>>813875
Don't worry, you don't sound pretentious, although you do sound drunk. You sound like you could use some Jesus in your life, but are you ready to accept him? Many in your state find prayer extremely useful. If you learnt any prayers as a kid, try praying them; find a calm moment, breathe a bit, try to clear your mind and recite it slowly, trying to get the full meaning of every word. Even if you're not a believer, prayers are full of wisdom.
More than anything, try to take responsibility for your actions and give some structure to your life. That's something you discover and develop, you can't just become Christian and receive the whole structure, factory made. Try to avoid giving into the things that try to control you (addictions, vices, instincts, bad habits… anything that compels you to act in ways that can be harmful and that you don't really think through). Try to be free first.
Try to think about your future carefully. You're at a crucial age. You can easily get trapped into career choices you don't like, then turn around, then walk aimlessly and, before you know it, you're 25 and you're still a child, uncapable of sustaining yourself. Do not fall into that trap, because it brings great misery.
And if you're able, go out and take a nice stroll. Enjoy some good me-time outside of your usual environment.