The past few weeks, I was able to eat better. My mother, who is now no longer estranged to me, is happy again and productive. I set goals for myself last night and held them with confidence. They were 1) get a job again, she doesn't need me around the house anymore. 2) Get ripped (again, six months of lying like a lump fucked me up), 3) Get some hard work for temporary time, 4) rock hard at the Job Corps thing that's about to happen.
I could not sleep that night. I decided to go on a 2AM walk. I power walked, no one around. I came back home, still couldn't sleep. I decided to go boss. I watched the sunrise, and all kinds of morning shit. I brewed coffee, I ate left-over entire prime rib. I watched Leave it to Beaver, chewed on the bone, then put on my newly-bought Jean Jacket, pants, and decided to open-carry my hunting knife like I used to.
Walking around the industrious around 6AM, I was fucking awesome. Going steel mill to steel mill, some gas stations, then go to the Wallmart. Loiter around some areas, then went home.
I decided I wasn't amped enough so I drank two more cups of coffee, and smoked a couple halfies. I changed into a red shirt to compliment my Jean Jacket. Then I decided to aggresively brush my teeth due to the prime rib, and then swished with big gulps of rubbing alcohol. I left for the 10AM jobs.
Went to the close-by open-air mall. I went to some bars. A bar called me "baby-faced", and a few asked for ID. I talked to some people, got some leads, started going into banks, went home for lunch.
For lunch I had heavily seasoned two fried eggs, and a bowlful of grits. I Drank another three cups of coffee. Swished again with my rubbing alcohol, picked at my face with tweezers, cleaned my face with the alcohol, and loitered for a minute. Played some hard rock, glam rock, even a little David Bowie (The Thin White Duke, Station to Station). It was pretty funny. Then I did some push ups, some sit ups, then I left again.
I spent most of the next few hours going door to door in a dive-mall. A red SUV called me a faggot, and I'm like "Whatever" (my jean jacket was the same color as my pants). People are giving me looks. Each time I meet a new person I start by saying "I'm new in town, I'm looking for some temp work, and you can work me like a dog but for 4 months. That's the limit." This dive mall had everything from McDonalds to a small rented lot with a millenial and a cowboy-grandpa Montanian selling Tiny Homes. I supported them all, was friendly to them all, and showed respect where it was due.
Then I started getting burnt out. I began staring at the girls talking to me in the bank, in the little mom and pop, in the little nice place. I did not try to hide the fact I was listening just to pay attention to them in some places. I started walking around and was biting my finger and eventually my lips. Some 35 year old in lose-clothing with black jeans was walking by, and he said "This kid is going to end up killing himself" loudly.
I had the cocky smile of a person who first lost his virginity.
Then I started milking it. I went to a dive thrift-store I went to earlier to use their bathroom. There was a nice tomboy working there, stocking the VHS rack. I started talking to her about my old collection, then I just went full whammy. Told her how I needed to get back into the swing of things, I don't own a VCR right now, and I thanked her. I turned her into a full-on practice girl.
Finally, I was waiting for a few hours just walking around waiting for the hiring manager to get back to the damn dominoes. I'm biting my lip, and making it obvious I was annoyed. I was snubbing entire buildings and retail locations I had just been to. I was mumbling to myself. I was checking some chicks out. Finally I left my info then ran home. My brother was home. I joshed him for a good few hours. Then I got some privacy, and Jacked off to the most fucked-up of faggotry poser pornography ever humanly possible.
I finally took a cold, pampering shower twice. Weed didn't help me. Sugar didn't either. The four tums tablets, and 8 acetominophens didn't either.
Does this shit happen to you all the time? This is the first time I ever did something like this. I was truly out of it for so long, I needed to be a poser for a second. Tomorrow, I plan to walk to a completly different mall, probably one I have to walk down a US Route to get to, and just be calm and reserved about looking for a job. I don't like being a bulldog. I'm an Endomorph, average height and heavyset right now, btw, and the barber fucked up my haircut and turned it into some kind of geeky thing.