Hey guys—this is my first time posting here after lurking for quite a while. I guess I just need to get something off my chest. I’m a female in my 20s and I’ve driven all my friends and family insane by obsessing over Sam Hyde at the expense of all real life relationships. Even my therapist is highly concerned. I guess it’s really difficult for me to explain the truly transformative impact he’s had on my life—maybe you guys are the only ones who could understand. I need to impress upon you that I was still holding onto the last threadbare tethers of my queer, genderfluid, feminist phase when I re-discovered Sam’s videos. He became my prophet, my idol, the love of my life.
I’d been a recovered SJW for a while, but recently I plunged completely down a dark internet rabbit-hole–staying up all night for about a week freebasing red-pills until I thought I might OD. Work was slow so I just browsed various chans like the good ol’ days, or scrolled through Gab. I decided to give MDE another shot, and in doing so, I was able to laugh at things I’d long forbidden myself from enjoying for the sake of social capital within leftist spaces on and offline. It was freeing, and in a sense, addictive. I felt light inside, like I had found God. I was still mostly unable to sleep, but I barely felt I needed it.
Then, it got stranger. Not only was watching Sam’s videos re-sculpting my beliefs, but it was altering my sexuality as well. Before when I did attempt to date males, they were invariably bisexual with feminine features that allowed me to tolerate their masculinity. ♀️ Now, all those hours I spent staring at Sam, tears forming in my eyes from the sweet relief of unrestrained laughter and joy, were rewiring my brain. I admired his talent and convictions, and I found him to be cute and charming. He enchanted me like no man or even woman had ever been able to do. I could not look away.
At first I just really liked looking at him, you know? Nothing weird. I adored his smile, and his laugh. I imagined what it would be like to be the source of that smile. I thought about how badly I wanted to make Sam happy like he had made me happy. Short hair, long hair, beard, no beard, glasses–didn’t matter. All beautiful. I thought about being Sam’s mommy gf, and then I thought about him choking me with his strong arms. Then I found myself lying in bed, naked, slipping in and out of a feverish state of half-consciousness while Kickstarter TV played in the background, and I had an urge…
I won’t elaborate on the cornucopia of Sam Hyde fetish scenarios I’ve played out in my masturbatory fantasies over the past couple months, as that would make this already lengthy post even longer and is surely of interest to nobody else. The point is, I realized then that I was attracted to Sam for his own unique features and masculine qualities–not because he was some faggy soy-substitute for a woman. This was something entirely new, and I was hooked.
Besides, by obsessively masturbating to Sam, I’m actually training my body to respond to more masculine stimuli. ♂️ I don’t really find penises appealing, more something to be tolerated, and yet I’m dying to see Sam’s dick. Could this be a valid method of self-applied conversion therapy? Granted, I’m fixated on degenerate fantasies even if they involve a man, but there’s something about Sam that makes me want to settle down and have white babies. The sad thing is, I don’t know if this could possibly be applicable to any other dude. None of the guys I’ve dated elicited a single ounce of the desire I feel for this man. Perhaps I’m doomed to be gay forever and/or die alone, but whatever happens, I feel blessed that Sam, his art, and his ideas have entered my life.
So yeah, thank you for reading my Sam fap (shik) manifesto if you made it this far. I haven’t slept in over 24 hours so excuse any typos. If you want to believe I’m a LARP and/or insane then there’s nothing else I can do, and I can’t say I blame you, but I know my truth, and that truth is that I am in love with Sam Hyde.