didn't say how to do it.

>>318913

I tried dice 1d222 in email. I dunno what else it could be.

Rolled 20 (1d222)

>>318921

I really should have thought to check there. I feel stupid now. But here goes regardless.

Rolled 176 (1d222)

Let's hope I don't fug this up lads

>>318923

"Fuck my life. Fuck the world. Fuck everything." I thought to myself, as I leaned over the railing and peered downward. The street below looked empty, and the city was dark and devoid of life. "This is just perfect," I said to the air.

I wasn't expecting my life to end this way, but everything had suddenly come crashing down.

I had finally succeeded, or so I thought. But all it took was one offhanded comment to ruin everything. "What a bitch! But I guess that's to be expected from a monster." How was I supposed to know it was my boss’s daughter? But it doesn't matter now.

I look around and realize it must be getting close to dawn. I slap the railing hard as I steel my resolve. "I'm just wasting time. I may as well get this over with." And with that, I step over the railing and fall over the ledge.

The air was surprisingly cold as I fell. I couldn't even keep my eyes open. It felt like I had been falling forever, when I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my leg.

Tearing my eyes open, "What the fuck?!?" I yelled out. I was extremely surprised to find myself floating some ten feet above the ground. My mind was in shock, as my heart raced, and the sound of my rushing blood drowned out everything. "What the hell is going on?!?"

As my mind reeled, I suddenly notice a black feather fall through the air in front of me. The next thing I realize, I've crashed onto the ground. I think I see a dark silhouette, as the world around me goes black.

(I'll continue this later… I don't want to make it long, and I'm totally inexperienced at writing.)

Rolled 138 (1d222)

>>318556 (OP)

Rolling for apophis again, second time's the charm.

>>318932

>matango

>then mindflayer

I gotta get something good the next roll right?

Rolled 20 (1d222)

Lets do another.

Rolled 132 (1d222)

Fuck Saphirette. Rolling again.

>>318949

Nah nigga I rolled matango and rolled with it, don't pussy out.

Rolled 128 (1d222)

Rolling and hoping for a good one…

>>318954

Fine then, I'll do Saphirette.

You can feel the energy throbbing in the air while you walk, every fibre of your being engulfed in its pulsating malevolence. The miasma grows thicker still as you approach its source, and all you can think to do is curse those who sent you here. The Order wants information regarding the Elementalist Association, and decided it was you who would journey to Polove in order to acquire it.

You weren't alone to begin with, of course. The expendable guards they sent to escort you on your journey met their fates along the way. Smythe was abducted by a Moth whilst he slept in the forest, Faust decided he'd rather sign a contract with a Succubus than do his job, and Cross was dragged off by something that left a pile of ash where your research papers used to be. Thankfully your sanity and spellbook have remained intact, and you wouldn't have made it this far without the meager protection they each provide.

Demon Realms have always disgusted you, but never as much as the denizens therein. You ignore their stares as you pass them, the spellbook dutifully floating at your side as a warning to any would-be attackers. You know you wouldn't be able to defend yourself, and they know it too. They're only scared of what they'll do to each other when they start fighting over you.

Your pace quickens as you catch the attention of more and more monsters. Upon reaching your destination you take a brief moment to prepare yourself before opening the door to the headquarters of the Elemantalist Association.

You lose control of your body the moment your foot crosses the threshold, your feet dragging as a dark force pulls you to its master like. A door opens in front of you and you are released once you enter the room, the door slamming shut behind you. You look up from the floor you had collapsed upon to see the Demon Realm Scholar herself, Saphirette Spherica, sitting before you.

She smiles sweetly at you, her spectacles magnifying the ravenous look in her eyes. You stand up and face her, stating your business, requesting magical documents in the name of the Order. She only half pays attention as she gazes hungrily into your eyes.

The orb of dark energy upon which she seems to sit is covered in undulating tendrils of black matter. These arms frame her slender human figure as you look at her, your face flushing as the demonic energy she radiates grows more intense.

Her attire is somewhat formal, with ornate buckles and an elegant trim. You wonder why she would bother wearing clothes at all. You don't have long to think about this however as you are suddenly pulled towards her by a mass of black tendrils.

Her human arms wrap around your waist as the demonic appendages release their grip, and she pulls your head to her chest almost instinctively. You feel yourself being squeezed all over as tendrils wrap around your extremities, but you feel no fear.

You're here to learn, after all. And that means trying new things.

Rolled 53 (1d222)

Luck be a best girl tonight…

Rolled 119 (1d222)

>>318556 (OP)

time to see if the dice works now

Rolled 214 (1d222)

It works now let's roll for real :^)

Rolled 83 (1d222)

rollan because i havent done any writefagging in MONTHS

Rolled 201 (1d222)

They see me rollin'

They hatin'

>>319282

>Move to Hawaii for reasons, specifically the island called Hawaii.

>A lot of the islands don't have that large of a monstergirl population compared to the continental states, but there's still some.

>One day get accosted by some punk faggots because I dunno, I guess I pissed them off somehow.

>Manage to defend myself, and the fags run away.

>A Hinezumi noticed me fighting them and challenges me to a martial arts duel right then and there.

>Somehow win again.

>I guess I'm married to her now.

>Due to her being on fire almost all the time, she basically lives on a volcano.

>I guess I'm a "supervillain" now.

>A supervillain with a real, authentic, secret volcanic lair, but instead of lava my home is filled with my firemouse waifu and daughterus.

Rolled 212 + 1 (1d222)

is this how this works?

Rolled 157 (1d222)

>>319283

>be Texas-Texas

>be inna grasslands

>walking around in your ten gallon hat, chaps, and cowboy boots

>in your hand was a Shiner Bock

>Lone Star is for pussies

>your lifted truck ran out of diesel, so you're walking down a county road until you find someone who can help

>on your hips was a lasso, and two revolvers

>because that is every day carry for true Texans

>run across a farm

>run across another farm

>farms for fucking miles

>all holstaur milk farms

>not a single winged monster ready to mingle in sight

>after hours of walking in 90 degree weather that would kill a New Yorker, you see something shimmer in the road

>it looked like it walked on four legs

>probably a unicorn

>you shout at the top of your lungs

"YEEEE HAWWWW"

>you shove the beer bottle in your waist band and pull out your revolvers

>you start jumping and shooting both of them in the air

>after 12 shots, you run out of ammo

>shit, you forgot about your beer

>your skin was making it warm

>you put the pistols back in your holsters and remove the cap to the beer bottle

>you drink it as fast as you can

>>319290

>you place the beer bottle back in your pants and put the cap in your pocket

>no littering

>don't mess with Texas

>you then pull the lasso off of your belt

>the unicorn didn't look too far away

>you start swinging it over your head like a Texas Rangers helicopter looking to shoot at injuns

>the unicorn doesn't move

>it was obvious she was awe struck by your perfect lasso swinging form

>or your courage that the other 49 states didn't have

>as you get up close to her, a gust of wind blows her blond hair across her face

>you take the opportunity to throw the lasso

>it goes perfectly over her

>you quickly pull it in, and she starts to panic

"YEAH I GOT ME A LIVE ONE! YEEE HAWWW!"

>you jump on her back hand hold the lasso firm in your hands

>she whimpers "What are you going to do?

Please don't hurt me!"

"Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you?"

>she sniffs and says something lewd

>"Are we going to get married first?"

"No, but I'll tell you what we WILL do."

>you lean in and whisper in her ear

"We're going to Aux's house so we can deport that fucking spic."

>>319292

10/10 would read again

Rolled 199 (1d222)

>there are anons who rolled but didn't bother writing a story

Shameful.

>>319423

>I might be a harem protagonist

>I keep getting into unfortunate misunderstandings and accidents with these beautiful girls who have for some reason or another become infatuated with me

>it's gotten so out of hand that even my mother seems to be after me

>I can't turn any of them down since I'm spineless, but I'm monogomous so I can't just go out with all of them

>in order to prevent my situation from getting any worse, I have mastered my hand-eye-coordination so that I stop grabbing women's breasts after slipping on a girl's misplaced panties

>I have learned to stop, listen, and peek around every corner I turn so as to not bump into a girl with toast in their mouth

>but something awful has come up

>a large group of unagi joro have transferred into the school and local area recently

>six of these mishap centers have moved into my math class alone, and three share an apartment floor with me

>so far I've been successful in avoiding them, mostly by watching for their slime trails but I swear they've been getting thinner, harder to see layers, and from what I've seen happen to others, are much more slippery

>one day spot one of the slimy buggers looking down in the dumps

>love to help but I've got enough not-girlfriends following me around

>slip on the fucking slime and into her while I was busy internally monologuing

>direct myself to land on her tail, now covered in slime

>she apologizes and helps clean me up

>turns out she is unhappy because she keeps causing problems with her slime

>most unagi joro are capable of controlling the properties their slime has, but she has a birth defect preventing her from doing so

>naturally console her about how it's not her fault and give her a couple of ideas to lessen the trouble she causes for others

>she blushes and thanks me for being so kind to her when others bullied her

>she quickly slithers off with a rushed bye

>realize I just added another person to the harem

>turn around and about to walk off until I slip on the same goddamn trail of slime into a different unagi joro's breasts

>gasthemamonoracewarnow

>screaming

>screaming

>next day prepare to go shoot up the school with my grandfather's ancient, rusty single-shot rifle and about seven rounds

>there are about twelve people in my harem excluding my mom since she's my fucking mother and I'm not shooting her

>grab my lunch made with love and rush out the door giving my "love you" to my mom

>in my haste slip on some unagi joro slime down 3 flights of stairs

>gun snaps into fifteen pieces on the way

>clean black trench coat gets torn

>land onto a third unagi joro who took the stairs down despite not having legs

How does it rain indoors, anons?

Rolled 206 (1d222)

Alright.

Forgive my request faggotry, but does anyone got the stories/green text of the extremely dense hero who goes on a job for what he thought was to slay the demon lords daughter, but it actually said lay, also the demon lord himself is just as dense as the hero and they become great friends. Sorry that's so long, I've been looking in just about every thread on /monster/ looking for it and haven't turned up shit.

>>319558

Newfag, please have the decency to sage next time and go to the appropriate thread for this. >>289418

Rolled 215 (1d222)

>>319636

This has the first sex scene I've written. I hope it isn't terrible. Also rolling again cause fun.

>Vacation at last.

>Drive to the ocean cause fuck it I've never seen the ocean before.

>Lay a towel down and put on sunscreen.

>Fuck it's bright. Give the cloud free sky a finger and go for a swim.

>Its crowded near the shore, so I swim out to where it's a little less so.

>Touch down on a sandbar and chat with a cute human girl before her man gets pissy.

>See another sandbar with a few mamano and start swimming towards them.

>Didn't realize that I was swimming directly into a rip current.

>Get swept out into open waters.

"Well shit."

>It's a good thing I can tread water well.

>Bump into something in the water.

>Semi-transparent… is that a bell?

"OH FUCK JELLYFISH!"

>Head pops above water.

"Oh… Hi, uh… I'll just be heading back to shore."

>She leans into me, her small, smooth breasts rubbing against my bare chest.

>Dammit she's cute.

"So… you come here often?"

>She smiles and runs her hands along my body.

"Yeah, so I've gotta get back to land before I drown."

>She grabs my hands and pulls me onto her. Slowly but surely she uses her bell to push us diagonally to the shore.

>I kick my legs to help speed us along.

>She drops me off onto a shallow sandbar a long distance from where I bumped into her.

"Thanks. Uh… normally I thought slimes were a bit more rapey that this."

>She bobs with the waves and gives me a smile.

I point to the beach, "I'll be going now."

>Her smile instantly disappears and she wraps both of her hands around my arm.

I pat her gelatinous head, "Good girl."

>She stands on the sandbar and lifts her bell up out of the water, showing me everything.

>Well shit. Guess I spoke too soon.

>I point at the closest shore, a rocky area that would at least hide us from the other beachgoers if they were to look in this direction.

>She looks cluelessly at me and widens her stance as if I'm not enticed already.

>I take both of her hands in mine and start pushing off towards the shore.

>She's confused, but follows anyways.

>I sit in the shallow water and pull her in for a kiss, surprising her.

>She rubs herself against me, and immediately feels the growing hardness in my swim shorts.

>We kiss again, and I feel her lift the bell up, so I slide the shorts down.

>She impales herself down to the hilt, and immediately starts rocking her hips.

>I lift her up and pound in time with her, bringing us both to the edge in no time.

>I spray my load into her, and she immediately shudders with pleasure.

>She lays against me for a few minutes, and the waves gently lap against us.

>Then she starts rocking her hips again.

"You want another round? Alright."

>Her technique improves, clamping down as she rocks while I slam into her.

>She shudders hard and clamps down tight on my dick.

>I blow another load into her, and can see the swirling semen floating in her gut.

>I sigh happily under her for a moment before she starts gyrating her hips again.

"Woah, easy. It's sensitive after a couple rounds."

>She pouts at me and stops for a few seconds, then resumes.

>I try to lift her off of me and immediately feel several tentacles wrap around my legs.

"Nononono!"

>Every spot the tentacles touch immediately sting, and I start going limp.

"Fucking hell…"

>She smiles and cradles my head before humping me more vigoriously.

>I'm going to be here for the rest of the day.

Rolled 160 (1d222)

>>319736

Forgot to post my story last night. Also rolling for next one.

215 - Wilmarina

>I'm just a squire to a obsessive and rather stupid paladin.

>Don't get me wrong, Jora- sorry; Sir Jora the third is great in battle, but he's no hero.

>He's got no conscience of his own, just whatever his precious order has for him.

>Favorite hero? Wilmarina, hands down. I've heard all sorts of stories about what she's done.

>Granted all of her successes are in the name of the order, but she's still better than Jora.

>I sleeplessly roll over in my tent.

>Running footsteps outside force me up out of bed, and I peek out of the tent flaps.

>The night guard greets the messanger, "Hail messanger. What brings you to our camp?"

>He wheezes, "Lescatie… Lescatie has fallen."

>The guard stands straight up, "How? How could the light of our world fall?"

>"Order… demands counterattack. Amanomiya Koyoi… leading…"

>Famous monster slayer leading? What happened to Lescatie?"

>I gather up Jora's arms and his platemail, waking him up and getting him fully outfitted.

>We meet up with the Order's soldiers at every turn, and immediately I'm amazed at the sheer numbers of them.

>I walk next to a squire that's carrying a claymore as long as he is tall.

"Seems like every soldier in the Order from here to Zipangu is here to take back Lescatie."

>He smiles, "We have to take Lescatie back from the monsters. No one knows how they did it, but it's a demon realm now."

"Do you think Wilmarina was sent away on a mission when it happened?"

>I get a few evil stares, and he whispers to me, "Supposedly she's a monster now."

"Oh…"

>We're screwed. Royally fucked. Not in the ass, but we're going to get fucked.

>If the monsters could corrupt Wilmarina, they can corrupt anyone.

>When we finally reach Lescatie, several of the Order's paladins look with disgust.

>There are monsters having sex with men in broad daylight.

>Sex at the marketplace, in every alleyway, in the library, and even in the formerly holy church of the Order.

>…

>Maybe not being a devout follower of the Order made me less susceptible to all of the depravity, but I outlasted most of the paladins, including Jora.

>A petite succubus peeks out at me from inside a building.

>As if my feet have a mind of their own, I slow down to the back of the group, and then make my way over to her.

>Before I can say anything, she pulls me inside.

>…

>Long story short, I live here now.

Rolled 134 (1d222)

rolling

Rolled 144 (1d222)

Let see what i get.

>>319879

i didn't ask for a re-roll and im not doing short on that.

Rolled 169 (1d222)

>>319768

160 - Pharaoh (Had fun with this - isn't perfect but w/e)

>My coworker - an obsessive anubis Hadia busts open my doors with a kick.

"CAN WE PLEASE KEEP A DOOR FOR MORE THAN A WEEK?!"

>She ignores me and unfurls an old leather scroll, "LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND AT THE WEST DIGSITE!"

"Are you going to ignore the door thing again? It wont stop the door from coming out of your pay."

>She swipes all of the papers and books off of my desk and flattens the scroll out, "It's a map of the palace!"

"Yeah, sure. Just throw all my stuff on the floor. It's not like any of that was important."

>She points out a place on the map, "It even has a burial chamber! Just look… this could be the big break we've been looking for for all our lives."

"Your life maybe. You're so focused that you can't hear anything I say."

>She continues ignoring me, "Look there's tunnels and everything all over. They stretch off towards the dry riverbed, and our digsite has got to be right in the middle of it."

"I wonder if that glue in my cabinet is toxic. Foaming at the mouth and vomiting sounds fun."

>"I just wonder if the tunnel is still intact."

"Your tunnel should be. I'm sure a dick would stretch the limits of it. Maybe that'll get you to realize that you're being incredibly impolite."

>She scratches her chin. "We've already uncovered most of the old city, but we're running out of funds and have to pick carefully where we dig."

"You can at least dig at your crotch to relieve some tension. It's pretty easy to do actually."

>She sighs, "But there's so much area to cover… Where should I start?"

"It's easy, just start with a finger or two. I think you'd prefer to bury something in it. Or would you want something in your ass?"

>She pulls my modern day map out, "It doesn't quite match up though. Why is that?"

"Oh, I almost forgot about your third hole! Why don't you go suck a dick! That always works!"

>She lies the map down on the table, "There's a lot of changes… sort of like… hmmm…"

"For fucks sake." I flick her forehead, snapping her out of her self-trance. "Don't you remember the history around this place?"

>She looks angrily at me, "Of course I do. The Pharaoh's kingdom was toppled by an Apophis."

"And the Apophis took over when the pharaoh disappeared."

>Hadia looks between the two maps, "But it doesn't explain why they're so different."

"OH MY GOD. DO YOU THINK THE APOPHIS RULED FROM THE DESERT?"

>"Of course not."

"Then she ruled from the city. And I'm sure that the buildings and spires that she had built up on top of the stone beneath the sands are the ones we have uncovered."

>Realization dawns on her face, "Oh. OH! So we just need to match a few key points, then we can find… wait. We'll need to figure out the scale of the palace map first."

I rub my brow, "That's probably helpful, yes."

>She sighs, "I can feel it. We're closer than we've ever been."

I sigh, feeling my curiosity kicking in. "You threw a book off my desk. Can you hand it to me?"

>She picks it up, "This is from a hundred and fifty years ago. That's nearly three millenia after the apophis' kingdom was toppled."

"And before the extreme desertification starting covering everything with gigantic mountains of sand."

>I locate the hand drawn map in the old book and try to match up a few of the structures around on the scroll.

>Hadia leans extremely close to me, blocking my light. I push her away and spin the book around in front of her.

I circle a spot on the newest map we have, "I'd bet my life savings that it's in this area."

>Her eyes widen as she compares the three maps. "Y-you're right. It… It has to be there! How far away from the west dig is that? 80 - no, 95 meters?"

I take a ruler out and measure the distance, "83 meters for the closest part of the structure, 95 for the furthest."

>She looks at the map, then at me.

"So what are you waiting for?"

>"You've got to give the approval for this, since it's a change in plans."

"WHY WOULDN'T I APPROVE?! DO WHATEVER YOU NEED! PULL THE GIANT ANTS FROM THE EAST DIG IF YOU WANT. I DON'T CARE!"

>She happily takes the newest map and dashes out of the office.

>I reorganize my office and prop the door up next to the busted doorframe.

>The daytime hours drag on as I keep thinking about the dig.

>>319983

>I exit my office that night and turn off the lights. I faintly hear someone running in my direction.

>Probably Hadia.

>I turn to face the noise and am immediately tackled to the ground by an incredibly excited Hadia.

>She grips my shirt tight, "OHMYGOSHWEFOUNDITTHERESSOMUCHDOWNTHEREANDINEEDYOUTOCOMEALONGTHEANTSSAIDTHEYCANTWORKANYMORETONIGHTANDICANONLYDOSOMUCH-"

I forcefully press her jaw shut, "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN."

>She's still mumbling loudly through her closed jaw.

"SHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

>Hadia swallows and takes a deep breath in.

"Good. Now tell me why you need me."

>She says, "WE NEED TO EXPLORE THIS NOW! I… I can't get this urge out of my head. And I know I can't do it alone."

"You're not going to let me get any sleep unless I go with you…"

>She nods furiously.

"Or let me up off of the floor either."

>More nodding.

"Fucking hell Hadia, I need to sleep. I've been awake longer than the ants!"

>She tightens her grip on my collar, "YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE WAY THERE!"

"I'd shit myself if you drove in this condition. How long did it take you to get here from the dig?"

>"33 MINUTES."

"Holy fucking shit. It's 125 kilometers to the digsites. Do you realize how lethal a crash is at 230kph?"

>She lifts my torso off of the floor, "BUT I NEED YOU FOR THIS."

"And I'm only going to tell you once. I'll be up at 4am. Not a fucking minute earlier."

She starts whining, "If you don't get off of me, I'll fire you and I'll have everything you've dug up buried again."

>She drops me onto the floor and gets off of me angrily, "FUCK. I NEED YOU FOR THIS…" She rubs the sides of her head, "FINE. 4AM. IF YOU'RE NOT UP, I'LL DRAG YOU OUT THERE!"

>I sleep for a four hours and wake up seconds before my alarm goes off.

>There's a loud slam against my front door, then another as I calmly get dressed. I put coffee on and grab a spray bottle from the bathroom.

>My front door slams into the hallway and I hear Hadia shout, "IT'S 4AM. LET'S GO!"

>I sip my first cup of coffee and aim the spray bottle at the hallway.

>She stomps down the hall and immediately gets a spray of water in her face. "WHAT THE HELL!"

>I spray her again and she backs away.

"Bad. Quit breaking doors."

>I finish my first coffee and get dressed, occasionally spraying her whenever she gets close. Pour a second cup and finish getting ready.

>Grab my keys and walk through the now doorless front and see her car parked in the middle of my yard. Immediately head to my car and open the driver side door.

>She dives inside and I stay out.

"I'm driving. You're too hyper right now."

>She whines, "BUT YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE TOO SLOW!"

Spray her again, "I'm going to drive the speed limit like a fucking normal person, and not die on the road like an idiot."

>She gets out of the car and I slide in. She rushes to the other side and gets in the passenger side.

>She bounces in the seat the entire ride over.

>"I HOPE HER TOMB IS UNTOUCHED! JUST WAIT TIL YOU SEE WHAT WE'VE UNCOVERED! I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE MY EYES!"

"You don't need to shout. I'm right here."

>She swats my arm, "I don't think you realize how awesome this is! It's the final resting place of Pharaoh Karimi!"

"We're not 100% who's buried in the chamber. It could be an older pharaoh, or it could be empty. We just don't know."

>She grips the door handle when we start getting close to the site. "I know we can't be 100% sure, but I… I'm calling it. It's got to be her."

"We'll see what's in it. And I don't care what you think, but we're going to take it slow down there. Understood?"

>"BUT-"

"NO FUCKING BUTS! We take it slow. I've been told that some of these ruins were trapped before they were sealed up."

>"BUT-"

"I MUST'VE FUCKING STUTTERED! NO FUCKING BUTS!"

>She sighs, "Fine."

I giggle, "Fucking butts."

>"Gods are you 12 or something?"

"Come on, it's a little funny."

>>319986

>A pull up to a massive mound of sand and stop the car.

"Holy shit. How many ants did you pull for this?"

>"All of them."

>I grab a mask from my trunk, and step into my hazmat suit.

>Hadia reluctantly follows suit.

I glance towards the sunrise, "Alright… I'll call the office and let them know we're heading into the tunnel."

>A quick call later and we're walking down the newly built wooden staircase with our flashlights and suits.

"So how far in did you go?"

>She points to the bottom, "There's a tiny room down there that was filled with sand. When I dug through it and saw the tunnel, I had to run and get you."

>About halfway down the staircase we click on our headlamps, illuminating our path down.

>At the bottom I look around the tiny room. Despite the large amount of remaining sand, it's mostly intact. There's even a woven rug peeking out.

>And then there's the barely visible tunnel at the far end of the room.

"Did you dig this room out with your hands?"

>"Well, yeah. A shovel might damage something, and the ants already went back."

"Nice job." I point to the tunnel and take the small shovel strapped to the outside of my leg, "I'll widen that up so we can head in."

>After a few shovel fulls of sand, I turn off my headlamp.

"Do you see this?"

>She turns hers off and bounces on the spot, "I KNOW! THERE'S MAGIC TORCHES DOWN THERE!"

>I hurriedly dig enough out to crawl through and force myself inside.

>Hadia hurries inches behind me and we both stare in amazement at the tunnel.

>Magic torches burning in a sky-blue light, tapestries hanging in between them, and an engraved floor inlaid with a shimmering metal.

>We slowly make our way down the tunnel, looking at every tapestry we pass.

"This… I can't believe all of this."

>All that's left is the large golden set of double doors at the end of the tunnel.

>We each push one open, and look into the darkness. The light from the magic torches doesn't seem to penetrate, so we turn on our headlamps again.

>Once again, it's as if the darkness absorbs the light after a few feet. We slowly cross the threshold, and the doors slam behind us.

"Oh shit."

>I look at her, and she points at something over my head. Her mouth quivers and she backs against the doors.

>I slowly turn to look.

>Snake. A GIANT snake. Slowly magic torches light inside the room, and the darkness slowly disappears.

>It's not just a giant fucking snake. It's a giant METAL fucking snake.

I whisper, "Holy shit."

>The torches slowly change from the pale blue color to a tone similar to daylight.

>That's when we see the skeletons.

>Several are armed with swords and pikes, and there's a massive lamia skeleton in the center of the room.

>The metal snake blocks the path across the room with its massive body, but its fiery ruby eyes staring at Hadia.

I whisper to her, "Hey. Hadia. It's looking at you."

>"I-I know. I… I d-don't know w-w-why!"

"Weren't Anubi the servants of Pharaohs? Maybe tell it to let us pass?"

>She swallows and ever so slightly nods, "Y-yeah. A-alright."

>The metal snake slithers past me and and positions its head a meter from Hadia's face.

>She closes her eyes and says, "L-let us pass."

>The snake slithers away and coils itself onto a raised platform, watching us both.

"Amazing."

>We inch ourselves along the wall opposite of the snake, and reach the large double doors leading deeper into the ruins.

>Hadia clutches at her head, "Ow… okay, geez. I get it."

"You okay?"

>She nods, "Yeah… just…"

She pushes open the doors and I rest my hand against her back, "That didn't sound okay."

>She winces, "Tired. Headache. That's all… Oh…"

>The magic torches inside all ignite simultaneously.

"This… looks like a throne room… SHIT SNAKES!"

>There are small metal snakes staring at us with their ruby eyes as we cross the opulent throne room.

>We climb the steps to the throne itself, and step around it.

"One more hallway…"

>She nods, "I'm not going to lie, I'm scared."

I lead and push open the door.

"A bedroom?… Wait is…"

>We both instinctively kneel as the body on the bed stirs. I focus my eyes on the ground, confused as to what's going on.

>The woman wraps a shawl around herself, then orders, "You, Anubis. Tell me your name."

>Hadia says, "Hadia Irenna."

>The woman gracefully walks in front of Hadia and lifts her chin, "Well done child. You will be the advisor for my new kingdom."

>>319987

>From my view of the floor, I can see the cloth wraps around her legs start from her thick thighs and end just above her ankles.

>Hadia bows her head, "Y-yes your grace. It is an honor."

>I feel the woman's hand rest on my head, "And what is your name?"

The words are choked in my throat, "A-anon…"

>She runs her hand through my hair, "You now have a very special job." Her hand gently cups around my chin and lifts it to look into her face.

I say without thinking, "Holy shit you're beautiful."

>She gives giggles and smiles, "I wasn't expecting that. Miss Hadia? Please leave Anon with me for the next…. fortnight."

"Fortnight?!"

>Hadia bows and exits the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

"W-what? How? I-… I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"

>Her finger gently presses on my lips, "Shhh… I'm sure my new husband has urges, and with the magic in me you'll never run dry or tire."

There's a growing hardness in my groin, "Uh… yeah… If it's with you, that's… yeah. So should I, uh call you pharaoh or…what?"

>She kisses my forehead, "I must have been asleep for a long time if you don't know who I am. I am Pharaoh Asma Karimi. Unlike anyone else, you may call me whatever you wish."

"A-Asma, darling… You're so beautiful and…"

>I avoid her gaze.

>She looks suspiciously at me, "You didn't finish your sentence."

I look back up at her and kiss her on the lips, "Now I know that I'm not dreaming."

I didn't realize it was this long… oops.

Rolled 170 (1d222)

Rolling. Hope I can do them JUSTICE!

Rolled 194 (1d222)

>>320117

The day had finally come, I finally saved up enough money to pay for a week’s vacation. It had been one of the bigger things on my list of life goals, a vacation to a foreign and perhaps exotic part of the world! It would be a great escape from the same old boring job, and that same dreadful lifestyle. My friend David, who I had known most of my life, was coming with me. He was the one to suggest I go with him to the Mist Continent. I had little to no knowledge of the culture there, but David said he has family there on his wife’s side. His wife and kids were, as they said, “Ren Xiongmao,” which I guess is like some kind of panda person in the monster world. David’s wife was named Ling, she was beautiful, big if not a little plump with well trimmed fur in patterns of black and white. Their two daughters, Lei and Li were coming, too. That was fine, but I just wish David’s wife would stop pestering me about settling down and starting a family of my own.

“I just haven’t met the right girl,” I must have told her a hundred times. She seemed dead set however and despite my protesting she made it her mission to find me the ‘right girl.’ I’m willing to bet that was half the reason David invited me in the first place.

The flight over wasn’t so bad, the kids were well behaved and even fell asleep halfway through the trip. David and his wife looked happy together even after all these years. I couldn’t help but feel a little envious. Maybe Ling was right, maybe it was time I settled down.

When we arrived, we made our way off the plane, David told me that we’d be looking for Ling’s parents. It wasn’t hard to spot them waiting for us at the gate to the terminal with big signs and friendly smiles on their round faces. Someone else was waving a sign next to them, a woman who looked nearly identical to Ling in every way save for the long braided white hair unlike Ling’s twintail black hair. Her fur was much fluffier as well, making her all the more cute. “Who’s that?” I asked David nervously. He laughed, “Oh that’s Ling’s twin sister, Mei.” I dared to glance at Ling, who was trying to hide the big smile on her face. God only knows what this woman was planning.

As they exchanged hugs and greetings with Ling’s family, I introduced myself to them, “hello, everyone, I’m David’s friend, Anon,” I said, doing my best not to embarrass myself. I heard Ling announce something in their language, and they laughed. I wasn’t sure if she was poking fun at me or not, but I decided to laugh alongside them. From there, we picked up our luggage and made our way out. Luckily, Ling’s family had a van to fit us all in, luggage and all. It must have been the van from their family business or something, since there was a cute panda girl smiling on the side with some kind of bamboo based beverage in one hand and one of those portable gaming consoles in the other. We piled in and I somehow managed to get stuck in the back corner with Mei. I had only noticed she was wearing a shirt with some nerdy game on it, something I might play if my job didn’t suck up all my time. “So, Anon, you’re friends with David?” She asked. To my surprise she had only a slight accent. “That’s right,” I answered timidly, “known him since middle school.”

“I see,” she said, leaning back in her seat. “So, do you live here with your parents?” I asked, trying to calm my nerves. She nodded, “I do, but I’ve been meaning to get out on my own, see the world, you know? Find where I belong.” It sounded like something I might have told Ling one time as an excuse. “I get what you mean,” I tell her, “I feel the same way, I mean that’s pretty much why I’m here.” She smiled, “We’ll have to make this trip fun for you, then. Do you like to play games?” I couldn’t help but smile back at her, “sure, I like games.” I could see a sparkle in her eyes, like I had said something amazing. I didn’t really get it, but I kept smiling anyway.

>>320156

Night had come, and by that time we had driven into a sort of bamboo grove. Not long after we arrived at their residence. A mansion, really. “Wow,” was all I could say. I had no idea David had married into money, the lucky bastard. I knew that wasn’t the case, but after seeing the adorned archways with lanterns lighting the walkways, a large man-made pond with several bamboo shoots surrounding it and the size of the home itself, I had to wonder just what did this family do for a living?

Everyone entered the mansion, David, Ling’s father and myself carrying most of the luggage while the twins took care of the children. I forgot to mention how much of a manlet I am at 5’2”, so I must have looked absurd with the backpack, duffle bag and roller I brought with me. Inside was just as amazing, while the outside was ornate and traditional the inside was surprisingly modern style like any westerner home. “Mei, can you show Anon where he’ll be staying?” I heard Ling say. Mei stifled a giggle and grabbed my hand, “of course, come on, Anon, follow me!” Despite my nervousness I followed without protest.

She lead me up the stairs and down a hall to a room with a dark oaken door. I watched as she swung open the door and pulled me in, taking my luggage and tossing it by the rather large bed. Before I could say anything, she had me against the wall and kissed me forcefully, pushing her tongue into my mouth. It was soft and warm and she curled around my own. I couldn’t even think as she caressed me, her plump, larger body pressing against mine. The kiss lasted nearly a minute before she stopped, brushing her silvery-white hair from her half shut eyes as she smiled down at me. “Wow,” was again, all i could say. I found myself being guided over to the bed by her when she sat me down at the edge. Then she turned to the wall behind her where a tv was mounted. Below it was an entertainment system with both retro and modern gaming consoles. “So you said you liked games, right? How about this?” She said, picking up a fighting game cartridge I hadn’t seen in years. “Best two out of three, loser has to do whatever the winner wants.”

Needless to say, I may have lost that game, but I won my wife that night and a year or two later four children and I’m certain this was all Ling’s doing.

Rolled 209 (1d222)

169 - Redcap (Also rolling for next one)

>Only one thing rolls through my head.

>Run.

>I have to make it back to the car so I can get the hell out of here.

>Great spot for a vacation they said. GREAT SPOT FOR SOME STRESS RELIEF…

>Then why is there a goblin with a fucking cleaver chasing me?

>I dive into one of the rooms and fumble with my phone.

>I go to the resort page and quickly type up a review.

"Sunshine Resort and Spa: Being chased by goblin with a cleaver. Thumbs down. Do not visit."

>That'll show them.

>I catch my breath and take off running out the other entrance.

>There's a childish laugh behind me.

>Don't bother turning around, just run faster.

>I turn down the next hallway and skid to a stop. Dead end.

>A searing hot line traces across my back, and I stumble forward.

>I turn around to get another slash across my chest. I fall backwards and land on my back.

>This is it… I'm a goner… Why am I not bleeding?

>My back is throbbing, as is my chest, but the only real pain I feel comes from the fall.

>I look down at the bloodstained cap of the goblin standing over me and immediately get slashed again.

>There must be something wrong with me. Am I really turned on from getting slashed?

>The redcap tears off my pants and violently slams herself down, giggling maniacally.

"Gah…." I try to resist it, but the raw brutal rape brings me to orgasm.

>Instead of slowing down, or savouring the orgasm, she slams down even more brutally.

"Hey-"

>Before I can finish my sentence she slashes me again.

>I lose track of how many times I came inside her.

>So much so that I pass out.

>I wake up and feel a dull ache in my balls. I tenderly rub my naked groin.

"Yep… that's bruised pretty bad."

>The warm body next to me snuggles closer to me.

>I nervously look down at the goblin.

>Her cap is white as snow, and a happy smile is plastered to her face.

>Is this the same one that raped me?

"Uh… hi?"

<She giggles and presses her face into my side, "Husband."

"Woah what?! When did I get married?"

>A tall oni steps into my view.

>Shit it's the matron of this place.

"Hi?"

<She looks disgusted at me, "I saw your review. If you didn't want to be hunted down, you're supposed to stay out of the redcap wing."

"Redcap wing?"

<The little goblin happily rubs her face on me, "Imma redcap."

<The matron nods, "I know you are Lillia." She turns to me, "Are you stressed now?"

>As strange as it is, I'm not. Despite my groin feeling like it took a beating, I feel pretty good.

"Actually, No I feel really good… But wait, she called me husband."

<Her arm wraps around me as she uses my upper arm as a pillow, "You're my husband."

"See? Should I be worried about that?"

<The oni looks confused at me, "Sir, you filled out a form at the front desk saying that you needed a wife."

"I never did anything like that!"

<She has four pages in her hand, "You filled out every single form for marriage. The box is literally checked with find me a wife."

"So that's what those forms were."

>I guess I'm married now.

"Wait, is she going to be all violently rapey all the time?"

<The oni slaps her forehead with her palm, "Just give her your love every day and she'll be calm and kind of drunk like this."

"Oh… Can she be all violently rapey again?"

<The oni massages her temples, "Yes she can. If you don't have sex with her regularly, she'll become violently rapey. The longer you go without it, the more violent she'll get."

"Oh. That's good then."

<The oni holds in her anger, "If you're satisfied now, would you be willing to remove the bad review?"

"What bad review?"

<"YOU GAVE A BAD REVIEW FOR THE RESORT."

"OH… Yeah, I might've… probably? I dunno, maybe I did that. Let me check."

>Dig my phone out of my nearby pants and read the review.

"Oh yeah, I did! Let me change that. Sunshine resort and spa: Got chased by goblin with a cleaver, don't care got sex. Also wife. Thumbs up, would not stay again."