/imouto/ - Discussion★

Right, other than sounding like the next John Wayne Gacy I wouldn't show you SO to your family just yet. Matter of fact, there's too many what if's in what you're asking.

So, for the sake of simplicity, I'll answer the first question since I'm thinking this copypasta.

>I want to ask if it's as strange as I realise it is, to segment social life like such.

It can be. In your case, absolutely. You're trying to build walls around the ones you love to protect them from you.

>>1754

It's no copypasta, if you'll believe me. I appreciate the dark humour, too.

Protecting them from myself, by segmenting my social circles? Can you elaborate on that? I'm interested.

If you care to, as well, clearing up what-ifs might be possible.

>>1762

>Protecting them from myself, by segmenting my social circles? Can you elaborate on that? I'm interested.

Well, it's a bit of a stretch I suppose. I answered the question in a rather ambiguous way. Anyways, you're really good at keeping secrets. You can be a spy if you wanted to.

It seems like you're segmenting your social circles because you're very private(go figure). Eventually this will lead to a degeneration of friendships. However, I can't jump to many conclusions without some further knowledge of your friends/SO/family/you. Is your friends or family someone that you would show to your SO?

If no, then it's entirely reasonable to separate your social circles. If they are, then there's a habit formed long ago that hasn't been broken.

And really, is there something you're afraid of if you mention your past to others?

>>1764

I wouldn't want anyone I care about associating with such dangerous people as my family. Even the ones that aren't criminal are stupid enough to be dangers to themselves and others.

My various friends however, if I consider it strongly enough, then it's not exactly like my S.O. couldn't handle herself against them. And it's not like my S.O. wouldn't fit in or contribute to conversations had, there's overlapping interests and a lot of good brainpower on either side. I suppose it's just an awful habit of mine after all.

If I have to consider what I'd be afraid of, it's probably one of two things:

One is that I don't want the person I'm telling this to, to think I trust them.

Second is that I don't want the person I'm telling to look upon me with pity. Pity is an invariable reaction when I talk about my living conditions as a child and teenager, or my family situation. I don't think of my life as tragic at all.

I can deal with my past myself. I absolutely can't deal with others including themselves in my past.

>>1767

It sounds like your friends are good people and that you've managed to avoid many of the pitfalls that are associated with having a bad family.

I commend you for that.

>One is that I don't want the person I'm telling this to, to think I trust them.

In essence, trust is the mutual agreement to share bonds. Be it secrets, recipes, sex,etc. Telling you're friends or your S.O. that you have a had a bad family life would technically strengthen your trust between you and them. Although, the conversation would have to come up and inevitably you will get that reaction. Not telling the past to your S.O. will eventually get the idea that you're not being entirely truthful and it seems from your original post that it's already becoming a problem in your relationship. Opening up in such a way can be difficult and can require much perseverance and character. Which brings me to my second part.

>Second is that I don't want the person I'm telling to look upon me with pity.

Pity is a natural reaction from people. There's no way around it. What it looks like, is that you don't want people to feel sorry you. That's totally fine. But again hiding your past is will eventually decay your social bonds. Dealing with the temporary tumult of sympathy is much better than dealing with the long term isolation of no peers.

>>1768

Sorry to resurrect.

>your S.O. will eventually get the idea that you're not being entirely truthful and it seems from your original post that it's already becoming a problem in your relationship.

That's true. I don't entirely understand why that is, though. My S.O. has kept things from me, too. And I understand what it feels like to not want some things to define your life. I don't hold it against them. Whilst they're keen to accept my forgiveness, any attempt to suggest there's hypocrisy in holding my secrets against me will usually gets me in the proverbial Dog House. I can accept that, though.

From the sounds of this conversation, my thought process is wrong. I've grown up around people keeping endless numbers of secrets. I can't say that's not been painful to live like that, but people keep secrets for reasons. Everyone has skeletons in their closet.

>But again hiding your past is will eventually decay your social bonds.

Actually, between then and now, I've tried coming clean about a few things to my S.O., to unreasonable success. There's only so much to expect when telling someone your failings as a human. It's unprecedented that my misdeeds were accepted so easily, especially when there's blood on my hands. I don't deserve that this at all.

It might make me sound infantile, but there's an uncomfortable and weakening sense of "belonging" that's come from this turn-out. I've not really felt it before, It's totally uninvited. It creeps me the fuck out.

The important thing here, however, is that you were right.

>>1949

Apologies for the really late reply.

I had to unwind from a hectic schedule before making a post.

Sounds like you're doing just fine and everyone is being accepting. I'm curious how things will turn out for you in the future. From what it sounds like (hopefully) will go in your favor. I know I might be a bit pedantic but it sounds like you are really doing well. I hope that you and your S.O. will do well in the future!

>>2419

>people like us need to keep all their shit under wraps to avoid being hurt by society at large

That's the secret to begin with, but eventually my own self loathing got the better of me. There was an event horizon I reached, letting go of grandiose pretensions like trying to live a normal life was a catalyst to me buying into a relationship. Even though I expected the worst from it.

Nobody who's fallen for you will listen when you're telling them "you're making a mistake," so I should've been more responsible. Que Sera Sera.

>>2426

I hope your break was as relaxing as you wanted.

>I'm curious how things will turn out for you in the future.

Is the situation I'm in interesting? Perhaps you're hoping I eventually face jail time. I don't understand why you'd help a person whose problems include being a bad person, honestly.

>>2657

Nothing like that at all.

> I don't understand why you'd help a person whose problems include being a bad person, honestly.

I do want to help people with their problems..As long as they're willing to listen. You're not some side-show that amuses me. You're a person that I want to see prosper. Perhaps I reached too far and maybe gave off that vibe. I do apologize for that. Also, please do stay out of jail. It's a horrible place and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

>>2658

>Also, please do stay out of jail. It's a horrible place and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

The cynic in me wants to call you quixotic and naive. But I'm grateful that you're so sweet.

I cut criminal ties and divorced myself from most of my family a while back, investigations related to my crimes never came back to me. All I have is a heavy conscience, I'm not going to jail and you shouldn't worry.

I don't suppose you have advice for crippling guilt, do you?

>>2904

>The cynic in me wants to call you quixotic and naive.

Your inner cynic would certainly be right to some degree.

>I don't suppose you have advice for crippling guilt, do you?

It really depends. Everyone is different and some people get over guilt relatively quickly while others experience guilt for decades. What I can say is that confessing your past will certainly ease the burden of guilt. But you'll always have that guilt hanging over. So, you may just want to do something that takes your mind off of the guilt.