(SPOILER ALERT)
I’m astounded and disgusted by the recent renewed interest in Tube’s “Contraindications”. I hate the story. And I hate the author.
The story actually terrifies me. To this very day, I cringe in terror whenever I think about it or try to read it again, and yet several scenes arouse me to the point where I still return to them in my mind over and over again, trying hard to change it in my mind so that it’s not so scary. I don’t always manage to do it. It’s sometimes like an old drug addiction that makes me feel horrible, and I’m still not doing a perfect job of dealing with it.
I think the story actually gave me PTSD.
It’s not exactly a physical repulsion- it’s more of a psychological horror.
You see, there was a brief period in my life when I was actually fearful of my sexual urges- specifically, of my urges taking hold of me and not letting me live a normal life.
“Contraindications” came out at exactly the wrong time. And when it went on a long hiatus, I was almost going mad worrying about how the story would turn out.
Matt spends most of the story feeling afraid. Afraid of what’s he become. He’s afraid that he’s lost all control of himself, his urges, and his body. He’s afraid that he’ll no longer be able to have sex with anybody when he grows too big to fit his cock inside anybody, especially his boyfriend. He’s afraid that he’ll NEVER stop growing. He’s afraid that he’s going to become a mindless sex fiend, even a rapist.
There are several scenes that make this particularly distressing. The gas mask, for instance. Stetson treats him like a patient with an illness. They chain him up to post(?) in a dark room so that he doesn’t escape and recklessly fuck somebody. He’s overdosing.
There’s a bunch of unnecessary discussion about homosexuals getting beaten up.
Gym-goers tell him that his growth is “cheating”.
Matt loses the ability to fit inside his car. Normally this wouldn’t seem so strange in a growth story, but he waxes nostalgic about the car and the memories he associates with it, like he’s losing an old friend.
A doctor tells him that his growth should be using up so much energy that he pretty much burns out.
His boss insults him with cruel homophobic slurs, and yet Matt pretty much agrees with him. He fucks him in a rage.
This Saul person becomes obsessed with Matt and drugs him, kidnaps him, chains him up again, and forces him to grow aroused against his will.
The tension and fear lasts until the very last second. Matt hates growing. He feels like his skin is too tight. He hates how he’s about to cum again, and in desperation, he injects himself with sedatives. Even though this ends his growth, it’s as if he stopped the growth just in time before it *killed* him- at least that’s what I get from it.
But it doesn’t stop there. When Stetson insists on having sex afterward, Matt is scared again- this time he’s scared that he’s going to grow too big and hurt his boyfriend. We don’t know if his growth is truly over until he orgasms. Even then, his cock is just barely able to penetrate Stetson, which is hardly satisfying for any hyper fan.
AND YET THE TENSION STILL GOES ON. Even at the beginning of the so-called “happy ending”, we’re made believe and worry that Saul obsessively hunted him down. It’s only when we realize that it’s a movie being filmed that we FINALLY learn that Matt is going to be okay.
THIS IS IN THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS.
And what did I get when I told the author that I was afraid he was going to explode, hoping for reassurance and sympathy? He mocked me. HE MOCKED ME. And when I told him flat out that he was being cruel and barely any different from Matt’s boss, he didn’t even TRY to disagree with me. I suppose he thought he was being clever, sarcastically going along with my criticisms (admittedly I was being very harsh and emotional, but still).
It was pathetic.
Tube/Pen Darke is a jerk. A cold, heartless jerk who likes to torment and abuse his characters.