/k/ - Weapons

remember, if they kill you you win

>>541087

If I kill myself do I win?

>>541089

Only if youre white male.

>>541082

Remember that you're there to learn skills and that you really will.

Remember that STFU is the biggest skill of them all.

Remember that nobody made you join a place where any dickhead can order you to do some completely retarded shit for no reason, with the added bonus that it's bullshit that might get you killed. And yes you still have to do it.

>>541094

I am aware

Don't fuck the chamber

>>541097

What's the chamber?

>>541098

I'm gonna assume it's the sleeping unit you're assigned? It's not chamber in English (barracks? Dorm?)

I'm not even sure leafs get to sleep together outside of basic.

>>541100

Whats France like for the military?

Never go into the barrel.

>>541100

Frogbro got it right. I meant your barracks

>>541113

Alrighty, so just don't make a mess of the place?

>>541113

Why are there so many gyrofags in full/k/ when we're so cucked out of funs?

>>541082

>He fell for the 'Combat Engineer' meme.

<Hello Sir, I'm the new Combat Engineer assigned to your company, I'm very excited to be here, Sir! What do you want blown up?

>I don't need anything blown up. This thing is broken, fix it for me.

<You don't need anything exploded?

>No, now shut up and make my broken thing work again.

A day or so later

<Hello again Sir, your broken thing is no longer broken! Please praise me now, my ego needs it.

>Yeah, whatever kid. these three other things broke while you were working, start fixing things again. Let me know when nothing else is broken.

Strelok does not speak to another human being again until his tour is finished.

Next tour.

<Hi boss, so, what useless shit do you want fixed now?

>There's an IED over there, let me know when you disarm it.

<YOU MEAN I GET TO WORK WITH EXPLOSIVES AGAIN SIR!?!?! OH BOY!

>Yeah, whatever, just don't get blown up, that means I have to do a shitload of paperwork.

Stelok gets blown up

>>541132

>implying a job well done isn't the only reward needed

EAT GOOD. Depending on how pozzed your army is, they will run you through lots and lots of physical exercise. If you don't eat and drink (and chew) properly you will lose muscle and stamina. If you are smoking: stop now. Never touch a cig again. They kill your stamina and if you are still young you can recover most of it very quickly.

When there is a day where you got nothing to do (which will come sooner or later) it is best to do one of three things: Clean your room/equipment; fresh up on theoretical knowledge ; exercise.

First one is obligatory. Clean gear is functioning gear, and a soldier with clean and functioning gear not only looks good (to his supperiors as well), but will have an easier time in the field.

Second one is nice to have. Being able to correctly recite the exit velocity of a round from your standard issue rifle always looks and feels good. It also gives you something to stimulate your mind somewhat. You can also brush up on the history of your army/country. Trust me, your mind will wither if you don't use it, which will be most of the time.

(Learning how to identify tanks, vehicles and weapons of opposing nations is also a nice way to spend an afternoon)

Third one is an absolute must. You earn money by renting your body to your government. You better stay healthy or you may find yourself in a bad situation sooner or later.

You can always ask your superior forna task if you are really desperate. There is nothing wrong with slacking off every once in a while, but don't become one of those guys who desire nothing more but the couch in their life.

Socialize with your comrades. They are more than your collegues after all. You will be surrounded by them nearly 24/7, stay on their good side, offer help and advise, have a beer now and then. Nobody demands that you become best buddies, or even friends, but it bears lots of advantages.

Don't be the weirdo who can't undress in front of the others, but don't be the weirdo who does so without anyone asking for it either. Never masturbate with other men in the same room. This shit will get you bullied in the not cute way.

Even if most women are all right, don't ever start anything or enter their room unanounced. Even if they are totally OK with it and consider anything that happened an accident, they can accidentally ruin your career by making a comment to someone else, who then reports it.

Take half a second to think before you reply. Nothing is worse than "PRIVATE ANON, WHY IS THERE SPAGHETTI ON THE FLOOR?" and you just stand there babbling "Uh…Pants…um…pockets…uh…mother!"

Half a second of thinking won't look strange at all if you use the time to breathe in and straighten yourself for an answer.

Leave out unnecessary info. If you are asked why there is Spaghetti on the floor, don't start with how it got into your pocket, start with "It fell out of my pockets". If they want to know more they will ask for more.

If someone tells you to do something, do it not as fast as you can, but as thouroughly. There is nothing worse than being told to clean a room, and having the guy who inspects it unsatisfied with your work.

Practice drawing maps a little. Just tiny sketched are enough. Highly usefull for marches and figuring out which way to go later on.

When receiving orders, don't be afraid to pull out pen and paper. Not only does it look good, but it's better to do everything right once, instead of doing it wrong twice. If instructions are unclear or you don't know what they are talking about, let them know. Don't try to wing it. If you do good, they won't notice because they didn't know you had to wing it. If you fuck up, you (and your supperiors) will get fucked for it.

Shit accelerates the further it had to fall. Don't piss of anyone above your rank group.

While we are on that topic, it's usefull but not necessary to know the ranks by heart before joining. It saves you some time/stress in the first few days of bootcamp.

For the love of god, stay out of fights. There is no need to fuck up your career over any minor bullshit. Don't ever drink and drive. If you get caught you could lose your military driver's license too. Your superiors vouched for your reliablility to get you on that tank driver's course. Don't fuck your supperiors.

This is not some company, where it's competitors will gladly hire you if you are good and didn't do anything terrible. There is only one Canadian Army. This is your only chance. Act like it.

>>541135

Don't lend anyone money. The military attracts shit people like a magnet. You either gift, or you don't. Doesn't mean that you can't be a little generous with those either. It's nice to be known as the guy who always has some change for cigs, or a beer in his trunk. Don't let things get out of controll though. Use your brain, I shouldn't have to tell you this.

Cleaning a gun is like having sex with a woman. In boot you are fucking a whore, don't be afraid to get your hands a little dirty, or rough her up a little. As long as you don't break her the pimp won't mind.

Don't ever "lend" your equipment to anyone you are not 100% sure you will get it back from. Especially if it doesn't have a serial code stamped onto it, or your name on it. If they lose it (or claim it was theirs all along) you are the one who gets fucked.

Always pack your gear properly. I once forgot my gloves and had to run like 4 kilometers through the snow to get them and then back, wearing full kit of course. It's better to check twice than to swear thrice.

Make sure nothing rattles, and wear your new boots even in your free time. They will need to be loosened and actually fit your feet. While we are at boots: Keep em clean/dry (on the inside), and switch pairs (if you get two) daily. Not doing so will result in stinky boots, which results in a stinky closet, which results in stinky clothes/ a stinky room. It's OK not to change socks for some days, those need to be washed and will lose their fit anyways. After two days or so the socks will not rub anymore. Wash em and they will rub again. It's a never ending cycle.

If your boots don't stop to be uncomfortable after a month or two get them in a different size. If they still won't stop after another month, talk to your troop doc. Maybe you have oddly shaped feet and need special boots or some special lining or whatever. They will be glad to provide it for you. If not, go buy it yourself. If you are infantry your boots will be your money makers.

Don't blow your first paycheck on gear. Get accoustomed to the standard gear in basic and beyond. To truly understand what makes good hardware takes experience (a year or two).

If a comrade can't carry his shit anymore because of sickness or disease offer to help them. If they are just a lazy faggot in bootcamp you may as well push and shove from behind when nobody is looking. Remeber that the group is only as strog ad the weakest link. If the slowest guy is holding you back from achieving some goal (to get to some place within a timelimit or whatever) helping them will get you there faster.

Don't be a hero. Going out into the rain sick with diarreah will only get you sicker. Don't be a pussy either. Going out into mildly bad weather with a runny nose never killed a man.

Pack some snacks for when you go innawoods. A chocolate bar at midnight will raise your spirits. Don't be the fag who has an entire supermarket of sweets in his pack though.

Chewing gum is ideal, since it keeps your teeth clean and gives you something to suppress hunger/boredom with chewing.

Memorize important phone/identification numbers, especially the one of your rifle/weapon and yourself. Depending on the system you use for weapon distribution, it will be usefull.

Have fun. You won't get to crawl around the woods every day, try to enjoy it and always remember: it could be much worse. It could be actual war and you miss all of it because of some bullet.

If you are allowed to take pictures, do so. They are nice memorabilia, but nothing to ruin your career over.

>>541115

because situation in your country is bad and you want weapons to protect yourself and your family but cannot due to lack of money and laws so you end up looking on /k/ for guidence, but since you dont have guns and mostly lack knowladge about them you end up discusing what you know and making stupid threads about anime/tanks no one of us has chance to ride in/military history etc. shitting it up and turning it into /int/ with guns

t. knower

>>541112

no anon only not

THE BARREL

>>541133

Being able to fix stuff while not talking to people is a reward in itself

>>541137

I want to join Macierewicz's private guerilla Territorial Defense Forces

>tfw organization and sizes optimized towards killing ukrainian rioters sponsored by germany

>tfw answer directly to MoD and not soviet generals who were jaruzelski's buddies

>shooting range in every Powiat (county equivalent?)

>80% subsidies if under 2 mil investment.

>>541136

>>541135

Thanks bud, for the mapmaking, do you know any good resources? Also, your flag is a kraut, were you in the Canadian military? or is this general stuff that would apply to any infantryman.

>>541141

That's why I joined the engineers

>>541139

What is

==THE BARREL==?

>>541157

Fuck I'm retarded

>>541143

German Military.

It's just general things. Some things I or others around me learned the hard way.

You really don't need any resources for mapmaking. Just a pencil and some paper. Simple symbols like a Cross for a church, a tree for, well a tree, and the general shape of buildings. Roads and powerlines, rivers and ponds etc. All you need to understand is how shapes, distances and landmarks translate onto paper. No maths, no hard work, just some quick scribbles that allow you to naviagte an area.

Maybe make a quick march route to your place of work or school or whatever. What turns do you take, any bridges you cross, landmakrs you walk past, how long will you have to continue on that one really long piece of road? A rough guess on how long a certain part of the path will take?

Try to make it so that anyone who has never taken that route will be able to safely navigate there. Don't overthink it.

That's another thing: Think along, don't overthink. It's good to think along. If it's half past twelve and you are currently being marched in the direction of food hall, it's OK to think and realize that it's likely they are steering you in for some food. Are your boots dirty? If yes do you have cleaning utensils on you? Instead of marching straight in, take some time to clean your boots. Stop thinking here. You successfully thought along, had the brains to realize what may be happening and what consequences that may have for you.

You should however not worry about the other platoon that is still at the obstacle parcour, doing their job. It doesn't matter to you if they get food now or next week. They got their orders, they do what they do. Don't overthink the logistics of the entire company just because you are marching towards the kitchen. You are just a lowly soldier. Maybe that was just me struggling with this one in particular, but little things like that would get me riled up, take my thoughts away from my surroundings, amd I would march straight into the food hall with dirty boots, worried about the Charlie Platoon.

Learn to guess distances. Right click on google maps is your friend.

Don't be a smartass. Being humble about your military knowledge would be the correct approach in 99% of situations anyways.

>>541160

Have you got any stories about your experiences?

>>541142

well good luck then. i will wait and see what first wave will say, but thats me being overly cautius about everything

>>541170

We might not get them if Macierewicz is removed as the MoD which will put us knee deep in shit when you understand the implications.

>>541163

Froze my ass off once or twice, boiled in an armoured transport without AC, got shoutet at a lot, hauled radios and guns from A to B to A to C to A, got to shoot some funs for the first time in my life, and got to waste hours with stupid SAZV. To be honest a lot of stuff happened, and I have posted many of the stories here before.

One time it was winter and the freshly fallen snow reflected the silver light of the moon. We had moved in position earlier that night, when it was raining/snowing. A strange combination of weather where the ground is too warm and turns the snow into water as soon as it touches the ground.

Dark clouds got even darker, it got colder, the snow started to pile up eventually. More and more and more, while I was watching straight ahead. Then the snow stopped and the clouds moved away and revealed a scenery that moved me deeply. It was perfect. Peacefull. It was pristine. Nobody had ever seen this forest in that constellation before. The moon, the stars, the snow. Every little thing just looked like some sort of artist had painted it onto my eyes. Everywhere I looked I saw beauty.

Of course my ass was still freezing. Then my comrade woke up beside me.

Only then did I notice that he had fallen asleep (highly dangerous in -17°C, sure sign of hypothermia).

Appreciate those moments, strelok. You will spend a lot more time outside. Nature will never be your enemy though. Yes it is cold and uncaring, but that is only because that is the way it was made to be.

Don't litter. Picking up that wrapper won't hurt you. You got enough pouches. But it may ruin a moment like this with it's artificial shine in a natural sight.

I once took part on an exercise where we had to form a convoy on an Autobahn. We were only allowed to drive 60km/h, which meant that civvies had to overtake us constantly. It was fun though, since I got to sit in the last vehicle (TPz Fuchs) as the radio man, with an open top hatch, "observing the terrain to our rear". Lotso grills waved to me from their cars. I must have looked goofy with my fucking grin, radio headphones and Feldmütze on. Got myself a nice sunburn on my wrists too, since that was the only piece of skin exposed to the sun.

Wish we were allowed to wave back though, or halt and ask for their names, or do anything but keep a straight face, but hey, can't have everything. I waved back when nobody was looking. This was the only time girls waved at me because I was in uniform, and I was stuck in a vehicle, no way to communicate with them. Don't expect to get all the girls because of your job. In fact don't expect positive treatment unless you are in the US. It's more likely that people will be scared or aggressive towards you.

Another fun story was when I accidentally left my lock on the inside of the locking mechanism of my comrade's locker, so it malfuntioned and we couldn't open his locker anymore. We had to use my entrenching tool to bend the wood, reach inside, enter my combination using fingertips only and then get the lock out of the mechanism.

You can guess who had to push his fingers in there, while my comrades "held the door open". It snapped close a couple of times, hurt like hell, but this was late at night and we had to be quiet, and I kind of deserved it.

What does the Coast guard actually do? What are their requirements for recruitment? Also, if there are any Krauts still around, how hard is it for a German citizen to get a job with the Kustenwache (I know it's technically part of the federal police and not Mil, but I am a dual citizen and it interests me).

>>541208

It's not hard at all. You apply and as long as you are not a druggie, a massive cunt or a retard they let you join.

Problem is, without any education that is at least on the same level as German Abitur you will stay in lower tier service, which means less pay and more shit. It's the same as any other federal police really.

Just be healthy, speak good to excellent German and go through the exercises in one of the many exercise books.

>>541242

>>541208

As an addition:

https://www.einstellungstest-fragen.de/einstellungstest-bundespolizei/

If you can't even figure out what the site is about you have a chance of exactly 0 percent to be accepted.

These are some of the questions you will have to answer in the test. Some are about grammar, some about logic, some about simple maths, some about history, some about the Grundgesetz and some about what the federal police actually does.

You can read German, right? The German Wikipedia article on the Bundespolizei and the Küstenwache should explain their jobs well enough.

Basically they go around on their ships, dock with ships in German waters, check their papers, make sure they don't dump any oil onto our Wattenmeer or FKK Strände and ensure that nobody tries to smuggle drugs or prostitutes from Poland. They also do sea rescue stuff.

Oh, and they train the "Libyan cost guard" or whatever you want to call that defunct pile.

>>541115

I'm certain that it's just you and me.

>when we're so cucked out of funs?

We can still own more funs than the average Europoor. Hopefully with Golden Dawn in power the gun laws will change for the better

>>541254

How can an Australian apply for the New Zealand military?

>>541260

Australians have Permanent Residence Visas for New Zealand by default and have the right to live and work there for however long they please. Me specifically though, I'm a citizen by descent.

>>541262

I was shitposting but now learned something

>>541262

Interesting. Do New Zealanders enjoy the same rights in Australia?

Just admit that you are one country already.

>>541271

you will get rice soy sauce and fish and you will like it

>>541271

If you for any reason ever find yourself in the Greek military then do not eat the food.

Only eat fruits. Apples, oranges, bananas and whatever the fuck else they have. Shit, you may even eat some biscuits.

But do not for any reason ever eat what they serve you.

That's all, have fun japbro!

>>541269

Sort of. Australians in New Zealand have it better than Kiwis do in Australia. For instance a Kiwi can get here and automatically have a visa but not permanent residence like you would the other way around. I think this is mostly to do with a concern about NZ being a backdoor to Australia for undesirable immigrants a redundant term, I know that NZ takes a more lax attitude towards. If you want to read more about it, here's a link.

https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_Departments/Parliamentary_Library/pubs/rp/rp1314/QG/NZinAust

>Just admit that you are one country already

I could say the same of you and Austria.

>>541278

I want to learn more

>>541277

How do they taste like?

Also, shouldn't your military rations be decadent-tier considering the quality of your store bought instant food?

>>541278

>do not eat the food

>do not for any reason ever eat what they serve you.

Do you get rotten feta cheese or something? It can't be that bad compared to awaiting death in some god forsaken jungle in the pacific, abandoned by high command, while you and your friends slowly die of malaria and starvation or get picked off by some shitposter with a weird gravity loaded smg or something idk.

>>541281

Natto smells like some stinky cheese (gouda, blue cheese?) and tastes like the beans in a bean dish while having a consistency that's like Okra but gooey-er. It's pretty nice, but most foreigners and people west of Nagano hate it.

As for rations Jap military-otakus keep repeating some story about a ration competition in Iraq and Japan having the tastiest rations.

>>541281

its an "acquired taste"

>>541277

vid related is recomended and /k/ related.

and i am pretty sure you get rations only in rare cases on deployments

so yeah you still will have rice and sauce or some shit, like always

>>541271

EPa was my jam! You get two warm meals in disposable metal pans, some gum, a dessert, some rather good bread, marmelade, some extremely fat butter/magarine (which is good) and more coffee/tea/vitamin drinks than you could possibly consume in a single day without taking a piss every thirty seconds. On top of that you get some grond meat, pepper, sugar and salt to season your food to your liking, dark chocolate, water purification tablets and crackers. I still have some of the tea in one of the original boxes back home same for the crackers. I traded the coffee for more butter.

The desserts range from rice pudding with pineapple (which tastes great, don't believe their lies), to hazelnut cream or chocolate pudding.

It's fantastic.

The food you get when you are not outside though…eh. It could be a lot worse. My comrades complained like the little sissies they were, but when you give me half a chicken, noodles, sauce, veggies a dessert, and and apples/bananas/pineapple/watermelon, for less than 4 Eurobucks, I won't complain. I ate like a satisfied pig, and only gained weight in muscle.

When you are outside and you don't get an EPa, don't be afraid. You will either go hungry (which isn't too bad either), or you will receive a thick soup, a piece of bread, possibly a sausage and an apple with hot tea as a side.

If you are a simple man, who is satisfied with simple meals and hard work, then you would be satisfied with our meals.

>>541279

RACIST!

Interesting. I learned a lot today. Thank you, based Austranon.

Belarus and Russia too. What other brother nations like this exist, besides Korea of course?

>>541282

>gravity loaded SMG

Best joke I read all day. Pretty gud thread so far.

>>541282

>nippon defending our army's food

It's funny because we call the stock mystery meat served there Godzillawould also not be surprised to learn that our armed forces are the main costumers of your whalers after the edible parts of the animal have been sold .

>>541278

He's a bit exaggerating but I have eaten meat there older than myself.

The seafood is completely inedible though, I once had to help the cook prepare octopus and the only thing left of our "purification" attempt was strings of collagen broadly resembling tentacles.

>>541310

>Belarus and Russia too. What other brother nations like this exist, besides Korea of course?

America and Canada are the usual parallel to Aus/NZ.

>>541247

Vielen Dank /k/ammarad. Mein Deutsch ist nur von wann Ich Ein kleines Kind wahr in Die Schweiz (meine Altern sind Deutsch), aber Ich wird Eine "intermediate German" Klasse nehmen in Ein Paar Tage. Ich hab schon Ein

Forstwirtschaft Uni Grad, aber Das ist unwichtig für Polizei Arbeit.

>>541247

Aside from the historical questions, most of the questions are relatively simple.

>>541247

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3GgAknK_3I

What an absolute shitshow the "Libyan Coastguard" is.

>>541344

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/c2OAFRYal4Y" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allow="encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Whichever NGOs these are, they need to be necked.

>>541367

Thanks

>>541344

there we go

>>541346

this one is more important

>>541271

>Euro rations

>>541504

>germany trying to shitpost

>when germany has the worst shitposters of all time

makes me think.

>>541504

>>541597

>germany trying to germany

>germany germany germany

Germany

>>541676

>>541678

Germany?

>>541682

Yes

>>541691

>cuck propaganda for ants

>>541698

NEETs won’t even be a third priority on DOTR.

Worse that will happen is that they get forced to work or else starve.

>>541698

>Minnesota is BLACKing itself

>just like Scandinavia

feels awful

>>541698

>having group of fat, or skeletal autists that will starve to death the moment welfare ends as any priority

???

>>541247

>Froze my ass off once or twice, boiled in an armoured transport without AC, got shoutet at a lot, hauled radios and guns from A to B to A to C to A, got to shoot some funs for the first time in my life, and got to waste hours with stupid SAZV. To be honest a lot of stuff happened, and I have posted many of the stories here before.

>

>One time it was winter and the freshly fallen snow reflected the silver light of the moon. We had moved in position earlier that night, when it was raining/snowing. A strange combination of weather where the ground is too warm and turns the snow into water as soon as it touches the ground.

>

>Dark clouds got even darker, it got colder, the snow started to pile up eventually. More and more and more, while I was watching straight ahead. Then the snow stopped and the clouds moved away and revealed a scenery that moved me deeply. It was perfect. Peacefull. It was pristine. Nobody had ever seen this forest in that constellation before. The moon, the stars, the snow. Every little thing just looked like some sort of artist had painted it onto my eyes. Everywhere I looked I saw beauty.

what are the east germans like?

>>542174

>>542198

You guys make a good point, what would most likely happen in a purging type situation would be the elites enslaving the more civilized lower classes which includes NEETs.

>>542192

It's all thanks to a couple of self proclaimed "charity organizations" that make money off of importing Somalians. Let's be honest though, only the most unlikable leftist "women" would even give a Somalian man a chance, and half the time when a Somalian has children with a white person their kids look more white than black anyway.

>Somalians are a strange mix between Arabs, Semites, Bantus, and other obscure races.

Not to mention, they have a weird habit of cloistering themselves into a crammed apartment because they think the cold weather is making them sick, when in reality it's because they don't spend enough time outside. They're basically Muslim Robots.

>>541082

A story from a guy I used to work with who was a combat engineer(explosives)

>be in bosnia

>clearing some rubble from the road with 'splosives

>fucking around with charges

>shape that shit into a triangle for maximum movement

>looks fucking magical

>pop that detonator in there

>arm it, blinking red light

>in steps CO chatty kathy

>blabbering on

>trying to indicate that he's standing in between me and a live fucking explosive device

>stupid motherfucker is not getting it

>suddenly sees my wild gesticulating

>turns around, looks at blinking red light for a moment

>"Oh, shit. That's live innit?"

>"Sure is, sir."

>"alright I'll just go stand over there then."

>fucker wanders off

>get to safe distance, wait a few minutes, give warning shout

>boom

>CO chatty kathy dumbfuck was still a bit too close and suffered hearing damage

this is what you can expect.

>>542333

Do you have any other stories of his? I'd like to work on and EOD team.

>>542454

an*

>>541279

> concern about NZ being a backdoor to Australia for undesirable immigrants

I think this can be fixed if NZ and Australia create the white policy.